A.N: Okay people, the first 3 chapters are done by maneden after that it will be me and I will update in the next few days. Also check out the first chapter of my Breaking Bad/ Bible crossover Baking BRead
Harry James Potter was bored, scratch that he was completely and utterly dead to the world. Lying upside down on the couch, legs swinging, blood rushing to his head and his eyes lidded. In fact, Dolores Umbitch and the greasy headed git, Snape, could be snogging right in front of him and he would if anything become even more disinterested. Or maybe just choke to death from the potential downpour of vomit trying to force itself out of his mouth. Imagine that, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Defeater of Voldemort, killed by Spew. Maybe Hermione's elfish rights group would get a raise in followers from Harry Potter Haters, there sure were a lot of them, maybe he should have not pissed of so many people in his short life. However, that is not the point, the point being that he was going crazy, bonkers, out of his mind with boredom.
The war had ended a mere two weeks ago, Harry being the Hero he was, defeated Voldemort with a second year spell, then promptly passed out whilst yelling 'gotta catch them all'. Yes, maybe the rumours of him being delusional have some fact. Afterall, all great wizards were crazy, Dumbledore with his sweets, Voldemort with his plain insanity and even Luna Lovegood with her mythical creatures. Since then, Harry was practically proclaimed a God among mere mortals, an emperor among men, or as Luna would say, a crumple-horned snorkack among nargles. Sure, it was entertaining at first, I mean who doesn't like a fan base, free gifts and best of all naked photos of girls. Muggles didn't know what they were missing out on, I mean being able to carry what was practically a porn video on a piece of paper is pretty amazing. Anyway, after about a week of it Harry was sick of it, it was the same bag of steaming hippogriff shit every time. First was the ridiculously high expectations, then the disappointment, then praise and finally congratulations and meaningless words on how they knew you could do it all along.
Eventually, Harry had done a runner straight to Grimmuald Place where he had laid bored all week with nothing to do. Afterall, he had never expected to live, let alone defeat Voldemort, so he had never really looked at what he wanted to do afterwards. Ron had gone to join the aurors whilst Hermione when to get a private tutelage under McGonagall for two years before taking over as the Transfiguration teacher. So Harry with a heavy sigh, righted himself and started to walk out the room, maybe he should clean this grim old place.
Firstly, was his and Ron's old room, getting there he saw it as in worse condition then he thought, somehow the whole room had the orange. Oh, wait, never mind it were just the tasteless posters of the Chudley Cannons around the room. Deciding to commit a mortal sin first, he turned the posters a much better colour in his opinion, yes; indigo was the way to go. Next, was under the beds, his was pretty much barren whilst Ron's was full of junk.
It was here that Harry made a very important discovery, one that could very well change the course of the Wizarding World. Staring at the prize in his hands he knew exactly what he was going to do. Afterall if the posturing ponce could do it why couldn't he? Yes, this is exactly what he was going to do with his life. Dropping the object on the bed, Harry ran off with new found life, leaving the copy of 'Magical Me' by Gilderoy Lockhart to be discovered several months later.
The day was bright and new, the birds were chirping and the roosters were crowing. All pointed towards a normal day except one thing, the biggest crowd ever seen in Diagon Alley waiting out front Flourish and Blotts eagerly. For there on their window was a sign that read:
Guest appearance of Harry Potter today
For release of his first book
Yes, Harry Potter had done it, he had written a book, what on? No one knew for sure except the man himself. This book was expected to be a number of things, from a defence guide to a love guidance book to a biography. What it was actually on would shock the world. At exactly eight o'clock the doors opened showing the crowd Harry Potter sitting at a desk in the back of a shop next to a copy of his book. There on a sign behind him in flashing pink and blue letters was the title of the book.
The crowd seeing the title were even more intrigued by the possibilities; they rushed forward, each hoping to get the first copy. It was one twenty year-old blond that got the book first and reached Harry Potter first so he could sign it. 'Hello' Harry asked amusingly, watching the chaos erupting around them, 'and what is your name?' he quirked up an eyebrow. 'L...L…Lisa, Mr, Potter' she stuttered, getting flushed from just talking to him. 'Here let me sign that for you' Harry said, plucking the book from her grasp and signing in just under the title, 'What to do when there is a dark lord after you'.