Cooking with Friends: Trouble for Ranma and Tamahome
A Ranma ½ and Fushigi Yugi crossover
Fang-girl
Disclaimer:
FG-Heya people! Y'all ready for this story? Good. Anywayz I wanna know why we actually have to put this up every story!! I'm sick and tired of doing it! Oh and by the way I don't own Ranma and The Mysterious Play. They're owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Yu Watatse (or something like it).
(A/N: READ THIS! If you don't then you'll regret it. not. Anywayz just to tell you this fic is R/A and M/T)
Miaka was cheerfully walking down the steps. It had been forever since she actually got a break from High School. They were like burdening her with stacks of homework. Luckily Tamahome actually was the top student of his old school and helped her do it. She blushed every time he did it, too.
She took a deep breath. Everything was going fine! Nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary. It felt like forever since she was sucked into the Universe of the Four Gods book. She still missed her old friends and always wished for them to come to her. One day her wish came true, but that is a story for another time.
Miaka smiled and stretched out her arms as she walked further down the street. She didn't find too much to do, because Tamahome had to tutor a young girl. Yui was too busy, because she had volunteered to grade her teacher's papers. This was a tedious job, for that teacher had over 300 students! Miaka was for once bored and wanted some excitement right now. What she didn't know was that THAT wish was going to come true.
What fun it would be if she had come across with an unfamiliar face. Miaka was soon to make her second bestest friend in the world. Along with an "entertainer."
" Sigh. I wish something would happen right now." Miaka muttered. She had walked all the way to the park. The park where the 'book Tamahome' had once ran through after he had found out that he was merely a character in a book. Everything was peaceful and nothing went wrong. She ran to a bench and rested her legs for a while. She was now a bit bored and wanted Tamahome to be with her.
"I wish I can have a friend here now."
Somewhere in Nerima.
"KAWAIIKUNEEEE!!!!!"
Ranma had just flown at Akane Mallet Airlines and was now flying towards a swimming pool.
SPLASH!
"Damn you Akane." Ranma muttered as SHE emerged from the waters. She swam to the sides and pushed herself up. Ranma wrung out her clothes and had a look of disgust across her face.
"AIREN!" a bubbly voice squealed. Ranma was glomped by the purple-haired Chinese amazoness and was now being rubbed affectionately by her cheeks.
"Um. Shampoo? Would you mind getting off of me?" Ranma asked timidly. Shampoo just ignored her request and gave her a cute smile.
"Shampoo have Nannichuan potion in great-grandmother's trunk! If Airen date Shampoo then airen have potion!" she said excitedly. Ranma was much too tired to even bother, but had a burst of energy as soon as she heard the word Nannichuan.
"Alright! Where?" she asked eagerly. Shampoo got a kettle out of nowhere and poured its contents on Ranma's head. Ranma changed back into a boy and smiled at her. Shampoo smiled back.
"Raaaaannnnmmmmaaaaaa." an angry voice growled behind the pigtailed martial artist. He spun around to see a FURIOUS Akane. She had her mallet ready in her hands and was in an attacking position. Ranma could feel her angry aura and backed away a little.
"Wait! I can explain!" Ranma protested. Akane didn't hear anything.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
Akane hit him with her mallet and sent him off once more.
"UWAAA! KAWAII KUNE!" he yelled again as he disappeared into the sky.
"Hmmm. Wonder what everyone's doing." Miaka muttered to herself. She looked ahead and sighed in boredom. She stopped midway when.
BOOM
Miaka was staring wide-eyed at a crater that created a cloud of dust. As soon as it settled she could see a boy with spirals in his eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asked alertly. The boy twitched a bit before regaining his conscious. He sat up quickly and rubbed his head.
"Where am I?" he asked dumbly. Miaka giggled softly and offered her hand. He took it.
"You're in Tokyo Park." She said. The boy's eyes nearly poked out.
"TOKYO?!" He exclaimed. Miaka nodded.
"What happened? Did a girl kick you out?" she asked.
"You have no idea how close you are. with some mistakes." he groaned. He hobbled a bit before collapsing on the bench.
"What's your name?" Miaka asked.
"Saotome Ranma." He answered. "And you?"
"Yuki Miaka."
"Nice name." He complimented. She blushed. They started to have a conversation that was about their life. Of course Ranma avoided his curse and Miaka avoided mentioning that she was sucked into a book.
"Where is that baka?!" Akane growled. Ukyo and Shampoo had joined together (just this once) to search for Ranma with Akane.
"Why are YOU asking? It's your fault to begin with." Ukyo muttered. Akane caught that and only growled at her. Shampoo hopped around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her love.
"Where airen? Violent girl hit airen hard in sky!" Shampoo exclaimed. Akane pretended not to hear that.
"Look. He probably isn't in Nerima, because he usually falls down before he disappears into the sky. I'll go search in Tokyo down town." Akane offered. The other girls nodded their heads and continued their search.
Akane hopped off the bus and walked off. She looked around to see an unfamiliar neighborhood. She was quite nervous, but didn't dare to show it. She looked to the left and to the right, but couldn't find a sign of her fiancée.
Akane didn't notice that several people were staring at her. She was truly worried about Ranma.
"Where is that baka.?" she asked to herself. Truly inside, she was really worried. She didn't mean to hit him that hard.
She ventured off until she reached a sign that read TOKYO PARK. She walked into the wonderful scenery and searched for Ranma. After a while she saw two people on a bench. They seemed to be having a deep conversation and Akane didn't really want to interrupt it. She walked a little closer and saw. him.
He was laughing and smiling. He was actually enjoying being with a girl. He was at a safe distance from her, but that didn't keep Akane from boiling in rage.
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!"
"Ha ha ha. Did you say that this friend of yours had fangs?!" Ranma asked. Miaka nodded. "No way. Ryoga has fangs too!"
"Really. Wow. It's kind of rare. They are usually cute or funny." Miaka said. Ranma snorted.
"Are you implying that Ryoga was cute? Definitely not. He's not ugly, but he's not cute. Well. Maybe in a way to girls." Ranma said with a slight evil smile. Miaka didn't notice this.
"Hee hee. I never really told anyone that story! Only my boyfriend and my brother and his friend know it." Miaka said. She quickly took a glance at Ranma and sighed inwardly in relief. He wasn't fazed about the boyfriend thing.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
BAM!
The infamous mallet now hit Ranma hard. A huge bump appeared on his head and he was now scowling at the person.
"Akane! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Ranma roared. Akane was glaring at the pigtailed martial artist. She was angry to the point that Miaka was backing away from her aura.
"What the heck do you think you're doing hentai?" Akane hissed.
"I was just talking to her!" Ranma claimed.
"Liar! You were just flirting with her!" Akane accused. Ranma rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
"For your information she has a boyfriend!" Ranma yelled. Akane suddenly gasped and laughed nervously at the girl.
"Oh! I'm sorry. He has a tendency to be a perverted jerk." Akane said calmly.
"HEY! You shouldn't talk like that when there's a hentai old man behind you." Ranma said annoyed. Akane was stiff until she took a look behind her.
"AKANE! ^_^!" Happosai cried out as he grabbed her bosom. Akane growled in hate and anger as she elbowed the old man into the ground.
"Feh. You just never learn Happosai." Ranma growled.
"Now why don't you try on a present I stole?" Happosai asked as he offered a bra. Ranma's vein popped as he rolled his hand into a fist.
"OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!" Ranma roared as he kicked the man into the air.
"Wow." Miaka said in awe. She had seen Tamahome kick butt, but never actually seen him kick something into the air. Maybe it was the fact that it was a TINY old man.
"Don't worry about him. Just call us if you're having trouble with him. Since he saw you he'd probably raid here just as he did in Nerima." Akane said. Miaka smiled as Akane offered her hand in friendship. She accepted it.
"Um. I didn't really introduce myself, did I? I'm Yuki Miaka." Miaka said.
"I'm Tendo Akane." Akane said.
"You want to come to my house?" Miaka asked.
"Okay!" Akane said.
"You too Ranma."
Ranma and Akane followed the brown-haired girl. Ranma felt an aura of purity and peace around her like Kasumi, but he could tell that she wasn't as weak as she had led them to believe.
"I'm going to the bathroom, kay? Ranma! Don't do anything to Miaka." Akane ordered sternly. Ranma just rolled his eyes.
"I wasn't planning on to. I never did." Ranma muttered. Akane left as Ranma and Miaka headed to the kitchen.
"Okay. I'll cook something for you guys. How about cookies!" Miaka nearly bounced around as she smiled at her good idea.
"Sure." Ranma said. Miaka pulled out a recipe book from the shelf near her and began to flip through the pages. She then stopped at a certain page and began to skim through the ingredients list.
(A/N: I'm just making this up! Don't try to do this at home!)
INGREDIENTS:
1.Flour 2.Eggs 3.Water 4.Sugar 5.Milk 6.Yeast 7.Chocolate Chips
"Okay. Flour. Water. Yeast. Sugar. Chocolate Chips. Eggs. Milk. Got it!" Miaka confirmed. She took out a bag of powder that suspiciously looked like baking powder, but because of his poor reading skills he didn't catch it. She also took out a carton of milk that oddly looked like expired soymilk. The yeast sort of looked like baking soda and the chocolate chips looked like beans. The sugar also looked strangely like salt. The water looked safe, but who could mistake something for water? Miaka would!
Step One Pour 5 cups of flour into a bowl.
Miaka searched around the kitchen until she found a large mug. She filled it up with the "flour" and poured five in the bowl.
Step Two Crack 2 eggs into the bowl.
Miaka cracked the two eggs and the yolk fell. The only problem was that a lot of the shell also fell into the mix.
Step Three Pour 2 cups of water into the bowl.
Miaka got the mug again and poured 2 cups of. er. suspiciously-looking-like- oil-water into the mix.
Step Four Add two teaspoons of yeast to the mix.
Miaka had a regular spoon that she always used to stir tea with. She used that to pour in the "yeast."
Step Five Pour 3 cups of milk.
Miaka used the SAME old mug to pour in the expired-soymilk-look-alike milk into the "concoction."
Step Six Add 5 teaspoons of sugar.
Miaka used the SAME "teaspoon" to pour in the suspicious sugar.
Step Seven Add 3 cups of chocolate chips.
Miaka again used the mug for the "choco things".
Ranma watched the girl mix her dough in horror and suspiciousness. He eyed the mix cautiously.
"This seems kind of blah. I know! I should add some things!" Before Ranma could stop her Miaka already added some celery sticks, tomato juice, Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper, green onion, and for some reason Peruvian Nuclear Devil peppers into her bowl. Ranma stared in horror at her as she cheerfully splattered them onto the cookie sheet.
So this is how Akane cooks.
"Um. Miaka?" Ranma asked uncomfortably. Miaka just cheerfully hummed a bright tune as she stuffed the cookie tray into the oven. She happily turned the setter thing to 500 degrees.
"La-de-da! La-dee-daa! Hm-hmmm-hm-hm-hmmm." she hummed as she closed the oven door with her heel.
"Miaka?" Ranma asked once more. Miaka didn't even bother to listen. She was just too excited about the cookies. Food.
"Lee-lee la! La la la!"
"MIAKA!"
"What?!"
"I think you put something wrong in your cookies." Ranma said timidly.
"What?"
"I think you put something wrong into your cookies." Ranma repeated.
"What did you say?" Miaka asked, a little slower and a little angrier.
"I said that I think."
"I heard what you said! I did not!" Miaka claimed. She growled as she took a frying pan from the stove and started to chase after the pigtailed martial artist. Ranma ran to the living room as Miaka charged after Ranma. She threw the frying pan at Ranma and hit his head. He fell down. It bounced off his head and headed straight towards the door.
It opened.
"Hey, MiakACK!"
CLANG
Tamahome fell to the ground to where Ranma was. They both had spirals in their eyes and had a large bump on their heads.
"Uh. Oops." Miaka said nervously.
"Hey guys....." Akane looked at the two boys and at Miaka. She was blushing in embarrassment and Akane noticed the frying pan. "Did I miss something?"
"Maybe." Miaka answered.
Ranma was the first to recover from the blow. "Itai. Damn that hurts." Ranma winced from the pain, but he had dealt with worse injuries.
Tamahome on the other hand took a while to regain consciousness.
"Raaannnmmaaaa. What were you doing with Miaka?" Akane asked angrily.
"I was watching her cook." Ranma said truthfully.
"What did you say to her?" Akane asked again.
"I told her that she put something wrong into her cookies." Ranma said truthfully again.
"Perverted jerk."
"Kawaii kune."
"Baka, idiot, moron."
"Tomboy, ugly, flat-chested gir-oof" Ranma was hit on the head by Akane's mallet. An argument broke out as Tamahome woke up.
"My heeeaaad." he groaned as he saw Ranma and Akane. "GAK! Who are you people?!"
"Calm down Tamahome! Ahem. This is Ranma and this is Akane." Miaka introduced. They stopped arguing and waved nervously at the boy. "And that's Tamahome. My boyfriend!" Miaka said cheerfully. Ranma took a good look at him. He was slightly taller than himself and was built exceptionally. He looked like you could pack quite a punch and his agility probably wasn't too bad. Ranma read in his aura that he was a decent sparring partner.
"Nice ta meet you." Ranma said.
"Likewise."
Beep beep beep beep beep beep
Miaka screamed.
"THE COOKIES!"
Everybody ran into the kitchen to see the oven smoking. Miaka ran quickly to it and opened the door (can't think of anything else to describe the thingy). Smoke came out as she struggled to get the cookies. As soon as the smoke disappeared Miaka looked sadly at her burnt cookies. Luckily only half of them were.
"Now we can't eat a lot of cookies." Miaka sulked. Tamahome walked by her and comforted her.
"Don't worry Miaka." he said. Suddenly Miaka had an idea.
"Will you eat my cookies?" she asked as she offered one of the unburnt ones. It looked hard and the smell from it was putrid. Just looking at it could make anyone's stomach feel sick.
"Umm. Uh." Tamahome stuttered. Ranma just looked at her in surprise.
"Wow. Someone who cooks just like Akane!" he said. Akane attacked him with her mallet once more.
Miaka looked at her boyfriend/fiancée with huge puppy eyes. He hesitated and hesitated as her eyes bore into him. He couldn't really take any more of this.
"I uh. Um. Not now." he said softly. Suddenly Miaka went into a full- blown sob. (Crocodile tears.) She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Behind those hands was a slightly sinister smile.
"That wasn't nice. You made a girl cry!" Akane said as she rushed to comfort her friend.
"But I. I didn't mean to. I um." Tamahome stuttered.
"At least she doesn't cook like Akane." Ranma muttered. Then Akane decided to join in the fun.
"Waaaah! You're so mean!" Akane cried out as her eyes were filled with crocodile tears. Miaka and Akane hugged as they wailed loudly. Tamahome and Ranma didn't like to see girls cry and tried to comfort them.
"We'll eat your foods! It's just that. It's dinnertime! Yeah! We shouldn't eat sweet things before dinner!" Ranma said quickly. Tamahome agreed.
"Yeah! Um. I'll cook." Tamahome offered. The girls wailed even louder (if that was possible) and hugged tighter. Ranma had a scared look on his face. It was the only way.
"Um. We'll eat your cooking." Ranma said softly. The two stopped and stared at the two boys.
"You will?" Miaka sniffed. They nodded sadly.
"Then you'll have to eat them without any complaints, whines, or excuses!" Akane said slightly harshly. They nodded wordlessly. Akane and Miaka grinned as they pushed the boys out of the kitchen. Ranma and Tamahome awaited their inevitable fate as they sat silently at the dinner table.
"Dinner's ready!" Akane called out in a singsong voice. The two boys tried to look happy, but their scared looks were overpowering their will. Miaka walked into the dining room with a plate on her hands. A lid covered it, but the boys could tell that it was nasty. from the putrid smell.
Miaka put it on the table and lifted the lid. On the plate was the food that looked suspiciously like nuclear waste and mutilated pig's feet.
"It's tempura!" Miaka said. So she claimed.
They looked at it in terror and disgust, but quickly had a false look of happiness on their faces.
"Ah. yum."
"Delicious."
Ranma and Tamahome poked it with their forks and they could have sworn that it breathed in and out. They slowly grabbed a piece of the food and chewed on it.
"Um. yummy in my tummy." Ranma said. In the inside he felt as if he wanted to kill himself.
"Lovely texture and taste." Tamahome said. In the inside of him he felt as if he'd retch forever and never eat again. They forced themselves to eat the rest.
When they finished their stomachs couldn't take anymore. Their faces were green, blue, purple, any color of the rainbow. Ranma was twitching as if he had seizures and Tamahome felt as if he didn't breathe for thirty minutes.
"Alright boys. Now for dessert!" Akane cheerfully said. She skipped into the kitchen and came out a plateful of supposed gelatin. "Jell-O for everyone!"
The gelatin was a wobbling piece of trash. It wouldn't stop from changing from the color of puke green to the color of nasty peach. Inside they could have sworn their lives away that it had a heart, lungs, brain, and the other vital organs. For a second they had thought that it had grinned a sinister grin.
Ranma and Tamahome looked at it in horror.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The End
A/N: Whoo-hoo! Ain't it a piece of work? I thought Akane and Miaka would be good friends, because they can't cook! I feel sorry for Ranma and Tamahome though. Eating all that food would possibly even kill them. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Afterwards.
Ranma and Tamahome were sent to the hospital and needed emergency care. Miaka and Akane were worried that they tortured their loves too much.
"Do you think we were too harsh to them?" Miaka asked.
"I think they deserved what they got. After all. They did insult our cooking." Akane said confidently. Though they both agreed they couldn't help, but to feel guilty.
Later the girls had a chance to visit the boys.
"I hope you're okay." Miaka said.
"Me. sick. no. edible. food." Tamahome managed to say.
"Ranma? You baka. I thought you'd run away!"
"Promised. no. back. away." Ranma said softly. The boys were red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Though they were getting cured, the tastes of the horrible foods still lingered in their mouths.
"I feel horrible. I know!" Miaka said while hitting her fist to her palm.
"Me too!" Akane exclaimed. They looked at each other before looking at their boys.
"We'll bake you a cake!" they said together. The boys' eyes grew wide in horror and the colors disappeared. They were now completely white. Snow white, sheet white, anything white. Ranma and Tamahome looked at each other before jumping out of their beds and crashing through the windows.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
NOW the end!
^_^
Fang-girl
Disclaimer:
FG-Heya people! Y'all ready for this story? Good. Anywayz I wanna know why we actually have to put this up every story!! I'm sick and tired of doing it! Oh and by the way I don't own Ranma and The Mysterious Play. They're owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Yu Watatse (or something like it).
(A/N: READ THIS! If you don't then you'll regret it. not. Anywayz just to tell you this fic is R/A and M/T)
Miaka was cheerfully walking down the steps. It had been forever since she actually got a break from High School. They were like burdening her with stacks of homework. Luckily Tamahome actually was the top student of his old school and helped her do it. She blushed every time he did it, too.
She took a deep breath. Everything was going fine! Nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary. It felt like forever since she was sucked into the Universe of the Four Gods book. She still missed her old friends and always wished for them to come to her. One day her wish came true, but that is a story for another time.
Miaka smiled and stretched out her arms as she walked further down the street. She didn't find too much to do, because Tamahome had to tutor a young girl. Yui was too busy, because she had volunteered to grade her teacher's papers. This was a tedious job, for that teacher had over 300 students! Miaka was for once bored and wanted some excitement right now. What she didn't know was that THAT wish was going to come true.
What fun it would be if she had come across with an unfamiliar face. Miaka was soon to make her second bestest friend in the world. Along with an "entertainer."
" Sigh. I wish something would happen right now." Miaka muttered. She had walked all the way to the park. The park where the 'book Tamahome' had once ran through after he had found out that he was merely a character in a book. Everything was peaceful and nothing went wrong. She ran to a bench and rested her legs for a while. She was now a bit bored and wanted Tamahome to be with her.
"I wish I can have a friend here now."
Somewhere in Nerima.
"KAWAIIKUNEEEE!!!!!"
Ranma had just flown at Akane Mallet Airlines and was now flying towards a swimming pool.
SPLASH!
"Damn you Akane." Ranma muttered as SHE emerged from the waters. She swam to the sides and pushed herself up. Ranma wrung out her clothes and had a look of disgust across her face.
"AIREN!" a bubbly voice squealed. Ranma was glomped by the purple-haired Chinese amazoness and was now being rubbed affectionately by her cheeks.
"Um. Shampoo? Would you mind getting off of me?" Ranma asked timidly. Shampoo just ignored her request and gave her a cute smile.
"Shampoo have Nannichuan potion in great-grandmother's trunk! If Airen date Shampoo then airen have potion!" she said excitedly. Ranma was much too tired to even bother, but had a burst of energy as soon as she heard the word Nannichuan.
"Alright! Where?" she asked eagerly. Shampoo got a kettle out of nowhere and poured its contents on Ranma's head. Ranma changed back into a boy and smiled at her. Shampoo smiled back.
"Raaaaannnnmmmmaaaaaa." an angry voice growled behind the pigtailed martial artist. He spun around to see a FURIOUS Akane. She had her mallet ready in her hands and was in an attacking position. Ranma could feel her angry aura and backed away a little.
"Wait! I can explain!" Ranma protested. Akane didn't hear anything.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
Akane hit him with her mallet and sent him off once more.
"UWAAA! KAWAII KUNE!" he yelled again as he disappeared into the sky.
"Hmmm. Wonder what everyone's doing." Miaka muttered to herself. She looked ahead and sighed in boredom. She stopped midway when.
BOOM
Miaka was staring wide-eyed at a crater that created a cloud of dust. As soon as it settled she could see a boy with spirals in his eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asked alertly. The boy twitched a bit before regaining his conscious. He sat up quickly and rubbed his head.
"Where am I?" he asked dumbly. Miaka giggled softly and offered her hand. He took it.
"You're in Tokyo Park." She said. The boy's eyes nearly poked out.
"TOKYO?!" He exclaimed. Miaka nodded.
"What happened? Did a girl kick you out?" she asked.
"You have no idea how close you are. with some mistakes." he groaned. He hobbled a bit before collapsing on the bench.
"What's your name?" Miaka asked.
"Saotome Ranma." He answered. "And you?"
"Yuki Miaka."
"Nice name." He complimented. She blushed. They started to have a conversation that was about their life. Of course Ranma avoided his curse and Miaka avoided mentioning that she was sucked into a book.
"Where is that baka?!" Akane growled. Ukyo and Shampoo had joined together (just this once) to search for Ranma with Akane.
"Why are YOU asking? It's your fault to begin with." Ukyo muttered. Akane caught that and only growled at her. Shampoo hopped around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her love.
"Where airen? Violent girl hit airen hard in sky!" Shampoo exclaimed. Akane pretended not to hear that.
"Look. He probably isn't in Nerima, because he usually falls down before he disappears into the sky. I'll go search in Tokyo down town." Akane offered. The other girls nodded their heads and continued their search.
Akane hopped off the bus and walked off. She looked around to see an unfamiliar neighborhood. She was quite nervous, but didn't dare to show it. She looked to the left and to the right, but couldn't find a sign of her fiancée.
Akane didn't notice that several people were staring at her. She was truly worried about Ranma.
"Where is that baka.?" she asked to herself. Truly inside, she was really worried. She didn't mean to hit him that hard.
She ventured off until she reached a sign that read TOKYO PARK. She walked into the wonderful scenery and searched for Ranma. After a while she saw two people on a bench. They seemed to be having a deep conversation and Akane didn't really want to interrupt it. She walked a little closer and saw. him.
He was laughing and smiling. He was actually enjoying being with a girl. He was at a safe distance from her, but that didn't keep Akane from boiling in rage.
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!"
"Ha ha ha. Did you say that this friend of yours had fangs?!" Ranma asked. Miaka nodded. "No way. Ryoga has fangs too!"
"Really. Wow. It's kind of rare. They are usually cute or funny." Miaka said. Ranma snorted.
"Are you implying that Ryoga was cute? Definitely not. He's not ugly, but he's not cute. Well. Maybe in a way to girls." Ranma said with a slight evil smile. Miaka didn't notice this.
"Hee hee. I never really told anyone that story! Only my boyfriend and my brother and his friend know it." Miaka said. She quickly took a glance at Ranma and sighed inwardly in relief. He wasn't fazed about the boyfriend thing.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
BAM!
The infamous mallet now hit Ranma hard. A huge bump appeared on his head and he was now scowling at the person.
"Akane! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Ranma roared. Akane was glaring at the pigtailed martial artist. She was angry to the point that Miaka was backing away from her aura.
"What the heck do you think you're doing hentai?" Akane hissed.
"I was just talking to her!" Ranma claimed.
"Liar! You were just flirting with her!" Akane accused. Ranma rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
"For your information she has a boyfriend!" Ranma yelled. Akane suddenly gasped and laughed nervously at the girl.
"Oh! I'm sorry. He has a tendency to be a perverted jerk." Akane said calmly.
"HEY! You shouldn't talk like that when there's a hentai old man behind you." Ranma said annoyed. Akane was stiff until she took a look behind her.
"AKANE! ^_^!" Happosai cried out as he grabbed her bosom. Akane growled in hate and anger as she elbowed the old man into the ground.
"Feh. You just never learn Happosai." Ranma growled.
"Now why don't you try on a present I stole?" Happosai asked as he offered a bra. Ranma's vein popped as he rolled his hand into a fist.
"OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!" Ranma roared as he kicked the man into the air.
"Wow." Miaka said in awe. She had seen Tamahome kick butt, but never actually seen him kick something into the air. Maybe it was the fact that it was a TINY old man.
"Don't worry about him. Just call us if you're having trouble with him. Since he saw you he'd probably raid here just as he did in Nerima." Akane said. Miaka smiled as Akane offered her hand in friendship. She accepted it.
"Um. I didn't really introduce myself, did I? I'm Yuki Miaka." Miaka said.
"I'm Tendo Akane." Akane said.
"You want to come to my house?" Miaka asked.
"Okay!" Akane said.
"You too Ranma."
Ranma and Akane followed the brown-haired girl. Ranma felt an aura of purity and peace around her like Kasumi, but he could tell that she wasn't as weak as she had led them to believe.
"I'm going to the bathroom, kay? Ranma! Don't do anything to Miaka." Akane ordered sternly. Ranma just rolled his eyes.
"I wasn't planning on to. I never did." Ranma muttered. Akane left as Ranma and Miaka headed to the kitchen.
"Okay. I'll cook something for you guys. How about cookies!" Miaka nearly bounced around as she smiled at her good idea.
"Sure." Ranma said. Miaka pulled out a recipe book from the shelf near her and began to flip through the pages. She then stopped at a certain page and began to skim through the ingredients list.
(A/N: I'm just making this up! Don't try to do this at home!)
INGREDIENTS:
1.Flour 2.Eggs 3.Water 4.Sugar 5.Milk 6.Yeast 7.Chocolate Chips
"Okay. Flour. Water. Yeast. Sugar. Chocolate Chips. Eggs. Milk. Got it!" Miaka confirmed. She took out a bag of powder that suspiciously looked like baking powder, but because of his poor reading skills he didn't catch it. She also took out a carton of milk that oddly looked like expired soymilk. The yeast sort of looked like baking soda and the chocolate chips looked like beans. The sugar also looked strangely like salt. The water looked safe, but who could mistake something for water? Miaka would!
Step One Pour 5 cups of flour into a bowl.
Miaka searched around the kitchen until she found a large mug. She filled it up with the "flour" and poured five in the bowl.
Step Two Crack 2 eggs into the bowl.
Miaka cracked the two eggs and the yolk fell. The only problem was that a lot of the shell also fell into the mix.
Step Three Pour 2 cups of water into the bowl.
Miaka got the mug again and poured 2 cups of. er. suspiciously-looking-like- oil-water into the mix.
Step Four Add two teaspoons of yeast to the mix.
Miaka had a regular spoon that she always used to stir tea with. She used that to pour in the "yeast."
Step Five Pour 3 cups of milk.
Miaka used the SAME old mug to pour in the expired-soymilk-look-alike milk into the "concoction."
Step Six Add 5 teaspoons of sugar.
Miaka used the SAME "teaspoon" to pour in the suspicious sugar.
Step Seven Add 3 cups of chocolate chips.
Miaka again used the mug for the "choco things".
Ranma watched the girl mix her dough in horror and suspiciousness. He eyed the mix cautiously.
"This seems kind of blah. I know! I should add some things!" Before Ranma could stop her Miaka already added some celery sticks, tomato juice, Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper, green onion, and for some reason Peruvian Nuclear Devil peppers into her bowl. Ranma stared in horror at her as she cheerfully splattered them onto the cookie sheet.
So this is how Akane cooks.
"Um. Miaka?" Ranma asked uncomfortably. Miaka just cheerfully hummed a bright tune as she stuffed the cookie tray into the oven. She happily turned the setter thing to 500 degrees.
"La-de-da! La-dee-daa! Hm-hmmm-hm-hm-hmmm." she hummed as she closed the oven door with her heel.
"Miaka?" Ranma asked once more. Miaka didn't even bother to listen. She was just too excited about the cookies. Food.
"Lee-lee la! La la la!"
"MIAKA!"
"What?!"
"I think you put something wrong in your cookies." Ranma said timidly.
"What?"
"I think you put something wrong into your cookies." Ranma repeated.
"What did you say?" Miaka asked, a little slower and a little angrier.
"I said that I think."
"I heard what you said! I did not!" Miaka claimed. She growled as she took a frying pan from the stove and started to chase after the pigtailed martial artist. Ranma ran to the living room as Miaka charged after Ranma. She threw the frying pan at Ranma and hit his head. He fell down. It bounced off his head and headed straight towards the door.
It opened.
"Hey, MiakACK!"
CLANG
Tamahome fell to the ground to where Ranma was. They both had spirals in their eyes and had a large bump on their heads.
"Uh. Oops." Miaka said nervously.
"Hey guys....." Akane looked at the two boys and at Miaka. She was blushing in embarrassment and Akane noticed the frying pan. "Did I miss something?"
"Maybe." Miaka answered.
Ranma was the first to recover from the blow. "Itai. Damn that hurts." Ranma winced from the pain, but he had dealt with worse injuries.
Tamahome on the other hand took a while to regain consciousness.
"Raaannnmmaaaa. What were you doing with Miaka?" Akane asked angrily.
"I was watching her cook." Ranma said truthfully.
"What did you say to her?" Akane asked again.
"I told her that she put something wrong into her cookies." Ranma said truthfully again.
"Perverted jerk."
"Kawaii kune."
"Baka, idiot, moron."
"Tomboy, ugly, flat-chested gir-oof" Ranma was hit on the head by Akane's mallet. An argument broke out as Tamahome woke up.
"My heeeaaad." he groaned as he saw Ranma and Akane. "GAK! Who are you people?!"
"Calm down Tamahome! Ahem. This is Ranma and this is Akane." Miaka introduced. They stopped arguing and waved nervously at the boy. "And that's Tamahome. My boyfriend!" Miaka said cheerfully. Ranma took a good look at him. He was slightly taller than himself and was built exceptionally. He looked like you could pack quite a punch and his agility probably wasn't too bad. Ranma read in his aura that he was a decent sparring partner.
"Nice ta meet you." Ranma said.
"Likewise."
Beep beep beep beep beep beep
Miaka screamed.
"THE COOKIES!"
Everybody ran into the kitchen to see the oven smoking. Miaka ran quickly to it and opened the door (can't think of anything else to describe the thingy). Smoke came out as she struggled to get the cookies. As soon as the smoke disappeared Miaka looked sadly at her burnt cookies. Luckily only half of them were.
"Now we can't eat a lot of cookies." Miaka sulked. Tamahome walked by her and comforted her.
"Don't worry Miaka." he said. Suddenly Miaka had an idea.
"Will you eat my cookies?" she asked as she offered one of the unburnt ones. It looked hard and the smell from it was putrid. Just looking at it could make anyone's stomach feel sick.
"Umm. Uh." Tamahome stuttered. Ranma just looked at her in surprise.
"Wow. Someone who cooks just like Akane!" he said. Akane attacked him with her mallet once more.
Miaka looked at her boyfriend/fiancée with huge puppy eyes. He hesitated and hesitated as her eyes bore into him. He couldn't really take any more of this.
"I uh. Um. Not now." he said softly. Suddenly Miaka went into a full- blown sob. (Crocodile tears.) She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Behind those hands was a slightly sinister smile.
"That wasn't nice. You made a girl cry!" Akane said as she rushed to comfort her friend.
"But I. I didn't mean to. I um." Tamahome stuttered.
"At least she doesn't cook like Akane." Ranma muttered. Then Akane decided to join in the fun.
"Waaaah! You're so mean!" Akane cried out as her eyes were filled with crocodile tears. Miaka and Akane hugged as they wailed loudly. Tamahome and Ranma didn't like to see girls cry and tried to comfort them.
"We'll eat your foods! It's just that. It's dinnertime! Yeah! We shouldn't eat sweet things before dinner!" Ranma said quickly. Tamahome agreed.
"Yeah! Um. I'll cook." Tamahome offered. The girls wailed even louder (if that was possible) and hugged tighter. Ranma had a scared look on his face. It was the only way.
"Um. We'll eat your cooking." Ranma said softly. The two stopped and stared at the two boys.
"You will?" Miaka sniffed. They nodded sadly.
"Then you'll have to eat them without any complaints, whines, or excuses!" Akane said slightly harshly. They nodded wordlessly. Akane and Miaka grinned as they pushed the boys out of the kitchen. Ranma and Tamahome awaited their inevitable fate as they sat silently at the dinner table.
"Dinner's ready!" Akane called out in a singsong voice. The two boys tried to look happy, but their scared looks were overpowering their will. Miaka walked into the dining room with a plate on her hands. A lid covered it, but the boys could tell that it was nasty. from the putrid smell.
Miaka put it on the table and lifted the lid. On the plate was the food that looked suspiciously like nuclear waste and mutilated pig's feet.
"It's tempura!" Miaka said. So she claimed.
They looked at it in terror and disgust, but quickly had a false look of happiness on their faces.
"Ah. yum."
"Delicious."
Ranma and Tamahome poked it with their forks and they could have sworn that it breathed in and out. They slowly grabbed a piece of the food and chewed on it.
"Um. yummy in my tummy." Ranma said. In the inside he felt as if he wanted to kill himself.
"Lovely texture and taste." Tamahome said. In the inside of him he felt as if he'd retch forever and never eat again. They forced themselves to eat the rest.
When they finished their stomachs couldn't take anymore. Their faces were green, blue, purple, any color of the rainbow. Ranma was twitching as if he had seizures and Tamahome felt as if he didn't breathe for thirty minutes.
"Alright boys. Now for dessert!" Akane cheerfully said. She skipped into the kitchen and came out a plateful of supposed gelatin. "Jell-O for everyone!"
The gelatin was a wobbling piece of trash. It wouldn't stop from changing from the color of puke green to the color of nasty peach. Inside they could have sworn their lives away that it had a heart, lungs, brain, and the other vital organs. For a second they had thought that it had grinned a sinister grin.
Ranma and Tamahome looked at it in horror.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The End
A/N: Whoo-hoo! Ain't it a piece of work? I thought Akane and Miaka would be good friends, because they can't cook! I feel sorry for Ranma and Tamahome though. Eating all that food would possibly even kill them. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Afterwards.
Ranma and Tamahome were sent to the hospital and needed emergency care. Miaka and Akane were worried that they tortured their loves too much.
"Do you think we were too harsh to them?" Miaka asked.
"I think they deserved what they got. After all. They did insult our cooking." Akane said confidently. Though they both agreed they couldn't help, but to feel guilty.
Later the girls had a chance to visit the boys.
"I hope you're okay." Miaka said.
"Me. sick. no. edible. food." Tamahome managed to say.
"Ranma? You baka. I thought you'd run away!"
"Promised. no. back. away." Ranma said softly. The boys were red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Though they were getting cured, the tastes of the horrible foods still lingered in their mouths.
"I feel horrible. I know!" Miaka said while hitting her fist to her palm.
"Me too!" Akane exclaimed. They looked at each other before looking at their boys.
"We'll bake you a cake!" they said together. The boys' eyes grew wide in horror and the colors disappeared. They were now completely white. Snow white, sheet white, anything white. Ranma and Tamahome looked at each other before jumping out of their beds and crashing through the windows.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
NOW the end!
^_^