Lapen: A Lapis and Steven Story

A/N: I don't own Steven Universe or The Minnesota Vikings. Plus, Steven and Connie are 18 in this fanfic. P.S. I know the actual shipping name is "Lapiven", but I decided to use "Lapen" as a way of making my story stand out. I was also inspired by the "Love Boat Scandal" of The Vikings back in '05 so thats why they're antagonists. The following story is rated "M" so it contains material suited for adults. Anyway enjoy my fanfic!

Chapter 1: Heart break

Steven kicked open the door to the barn and startled Lapis, his crying was excessive.

"LAPIS!" Steven Cried.

"STEVEN WHAT'S WRONG?!" Lapis asked, very concerned for Steven's well-being.

Steven wiped the tears and snot off w/ a handkerchief, ran over to Lapis and told her everything.

"Lapis…(sniff) I went to work out at the gym (sniff) when I went to the showers I found Connie… Connie… Connie…" Steven stuttered.

"What about Connie Steven? You can always tell me anything." Lapis reassured Steven.

Tears started to well up in Stevens eyes.

"CONNIE CHEATED ON ME W/ THE ENTIRE MINNESOTA VIKINGS FOOTBALL TEAM!" Steven cried out.

"Oh no Steven…" Lapis lamented.

"SHE WAS WITH THEM ALL NAKED AND GRANTING THEM ACCESS TO ALL HER HOLES WHILE COVERING HER NICE, INDIAN BODY IN A COAT OF MAN JUICE AS SHE LAPPED IT ALL UP LIKE A CAT DOES WITH MILK AND WHILE IT LOOKED KINDA HOT, I WAS STILL DATING HER BUT WHEN SHE SAW ME, SHE WAS ALL "I'm surprised it took you this long to figure out that I need a big man, not a chode man-child like yourself" SO SHE AND THE WHOLE MINNESOTA TEAM LAUGHED AT ME, IT WAS LIKE THAT VIKINGS BOAT PARTY SCANDAL ALL OVER AGAIN! THEN THE VIKINGS CONTINUED TO SHOOT THEIR ROPE LOADS ALL OVER CONNIE'S BREASTS, FACE, PUSSY AND…" (Steven stopped when he realized that Lapis had a shocked look on her face at how much graphic detail he had gone into) …sorry…but my point is(sniff) CONNIE BROKE MY HEART!" Steven then proceeded to cry into Lapis' shoulder.

Lapis then consoled Steven as his crying intensified.

"Steven, I'm so very sorry, Connie is a thot and total bitch for cheating on you w/ a shitty, perverted team like The Minnesota Vikings." Said Lapis.

"But what do I do now? She's always going to mock me for what happened." Steven Replied.

"Why don't you call her out for what she did?" Lapis suggested.

"I don't mean to sound sexist but she's a girl, and will play the victim card if I do." Steven answered.

"Oh." Was all Lapis could say to that.

"And as I was leaving I heard that Connie would be doing the same thing with the Vikings tomorrow night." Steven admitted.

"WAIT…Sorry but you said that Connie will be doing the same thing w/ The Vikings tomorrow night?" Lapis questioned.

"Yup (wipes away a tear) same time same place, also she'll be bringing sex toys like flesh-lights and strapons (pause) sorry I didn't wan't to startle you again." Steven admitted.

"No no no Steven it's not that." Lapis reassured Steve.

"Then what is it?" Steven asked, his sadness fading.

Lapis went and picked up a water-proof camera Peridot had given her. Steven was very intrigued.

"Steven, Connie may have broken your heart, but with this camera and the footage we will film tomorrow, Connie will regret the day she decided to gargle someone else's spooge that wasn't yours! NO ONE BREAKS MY STEVEN'S HEART AND GOES ON TO HAVE A SOLID PROLIFIC CAREER!" Lapis declared to Steven who was now filled w/ joy.

(Somewhere outside) "HEY! CAN YOU RETARDS KEEP IT DOWN?! I'M TRYING TO PLOT ON TAKING OVER THE FUCKING WORLD YOU CRACKERS!" Aquamarine yelled trying to sound all ghetto.

Steven was about to apologize when Lapis opened a barn window and verbally returned fire.

"OH SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LIL' WAYNE TATTOO STEALIN', WIGGER GANGSTA WANNABE, KRILLIN-SIZED, CAN'T-GET-NO-GUY, TRYCICLE-RIDING, CIRCUS CLOWN, SNOT-NOSED CUNT!" Lapis dished out.

(To Aquamarine) "OOOOOHHH SHE ROASTED YOU GOOD!" Steven cheered.

"I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE USED MY GEM AS A TEAR DROP!" Aquamarine cried.

The burn was so bad, that Aquamarine ran off sobbing whilst leaving a trail of urine behind.

*Back at the barn*

"Lapis that was amazing!" Steven said w/ a smile on his face.

"Thanks Steven." Lapis responded.

Just then Steven's phone started to buzz, notifying him that he got a text message from Pearl telling him to come home.

"Sorry Lapis, but I gotta head home, or I'll catch Hell from Pearl." Steven said a little upset.

"Don't worry Steven, I need to get a few things ready for tomorrow anyway, Peridot and I will pick you up from School and we will follow Connie." Lapis admitted.

"Okay then." Steven replied as he was getting ready to leave.

"And Steven…" Lapis called out.

Steven stopped and turned around.

"Yes Lapis?" Steven asked.

Lapis walked over to Steven.

"Connie has done many bad things tonight but the worst thing she did, was hurt you." Lapis told Steven.

Just then, Lapis placed a 5-10 second kiss on his forehead, causing Steven to blush. Before he could say anything, Lapis told Steven "To keep the kiss between us."

Steven nodded dumbfoundedly.

"He-he Thanks!" Lapis laughed as she gave Steven a big bear hug to which Steven did the same.

The moment was ruined however, when Steven's phone buzzed again with a text from Pearl reading "RIGHT FUCKING NOW! – Pearl."

"Oh fuck…sorry Lapis I got to leave!" Steven said as he returned the favor by kissing Lapis on her left cheek.

(brief pause)

"SEE-YOU-TOMMORROW-I-LOVE-YOU-BYE-BYE!" Steven blurted out all at once as he rushed back home, hoping to not incur the Wrath of Pearl.

Lapis stood there, felt her cheek which Steven had just kissed, and smiled.

A/N: How will Steven and Lapis' plan play out? Tune in to find out! Also if you like the story so far please feel free to leave a review talking about what you enjoyed and what I can improve upon, thanks again!