The board of directors sat around a wooden desk. It was polished for the occasion and covered with a white tablecloth. The tablecloth gleamed with a slight shimmer as the objects on top of it rustled. There were eight candles, a picture of Freddy Fazzabear and his gang, and a box of matches.
"Before we start, is there anyone who thinks this is a bad idea?"
No one spoke. One board member, a skinny man with beard scruff cleared his throat, but no words came.
"In that case, let us begin."
The board member with the dark mustache lit the necessary candles, and they started chanting in unison. Faster and faster, the words spilling out of their mouths, until a golden triangle wearing a top hat appeared. An eye grew in the triangle's center, bulging out and writhing, until it opened and blinked. Maniacal laughter filled the room as all the color vanished.
"Hi there," the triangle said. "Name's Bill Cipher, all-knowing and all-powerful. But you know that, people in fancy suits."
"We are the investors in Freddy's Pizzeria," the board member with the mustache said. "Our business has been failing since a disgruntled employee attacked five children in one of our franchises."
"What a shame." Bill lolled in the air. "All those compensation and lawsuit settlements must have cost an arm and a leg. Do you want to trade more of your legs?"
"What's worse, the animatronics are acting up because they were tampered with," the board member went on. "One even bit a Freddy's regular in broad daylight! Nothing works, not the newest technology, not intense background checks on the guards . . . we've done all we can, but we're on a sinking ship. Pulling out is not an option because we've invested so much in the animatronics that it costs less to stay a part of Freddy's family."
"And why does this concern me?" Bill asked, floating around the board as his triangle flashed multiple images. "I exist on a higher plane than you do."
"I knew this was a bad idea," the skinny man with the beard muttered. Bill swooped over to him and tugged on his scruff.
"Bad for who? And if you thought it was a bad idea, why did you keep your mouth shut?" Bill said silkily. "Open up."
The man did, against his will. Bill examined his mouth and tsked.
"Dentures aren't going to do you any good. Should've laid off the candy when you had the chance."
"We are willing to make a deal," the board head went on in a firm tone. "Make Freddy's Pizzeria profitable again, and less of a moral hazard to our customers, and we will hand over control of the company to you. You will be the new CEO."
"CEO . . ." Bill floated away from the man, whose jaw remained open at a painful angle. "Does that mean I can do whatever I want with your pizzeria, as long as I don't hurt any of your customers?"
"Or attract negative press," the board head told him, as if anticipating what the triangle was thinking. "You have free reign as long as the company turns a profit, remains afloat, and maintains its good reputation. No one gets their frontal lobe bit off, and nasty ex-employees won't make children disappear. No patron of the franchise suffers harm."
"I can do all that," Bill said, sounding cheerful. "Does this mean I can operate your pizzeria ANYWHERE?"
"Anywhere, as long as its legal."
"Suppose I wanted to open up a pizzeria you couldn't track. One in a town so nondescript that you'd be hard-pressed to find it. That would be my price for becoming CEO of your company."
"That's it?" The head member asked. "You want one franchise to run for yourself, in addition to the perks of being CEO, as a price?"
"Oh, I have one town in mind. One special town that could use a Freddy Fazbear," Bill said. "But you won't ever hear negative news about it. It's my own shop, to deliver pizza and fun and games to the little ones. Think of it as my creative space."
"Will you harm anyone there?"
"Oh, I won't harm any random patron. I'm not sadistic." Bill sounded even more cheerful. "Besides, why would I hurt your reputation? You're giving me control over your company in exchange for one tiny pizzeria. I'm as invested as you are. I like having my freedom."
There was a pause. Bill let the man with the beard close his jaw. He gasped and winced. "Then we're in agreement. This is our lawyer," the board head said. "He has the contract papers here and is willing to make changes to the clauses."
The ink that Bill used to sign the contract dripped onto the paper and onto the tablecloth. It was bright red and spattered. He added the clause naming the town where he wanted Freddy's to open, and the year in which he would insert the franchise.
Gravity Falls. 1987.
"Guys, guys, guys, you are not going to believe it!" Dipper Pines burst in front outside, waving a newspaper.
On the surface, things at the Mystery Shack looked the same: Soos was managing the cash register, Wendy was curled in the corner reading the newest issue of Avoid Eye Contact, and Mabel was applying face paint to her pig Waddles. Waddles was trying to eat the paint, getting his snout stained with various shades of orange and green.
"There's something about a new pizzeria opening where Hoo Ha's Jamboree used to be!" Dipper slapped the paper down on the floor. "Only it says it's been open since 1987! That can't be right!"
"No, I remember going to Freddy's when I was a kid," Wendy said, turning a page. "I think the chicken there turned my brother chicken, so we never went back."
"Didn't Soos take Melody out on a date to Freddy's?" Mabel asked, half-listening. She giggled as Waddles smashed his snout into a tub of red paint.
"No, that was at Hoo Ha's because that computer simulator, Giffany, tried to kill us when she went bonkers." Dipper turned to Soos. "You remember that date, don't you, Soos?"
"You mean with Melody?" Soos smiled. "I remember Melody! We chat on the computer all the time!"
"You mean you don't remember when Giffany tried to take us down and upload your brain into the computer?" Dipper's brow scrunched. "Come on, Soos! It was your first date!"
"I think something's coming to me, something . . ." Soos tapped his head. "Nope! It's gone."
Dipper sighed and sat back. The animatronics in the photograph grinned up at him.
"Yellow's a good color on you!" Mabel dabbed his face with a bright sunflower paste. "Come on, you're supposed to shine like the sun after it's rested in the sky!"
"Dipper, why does it matter to you if a shop that wasn't there before suddenly appears?" Wendy asked as she turned another page. "It's not like it's the strangest thing that has happened in Gravity Falls."
p style= "text-align: left;""Dude, like the strangest thing had to be those dinosaurs that took away Mabel's pig," Soos said.
"But what if it's another cover-up, like something from the Society of the Blind Eye?" Dipper demanded. "They erased hundreds of memories! Maybe they erased all our memories of Hoo Ha's to hide something important!"
"You know, you could always check the memories that are locked up in the history museum," Wendy pointed out. "It's not like the Blind Eye still meets there and messes with people's minds anymore."
That stopped Dipper's train of thought. He got up and started pacing.
"You know Wendy, that's not actually a bad idea," he said. "We never did look through those memories properly, and they must still be there." "I'll go with you," Soos said. "Maybe I'll remember what I did with the sandwich I lost last week."
"Hey, you're supposed to be working!" Grunkle Stan called from outside. "I don't pay you to find sandwiches!"
"It's cool, bros, I'll watch the register." Wendy got up. "You go up and do your Dipper thing."
"Dipper thing? What's my Dipper thing?" Dipper asked.
"You know . . ." Wendy pulled her hat sideways so that the sideflap was in front and made her eyes wide. "Something mysterious has happened! That means I must get to the bottom of it!"
Mabel and Soos laughed as Dipper pouted.
"Hey, I don't explore all mysterious things."
"No, only the ones that cause me to freak out," Wendy went on.
"Okay, that's enough." Dipper folded up the newspaper. "I'm going off to find a mysterious thing that won't freak me out!"
He marched outside with a determined expression. An advertisement from the paper slipped out and onto the floor. After a moment, Mabel pounced on the silky paper.
"Look! You get free sodas if you buy two pizzas at Freddy's! And I could use some pizza, don't you agree, Waddles?" Her pig grunted. Mabel hoisted him up. "Come on, Waddles! We're going to meet Freddy Fazbear!"
Dipper was determined to not freak out about what he found, whatever he did find out. It helped that Soos had brought eight tubs of popcorn and enough butter to grease half a dozen pigs.
"Whoa, dudes, who knew that the gnomes liked Lazy Susan's pies?" Soos asked. "Looks like they make it a point to steal from her all the time."
"No wonder the Blind Eye wanted to make sure she didn't remember," Dipper said. "They aren't that bad, but they are quite unforgettable." He rubbed his chin, which was covered in kernels and butter flakes.
"Hey there, boys!" A cheery voice greeted him. "What'choo poking around old cobwebs for?"
"Old Man MacGucket!" Dipper exclaimed. "Any progress on your memories, and on who wrote the journals?"
"Not much. That's why I came back here." MacGucket sat beside them and reached for a handful of popcorn. "There's three of those tubes with my memories, so maybe there's more in these tubes that I missed before!"
"Want some popcorn, dude?" Soos asked, offering him a tub. Old Man MacGucket took the tub and poured all the kernels into his mouth.
"There's nothing here about a mysterious pizzeria that appears and disappears though," Dipper said. "That means that it must have been recent, after we defeated the Blind Eye."
"Dude. How can a pizza place with a singing bear that's been around since 1987 be recent?" Soos clapped Dipper on the back. "I know you've done time travel, but boy would that be messed up time travel."
"Freddy's has those animatronic doo-dads," MacGucket said. "You know, like the killer robots I used to build. Not that I built anything for Freddy's Pizzeria as far as I remember."
"Wait. Killer robots," Dipper said, getting a brainwave. "When that dating simulator Giffany took over the robots at Hoo Ha's, they tried to kill us. And Giffany's rampage should be in here somewhere, since a lot of people were at the pizzeria then."
He pointed at the tubes on the wall. Most were replaced in a haphazard fashion. "We've been through about a hundred of these. and no one remembers Giffany. Not even you, Soos."
"Hey." Soos looked offended. "Like I would want to remember the dating simulator that nearly hurt you guys."
"Right. Sorry." Dipper lay on the floor. "This doesn't make sense; my eyes are killing me and I think this yellow paint on my face isn't coming off. Why doesn't anyone else remember what happened at Hoo Ha's, or be able to explain why this Freddy's Pizzeria popped up?"
"Probably because of killer robots at a children's place," MacGucket said. "That's a good reason to not talk about it. People are always thinking about the children."
Dipper sighed. It wasn't that he wanted to throw the theory out, but MacGucket wasn't the most reliable person. Helpful, yes, but sometimes crazy. "I guess the only way to find out is to investigate Freddy's Pizzeria itself," he said. "I hope they haven't closed already."
"Woo hoo! Let's head there!" Soos popped up. "I could use some soda to wash down this popcorn."
"The children . . ." MacGucket intoned ominously. Then he went over to his tubes of memories, popped them into the video screen, and started watching. He started cackling maniacally as he saw himself build a go-cart.
By the time Dipper and Soos arrived to the pizzeria, it was near sunset. Freddy's Pizzeria was dimly lit, with a few bright lights illuminating the stage. Three human-sized animatronics - a duck, a bear and a rabbit- sang and played robotic instruments. A teenager in the back booed when the audio kept repeating itself.
"Dipper! Over here!" Mabel called.
Dipper and Soos walked over, carefully. It wasn't the grease on the floors that worried Dipper; it was the animatronics performing on stage. Freddy Fazbear, Chica the Chick[,] and Bonnie the Bunny had dark circles around their eyes and offered toothy smiles.
"What kind of kid would like this?" Dipper asked, as the kids all around them cheered. "They look like athletes for the Morbid Animal Olympics."
"I know! Isn't it wonderful?" Mabel slapped him on the back. "It's like my stuffed animals have come to life and are my giant, cuddly friends."
"I think I prefer your normal friends." Dipper winced at the slap. "At least they don't suddenly appear and pretend to be friendly."
"Hi there!"
Dipper reared back as a large bear paw extended towards him, Mabel and Soos. It belonged to a bear with a miniature top hat and a microphone.
"I'm Freddy Fazbear! Ehehehe! Welcome to my pizzeria! Are you enjoying your meal?"
"Um, not really?" Dipper squeaked, as he heard the amount of metal creaking.
"I am!" Mabel opened her arms. "I want to give you a squishy bear hug!"
"I love pizza too!" replied Freddy.
"Mabel, be careful-" Dipper started, only to get swept up in the hug with Mabel. He yelped as he felt himself getting squished. For a few minutes he breathed in fur, which smelled like laundry detergent.
Freddy felt soft, fortunately, but Dipper was relieved when they were set down.
"Dude, look at these details!" Soos pointed at Freddy's great brown head.
"Yeah," Dipper said, catching his breath. "Lots of little details."
"This is amazing!" Mabel said; she had strapped Waddles into a booster seat. "It has everything a girl and her pig could ask for! Furry prizes in Prize Corner, enough pizza to make you puke, even cute giant bears that demand to be hugged!"
"This makes me want to be a kid forever!" Soos said.
"And no one finds the pizzeria that mysteriously appeared strange, with giant bears and birds made of suited up metal?" Dipper muttered.
"The Golden Freddy one said special guests can stay after hours!" Mabel gave a gleaming smile, helped by her braces. "You can win special prizes from hidden machines!"
There was a pause. For an animatronic, Freddy looked hesitant, and even Soos lost his smile.
"Golden Freddy?" Dipper asked. "Which one is that?"
"That one in the back, with the costume." Mabel pointed. "He's a person inside a suit, which must be the greatest job on earth. Oh, I hope I'm a special guest!"
"Remember, don't talk to strangers, kids! Ehehe!" Freddy gave another chuckle, then paused for a moment.
"I can't believe I'm agreeing with a robot bear, but yeah," Dipper said. "Mabel, I don't think it's a good idea to go alone into a backroom with a man wearing a bear suit."
"I'm not going, alone, silly!" Mabel grabbed his shirt. "You and Waddles would come with me!"
"Wait, what?" Dipper stared at her.
"You think it's fun to get prizes on my own?"
"Remember, don't talk to strangers, kids! Ehehe!" Freddy said again, repeating the recorded phrase. Dipper glared at him, but the bear moved on to another table, to entertain other customers."Mabel, I once again have to agree with the bear. It's a bad idea," Dipper said. "This place appeared out of nowhere and has giant robots. Now the one person we know that works here has invited you after hours. You don't find that suspicious at all?"
"Nope!" Mabel chirped.
"Okay, I'm putting my foot down." Dipper looked around. "I don't know why these robots are here, but they're giving me a bad feeling, and I'm not letting you get hurt. Let's go home and annoy Grunkle Stan."
"Come on, Dipper!" Mabel made puppy-dog eyes at him. "Can't we go to the backroom? PLEASE?"
"If we don't . . . I'll let you paint my face in rainbow colors?" Dipper offered, going out on a limb.
"Deal!" Mabel grabbed him. She quickly unstrapped Waddles and then sprinted, dragging her brother behind her.
"Wait, dudes! You forgot to pay!" Soos called. "Oh well. Least I can do."
He took out his wallet and lay out several dollars. A yellow figure noticed and approached him with heavy footsteps.
"You seem to be a responsible fellow," Golden Freddy said, a country twang in his voice. "Are you interested in night work?"
"Night work?" Soos repeated.
"It's nothing much, just, people like to break in for the fun of it. We need someone to keep an eye on the animatronics at night, to make sure they don't get damaged. Do you want to earn extra cash?"
"I don't know, dude," Soos scratched his head, "I also got a job in the morning and at night I help out my abuelita-"
"Why don't we talk about it in the back?" Golden Freddy placed a hand on Soos's shoulder and led him away from the table. "I'm sure it will be a hoot."
Soos didn't notice how Golden Freddy's eyes gleamed with familiar malice, or how the brown Freddy looked at him with concern before turning to the crowd.
"You look so handsome!" Mabel ran her paintbrush over Dipper's face. "Like a leprechaun covered in rainbows!"
Dipper lay still, trying not to think about anything because if he thought, he would get up and run out of there. Mabel had painted his eyebrows green, and added Meyer lemons with glue to go with the yellow paint on his face.
Still, it was a small price to pay for not being in that creepy pizzeria, and to keep his sister safe. Mabel had a good head on her shoulders, but she sometime let wild ideas carry her away.
"Has anyone seen Soos?" Grunkle Stan marched in with the phone. "His abuela called and said he didn't arrive home."
"No," Dipper and Mabel said at the same time.
"But he was with you, wasn't he?"
"He was. He came with me and then we went to . . ." Dipper's voice trailed off, as he remembered. "Soos! We left him behind!"
"Dipper? What's wrong?" Mabel leaned back as Dipper sat straight up, his eyes wild. The lemons fell off and hit the floor.
"Yeah, that place can be creepy at night," Grunkle Stan said. "Many a person wandered into there during the graveyard shift, but only one or two got out with their skulls intact."
Dipper reacted. Her brother immediately ran to the Mystery Shack's store front. He began rummaging through one of the newest displays, "The Sparkly Doodads".
"Dipper, what's gotten into you?" Grunkle Stan turned his attention to the phone. "No, Ms. Ramirez, nothing really got into Dipper . . . no, I don't want to know how you got things out of Soos when he was a boy."
"How could I let my own cowardice get the better of me?" Dipper lamented, pulling out several necklaces with sparkly teeth on them. "I dragged the coolest dude from Gravity Falls into a dark place he thought was light and innocent."
"Freddy's Pizzeria is innocent," Mabel told him. "How could a restaurant with a giant chicken be a dark place?"
"I thought that crazy bird was a duck," Grunkle Stan said. "And you think Soos might be in trouble?"
"I know he's in trouble," Dipper insisted, tossing out glittery item after glittery item. "But Soos has done so much for us; he doesn't deserve whatever is in that place."
"You're not going to find anything useful in there." Grunkle Stan closed the display case. "I painted a couple of rocks and said they came from outer space. What are you even looking for?"
Dipper put his hands down. All the color had drained from his face, as his heart was pounding. "I don't even know," he said. "I don't know what to do, except to go back and find Soos."
"Sounds like you need someone used to going into dark places then. For starters, we'll need grappling hooks, and rope, and fake passports."
Dipper looked up. Grunkle Stan went and fetched a cardboard box filled with various implements, some with sharp ends.
"You're going to help, Grunkle Stan?"
"Heck, I can't find another repairman on short notice." Grunkle Stan looked at them. "Besides, if you're wrong, it means I have another funny story to tell at breakfast. Take this, in case we need to blind someone."
Dipper found himself holding a spray bottle. He smelled hot peppers and lemon when he brought the nozzle close to his face. Mabel received an identical bottle that was colored pink. She coughed when she smelled it.
"The important thing is that none of us lose our heads," Grunkle Stan went on. "For all we know, Soos is just playing video games at Freddy's and winning lots of prize tickets."
"I really hope so," Dipper said.
He saw Mabel carry Waddles up to their room, to lock him inside for safety. Probably for the best; she went nuts if anything happened to her pig.
Dipper then thought of the journal he had, containing the secrets of Gravity Falls, and ran to get it. He had combed it beforehand to find anything about Freddy's Pizzeria, but as he had suspected, there had been nothing. Still, it was good to know if he could call up gnomes for assistance or reach a magical spell useful for handling a crisis.
The journal fit well into his back pocket. He checked to make sure the spray nozzle was working and wouldn't hit him in the eye by accident, and then he told his uncle he was ready.
The back door to Freddy's Pizzeria was locked; Grunkle Stan poured some grease over the lock, did some fiddling with a piper cleaner, and got the door open. Mabel would've squealed in success, but Dipper clamped a hand over her mouth.
"Now, no sudden moves," he advised. "Our goal is to get in, find Soos, and get out, without attracting attention."
Mabel nodded. He removed his hand from her mouth and she punched him with affection.
"Don't worry Dipper," she whispered. "We'll find Soos. We've never let him down before."
Dipper tried to smile. Then they followed their great uncle into the darkened hallway, past the emergency exit. Even Mabel was quiet, as the only lights came from the security cameras that followed them. Her eyes grew wide as they passed Prize Corner and Pirate's Cove, where the curtains were fluttering.
"Something's with us," Grunkle Stan said bluntly, still in a whisper.
"What?" Mabel and Dipper whispered.
They all stopped. Grunkle Stan's eyes darted around. He had a shovel tied to his back, and was holding the largest spray bottle.
"It's not Soos. Soos is the loudest person I know," Grunkle Stan said. "I can feel it though. I can feel someone else's body heat, someone who's remarkably quiet."
One of the cameras turned towards them. It made Dipper's heart rate quicken.
"Gimme a minute," Grunkle Stan walked to the camera. "Time to go blind, sucker."
"Dude, don't!" a voice cried from the camera.
The three of them flinched back. They knew that voice clearly.
"Soos!" Dipper cried, in relief. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, Dudes. I can talk to you through the camera. Isn't that cool?"
"Where in tarnation are you?" Grunkle Stan demanded, holding the camera with both hands. "Not that we were worried or anything."
"Oh, I'm in the security guard's office, watching everyone. That Golden Freddy asked if I could watch things around here, seeing they didn't have a night guard. Boy, do they need one."
Grunkle Stan and Mabel looked at Dipper, who refused to back down. He also felt the sensation that his great uncle had described, of another presence in the building. The fluttering curtains at Pirate's Cove didn't assuage that sensation.
"Soos, I know you don't like leaving a job undone, but we need to get home. This place gives me the creeps," Dipper said.
"That's the thing, dudes. I can't leave the office until I'm done. It's best if you get out soon, before they start moving."
"Before who starts moving?" Mabel asked. "Are you saying some nasty ninja thieves around here are keeping you on the job? Well, let them face the fury of-"
Something stepped behind them. They all froze. Dipper turned around first, and his jaw dropped.
A large red animatronic fox stepped outside of Pirate's Cove. Bits of his endoskeleton were showing and one ear was lopsided. His hook hand looked intact, though, and his eyes gleamed with malice; an eye-patch sat on his forehead.
"I meant the robots. They, kinda come to life at night and try to visit my office. And according to this memo, they like to see if people can fit inside the suits, only no one can because of all the metal bits. That one there is Foxy."
"Foxy?" Mabel squeaked. "And he's dressed like a pirate? That is, um, adorable."
She didn't sound convinced as she, Dipper and Grunkle Stan backed away. Foxy kept advancing on them, completely mobile with a broken jaw dangling open.
"Arr, better run, mateys, or yarr'll be walkin' the plank!" Foxy growled to them. When he spoke, his jaw didn't move, instead the worn our recording of an exaggerated pirate voice crackled from his throat, sounding like an old radio.
"Yeah, we're planning to," Dipper said. "Soos, how many other bots are in the building now?"
"About three of them, and the dude in the Golden Freddy suit is somewhere around," Soos said through the camera. "He might be in the backroom-AHHHH!"
"SOOS!" They all cried, as the scream came out of nowhere. It sounded like something had grabbed Soos, a hard fist that banged him into a hard surface.
Another shriek came through the camera, this time digitized, and static followed. The ensuing silence was unsettling.
"No eating food in the ball pit!" Foxy hissed. "Arr, better run, mateys, or yarr'll be walkin' the plank!"
Dipper found his voice as the realization sunk in. He found himself shouting, "The robots have gone insane!"
"Eat up me pizza, yo-ho . . ." Foxy sang as he advanced on them, swinging his hook. "Arr, better run, mateys-"
"-No!" Mabel shouted. "We're not running from an ugly fox in an ugly old suit! We are finding our friend and saving him from you. I can't believe I liked this place!"
Foxy shook his head, almost with impatience. Grunkle Stan took out his spray bottle with one hand, and the shovel in the either.
"Stay back!" he warned, shooting lemon and pepper water into Foxy's face.
The fox blinked at them, water dripping. It didn't seem to have affected him at all, apart from a few sparks from where droplets hit the exposed metal.
"Don't thr-. . . don't thr-. . . don't thr-. . ." he said, his recording skipping. " . . . don't throw food."
"Okay," Dipper said, eyeing Foxy's feet. "On three, we run. One . . . two . . ."
Foxy charged at Grunkle Stan, who ducked and swiped at him with the shovel. Metal clanged against metal.
"Kids, go! Get to the exit!"
"But Grunkle Stan-" Mabel started.
"I'm not telling you twice!" Grunkle Stan shouted, as he managed to hit Foxy's knee. The robot seemed to feel no pain, but its disrepair worked to the older man's advantage because its movements were stiffer and slower. Grunkle Stan had faster reflexes, and he intuited where the weak joints were.
The twins ran, which direction they didn't know. Their footsteps and the sound of Grunkle Stan's fight echoed against the halls. By the time they realized that they were nowhere near the exit, they had gone deeper into Freddy's Pizzeria, into the darkened Dining Hall.
"I think this place looks nicer in the daytime," Mabel managed, as they staggered to a halt. "When the robots are doing what they're supposed to do."
"We have to find Soos," Dipper panted, as they skidded between tables for courts. "We may be his only chance."
"But where can we find him?" Mabel gasped. "And what about Grunkle Stan? If the fox was alive, that means . . ."
"Yeah, we know what it means," Dipper said. "We have about three more of them to deal with; Grunkle Stan can handle himself."
He tried to sound convincing. Mabel took out the grappling hook which Stan had brought for her.
"He said something about the backroom. That must be backstage, which is up ahead." Dipper pointed.
"Backstage was where the guy in the Golden Freddy costume was as well," Mabel said, understanding. "Do you think they're connected?"
Dipper nodded. Strange sounds met their ears as they approached cautiously, Dipper holding the spray bottle and feeling like an idiot. He could've sworn that he heard fists punching metal, and grunts.
"Dudes!" Soos was pinned beneath the giant bird Chica, fending her off as she tried to drag him across the floor, towards what looked like a giant rabbit that was missing its face. Soos had a large scratch on his arm, and his left side sported a bruise.
"No kicking or biting," Chica said, cheerily. "We can all get along."
"Hang on, Soos!" Dipper called, as they ran forward.
"Get off our best friend!" Mabel demanded, bringing out her grappling hook.
"Come, there's no need for that," a twanging voice said.
Dipper and Mabel looked. The backstage had two entrances, and they were standing in front of one of them. The man in the Golden Freddy suit staggered in the other entrance. He seemed to have more trouble walking than he did before.
"We're all rational human beings here, aren't we?" The man in the suit went on. His red eyes gleamed with calm curiosity, as if attempted murder wasn't happening in front of him.
"These guys aren't." Dipper pointed at the robots holding Soos down. "They're irrational metal beings that have bad makeup!"
Chica looked up; her bib with the phrase "Let's Eat" had red stains, and more of the red clung to her teeth. Soos tried to push her off, but she had the advantage of weight and gravity.
"I'm giving you five seconds." Mabel aimed the grappling hook. "Five . . .four . . ."
"Ya know, maybe you aren't rational human beings," the man went on, his twang becoming more prominent. His red eyes seemed to glow.
"That voice," Dipper said. "Mabel, that's Bill Cipher!"
Mabel drew back, and they looked at Golden Freddy. He gave them a cheeky wink. Chica stopped dragging Soos towards the suit, but she kept him pinned to the ground.
"You're right," she said. "He sounds exactly like he did when he took over you!"
"You got me good and proper," Golden Freddy admitted, sounding happier. "I was wondering when you'd realize."
"This explains everything," Dipper said angrily, pointing at the bear. "You created this restaurant and replaced Hoo Ha's with it! There isn't a person in the Golden Freddy suit, is there?"
"Not at all," Bill assured him. "No one person was as stupid and desperate as you were to make a deal with me."
Dipper flinched, and touched his arm.
"Of course, you're drawn to exploring mysterious things, too curious for your own good." The wall behind Bill lit up, showing Dipper summoning zombies, and leading his friends down a flight of wooden stairs. "I knew that if I brought a restaurant from another universe here, and altered everyone's memories except yours, then you would come. Then you left, so I had to keep you here."
"That's why you made Soos, stay." Dipper glared. "Soos, I'm really sorry about this."
"No worries, dude. How could you have known the triangle guy would be in a pizza place?" Soos asked.
"The trouble with you, Pine Tree, is that you don't know when to quit. And now one of your friends is about to pay the price."
"What do you even want?" Mabel demanded.
"Oh you know." Bill's voice became deep and menacing. "The journal."
"The journal?" Dipper repeated. The book leaned at an angle within his back pocket, but he tried not to betray its location. "You're not getting your hands on it!"
"Oh I am, and you're going to give it to me. You're going to tell me where it is, and I'm going to find it and tear it apart so that no mortal like you can read it."
"No, never!"
"Then your friend is dead," Bill sang. Chica started to drag Soos towards the faceless bunny suit. Her metal teeth clanged against each other as Dipper and Mabel ran to charge.
Dipper hesitated. Bill didn't know that he was holding the book at the moment. That bunny suit held many sharp metal implements; that wouldn't make the fit comfortable.
"Dude, no!" Soos called. "We've been trying to find the author of those journals for months! I can handle being in a tight spot."
The wall's images changed to show Grunkle Stan and Foxy outside, Foxy in a torn heap and Grunkle Stan pounding on backdoor, calling for the twins.
"I made sure he couldn't pick the lock again. If he brings the book here after you tell him, you'll all leave here alive-"
Another clang. Mabel's grappling hook hit Chica square on the jaw. Soos took the opportunity to push the robot bird off and scramble away, while standing in front of Dipper and Mabel.
"We got this," Mabel said, pointing the gun at Chica. "We've learned not to make deals with triangle guys."
"Uh, Mabel . . ." Dipper said, turning around. Freddy had appeared in the entrance behind the twins, cutting them off.
"Play nice, friends," Freddy told him, chuckling. "Try our pepperoni pizza party deal!"
"You've got the animatronics helping?" Dipper said, before turning to Freddy. "You said it wasn't a good idea to follow him into the backroom! But now you're helping him?"
"Try . . . try . . . try-" Freddy lifted his arms awkwardly, miming marionette moves. "-It's good to listen to Mom and Dad."
Dipper groaned, and Mabel frowned. Soos wrapped his arms around them, in a protective gesture.
"Yeesh," Mabel said. "And I thought it was bad when Bill took over the sock puppets."
"Tell me where the book is," Bill interjected.
Soos tightened his grip around the twins. Dipper instinctively reached into his back pocket, where the journal was.
"Don't worry about the journal, dudes," Soos said. "They won't hurt you, the robots, or at least they'll try not to. They like kids."
"Yeah, believe your friend, after seeing his injuries," Bill said. "You think they won't injure you if you don't listen?"
Freddy's jaw opened mid-smile, as if he were about to scream. His jaw remained frozen, as he approached the three humans.
"No, I don't," Dipper replied to Freddy's gaping face, hoping that his nerves wouldn't fail. "The fox moved like lightning, he could've gutted us all when we came inside. He didn't even attack until after Grunkle Stan sprayed him with water."
"Foxy acts like a mean, old pirate," Chica said, in an overly-friendly, cheesy stage-show voice, "but he likes friends and pizza just like you and me!"
"You think it spared you?" Bill responded. "Listen to them. They're just big, old toys, and they do what I want them to do. He'll hurt you if you don't behave, so just give me the journal and no one else will get hurt."
"What kind of toy would hurt a kid!" Mabel snapped. "Except a pogo stick. Or a jumping rope. Or a ball if you got hit in the face."
Freddy seemed to slow down as he heard this. Bill raised his golden arms, however, and Freddy resumed moving towards them. Mabel aimed her grappling hook at the ceiling.
"Why are you listening to him?" Dipper yelped. "Bill's just a guy who makes terrible deals! He tried to destroy my uncle's mind, and my body!"
"Shake the journal's location out of him!" Bill ordered. "Kid doesn't know what he's saying."
Freddy lunged. Mabel's grappling hook shot out again. Soos held on to the kids as they rose. Dipper's foot found Freddy's shoulder and tried to kick off; as he did, however, furry paws grasped his ankle. Soos tried to hang on, but there was only so much grappling a twenty-two year old handyman could do against a giant animatronic bear. The journal dislodged from Dipper's pocket and fell. So did Dipper.
"No!" he screamed as Freddy held on tightly. His forehead collided with the metal floor.
"Dipper!" Mabel and Soos reached back for him, but the grappling hook swung in the other direction. When they let go of the hook, it remained tethered to the ceiling.
"Yes!" Bill shouted with triumph. "You Pines always lead me to what I want!"
He strutted with confidence, pushing Chica out of the way. The journal lay in a heap, ready for Bill to rip it apart, page by page.
Freddy released Dipper, who scrambled away, shock and anger filling him. So did the sense of failure. Blood dripped from his forehead. Freddy's eyes following the dripping blood.
"Don't bother, Pine Tree," Bill drawled. "You weren't meant to win this one."
Dipper's sense of failure dissipated. Pure anger replaced it. He leaped for the journal, placing one hand on it. As he tried to stand, however, Bill stamped on his hand.
"You're not getting the journal!" Dipper yelled.
Bill responded by grabbing Dipper with one paw, dangling him off the floor. Mabel and Soos tried to charge Freddy, ramming into his behind, but he didn't even turn around. Their heads ran into fur and metal, and they bounced back, each with an identical dazed expression.
"You know, maybe I'll keep you around. There are always nice suits to fill," Bill said.
Freddy and Chica watched, Freddy looking horrified at his paws, Chica's jaw opening as if to ask a question. Dipper would've said something witty, but he was in too much pain from the cut on his forehead and from gravity pulling on his body. His mind kept reverberating 'INTENSE PAIN OWOWOWOW!' and 'MUST GET THAT JOURNAL!' as he reached for the book with his free hand.
"I told you not to bother," Bill said, keeping the journal out of Dipper's reach. "I remember how your body felt in pain; you're at the end of your tether, kid."
Dipper craned his neck and hazarded a glance at Chica and Freddy. Freddy wiped his paws on his fur, sending a look over his shoulder at the two stunned humans behind him, and then exchanged a glance with the bird. Dipper heard more creaking sounds, and turned to see the faceless bunny animatronic struggle to its feet.
"It's a shame you had to go out this way, you were a lot of fun," Bill went on. "But I guess all good things have to come to an end. Wait till you see the suit I have for you."
He started to totter towards the second exit, Dipper dangling and yelping in pain, only to find the faceless Bonnie blocking him.
"Move, you lagomorph. I don't need you anymore."
"Help them," Bonnie's raspy voice said.
"Save them," said Chica, standing up and walking over.
"Save who?" Bill rapped Bonnie on the shoulder with the journal.
"Save them," Bonnie repeated, and a mechanical paw grabbed Bill's Golden Freddy arm.
"What on Earth are you doin'?"
"Help them," said Chica, grabbing his other arm. Together they gripped and pulled with inhuman, mechanical force, prying the hands off of Dipper and dropping him to the floor.
"What- what are you doing?" Dipper asked, as Chica grabbed the journal and tossed it to him.
"Help them," Chica said.
"Hey, stop that!" Bill shouted, realizing that his suit form was in danger. "You aren't supposed to do that!"
"Help them," Chica said. "Help him."
Dipper crawled backwards, until he reached Soos and Mabel. Bill tried to break free and lunge for him, but Chica and Bonnie caught him, and pinned him back. Freddy approached the Golden Suit.
"Play nice," Freddy sang, before switching to an automated tone. "Save them."
"What's going on?" Dipper said.
"Never mind that! Let's get out of here!" Mabel grabbed his arm. Soos picked up Dipper, wiped the blood off his face, and got him in a comfortable position.
"You're not going anywhere!" Bill cried. "There are things you're not meant to know in that journal, and you won't be upsetting my plans-"
Freddy grabbed the Golden Freddy head and twisted. A terrible ripping sound followed Dipper, Mabel and Soos as they sprinted towards the exit. Soos led the way, and he produced a set of employee keys as they went.
"No, you can't do that!" Bill howled, his twangy voice twisting and tearing. "Get rid of me, and this entire restaurant will cease to exist! So will you! Does that even matter to your little computer chip brains?"
"Save them," the animatronics intoned, in unison.
The walls started to flicker in alternating shades of purple, green and orange. Arcade games started to vanish into red swirls.
Soos found the exit first, and jammed the key into the lock. At first it didn't give. He tried again, and even slammed against the door for good measure, careful not to jostle Dipper.
"Come on, come on, open, door!" Mabel shouted, pounding on it.
Dipper looked back, forehead still dripping blood. Freddy was standing in the hallway, watching them leave.
"You saved me. Why?" Dipper asked.
"I love pizza too!" Freddy replied, the edges of his ears blurring. "Come again soon!"
Soos got the door open, and they tumbled outside, just as a blue blob swallowed the restaurant, and gave off bright lights. They shielded their eyes.
When they were able to see, Freddy's Pizzeria was gone. Hoo Ha Owl's Pizza-matronic Jamboree had taken its place, complete with Hoo Ha the Owl grinning at them from the closed store windows.
"What in tarnation just happened?" Grunkle Stan said. He was still holding the shovel, whose handle had broken. There was a crevice in the wall where Foxy's animatronic body had been.
"I . . . Bill Cipher happened," Dipper said.
Grunkle Stan groaned. He knelt and inspected the cut on Dipper's forehead. He removed a bandage from his pocket and pressed it to the cut.
"Sometimes I wonder why I keep you kids in this town," he said gruffly. "Too many strange things happen for your own good. We need to get ice for Soos."
"At least the scar won't show under your eyebrows, Dipper," Mabel chirped. "You still look like a cherubic twelve-year old!"
Dipper managed a smile. He winced as Grunkle Stan applied more bandages, before they started walking home. Mabel, Soos and Dipper all had their stories to tell about what had happened in Freddy's Pizzeria.
"What I don't get is why they kept switching sides," Dipper said. "One minute they were warning us, the next they were attacking, and the next-"
"I think these articles may have to do with it, dude." Soos reached into his pocket. "I found them in the security guard offices."
Dipper and Mabel glanced at the rough newspaper articles, from a 1987 newspaper. SIX CHILDREN GO MISSING AT PIZZERIA. SUSPECT ARRESTED.
"Apparently the animatronics started going nuts after six children disappeared at one Freddy's location," Soos explained. "I guess they don't like seeing kids get hurt."
Dipper touched his forehead. He thought of the way Freddy had looked, when Bill had been attacking him.
"So, they were on our side?" Mabel tossed her head. "I knew I was right to like them!"
"I hope they'll be okay," Dipper said.
"I mean, Bill said they would get erased from existence if they attacked him."
"They'll be fine," Grunkle Stan told them. "If they can put up a fight against your Grunkle Stan, ceasing to exist won't phase them."
Dipper thought about this. Soos clapped him on the back.
"Dude, sometimes people matter to large metal robots. We just don't see it because usually they're trying to kill us. But they're out there, as long as a kid needs pizza. Or protection from psychotic triangles."
As they left the mall complex where Freddy's Pizzeria used to be, a flyer flew in the air behind them. It hit a lamppost and gleamed under the dim light.
FREDDY FAZBEAR'S PIZZERIA! FOR SAFE, FAMILY FUN!