She stood perfectly still, the snow curling around her, turning her dark jacket white. She paid no attention to the biting cold wind, ignoring the increasingly painful chills that were turning her hands bright red, her only action was to grasp the meticulously folded flag tighter. Peering out of the corner of her eyes she watched as the crowd slowly dispersed into their waiting cars, ready to drive home to their warm houses where they would see their children and return to normal life. Trying not to focus on the fact her life would never be normal again she turned away, returning her attention to where her father had been laid to rest. She heard the footsteps behind her and turned with fire in her eyes, eager to be left alone. The man seemed taken aback at the fierce look in the teens eyes but after a moment he schooled his features, slowly coming to stand beside her, his gaze focused ahead.
"You sure are Donnie's kid alright." He laughed. "He had a ferocious look just like that. He was proud of you kid, always saying he was so proud of his Kensi."
She didn't respond. Not even trying to pretend to be interested in what he had to say. Her dad was gone and she didn't need the empty words of 'it will all be okay' from another person who was practically a stranger, she'd had more than her fill of that already.
"He was a good man." He spoke once more, his voice cracking a little.
"He was the best." She managed to whisper, angry that her dad wasn't there. That he wasn't the one standing beside her. "What do you want Mr. Clairmont?"
"You staying with the Calvert's?" He asked softly, ignoring the anger in her voice. She looked up at him, giving him a quick nod before returning her attention to her father. At first she was unsure why Peter Clairmont was so interested in finding out what was going to happen to her, and then she figured it was probably guilt. 'He served with my dad and now he feels some sort of kinship' she thought bitterly, thinking of all the hollow promises she had been given over the past few days by honourable people who she was sure meant well. She thought of the kind family that had opened their doors to her. She gave a nod despite knowing she had no intention of returning to the Calvert's. They were a great family, but she wasn't apart of it. She had no family now, because someone had taken her dad from her and her mom didn't care enough about either of them to stay. At least her dad had wanted her she thought. She knew he hadn't died an accidental death, with a sudden realisation that perhaps her fathers friend could answer some questions she whipped her head around. Only to find Mr. Calvert standing alone, the retreating figure of Peter Clairmont fading into the crowd of mourners.
"Can I meet you all back at the house? I want to walk back." She whispered, the tears she had been fighting starting to win their battle. A pat on the shoulder and the slow retreat of footsteps gave her an answer.
She pulled out her battered looking portable CD player and covered her frozen ears with the headphones, hitting play and allowing the sounds to fill her senses. The cd started in the middle of the album, Hymn To The Sea, from the Titanic soundtrack. Her dad had bought her it for her Christmas. When she had been told about her dad she had thrown one of her gifts at the wall in anger, the case cracking and tearing the paper as it made impact with the wall but the cd had worked just fine and she had allowed the soundtrack to quickly bleed into her life. The songs would probably forever remind her of her dad, and she figured she would be okay with that, she had no intention of forgetting him anyway.
The rest of the presents had been abandoned, she should be excited about opening them tomorrow, rushing downstairs to a cup of hot chocolate already made for her just like every year, and then they would sip their drinks and put on the Christmas records before they exchanged gifts. Instead those presents were still at her house, wrapped and never to be opened, but she held onto the soundtrack like it was a final link to her father. The sound of the violin playing the soft melody settled her erratic heartbeat and after a quick glance around to ensure she was truly alone she began to speak.
"I'm so sorry dad." She choked out, clutching even tighter to his flag, her knuckles turning white with the pressure. "I'm sorry I went out that night and I'm sorry the last thing I did before you died was hurt you. I promise I'm going to try and make you proud of me, I'll find a way to protect our country just like you did. I, I-" She stifled a sob, wishing her dad was able to hug her, and tell her everything would be just fine. She steadied herself with a deep breath, allowing the tears to escape at last. "I know you were taken dad. Someone did this to you. I promise I'll find out who." She moved closer to the grave, her tears now falling silently, leaving trails down her face. The wind picked up and caused the snow to swirl around her, wrapping around her like a thick blanket, hugging his flag to her chest she steadied her breathing, setting her face in a mask, trying to control her emotions and she spoke one last time.
"Don't you worry about me dad, I'll be fine, just you rest now dad. I'll take it from here." She stood up and angrily wiped the last evidence of her tears away with her sleeve, resolving to be tougher, to be brave like her dad, she buried the emotions down before taking off in the direction of her old house.
The keys to her house had been taken from her when she was told she was going to be living with the Calvert's. It was something she had been rather vocal against, but eventually she gave in, knowing that no one had any intentions of allowing a fifteen year old to live on her own. The lack of keys didn't faze her, her dad had shown her how to pick a lock years before so she glanced down the street quickly and once she was sure there were no nosy neighbours peering from behind their curtains she approached her front door, making quick work of the lock despite her cold hands and quickly ran inside.
The smell of her dad seemed to wrap around her as she made her way into the kitchen. The place she had spent years calling home seemed empty now as memories started to tug at her resolve to bite back the emotions, memories of sitting on the counter top as her dad cooked them dinner while she told him all about her day, the photos that covered the walls showing the pair smiling back at her. Ghosts of a life that was taken from her. She froze in place when she heard an engine pull closer, audibly exhaling when the noise continued past the house never stopping. They would know she was missing by now, and the first place they would look was her house. She didn't have much time to complete her plan.
Kensi ran to her bedroom, grabbing the bag she had packed the day before and stuffed under her bed. It was filled with clothes and the objects she couldn't leave without. She took one last look around her room, saying a silent goodbye to the familiar posters, and forgotten toys from her childhood. She walked into her dad's room, grabbing his knife and medal from his bedside table. They had a tradition, before he left on a mission he would give her his medal, asking her to look after it until her returned and when he did she would hand him his medal with a toothy grin and throw herself in his arms waiting for the familiar sentence he would whisper in her ear, 'I told you I'd return for it baby girl'.
She stuffed the two objects that were now her most prized possessions into her bag before deciding that the knife would be better in her boot. Kensi reverently placed his flag into her bag before taking a breath and closing the bedroom door behind her. Jumping down the stairs two at a time she made her way into the living room. Ignoring the Christmas tree which was now leaning against the wall, it's branches snapped at awkward angles from where she had kicked it in her grief induced rage. She pushed the sofa forward and began to kick at the chipped floorboard until it popped and lifted from the ground. She threw the wood behind her, revealing the money her dad had kept hidden 'just in case', grabbing her passport and the money she stuffed them into her bag too.
She began to stand but froze before she could bring herself to her full height, the sound of an engine once again startling her and causing her to freeze in place. This time the engine cut out. Doors slammed against the frame of the car and she could hear multiple voices calling her name. Kensi knew she had to get out of there fast. She grabbed the smiling photo of her and her dad that had been taken that summer from the fireplace before she ran through the house, leaping out of the back door and leaving it wide open. Running through the thick snow, thankful now for the winter weather, as it was falling fast enough to cover her tracks, she kept running despite the burning in her chest, running until she was sure no one was following.
It had taken Kensi almost two hours to walk the distance into the town, she was hungry, tired, her clothes were drenched and frozen from the snow and she was sick of hearing the Christmas music play from the stores around her. The crowd pushed her forward, families laughed around her as they purchased their last minute gifts in preparation for the next day. The bus station was packed, the crowd starting to overwhelm her as she realised how alone she truly was. Her heart started to beat faster and she wanted to run from the busy station, spotting the sign for the restroom she ran towards it, jostling into people as she passed. She sat in the stall and searched through her bag. Changing clothes she tossed her wet ones into the trash, feeling a little better straight away, her breathing settling to a regular pace once more. She dug out some of the cash, trying to work out how much she would need to get away from North Carolina. She figured a couple of hundred dollars would do and stuffed it into her jacket pocket. It was getting late and the buses would soon stop for the holidays so she forced herself to leave the momentary sanctuary of the restroom and join the queue. As she stood in line at the ticket office, wondering where she was going, the sign fluttered occasionally showing her the all the options available to her.
New York.
Pennsylvania.
Massachusetts.
Oklahoma.
California.
"Hey there kiddo." The voice interrupted her from her internal debate and she snapped her head up to find a smiling older woman peering down at her, her eyebrows knitting together out of concern as she watched the dishevelled teen look around as though she was running from someone. Having seen her fair share of run away teenagers in her time, she knew saying something would only cause the girl to run from her too. "Where you going sweetheart?" the woman asked softly.
"Um, I -" Kensi started, staring up at the sign in confusion. California it currently read. San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Jose where now flashing up on the screen as places the one am bus would pass through. Images of the sun, the beach and smiling surfers filled her mind and it seemed as far from the currently snowy North Carolina as possible, making her mind up for her. "L.A, please. One way." She asked, sliding across the money and grasping her ticket. Ignoring the kind woman's call to have a Merry Christmas, she walked towards her bus, unsure and a little scared of what was going to happen next.