The 'Unicorn' Affair
"Illya?"
"Hmmm?"
"Ever wonder what it would be like to be someone else?"
sigh
"Does your religion have some sort of prohibition against sleeping, Napoleon?"
"Well, I've got the watch, so I'm not supposed to be sleeping."
"And how do you expect me to be able to take my turn at the watch if I do not get any rest?"
"Good point. Tell you what. Help me make it through this drowsy patch and I'll let you get back to sleep."
"Not that I have any choice in the matter. So - what is the subject rattling around in that brain of yours tonight? Something about being someone else?"
"Yep. Ever wonder about things like that?"
"Occasionally. Thinking about being someone else is showing either envy or pity for that person, yes?"
"How so?"
"Some people we have seen get themselves into terrible situations. I sometimes try to - how do you say? - put myself into their shoes to attempt to understand better. Now that I think on it, in a way, that would seem to be a job requirement for us. What are we doing when we are trying to get a step ahead of THRUSH other than trying to see things as they might to determine best where they might be headed so that we may stop them?"
"I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but you're right. Hm - should it bother me that I've been told I'm pretty good at second-guessing them?"
"I do not think so. It is what makes you good at your job. I have heard it said that you have a good intuition - that is all part and parcel of the same thing, yes? Besides, just because you can figure out the way that they think does not mean that you think that way yourself. I think that it is all empathy."
"You referred to it as pity. You pity the THRUSH folks?"
"I suppose I do to a degree. The path that they follow would seem to deny them many of the things that I believe make life worthwhile. That does not mean that I sympathize with them. They made their decisions and must deal with the consequences that those decisions bring their way."
"Such as the two of us?"
"Such as the two of us. And the mayhem that we seem to be proficient at leaving in our wake."
"It's a gift that we have, chum. So, other side of the coin. Envy."
"I admittedly have such thoughts for Mister Waverly on occasion. He has managed what seems to be a near impossible task - mixing our line of work with a family."
"I think a good part of his success might have been in finding the right woman."
"I cannot argue that. But I often think that a woman that could stand for what we must do must be rare as unicorns. How many successful marriages exist among us that you know of? Before you answer, they do not count if they do not know what their spouse truly does for a living."
"That narrows it. Three, I guess. And I'm not sure that I'd label one of those as a happy marriage. It's more like a business arrangement. But - look at it this way. We know that unicorns are rare, but we also know that they aren't extinct. And where there's one, there are others."
"So there is hope. For you, if not for me."
"Why not for you, Illya?"
"I do not imagine that unicorns are attracted to those of us who are too jaded."
"I think that you see yourself as more jaded than you actually are, pal. Besides, look at me. If that virginity thing is a problem, I'm not apt to have any luck either."
"Perhaps a true unicorn would look to the soul and not to the mere physical."
"Maybe so, tovarich. Then maybe both of us might still have a shot."
laughter
"What is so funny, Napoleon?"
"Just thinking about what all we've talked about over the months that we've been partners. Heaven, hell, unicorns. I wonder if THRUSH has ever listened in to any of our conversations?"
"If so, the headache our talks would have given them served them right."
chuckle
"Get some sleep, Illya."
"Sleeping at night? What a novel idea. I should have thought of that myself."
"Russian."
"American."
"Night, partner. And thanks."