My father is a wise man, but he can be really stupid at times. Like when he decided that an arranged marriage with the leader of the desert Gerudo was a good idea. I found out on my eighteenth birthday that I would be married to this Ganondorf by the end of the year, and there was no way to cancel it.

"Pumpkin, I know this seems harsh, but it will bring peace to Hyrule. Don't you want peace?" Father answered when I protested. Of course I want peace. But surely there is a way to get it without marrying me off to some gross old man I'd never met. His way of making it up to me was to have Ganondorf live in Hyrule Castle off and on for the months leading up to the wedding.

I met him for the first time a few days later, and was surprised to learn that he wasn't the old codger I thought he was. I admit he was rather handsome, but that doesn't change the fact that this marriage is not what I want. I was kind to him in our meetings, but I wanted to get away. So I faked illness, and retired to my chambers. But it was still early in the day, and I had things to do. So I opened my closet, pulled out a hidden chest, and cast a spell. A few minutes later, Sheik leapt out the window.

I sat at the top of a castle rampart and watched the visiting Gerudo guards fence in the courtyard. Our own guard knew Sheik as one of my protectors, and only my nursemaid Impa was the wiser, so I could be at peace out in the open. Not even my father knew, only my deceased mother. After all she was the one who taught me the spell.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when I heard the Gerudo cheering. I looked over to see that another had joined their spar, a man in a red cloak. The guards were taking turns facing him, and most of the rounds he lost. I found it odd they would have a man in their ranks, but I figured he was one of Ganondorf's attendants. I went back to the book in my lap.

I was just finishing my book when a shadow cast over me. I looked up and saw the start of rainclouds, and quickly leapt down from the wall.

"Ouch!"

I did not expect someone to be directly below me, and accidentally knocked him down. When I picked myself up, I realized it was the man from the spar.

"I was not aware that rain clouds in Castle Town meant that Sheikah would be falling from the sky," he said with a laugh, lowering his hood.

"You... are Sheikah as well?" I studied the stranger- he definitely resembled Impa. Blood red eyes, pale skin, silver hair in a shoulder length plait. He was taller than me by at least a foot, though his robes concealed his build. "I had no idea that Sheikah mingled with the desert folk..."

"Some of us do. We're bound to serve the royal family, but they never said which royal family that had to be," he mused. "My name is Agahnim, I am the Gerudo king's manservant. May I have your name?"

"...Sheik."

"Sheik, named for our people. It's an honor to meet such a lovely girl." He bowed, "Well, Sheik, I appreciate you 'dropping in', but if you don't mind I must be going. Lord Ganondorf will be staying the night at the castle because of the coming storm, and I must prepare his room. Hopefully it clears up so that we can return in the morning... I don't think my king is very enthusiastic about being here."

He and I both. "That would be best. I hear that Princess Zelda has taken ill, and likely won't be able to entertain your king. A pity your king made the trip for nothing."

"Believe me, he's not too upset about missing her. Arranged marriages aren't his thing," I heard him mumble under his breath, causing me to smile.

"Would you like to know a secret, Agahnim, before you go? They're not her thing either."

His eyes widened, and he broke out into a chuckle. "Well at least something good came from this visit, then. Until next time, fair Sheik." He winked and ran off, this time leaving me wide eyed.

Every month the Gerudo and his entourage came to the castle, and it became harder to get out of visiting with him. To add insult to injury, I now had to spend hours each week in the dressmaker's care for a wedding gown. I used to imagine my wedding as a child, and loved picturing myself standing on the stool being measured and fitted. But now that I was finally here, it brought pain, and I found myself shirking my duties and slipping away as Sheik more and more.

"You seem distant, your highness. Have you taken ill again?" Ganondorf asked me as we met with my father for the umpteenth time. I shook my head in disagreement. "No, just a little tired. My apologies." His slight smile was unexpected, but I still shied away from him. When our meeting was adjourned (something about living arrangements, I wasn't paying attention), I hurried back to my chambers with instructions that I not be disturbed. A spell later and I was out the window.

The sole highlight of each visit from the Gerudo was the chance to get away and meet with Agahnim. He was funny for a Sheikah, not nearly as stoic as Impa, and liked to entertain me with stories of the Gerudo girls, of his travels, and of his upbringing. The glamour responsible for my iris and hair color change muted a few of the royal features, and I was safe against recognition. So I was comfortable enough around him to remove my scarf, and even let him play with my hair. He was gentle, always massaging my shoulders or listening patiently to my complaints. In time I grew to yearn for his company.

"You'll never guess how the Gerudo reacted the first time I tried the Training Grounds..."

We were sitting in the grass at the center of the hedge maze, with my head leaning on his shoulder. "They lined the place with pillows and bandages and stationed nurses at every door?"

"Goddesses no!" I inferred from all his tales that he was a poor soldier, and loved to tease him about it. "They sent girls on ahead to spy on me, and kept resetting the traps after I cleared them. It caused me to walk straight into an invisible block. My nose stung for a whole month!"

I doubled over in laughter as he rubbed his nose. "Aww, it's not that bad. At least your elder never locked you in a room full of Deku Scrubs while holding a bag of rupees..."

"Why ever would she do a hideous thing like that?"

"I think it was something like 'if you can guard your money from peddlers, you'll survive even the slickest bandit'. I still don't get it." I left out the part where I was dressed in royal regalia. "Impa is confusing."

"...You're confusing, you know. I can see how quick you are to hide that gloomy expression with laughter. Tell me what's bothering you."

I sighed. I shouldn't tell him, but I couldn't help it. I needed to confide in someone, and he was the only one who I knew would listen. "It... it's not what's bothering me, it's what's bothering the Princess. This wedding coming up, she can't stand it. She doesn't want to go through with it. Marrying a stranger is one thing, but she doesn't love him. She wants to marry the one she loves!"

"...She has feelings for someone else?" he guessed, and I nodded. Agahnim had previously vocalized his master's own disdain with the marriage. It was a political move orchestrated by his mothers, a necessity to save his race from starvation and desolation as Hyrule's outcasts. He was not happy at all, as he preferred to choose his own mate. So I knew I could be frank about my feelings with Agahnim, and it wouldn't come back to hurt me.

"If I may be honest, my king has feelings for another as well. He does not wish to marry Zelda, yet he must. The Gerudo need your countrymen's support, and Daphnes won't give it unless he gains something in return."

"...I know. I just..." I let out a long sigh, and leaned into him, my eyes watering. I quickly made up an excuse as an attempt to hide. "I'm sorry. I've been close to the Princess for a long time, and her sadness is my sadness."

Agahnim nodded, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "It's okay. The two of you will persevere. She's lucky to have someone like you to confide in."

I tried to stifle a sob, but failed miserably. He was wrong, I have no one but myself to confide in. Impa is around, but she sides with my father over this. My twin brother Link is overseas exploring and can't comfort me. My mother would have objected to the marriage, but illness took her a decade ago. I'm on my own.

Agahnim sensed that his words made it worse, and he held me tightly to his chest. "I'm sorry Sheik, I didn't mean to make you upset. Shh... Don't cry..." He lifted my chin up and wiped my eyes, and as he did I couldn't help pressing my lips to his. He leaned away when I tried to deepen the kiss, so I pushed him over and laid atop him in the grass. "Sheik..."

"Please, Agahnim. Help me forget about the pain, even if it's only once. I need to feel like I'm not alone."

He smiled, then raised his fingers and snapped. The maze around us changed- no, shifted. We were in the same spot, but everything seemed different, more ethereal. The hedges became bluer, and the air had a musical tone to it. Even the sky seemed changed, now appearing like a sparkling blanket. "A silent realm," he explained, "where no one exists but us."

He kissed me as he rolled me onto my back, then slid his robe off. I tugged off my boots and my tabard, but he stopped me as I grabbed my suit collar. "May I unwrap my own present?"

I grinned and wrapped my legs around his waist. "Only if I can return the favor..."

Agahnim and I lay together in the silent realm, his robe serving as our blanket and his arm my pillow. I ran my hand along his chest, tracing a large scar above his breastbone. The man was covered in scars, and this one looked rather lethal. I guess he wasn't lying when he said he was a poor soldier. "I don't want to go back. It's peaceful here..."

"I imagine if we stay here too long, someone will come looking," he replied, running a few fingers through my hair.

"Let them. Maybe the ensuing scandal will call off the wedding. Princess Zelda's Sheikah assistant being caught coupling with the Gerudo king's manservant is highly improper behavior after all."

"Well you certainly weren't worrying about being found when you were calling out my name a few minutes ago..." He laughed as I turned bright red and pulled at his cheeks in embarrassment. "Ey ey, schtop dat! Don't worry, if they happen upon us it will appear that we are resting. But some of us will be missed if we are gone too long. Master has an appearance to make this evening in front of the king, and he needs to be prepared."

I pouted, but sat up to dress. As I watched Agahnim doing the same, a thought occurred to me. "Hey, why is it that I never see you and your master at the same time? I've seen him walking around on occasion, and of course I've seen you plenty of times, but never the two of you together."

"It's a silly Gerudo custom, stemming from the lack of males in the society," he answered as he tied back his hair and started braiding mine. "The king is not to be seen treating another man as his equal. Most of the girls back home don't care, but for propriety's sake we have to follow custom while we're here." Agahnim laughed and twirled a finger in my fringe. "I imagine it's much the same reason why I never see you and Princess Zelda together..."

I turned away to keep my face from blanching. "Wha... why are you looking at other women?" My retort made him laugh, and when we were dressed he sent us back.

I snuck back into my chambers through the window, in time to have a hand clamped over my ear.

"Owowowowow!" I hissed as Impa pulled me to the center of the room.

"And just WHERE were you, young lady? The Sheik identity is a tool to protect you in times of danger. You are not supposed to use it to escape your responsibilities." I shrugged and started removing my gear, but stopped when I saw her gawking.

"What?"

"...Zelda Iriana Nohansen Hyrule, how dare you do such a brazen thing!"

I removed my glamour and stared at her confused, until I caught the mirror from the corner of my eye. My neck was dotted with bruises, those kind of bruises.

"You are getting married in a week! How can you present yourself to your father and the Gerudo when you've been marked up like that? You're supposed to be pure!"

"Maybe they'll call the wedding off, then."

Impa sighed, and patted my head. "Zelda, I know you oppose this. But you can be the one to herald a new era of peace for Hyrule. Wouldn't you like that? Besides, arranged marriages aren't that terrible. Your parents..."

"Ugh, I hear this every time."

"Your parents made it work, so you can make it work. Trust me when I say this situation has a happy ending. The two of you will surely find what you're searching for in the other. Just wait and see."

"I hear that you are not enthusiastic about our union," Ganondorf said as we sat in the meeting hall. It was the first time we had been in a room together alone since this ordeal began.

"...To be frank, that is correct. But it is pointless to argue now. The ceremony is tomorrow night and I won't have endured those terrible dressing sessions for naught." I avoided eye contact with him at first, but turned to him when he touched my shoulder. He looked pensive.

"There is someone you would rather have?"

Yes, and the sooner you let me leave, the sooner I can go to him and say my goodbyes. "...Perhaps."

"Ah. If I may, then, offer a compromise? Marriage is not my thing. It's not that you are subpar or anything. You are smarter than anyone I've ever met, and your portraits do your beauty no justice." He mumbled on, quite surprising for the king of the desert warriors. "We need to give this marriage a year, at least. Your parents and mine expect an heir, and we need to give that to them. But after that, I wouldn't be opposed to you bringing your lover into the family. Polygamous relationships are rare among Gerudo, but they do happen. I am not that selfish. He can be your personal guard on the books, and your lover behind closed doors."

I was shocked. I had heard the desert people had strange customs, but this wasn't what I was expecting. But it didn't matter in the long run- I was going to come clean to Agahnim tonight, and he'll probably never want to see me again after I tell him the truth. "...That won't be necessary. Hyrule looks to me to maintain their customs, and I have responsibilities as their Princess. Thank you for the offer, I appreciate it, but it would only complicate the matter. Now if you would excuse me, I need to prepare for tomorrow."

I changed into Sheik and hurried out to the hedge maze, finding Agahnim waiting. He was staring at the ground, looking rather agitated. "Agahnim, is something wrong?"

"...Yes, actually. We have to say goodbye tonight."

That's what I came here to do, but hearing it from him made my heart drop. Why were those words coming from him? I'm supposed to be the one to say goodbye. "What do you mean?"

"Ganondorf will be marrying tomorrow. He has responsibilities as the king of the Gerudo. The time for play has come to an end, and he must assume his kingly duties. He can't be ignoring his advisors. He can't be feigning weakness to play with the guards. And he most certainly can't keep breaking the heart of a pure Sheikah by disguising himself as her kin, no matter how much he loves her."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead as I stood still in shock. Suddenly I erupted into laughter, startling him. It clicked- Agahnim was Ganondorf in disguise. "So that's why I never saw you two together..."

"Sheik...?"

I pounced on him, knocking us both into the grass. He kept squirming in an effort to explain himself, but I wasn't having any of it. I yanked off his hood and laid into him, pressing kisses to every bit of exposed skin I could find.

"S-Sheik...! Stop that, I was trying to be serious! Hear me out!"

"There will be plenty of time to talk to Ganondorf after the wedding, right now is Agahnim time." I resumed attacking his neck, but he grabbed my arms and flipped me over.

"You're hiding something." He stared at me for a long moment as I stifled my laughter, before suddenly grinning himself. "Din's Fire, how could I not recognize my own trick! That's why I never saw you and Zelda at the same time...!"

I dropped my glamour and wrapped my arms around Agahnim's neck. He dropped his glamour as well, lifting my chin and kissing me for the first time as Ganondorf. "I worried so much that I would be breaking your heart... I wanted to tell you sooner but I felt so bad that you had no one to confide in."

"I was going to tell you tonight as well. I didn't want Agahnim losing his brotherhood with the king over me, but I guess we don't have to worry about that now." We kissed again, and afterward I let Ganondorf pick me up and carry me out of the maze.

Impa spotted us as we returned to the castle, and I caught a grin across her face. I expected her to chastise us, but instead she nodded in approval. "Didn't I tell you to wait and see?"

Ganondorf and I blanched. "You knew the whole time?"

"But of course, Princess. You two make terrible Sheikah."

-The End-

A/N: Thank you for reading!

This fic was based on the song "Escape" by Rupert Holmes, better known as "The Pina Colada Song". In case you've never heard the song, it's about a couple who take out personal ads looking for someone new, and they end up answering each other's ad.

I prefer to write Agahnim and Sheik as separate people, but I really wanted to write some zelgan. Hence this oneshot. :3

This was a quickie fic, so if I made any errors or something seems off, feel free to let me know. I promise I won't bite!