Stalemate
Summary: Oneshot, set after 47 Seconds. Beckett uses her infamous detective skills to figure out why Castle is acting so distant.
Pairing: Castle/Beckett
Rating: K/K+
Spoilers: Spoilers for 47 Seconds, but has an AU ending.
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or "For My Sake" by Shinedown, from which I drew inspiration.
A/N: This is my first time writing for Castle, so please be gentle when reviewing. Special thanks to my boyfriend for helping me write this – I couldn't have done it without him. :)

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it."

His breath hitched, and for the briefest of moments, Castle wondered if he had heard her wrong. He stood blinking at the glass, the rest of the conversation completely lost on him. The suspect could have confessed to mass murder and he never would have known. Ever the optimist, a small part of him dared to hope that she was just playing this guy, trying to get a confession out of him; but in his heart, he somehow knew the truth.

He was reeling as he tried to process what this meant. "All this time… You remembered?" He hardly recognized his own voice, barely audible but filled with hurt and confusion.

It had been nearly a year since the shooting – nearly a year since he had poured his heart out to her as she bled out in his arms – and she'd never said anything about it. Never acknowledged it or even hinted at it. Better yet, she had lied about it. She had said she didn't remember anything. He wasn't sure which was the harder punch to the gut – her silence or her lie.

His brow furrowed, and his expression hardened. He watched her as she leaned against the wall in the interrogation room, folding her arms across her chest and worrying her bottom lip. Who was this person? Partners didn't lie to each other; they didn't keep secrets like this. This was the same woman he had nearly confessed his feelings to for the second time just hours before. For the first time since, he was thankful for the interruption. He had no desire to know how she would have responded. If she felt the same way, she would have said something by now.

Feeling foolish and hurt, he briskly exited the room and made a b-line for the elevator without a word to anyone. Before the doors had a chance to close, he had already made up his mind. He couldn't keep doing this. The stalemate was finally broken, and he was going to have to move on, for his sake. He couldn't wait forever; his heart wouldn't be able to take it.

As the group of people dispersed from the small-scale meeting in the bullpen, Beckett returned to her desk to retrieve her coat from her chair. She hesitated, risking a glanced at the abnormally quiet Castle, Ryan, and Esposito. "You know what? I'm still kinda wired. Do you guys want to go out for a drink?"

Ryan quickly declined, stuffing his hands in his pocket bashfully. "I'm sorry. It feels like a month since I've seen Jenny, I should really get home."

"Me too, I'm tanked. I'll hollar at you." Esposito offered, turning to follow after his already retreating partner.

Beckett wasn't surprised. These last couple of days had been draining – she'd been here at the precinct more than she'd been in her own home. She didn't mind it being just herself and Castle anyway. It would finally give them a chance to talk without interruptions.

She turned to him, noticing he was smiling to himself. He had been behaving oddly all afternoon, but nothing seemed amiss now. "So I guess it's just us." She commented, unable to hide her own smile.

"Yeah." His had faded by now, and he finally looked up just in time for her to glance down nervously.

"You know, now that the case is done… What did you want to talk about?" She prompted. She looked back up, fighting off her anxiety. She had a pretty good idea of what he had been trying to tell her at her desk earlier in the morning, and she had been gathering courage ever since. Maybe now was the perfect time to tell him that she was ready for something more in this partnership.

He opened his mouth, searching for words. His brow creased and his eyes were dark with some emotion she didn't quite recognize. And then, as if a switch had been flipped, he flippantly shrugged his shoulders and offered a half-hearted smirk. "Nothing - nothing important anyway." He backed away from her, almost as if he suddenly couldn't get away from her fast enough. "I'm gonna head home. Night."

She blinked at him, her jaw slightly slack. This isn't how the scene had played out in her head. Hell, she hadn't expected this at all. She was left staring at the spot on the floor he had been occupying just seconds before, and he was halfway to the elevator before she was able to call back, "Goodnight." He was still behaving oddly, and she had no idea why.

She shrugged her coat on, flicking her curls out of her collar as she did so. She turned to watch him leave and her eyes found him standing in the elevator. It was like she was looking at a stranger. His posture was stiff and rigid, and his jaw was clenched. His eyes, however, are what scared her. His eyes were cold and hard, unlike any look he ever given her. Their typical child-like mirth was completely absent. She swallowed thickly as fear swelled in her chest, burning like her gunshot wound had.

The door shut, breaking their gaze and forcing her into action. Something was seriously wrong, and she needed to fix it quickly. Her inner-detective was rapidly replaying the day's events, searching for evidence of why he was behaving this way. As she hurriedly gathered the rest of her things at her desk, her eyes fell on the now empty coffee cup from earlier. He had stopped by earlier after they had spent the morning apart, but she hadn't seen him come into the precinct. She had noticed the still warm cup of coffee only after she had been in the interrogation room with Robert "Bobby" Lopez.

"Oh no." She breathed, spinning and striding off. Her heels were loud on the floor, and she was sure she was drawing the attention of others with her speedy departure. She forwent the elevator and all but ran down the flights of stairs. By the time she hit the foyer, the elevator had already emptied and his broad-shouldered frame was nowhere in sight. She groaned to herself and pushed open the door to continue her search outside.

His words from earlier played on a loop in her mind. "Sinning by silence. It's not smart, it's not brave, it's just cowardly." He had been referring to her - it was so obvious now. How had she been so oblivious? She was a coward. She didn't need him to tell her that. She had been so scared after his confession, she didn't know what she wanted. He was her most valued friend, her partner, and the one person who could completely drive her up the wall one minute and the next be her rock to lean on. She didn't want to lose that, even if she did have feelings for him. Beckett had lost too many people in her life, and she certainly didn't want to add him to that list. She needed to find him – to make him understand why she had lied.

Her eyes scanned down the sidewalk in both directions, but there was no sign of him. He must have hailed a cab, she conceded, already stepping to the curb to summon her own. She was beginning to shake. She needed to make this right, and it was taking entirely too long to catch a taxi.

It seemed like ages to her, but she made it to his apartment complex in good time. She skipped the elevator again, and by the time she had hiked up the stairs to his floor, she was winded and had started worrying that he might not even let her in once she got there. She turned the corner in his hall, and felt a wave of relief to see him standing at his door with his keys in hand.

He must have heard her approach, because before he pushed his door open, he glanced in her direction. His sullen expression turned to one of shock. "Ka-Beckett? What are you doing here?"

She stared at him and opened her mouth a couple of times, but she couldn't find the right words. God, she hated herself. Why couldn't she just come out and tell him? "I- I think we need to talk. Can I come in?"

"Can't it wait? I'm tired; it's been one of those days that just won't end." He didn't seem mad anymore. Instead he treated her with cool indifference, and she hated it.

She wasn't about to just let him brush her off. "It's important. Please, Castle?"

He hesitated for a moment before finally pulling his partially open door closed. "If you're wanting to talk, then it's best to do it out here. I doubt my Mother and Alexis are in bed yet."

So he wasn't letting her into his apartment, but at least he speaking to her. She closed some of the distance between them, but didn't know where to begin. She ran her hand along the back of her neck, trying to alleviate some of the stress. "I owe you an apology."

He stared unblinkingly at her, his expression still masked. "For what?"

She hated seeing him like this, and she hated even more that she was the cause of it. "For lying to you. Castle, you know I would never intentionally hurt you." She knew she sounded weak, but his cold stare was tearing her confidence and courage to shreds. What if this was irreparable?

She finally saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes, and she was almost glad to see some kind of emotion show through his façade. Hurt was better than him not caring at all. "Do I?" He muttered, averting his eyes. His jaw tightened, fighting down his own pain before leveling his gaze back to hers. "How could you lie to me about something like that?"

"I almost died. When I woke up in the hospital, it was a lot to process. I was scared. She willed him to understand. It was difficult to keep the desperation out of her tone.

"So you thought it was best to sit on this secret for a year?" His sounded exasperated and his voice was slightly higher than usual.

"I didn't want to lose what we had."

"If you don't feel the same way, fine. I can take it – I'm a big boy. I can play the role of a partner if that's all you see me as or want me to be. Just tell me so I can readjust, heal, and move on. I can't take this, holding out hope for something that's never going to happen because you don't feel the same way."

She stared at him, feeling completely floored. "Is that really what you think? You think I didn't tell you because I didn't feel the same way?"

She saw something akin to hope briefly in his eyes. "If you felt the same, why would you not tell me? You knew that I love you."

"I thought it might have been something you said in the heat of the moment. I lose everyone who I let get close to me. I refuse to lose you too, and I thought in order to keep that from happening, I needed to keep my silence."

"After all we've been through, you think I'm gonna walk out on you?" He shook his head. "I'd like to think you know me better than that, Kate."

They stood in silence for a long minute, neither making eye contact with the other. "Well it looks like were in another stalemate." Castle commented, more to himself than to her.

"No, we don't have to be." Beckett swallowed her fear, closed the distance, and kissed him. He was so shocked he didn't respond at first, but he soon returned her gentle pressure. The kiss was brief, but full of pent up passion and promise. When Beckett pulled away, she stayed close enough to whisper, "I love you, Castle."

His look of uncertainty vanished, and he placed his hand on the side of her face, pulling her into searing kiss. After he released her, he brushed a stray curl back. "You don't know how good it feels to hear you say that." She felt warmth spread through her, chasing away the fear and anxiety that had plagued her for most of the evening.

He pulled away and showed her a genuine smile. She was relieved to see his eyes were back to normal, shining with delight as he took her hand into his. "Would you like to come in?" He asked, motioning towards the door.

She couldn't help but laugh, nodding her approval and squeezing his hand. "I would love to."