Abeyance
Rating: PG-13, language Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, or Stargate SG-1. or a stargate, or anything even remotely resembling any of them. Summary: Post-Meridian. Sam, talking to Janet, trying to sort at least a little of it out.
Notes: I'm contemplating writing more of these because I like the name and don't want to waste it. Which is REALLY strange and sad. But it's an interesting enough theme... Well, we'll see what happens.
Here's hoping I got the name of Jonas's planet right. (blush) Kinda new to this fandom.
Jonas Quinn isn't treated all that nicely in this, by the way. This is not due to any animosity I have toward the character; I've barely seen three episodes with the man, and though he did strike me as a trifle smug and Mary-Sueish, I haven't formed a solid opinion yet, and, well, don't really care all that much about the guy either way. Not my problem. For the characters, it's just been a very bad day, and that's all.
(-)
Sam wasn't sure what time it was, what day it was, even, really. She glanced over her coffee at Janet; Janet probably knew. Janet had Cassie to worry about. Sam's life... was pretty much here.
She briefly considered asking about the time but decided she didn't care yet. It still seemed trivial. She wondered where her father had gone off to.
"Where'd Dad go?" she asked.
"I... I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention," Janet said. "I think maybe he's still trying to figure out what just happened... Our initial description of the situation was very brief, you know, and nobody here understands what happened after he arrived..."
"Yeah," Sam said, remembering now. "Poor Colonel O'Neill. Whatever happened, he's got to debrief Hammond, and then we'll all want to know..."
Janet shrugged. "I know enough, I think. I'll just get it secondhand with everyone else; no need to bother him, well, bother him more..."
Sam submerged her mind in her coffee again, and came back up with a realization. "How are you doing?"
She sighed. "Ethical problems. Nothing new."
"Because you didn't stop him from stopping him," Sam said, nodding.
"No..." Janet said. "Not if I detangled that sentence right, no. I know it'll seem crazy, but..."
"You're not sorry we let him die?"
"See..." She looked down. "You've got to understand what radiation does-- I mean, why it does it. Ever had a sunburn, a bad one where your skin starts peeling?"
Sam nodded.
"That's due to the ultraviolet radiation from the sunlight. It gets into cells and just wreaks havoc on the molecules, changing them, rearranging them, breaking their bonds. There's a gene-- I believe it's called P-53-- that realizes that the cell has been harmed and causes the cell to destroy itself-- commit suicide. That's why the skin peels; the damaged cells have all died."
Sam absorbed that quietly, not asking the point yet.
"However, the radiation can affect DNA as well. If something happens to that gene, the cell won't kill itself. Sometimes that might not matter. Other times, other genes have been affected as well. Like, perhaps, the gene that tells a cell not to keep on dividing uncontrollably, or the gene that mandates that eventually the cell must die. If that cell, with its DNA altered like that, survives without these limitations--"
"Cancer?" Sam asked.
Janet nodded. "That's why sunlight is a carcinogen, and melanoma and other skin cancers are becoming such a problem. But, of course, it's not just ultraviolet radiation. It's any radiation that can penetrate a cell. That's why..."
Janet didn't want to finish that thought, which was fine by Sam, because she didn't want to hear it. "But the healing device--"
"Except he said that it almost certainly wouldn't work all the way. Whatever that thing is, it works on a cellular level. I can't be sure, but I think that at some point in its workings it must get some sort of sample of the patient's DNA, so it has some sort of template for what's normal and what's wrong. I could be completely wrong about that-- for all I know, the damn thing works with auras. But it might explain why, when you tried it, it didn't work. The DNA it sampled wasn't normal, and when it tried to rebuild the cells to those specifications..."
"It made everything worse."
"Sam, don't worry about that. With that level of radiation, there wasn't really any possible way to make it any worse. I can't be sure if there was a genetically intact cell left in his body. This is a level of radiation beyond anything we've ever encountered-- exponentially beyond it..."
"But Dad, he had more expertise with it. He could've--"
"He said himself he couldn't have fixed it completely. He couldn't bring him back to perfect health. But with radiation, what does that mean? He couldn't fix every cell that was damaged. Probably, he meant that he couldn't even come close to fixing every cell that was damaged. And what would happen to the cells that were left?"
Sam looked at her, a little blankly.
Janet sighed. "To sum it up, though I can't know for sure, I'm almost certain that if we'd let Jacob use his healing device, nothing good could have come of it. If it performed less well, it would only have bought him a few more days. If it performed more well, Daniel would have died in a few weeks or months of cancer instead in a few hours or days. It was not worth it. I guess he must have known that."
"You're saying all it could have bought us is more time..."
"And not much of it. And just miserable time. I was going to let it happen. I shouldn't have."
Sam shook her head. "You couldn't just-- stop us from trying to save him. That wouldn't be any different from-- what you were thinking earlier. Doing it deliberately."
"Maybe that wouldn't have been wrong either."
"Janet."
"I'm serious. Maybe I should have asked Daniel about that. Maybe that was the ethical, the humane thing to do."
Sam shook her head. "He would have said no."
"He didn't want to live like that--"
"But more importantly, he wouldn't want you to be involved. It isn't legal, Janet. He would never have let you risk yourself like that. That's who he is. Who he-- is."
Janet let out a breath. That was completely undebatable. "This legal system..." she said, rubbing her eyes. "We barely have DNRs, and it's not enough... Damn it, we know so little...!"
Sam looked up into the sick glare of the fluorescent lights. It had to be nighttime, she thought; they only had that particular parching, draining quality at night. Janet's eyes were closed tight, trying not to cry, or scream.
Teal'c opened the door, and closed it behind him. He stood there, and Sam knew from long experience he wouldn't speak until spoken to.
"What brings you here?" she asked, a sort of very weak joke.
"I seek your counsel," he replied.
"Well, okay, but right now, you might want to remember what some people say about free advice." She rubbed her eyes a little; she wasn't sure how long she'd been awake, or how much coffee she'd had, or whether if was caffienated or decaf, or how much sugar she'd put in. She couldn't guess; that couldn't possibly be a good sign.
"I have never heard that saying, as I recall," said Teal'c.
"They say you get what you pay for," Janet said, and sat down with a little laugh.
Teal'c considered that for a moment. "I am not certain what I should do."
"Can't help you there."
"I recently encountered Jonas Quinn. He asked what society I was from. I replied it was one that would normally mandate my killing him where he stood. He expressed doubt; I believe I called him a... 'damned lying weasel'. I am not sure why. I am not certain as to what the reaction of those who were listening will be."
"Don't worry," said Janet. "They'll understand. You all start channelling Colonel O'Neill under pressure."
Sam looked at her. "Seriously?"
"Spoken like someone who was never there at Daniel's physicals," Janet said, and managed a small smile. "Him most of all. It gets downright eerie."
"I think you're right," Sam said, thinking back, a process which had to be done somewhat gingerly today.
"I was not aware that the phenomenon had spread beyond Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.
"When in hell," Janet quoted, leaning across the table, "do as the smartass does."
"Who said that?" Sam asked.
Janet smiled fondly. "Three guesses."
"Sam," said Jack, striding in. "I need you to do something for me. No hurry, not now, but it needs to be done."
"What, sir?" Sam asked.
"I need you to construct scenarios for attacking the Ancients'... plane, or whatever. Weapons, strategies--"
"Sir?" Sam asked, in disbelief.
"I'm serious. What, you can't do it?"
"No!"
"... No, you can't do it, or no, you can?"
"Sir," she explained, "I don't even know what their 'higher plane of existence' is. Best case scenario, it's just the fifth dimension. Even then, I have to figure out a way to fire missiles at right angles to reality. But I'm positive that's not it."
"Well, conduct experiments! Figure out what they are!"
"Conduct experiments on what, exactly?"
"Hell, I don't know! You're the scientist!"
"Scientist, yes. God, not today."
"Well, we can't just let them get away with this!" Jack was clearly wound up, pacing quickly around in random directions.
"Get away with what, sir?" Sam asked.
"Oh, come on," he said. "Those damn shiny happy people have got him thinking he can do good up there! What the hell good can he do up there?! He can learn to talk their philosophical crap that doesn't mean a damn thing, or else means something COMPLETELY frickin' obvious, and-- what the hell else do they do? Sit around contemplating the meaning of life? God knows they don't help us any! They don't do a damned thing! They don't need him up there! Goddammit, we need him down here!"
Sam thought he might be about to go for the coffeepot, and, in a move that seemed rational at the time, threw it violently against the wall before he had the chance.
There was an understandable lull in the conversation; Sam found that she was breathing heavily and wasn't sure why.
"Shiny happy people," she said. "I like that. That's a good one."
Another pause.
"What gets me is, he's still there," Jack said, after a second. "He's not gone, he's still there-- somewhere. Except not here. So he's died, and he's dead, but-- he's not dead. Except he is. So what the hell do you do about that?!"
Nobody had an answer for him. It crossed their minds that maybe there was no answer.
"Kelownia," Sam said. "I can plot you the conquest of Kelownia. Not right now. But I can plot that for you. I think I know people who will help. Hammond won't care as long as we don't actually do it."
"Jonas Quinn might not approve," Teal'c noted.
"Jonas Quinn can go find things to stick up his ass," Janet drawled.
"Yeah, nobody cares what he thinks today." Sam took another sip of coffee. This couldn't last much longer. She had to try to sleep. "Maybe tomorrow. Not today."
"Maybe tomorrow," Jack said.
"Sam." Jacob came in. "I thought you'd be together. Sam, it's late. I found your keys, and I'm taking you home now. I'll carry you if I have to, but it would be nice if you went along willingly, because I need directions or we'll wind up in Palm Beach."
Sam laughed quietly. "Sorry, guys," she said. "Curfew." She walked over to her father's side.
Something sparked in Janet's eyes. "Oh, damn," she said, and started rustling in her pockets for her keys.
"Your desk is a mess," Jacob said.
"I know," Sam said. "Let's go home."
She pushed open the door and led the way down the halls.
Rating: PG-13, language Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, or Stargate SG-1. or a stargate, or anything even remotely resembling any of them. Summary: Post-Meridian. Sam, talking to Janet, trying to sort at least a little of it out.
Notes: I'm contemplating writing more of these because I like the name and don't want to waste it. Which is REALLY strange and sad. But it's an interesting enough theme... Well, we'll see what happens.
Here's hoping I got the name of Jonas's planet right. (blush) Kinda new to this fandom.
Jonas Quinn isn't treated all that nicely in this, by the way. This is not due to any animosity I have toward the character; I've barely seen three episodes with the man, and though he did strike me as a trifle smug and Mary-Sueish, I haven't formed a solid opinion yet, and, well, don't really care all that much about the guy either way. Not my problem. For the characters, it's just been a very bad day, and that's all.
(-)
Sam wasn't sure what time it was, what day it was, even, really. She glanced over her coffee at Janet; Janet probably knew. Janet had Cassie to worry about. Sam's life... was pretty much here.
She briefly considered asking about the time but decided she didn't care yet. It still seemed trivial. She wondered where her father had gone off to.
"Where'd Dad go?" she asked.
"I... I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention," Janet said. "I think maybe he's still trying to figure out what just happened... Our initial description of the situation was very brief, you know, and nobody here understands what happened after he arrived..."
"Yeah," Sam said, remembering now. "Poor Colonel O'Neill. Whatever happened, he's got to debrief Hammond, and then we'll all want to know..."
Janet shrugged. "I know enough, I think. I'll just get it secondhand with everyone else; no need to bother him, well, bother him more..."
Sam submerged her mind in her coffee again, and came back up with a realization. "How are you doing?"
She sighed. "Ethical problems. Nothing new."
"Because you didn't stop him from stopping him," Sam said, nodding.
"No..." Janet said. "Not if I detangled that sentence right, no. I know it'll seem crazy, but..."
"You're not sorry we let him die?"
"See..." She looked down. "You've got to understand what radiation does-- I mean, why it does it. Ever had a sunburn, a bad one where your skin starts peeling?"
Sam nodded.
"That's due to the ultraviolet radiation from the sunlight. It gets into cells and just wreaks havoc on the molecules, changing them, rearranging them, breaking their bonds. There's a gene-- I believe it's called P-53-- that realizes that the cell has been harmed and causes the cell to destroy itself-- commit suicide. That's why the skin peels; the damaged cells have all died."
Sam absorbed that quietly, not asking the point yet.
"However, the radiation can affect DNA as well. If something happens to that gene, the cell won't kill itself. Sometimes that might not matter. Other times, other genes have been affected as well. Like, perhaps, the gene that tells a cell not to keep on dividing uncontrollably, or the gene that mandates that eventually the cell must die. If that cell, with its DNA altered like that, survives without these limitations--"
"Cancer?" Sam asked.
Janet nodded. "That's why sunlight is a carcinogen, and melanoma and other skin cancers are becoming such a problem. But, of course, it's not just ultraviolet radiation. It's any radiation that can penetrate a cell. That's why..."
Janet didn't want to finish that thought, which was fine by Sam, because she didn't want to hear it. "But the healing device--"
"Except he said that it almost certainly wouldn't work all the way. Whatever that thing is, it works on a cellular level. I can't be sure, but I think that at some point in its workings it must get some sort of sample of the patient's DNA, so it has some sort of template for what's normal and what's wrong. I could be completely wrong about that-- for all I know, the damn thing works with auras. But it might explain why, when you tried it, it didn't work. The DNA it sampled wasn't normal, and when it tried to rebuild the cells to those specifications..."
"It made everything worse."
"Sam, don't worry about that. With that level of radiation, there wasn't really any possible way to make it any worse. I can't be sure if there was a genetically intact cell left in his body. This is a level of radiation beyond anything we've ever encountered-- exponentially beyond it..."
"But Dad, he had more expertise with it. He could've--"
"He said himself he couldn't have fixed it completely. He couldn't bring him back to perfect health. But with radiation, what does that mean? He couldn't fix every cell that was damaged. Probably, he meant that he couldn't even come close to fixing every cell that was damaged. And what would happen to the cells that were left?"
Sam looked at her, a little blankly.
Janet sighed. "To sum it up, though I can't know for sure, I'm almost certain that if we'd let Jacob use his healing device, nothing good could have come of it. If it performed less well, it would only have bought him a few more days. If it performed more well, Daniel would have died in a few weeks or months of cancer instead in a few hours or days. It was not worth it. I guess he must have known that."
"You're saying all it could have bought us is more time..."
"And not much of it. And just miserable time. I was going to let it happen. I shouldn't have."
Sam shook her head. "You couldn't just-- stop us from trying to save him. That wouldn't be any different from-- what you were thinking earlier. Doing it deliberately."
"Maybe that wouldn't have been wrong either."
"Janet."
"I'm serious. Maybe I should have asked Daniel about that. Maybe that was the ethical, the humane thing to do."
Sam shook her head. "He would have said no."
"He didn't want to live like that--"
"But more importantly, he wouldn't want you to be involved. It isn't legal, Janet. He would never have let you risk yourself like that. That's who he is. Who he-- is."
Janet let out a breath. That was completely undebatable. "This legal system..." she said, rubbing her eyes. "We barely have DNRs, and it's not enough... Damn it, we know so little...!"
Sam looked up into the sick glare of the fluorescent lights. It had to be nighttime, she thought; they only had that particular parching, draining quality at night. Janet's eyes were closed tight, trying not to cry, or scream.
Teal'c opened the door, and closed it behind him. He stood there, and Sam knew from long experience he wouldn't speak until spoken to.
"What brings you here?" she asked, a sort of very weak joke.
"I seek your counsel," he replied.
"Well, okay, but right now, you might want to remember what some people say about free advice." She rubbed her eyes a little; she wasn't sure how long she'd been awake, or how much coffee she'd had, or whether if was caffienated or decaf, or how much sugar she'd put in. She couldn't guess; that couldn't possibly be a good sign.
"I have never heard that saying, as I recall," said Teal'c.
"They say you get what you pay for," Janet said, and sat down with a little laugh.
Teal'c considered that for a moment. "I am not certain what I should do."
"Can't help you there."
"I recently encountered Jonas Quinn. He asked what society I was from. I replied it was one that would normally mandate my killing him where he stood. He expressed doubt; I believe I called him a... 'damned lying weasel'. I am not sure why. I am not certain as to what the reaction of those who were listening will be."
"Don't worry," said Janet. "They'll understand. You all start channelling Colonel O'Neill under pressure."
Sam looked at her. "Seriously?"
"Spoken like someone who was never there at Daniel's physicals," Janet said, and managed a small smile. "Him most of all. It gets downright eerie."
"I think you're right," Sam said, thinking back, a process which had to be done somewhat gingerly today.
"I was not aware that the phenomenon had spread beyond Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.
"When in hell," Janet quoted, leaning across the table, "do as the smartass does."
"Who said that?" Sam asked.
Janet smiled fondly. "Three guesses."
"Sam," said Jack, striding in. "I need you to do something for me. No hurry, not now, but it needs to be done."
"What, sir?" Sam asked.
"I need you to construct scenarios for attacking the Ancients'... plane, or whatever. Weapons, strategies--"
"Sir?" Sam asked, in disbelief.
"I'm serious. What, you can't do it?"
"No!"
"... No, you can't do it, or no, you can?"
"Sir," she explained, "I don't even know what their 'higher plane of existence' is. Best case scenario, it's just the fifth dimension. Even then, I have to figure out a way to fire missiles at right angles to reality. But I'm positive that's not it."
"Well, conduct experiments! Figure out what they are!"
"Conduct experiments on what, exactly?"
"Hell, I don't know! You're the scientist!"
"Scientist, yes. God, not today."
"Well, we can't just let them get away with this!" Jack was clearly wound up, pacing quickly around in random directions.
"Get away with what, sir?" Sam asked.
"Oh, come on," he said. "Those damn shiny happy people have got him thinking he can do good up there! What the hell good can he do up there?! He can learn to talk their philosophical crap that doesn't mean a damn thing, or else means something COMPLETELY frickin' obvious, and-- what the hell else do they do? Sit around contemplating the meaning of life? God knows they don't help us any! They don't do a damned thing! They don't need him up there! Goddammit, we need him down here!"
Sam thought he might be about to go for the coffeepot, and, in a move that seemed rational at the time, threw it violently against the wall before he had the chance.
There was an understandable lull in the conversation; Sam found that she was breathing heavily and wasn't sure why.
"Shiny happy people," she said. "I like that. That's a good one."
Another pause.
"What gets me is, he's still there," Jack said, after a second. "He's not gone, he's still there-- somewhere. Except not here. So he's died, and he's dead, but-- he's not dead. Except he is. So what the hell do you do about that?!"
Nobody had an answer for him. It crossed their minds that maybe there was no answer.
"Kelownia," Sam said. "I can plot you the conquest of Kelownia. Not right now. But I can plot that for you. I think I know people who will help. Hammond won't care as long as we don't actually do it."
"Jonas Quinn might not approve," Teal'c noted.
"Jonas Quinn can go find things to stick up his ass," Janet drawled.
"Yeah, nobody cares what he thinks today." Sam took another sip of coffee. This couldn't last much longer. She had to try to sleep. "Maybe tomorrow. Not today."
"Maybe tomorrow," Jack said.
"Sam." Jacob came in. "I thought you'd be together. Sam, it's late. I found your keys, and I'm taking you home now. I'll carry you if I have to, but it would be nice if you went along willingly, because I need directions or we'll wind up in Palm Beach."
Sam laughed quietly. "Sorry, guys," she said. "Curfew." She walked over to her father's side.
Something sparked in Janet's eyes. "Oh, damn," she said, and started rustling in her pockets for her keys.
"Your desk is a mess," Jacob said.
"I know," Sam said. "Let's go home."
She pushed open the door and led the way down the halls.