Wild Cherry Chews
Well, I had this idea like o em gee, forevuh ago. I'm finally finishing it up, for the first chapter. This story is completely humorous. Well, almost. There's a few serious parts, but those really don't come in until the next chapters. Everyone's going to be OOC in this, but it's not like Shion's turned into a printer humper. O.o Very weird. Anyways… Enjoy!
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Chapter One:
Tattletale
A short, chubby woman waddled down the immensely small hallways past a few small children, who were smothered as she squeezed past them.
"Excuse me," she squealed as she looked down and saw a pair of arms flailing beneath her as if she was in the midst of a birth malfunction. She trudged on, then came to a door with a paper star poorly taped on it. She raised her meaty arm and banged on the door violently as her... meat... jiggled unceremoniously. She screeched a few words not understandable to any language in the entire cosmos and waddled off again, this time in a bit of a retarded sprint. The door creaked open slightly. chaos sat in the corner, eyes wide as he curled into a slight fetal position as he stared at the door in utter horror. There were more footsteps, this time much softer than the woman's. chaos winced as someone knocked lightly on the door, causing it to creak open some more.
"chaos?" Asked a soft, warm voice as a hand curled around the edge of the door and pushed it open. Part of the person's face became visible when they peeked in, one emerald eye surveying the room cautiously. When they saw chaos sitting on the couch in terror, they flung the door open and walked in, sighing exasperatedly. It was Shion.
"chaos, you can't sit there looking like a newborn. Get up. It's time for the--"
"M-Mommy," chaos managed to stammer, blinking slowly, not looking at her. Shion seemed as if she had been smacked in the face as she blinked in confusion, staring at the silver haired boy on the couch. She set her clipboard down on the table beside the doorway and walked up to chaos, looking at him with a expression that made her look like she was a sexual relationship counselor.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked, sitting down beside him and putting her hand on his knee. He stayed silent as he stared blankly at her face and let his legs fall from the fetal position he was curled into. "chaos, you can tell me…" She said, moving her hand to his shoulder and gripping it reassuringly.
"Th-The fat lady," chaos stammered, relaxing a bit. Shion bit her lip lightly, her nostrils flaring, trying not to laugh. Chaos let out a mouse-like squeak and she lost her composure. She began laughing hysterically, burying her head into chaos's lap. Chaos blinked slowly, looking down at the brunette. There was another loud bang on the door, then it flew open, the fat lady standing in front of the doorway, a pained look on her face. Shion quickly sat up, but twisted her feet around each other and fell off the couch with a squeal. The meaty woman's eye twitched slightly as she stared at the out of breath Shion and the wide-eyed chaos. She opened her mouth and out came an earsplitting roar.
"DIRECTOR TELL ME TO GET SILVER HAIRED BOY! BUT ME SEE GREEN EYE GIRL PLEASING SILVER HAIRED BOY! I TELL DIRECTOR THAT SHOOT IS CANCEL!" she screeched, her fat rolling like a sea as she struggled to turn around in the doorway. She squealed as the door frame cracked slightly and she waddled down the hallway with it smashed around her body. The children looked up once more, their faces then plastered with terror. They ran down the hallway and took a sharp left, then loud crashes were heard. Shion turned onto her back, glancing at chaos, a little scared. She scrambled to her feet and they both took off running down the hallway after the woman, whose screeches you could practically hear from a mile away.
"DIIIIIIIIIIIRECTOR!" She screamed, storming onto a photography set. The director looked up from a piece of paper and pulled his shades down.
"Yes?"
"GREEN EYE GIRL PLEASING YOUR ACTOR BOY IN DRESSING ROOM!" The then director yanked off his shades and stood up, his face twisted into a sick grin.
"Reeally now?" he asked, the rest of the crew coming in and forming a half circle around him and the woman. She grinned proudly.
"YES." The director laughed hysterically, dropping his glasses and thrusting his fist into the air, an idea hitting him. The crew buzzed with chatter as the woman spat out a lie. "WHITE ALL OVER." The man's laughter grew much louder and maniac. "SHE WAS IN NOTHING BUT PANTIES." As the laughter subsided, the director's eyes gleamed insanely.
"I could make a documentary about this! Behind the scenes of the famous—"
"Director!" yelled Shion, coming out from the hallway, out of breath as she bent over, hands on her knees followed by chaos. The crew grinned and nudged each other.
"Tomboy Shion finally got some!" a tall, brown haired man cried, grinning insanely. Shion stood up, her mouth open in shock. chaos's eyes widened.
"Has she got a nice rack, chaos?" yelled another. Shion scoffed.
"What?" She yelled, stomping her foot onto the hardwood floor, walking towards the crew. "I am NOT involved with chaos! It's against protocol anyway! I'm his bloody stage manager!"
"Like you've ever cared about protocol!"
"Shut up!" Shion yelled, her eyes glowing with hatred as she glanced at the fat lady. chaos stepped forwards, looking calm and unfazed.
"Your helper, Thaddeus, has been—"
"Sir." Corrected Thaddeus, the director.
"Your helper," chaos said, pausing and a gleam of hate flashing through his eyes, "sir," he said, his voice soaked with poison, "has done nothing but cause trouble for me," he said, glancing at the woman. He blinked slightly. "And my door," he said referring to the doorframe still attached to her. She screeched loudly and the crew members winced as she flapped her arms, smiling insanely.
"Yeah!" Quipped Shion, pointing at the fat woman, looking highly confused.
"Well, chaos…" The arguing continued for quite a while, until at least the woman fell down,sleeping, snoring and twitching. Everyone glanced at her and suppressed laughter.
"chaos, Shion, you're FIRED!" The director screamed, pointing at them, eye twitching slightly as he dropped his sunglasses, the soft impact actually echoing in the room, making a dramatic effect, as if the two's lives were ending, which they most certainly won't be, considering the author has some interesting turns in store which include—
-obtains a brick to the face-
"B-But, sir," Shion choked, completely astounded. "We didn't do anything!"
"Besides oral sex and breaking protocol? NO! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO!" A random janitor appeared.
"Man, this isn't your studio, you're renting this bitch," he said, looking gruff, sticking out his bottom lip.
"SHUT UP!" The director screeched, pointing at the baack door, for Shion and chaos. chaos stood in shock and amazement, while Shion looked on the verge of tears and was pouting. "Get your things and GET OUT! I'll find myself another man for Wild Cherry Chews wrapper photos!" He snarled. Shion hung her head and shuffled off to chaos's dressing room to grab her backpack and leave. chaos jogged after her, then stopped her.
"Hey, sorry about that," he apologized, patting her on the shoulder.
"It's not your fault that Sarah thought I was… you know," she said, letting out a slight laugh, sniffing and wiping her teary eyes.
"I didn't know it had a name," chaos said in all seriousness. Shion laughed slightly again.
"I can always see if Allen'll get me a job." chaos raised an eyebrow at Shion's statement.
"In the mafia?" He asked, disbelieving. Shion laughed again, then shrugged. "Why not work with Jin?"
"And make pottery? I think not," she said, walking towards the dressing room again. chaos followed.
"Better than putting your life on the line with Allen," chaos said. Shion sighed.
"I'd completely put my life on the line for Allen. I love him so much, you know?" She said dreamily. chaos stayed silent.
"…No. I wouldn't know. I've never been in love with Allen," he said. Shion laughed once more, this time more heartily. She twisted the doorknob open and stepped into the small room. "Okay, well… Let's grab our stuff," chaos said, closing the door behind him.
"Right," Shion said with a nod. She looked around for her backpack as chaos took a bag from the closet and shoved his stuff in it. There was a knock on the door. Shion groaned.
"Whaddya want?" She asked, annoyed.
"I am coming in, Shion," a monotone voice said. The door busted down with a bang, and a cloud of dust poured into the room, causing Shion to hack and cough uncontrollably. As the dust cleared, the form of the tall, heartless android, KOS-MOS was visible. Though she was wearing a pair of jeans, and a black hoodie with the two words, 'Lady Sovereign' plastered on it in bright rainbow letters (and 'Just Whine like a Gypsy' in grey letters below it) you could tell she wasn't human. Shion had bought her colored contacts, blue to be precise, and had tried to make her look more real, so she'd appeal to more people as more than just a weapon of mass destruction. Wouldn't it suck to be a weapon of mass destruction? Well, actually, our minds could be weapons of mass destruction with the right tools… Anyway.
"Oh, hello KOS-MOS," Shion said.
"I have heard that you two have been fired for Shion performing oral sex on you, chaos. Am I correct?" The blue haired android asked. Shion winced.
"Not exactly," chaos said.
"We got fired, but my mouth never touched chaos's… er… genitals," Shion said, looking for the right words, feeling slightly awkward telling her own creation about oral sex.
"Just like giving your kid the talk, eh?" came another voice from the door. Their director, Thaddeus, was leaning on the door, where the door frame should have been, looking highly pleased with himself. "Shion, I'm sure you could put your… talents to good use," he said, smirking. KOS-MOS turned to him.
"I suggest you… How would I put this? Perhaps shut the fuck up," she said. Shion's jaw dropped.
"Where in the world did you hear that, KOS-MOS?" She demanded, looking very angry.
"…You."
"Oh!" Shion said, blushing. "Oh yes…" She giggled, then picked up her backpack and slipped it onto her back. "Anyway…"
"We should get going," chaos said, glaring at the director. The director nodded.
"You should, children," he said. Shion growled at him and KOS-MOS took notice of it.
"Shion," she said.
"Yes, KOS-MOS?" Shion replied through gritted teeth.
"Would you like me to kick this bastard's ass all the way to Kingdom Come?" KOS-MOS asked.
"…I'm guessing you learned that from me?" She asked, ashamed.
"Negative. From the captain of the Elsa," KOS-MOS responded. Shion snapped her fingers.
"Well, I'll be having a talk with him later!" The director snorted.
"Talk. Riiiiiight," Thaddeus said, rolling his eyes.
"…I will laugh when you die," Shion said icily, glaring daggers at the middle-age director at the door. Thaddeus shrugged.
"I will remember you as the chick who gave the guy who was the Wild Cherry Chews guy a blow job and got fired cause the fat chick tattled on you," he said, smiling at her. Sarah just happened to be at the door, somehow not smashing Thaddeus roared.
"I AM NOT FAT. I AM FLUFFY," she screamed, stomping her feet. The building shook violently, and Shion and chaos ducked as some plaster from the ceiling of the dressing room came falling down. "YOU ARE POMPOUS SACK OF CRAP." Sarah waddled off again, wailing hysterically.
"…Okay, now get the hell out," Thaddeus said quickly, jogging after the jiggly, upset Sarah. Shion and chaos exchanged glances, then walked out the door, following KOS-MOS. One of the men who teased Shion came up to chaos, laughing stupidly.
"Hey, man, can I have your autograph?" He asked, still laughing. KOS-MOS stepped forwards, and extended her arm at him. He laughed. "What're you gonna do? Molest me?" KOS-MOS's head twitched.
"R-CANNON!" She screamed at the top of her robot lungs, which was pretty loud, mind you. A beam brightened the whole room, and the screeches of pain from the man could have been heard outside the studio, from quite a few miles away. Or maybe not. Shion winced and held her hand over her eyes.
"WHOA!" As the bright light cleared, Shion opened her eyes, and screamed bloody murder.
"OHMYGOD, I'M BLIND, KOS-MOS!" She squealed. Suddenly, the black moved away from her eyes and she saw chaos. She gasped.
"chaos! You have healing powers! You are Jesus!" She said, glomping chaos gleefully. He awkwardly patted her on the back.
"Er—actually, no. You just had your hand over your eyes," he explained as she pulled away.
"Oh. Right…" She looked around, slightly confused. "Let's go," she said, stepping over the man on the ground, who was twitching incessantly. KOS-MOS and chaos followed. When she reached the door, she turned around and took a long last look at the studio that she and chaos had been working in for a year. She bit her lip and sighed.
"FINALLY OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE! HOORAH!" She screamed, emerging into the sunny outdoors, stretching and smiling. She laughed happily.
"Come to think of it, it's pretty nice not to have to go to work early every morning now and do new poses," chaos said, cracking his neck.
"And to not think them up for you," Shion retorted. chaos chuckled.
"Remember that one with the squeaky duck?"
"Oh my god," Shion said, laughing. "That was so funny." She reminisced in her mind momentarily then sighed.
"Aaah, shit, I miss it already."
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Um… yeah. First chapter has ended! I know it wasn't very long, but hey… It took me about two months to actually finish it. I'd love to know if you like it, so please review!
SHAKE IT UP!
AND REVIEW!
-cue tambourine-
-Aeris