A Single Priority

by breeeliss

She loved Zuko. Gloom-and-doom, pessimistic, dark, broody Mai was absolutely in love with Zuko, and she was terrified of becoming second place in his eyes. Zuko x Mai. Pro-bending Circuit submission.

Title: A Single Priority

Rating: K+

Words: 3495

Summary: She loved Zuko. Gloom-and-doom, pessimistic, dark, broody Mai was absolutely in love with Zuko, and she was terrified of becoming second place in his eyes. Zuko x Mai. Pro-bending Circuit submission.

a/n: Prompt for this round is someone's greatest fear (again). Decided that Mai and subsequently Maiko is given a little bit of a bad rap so this is my attempt to try and shed some light on what goes on in Mai's head, because I feel like it's a lot more interesting than people would right away think.

Task: Your character overcomes his/her fear

Prompts:

(word) stunning

(character) Mai

(song) Say Something by A Great Big World

Bonus Task: Include the element Earth into the story in a plot-relevant way

OOO

A Single Priority

OOO

Azula told her that she and Zuko were quite alike, but Mai didn't really believe it.

He was quiet, but he was passionate. He wasn't at all like Azula, who holed herself up in the library pouring over textbooks and scrolls for hours a day. Mai had a feeling that studying to that degree wasn't something that Zuko was particularly good at or interested in.

Zuko sat by the turtle duck pond and sketched. Zuko would stay in the music room in the palace long after his tutor had left in order to really crack down on the song he learned on the tsungi horn that day. Zuko liked to pluck up literature, plays, and poetry, sit at his mother's feet, and read to her all through the afternoon. He was fascinated by dao sword fighting as opposed to Firebending.

Mai didn't really care about things like that. The most she really cared about was her knife collection and about finally mastering the ability to throw three knives at once. Mai didn't care for reading, art, or music. She wasn't a bender. She wasn't royalty and didn't need to know much about political or military history past what was merely acceptable. She had her manners and her knives. That was all.

"You're both very quiet and not interested in the things you should be," Azula had tiredly explained to her whilst they sat in the royal gardens. "You're more interested in glaring at teachers and fiddling with daggers, and Zuko is more interested in pursuing the arts of all things."

Mai didn't respond to that, but it really did get her thinking more about Zuko. Mai didn't think having an interest in knives was all that impressive. But Zuko's talents and interests were wide and exciting. Mai couldn't help but be drawn to that. He smiled and laughed and jumped up and down when he did the things that he liked. Mai was never allowed to do any of that.

She found it really intriguing, so she couldn't help but stare.

OOO

She didn't know why she had done it. Azula had said it was a good idea, which certainly wasn't proper justification. Maybe Mai was just looking for an excuse and Azula was the perfect one.

Mai had actually done well in her political theory class, receiving top marks on the last exam they had all sat for. When she tried to show her father, he pushed her out of the room and continued to look over all of his books and scrolls. She had walked over to the parlor and tried to show her mother the mark, but her mother snapped at her the moment she entered the room and told her that the wives of a few politicians were coming over for tea soon, and she didn't need Mai ambling about.

It might not have been serious — it was just a test mark — but Mai wasn't being rude or attempting to knock her father off of his political perch. She just wanted to show off her grade a little bit. It had been hard to get. But Mai wasn't the priority. Her father and his reputation were. She was left to simmer in her boredom and her repression while her father flourished. She wasn't their priority, and it hadn't made her angry until that day.

So the next evening, while her father had a prominent governor over for dinner, Mai slammed her silverware, slurped her soup, knocked over her tea, pushed her porcelain plate to the floor, and managed to trip the chef when he came in with desert, sending the entire tray sprawling all over the dining cloth. That last one had been Azula's idea, and it was a fine finish to the show.

But Mai only realized later that Azula meant only to get her into trouble. Mai got ten raps on the backs of her hands with her father's leather switch and was sent to bed without dinner for the next two nights. Mai was sure he would have prevented her from visiting the palace had Azula not demanded Mai come over the next morning to hear details of the previous evening.

But Mai didn't feel like going to the palace the next day. Instead she sat outside on the steps of her home, pulled her knees to her chest, and angrily started throwing senbon at an innocent tree across from her. She could feel angry tears prickling at her eyes, but she didn't really care enough to bother to hide them. No one was around to see her. She could be angry and emotional all she wanted.

Mai had been throwing the needles, getting up to retrieve them, and repeating the process for over an hour, and she didn't realize when a lavish palanquin had settled itself down only a few feet away from her.

"That's really stunning."

Mai snapped her head to the left, ready to glare at the intruder, but her glare lost it's fire and wound up turning into an embarrassed flush when she saw that it was Zuko who was staring in awe at her knife work.

Zuko lifted a hand worriedly. "Oh no, you don't need to be embarrassed. I just...I mean, I thought that it was really amazing what you were doing. I couldn't do anything like that." Zuko was pointing to the tree where many clusters of three needles were dotted all over the tree, evidence of the three-needle precision throws she was cycling through. Mai looked between the tree and Zuko and quickly scrubbed at her eyes.

"Oh, uh...thanks," Mai replied quietly. She was trying to make her voice sound bored and detached, but she was never able to keep that facade up in front of Zuko. He made her too nervous to begin with, and she didn't need him to see that she had been crying.

Of course, another quality of Zuko that was rather fascinating was how perceptive he was. "You're upset," he stated.

Mai shook her head and stood up to grab the rest of her needles. "It's nothing. Father was a little stern with me today. That's all."

"Was it because of the dinner?"

Mai whirled on Zuko. "How did you — ?"

"Azula was bragging about it today," Zuko frowned, suddenly looking angry. "It sounded awful what she asked you to do. Did you get into a lot of trouble?"

Mai didn't bother to hide her emotions or lie about how she was feeling. She was too upset, and this was Zuko. She nodded as she finished dislodging the needles from the tree. "Raps on my hands and no dinner for the next two days."

Zuko looked solemn and scooted closer to her when she sat back down so that their shoulders were touching. "Why did you do it? My sister never has good intentions, you must know that."

Mai never really outwardly articulated this before, but the words spilled out now that Zuko was looking so concerned and imploring for an answer. "I was angry at them. They always seem to care more about their work than me. I'm always afraid that it's going to be like that forever."

She flung her wrist and managed to throw three needles at the tree, all no more than a centimeter apart from her. Zuko looked on at the scene in awe and smiled in her direction. "I don't understand why. I think you're pretty incredible."

Zuko would deny many years down the road that he had said something so corny. But Mai remembered it almost exactly, and she never really told him how much all that attention meant to her.

OOO

When Mai and Zuko really started to seriously date, she realized something that was kind of terrifying and invigorating at the same time: she was horrified of losing him. Not in the sense that she was afraid he would break up with her. It was a little more complicated than that. She often confided to him what she thought of her parents and about how she was expected to act all through her childhood: holding herself back for the benefit of her parents. She was never prioritized. Her opinions and feelings never mattered.

Now with Zuko, he spoke of how in love with her he was and how grateful he was to have her so close to him. That childish awe that he looked at her with never went away even when he became a teenager, and that desire to tell Zuko everything and feel everything around him never went away. He cherished her. He paid attention to her. He spent time with her, asked her what she wanted, what she was thinking, and what she wanted to do. She was the center of his attention.

She didn't want that to change. She didn't want him to find something else that mattered to him more than her. She was so scared that he would treat her like her parents treated her, that he would realize there were more important things worth putting her on the back burner for. Because it would be worse when Zuko did it. Mai didn't really hold her family in high regard. She had nothing interesting or particularly nice to say about them.

She loved Zuko. She would probably keep loving him for a lot longer than anyone would expect from her. But that was the case. Gloom-and-doom, pessimistic, dark, broody Mai was absolutely in love with Zuko and she was terrified of becoming second place in his eyes.

It was a serious fear when the war was going on.

In reality, it was better that their rough patches happened during the war. The excitement and the high stakes allowed her to turn her hurt and her sadness into pure energy and anger. Zuko kept a lot of things hidden. She found out later it was because he was going through a period where he wasn't sure what was right and what was wrong, although she still had trouble believing whether or not that was a legitimate excuse. He was trying to find his own path. That needed to come first before Mai.

He claimed that he was only protecting her. At least that's what he had written in his haphazard letter to her. But Mai knew that was a slipper excuse to latch on to. Hell, even Azula knew it.

After Mai had saved Zuko and let him escape her uncle's prison, Azula decided to keep her and Ty Lee in the bowels of the Fire Palace, guarded by a couple dozen Dai Li agents still under the princess's influence. Mai learned during those long weeks that Azula hated to be backstabbed, and would let her prisoners know it for every second they were struggling under power.

"You do realize that he's always going to do things like this, right?" she told Mai one evening after she had reduced Ty Lee to anguished tears only a few cells away.

"Who?" Mai asked.

"My idiot brother, of course," Azula chuckled. "Zuzu has always been preoccupied with everything but what he's meant to be focusing on. I mean look at him now? Slumming around with prisoners and being a traitor to his country. He has no sense of priorities. What makes you think he actually cares about you?"

"He's doing what he feels is right," Mai deadpanned. "I'll support him through what he needs to work out."

"Darling, you really don't get it, do you?" Azula said in mock pity. "Zuzu is a selfish little fool. It's what got him burned, got him banished. He doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about Father, so what on Earth makes you think that he cares about you?" Azula kneeled down and stared at Mai through the bars of her cell. "He left you to go chase after his silly little existential project...under the guise of protecting you!"

Mai lifted her chin. "Maybe you're just bitter because everyone is abandoning you," she drawled, attempting to gain the upper hand in the conversation that was quickly making her sick and making her seethe on the inside. "Your brother, Ty Lee, me...who have you got left?"

Azula bit the inside of cheek at that comment, something that Mai knew she did when she was trying her damndest not to scream. "I have my father and my nation. You have nothing but a cell. It's just like that cell your parents made you lock your emotions up in. Your parents putting you in cells, Zuko putting you in cells...it's really as if he acts just like them. Like he'll always care about himself more than he cares about you."

Mai couldn't help it. The anger leaped up into her throat and left in a growl that made her shoot up from her position sitting on the floor and try to reach through the bars, grab Azula, and throttle her for what she had said. Because it was a lie and it wasn't true and Zuko loved her. He just needed time.

Of course Mai didn't get a chance to grab Azula. A Dai Li agent lifted a fist and two shackles of Earth slammed her ankles and wrists together. She crumpled to the ground in a heap, but her angered screaming was still spilling from her throat. Loathed as she was to show any emotion in front of Azula, Azula was a master manipulator and knew the right buttons to press.

Azula brushed off her pants and turned to the Dai Li agent. "Tighten those shackles a little more, will you?"

The agent tightened his fist and Mai subsequently felt the Earth tighten painfully around her ankles and wrists, causing her to groan and scream out in pain rather than in anger. Azula chuckled darkly.

"Be sure that if she so much as wriggles like a worm, you incase her in Earth from the neck down. I'm tired of seeing her act out of line."

OOO

Mai really wanted to hope that Azula was wrong. After Zuko was crowned the Fire Lord, all the adoration stayed. They lounged on chaises together for entire afternoons, she'd settle in the floor in front of his feet while he read some of his favorite books out loud to her, they'd spend all day inside ordering all the desserts that Mai could think of and trying their hardest to eat them all...it really felt like they were just little children again.

But things were wrong and he wasn't telling her. He was visiting his father and he wasn't telling her. He was running off on dangerous trips and not telling her.

She'd kiss his temples whenever he was slaving over edicts, but he'd never tell her what they were about, whether she could help, and just ushered her out of his study — always insisting that he was "fine" and that he just needed to "be alone."

He needed to be alone a lot lately.

Mai was feeling the separation and feeling the slip of priorities. Work was becoming his darling and he had a tendency to forget that they were partners. They were meant to face adversity together. Her fears were coming true, and she didn't know how to handle it, didn't know whether to blame him or try to be more understanding. Surely there was a limit on both things So one day, she decided the best course of action was to confront him.

She didn't bother to announce herself when she entered his throne room. He was leaning on the throne, expecting that his audience was going to be someone from the kingdom. But to his surprise, it was Mai who walked in through the double doors and confronted him not as his girlfriend, but as his subject. Clearly, he was more interested in acting like the Fire Lord than acting like her partner, so she would act the role of a subject as opposed to a girlfriend.

Zuko was confused. "Mai? What are you — ?"

"Do you love me?"

Zuko paused, but he answered earnestly. "Of course I do. You know I do. Mai, what is this about?"

"I do a lot for you," Mai continued. "I go out of my way to protect you and make sure you're safe. I come to you when I see you're hurt or confused or stressed. I want to be there for you. I am there for you. Do you want to know why? It's because I value you over everything else. You are always my priority. Despite my responsibilities, I will gladly throw them away if it meant keeping you safe. That's the kind of intensity that I give you."

She had never vocalized this to him, always assuming that it was implied or understood. But this time she was going to make her self abundantly clear. "Can you return that intensity?"

Zuko swallowed. "Mai, you know I do — "

"No you don't, Zuko," Mai started to shout now. "The secrets, closing me off, shutting me out, — that's not you valuing me over everything else. That's you valuing your secrets, your image, your crown, or whatever over me!"

Zuko couldn't respond, so Mai kept on. "How important am I to you?"

Mai knew Zuko was rubbish with words, but she wasn't asking him to spin poetry. She was asking him a very simple question, one that wasn't unclear or weaved in circular questions. She was trying to be frank with him because she was tired of trying to hold on to Zuko over a stupid little fear that she'd had all her life.

But the Fire Lord was staying silent, assuming that his previous declaration of love was all that there was in order to glue their relationship together and to keep it going strong. If only that was enough. Mai would have liked for that too.

"Say something!" Mai screamed at him, walking up the small staircase to stand right in front of his throne. "I'm giving up on you, Zuko! React! Scream at me, hold me, talk to me — do something!"

"I don't know what you want from me!" Zuko's frustration finally bubbled out. "I have responsibilities that don't always include you. There are things I don't feel like telling you. I can't — I can't tell them to you, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I do, I honestly do, please, I don't understand why you're upset. You're the one I value over everything else."

"And I'll be the one, but only if you want me to," Mai finally argued back. "I would have followed you anywhere, you know that? You didn't have to leave me behind in the dark or assume I couldn't or wouldn't handle things. Anywhere...I would have followed you. I have no secrets." Mai sighed deeply and looked him straight in the eye. "But it's become clear to me that you love your secrets more than you love me."

Zuko was at a loss for words. He was saying that she was wrong and that he loved her, but she had all the proof she needed. A good portion of his life didn't include her. He loved her, but he wasn't willing to be fully consumed by her fire.

Which...was fine.

Mai was shocked to admit it to herself, but it wasn't a bad thing to realize. Zuko wasn't a bad person. He was a wonderful ruler and a wonderful boyfriend. She didn't doubt for a moment that he really did love her. But Mai had gone through her whole life being afraid that people valued everything else over her, and it shouldn't have been something she needed to fear or be wary of. Because truthfully, there was someone who valued her over everything else.

Herself.

He couldn't return her intensity, and she didn't want to feel second place in someone's eyes. Maybe it wasn't Zuko's fault that he acted that way towards her, but she certainly deserved that attention from someone. She wasn't overwrought with fear and dejection now that she knew she and Zuko could never really fit together anymore. It was refreshing and freeing. Loving herself for now was enough, and when one didn't return your intensity...move on and find someone else that can.

Perhaps all of this was a fear of rejection — a fear that she was inadequate. But Mai now realized that Zuko thought none of those things about her, therefore she didn't need to fear them. She just needed to do a little more work in finding someone who could give her the kind of love she'd been waiting for all her life, and maybe Zuko would find the kind of love he needed. She was sure it would come for them both.

Comforted by her thoughts, she bowed to Zuko's throne and grinned behind her hair. "Goodbye, Fire Lord."