A/N: Whoo hoo for crack fics! Nori is in this one too.
It was a stereotypical day; the sun was beating down upon the squawking birds, the green grass was filled with snakes and other poisonous creatures, random screams coming from the Akatsuki hideout...
You're overall average day.
Tobi was baking something loaded with sugar to the point the tiny white crystals were pouring out of the sides. He never ate these things because he knew it would make you sick on sight (the reason why he had the mask: to shield his own eyes from his baking).
Hidan was performing some ritual or another. The carpet of his shared room was no longer a nice shade of green. Kakuzu would start crying once he saw how much carpet cleaner liquid he'd have to buy to get all the blood out. Speaking of the devil, he was currently sewing Konan's flower to her head, because she didn't want it to fall out during a fight.
That'd be unstylish.
Kisame was watching the fish swim around in their new fish tank. There were eight plump large fish in there, gliding through the water like angels. Their gaping mouths were desperately trying to bite the slowly descending hunter-nin that fell into the hands of Kisame and his piranhas. The hunter-nin started screaming once the fish started gnawing at his face. The blue man grinned.
Pein, being the mature leader he was, was whining at Deidara about his current explosion. It had blown up half the hideout and Pein's favourite stuffed bear, Crayon.
"Crayon's dead now, because of you!" Pein wailed, hugging the charred black torso of the once-fluffy bear.
Deidara was not impressed. "Pfft. Whiner."
"You're so mean!"
Nori was currently hiding. Zetsu had been deprived of human flesh for 'far too long' (an hour) and had caught the crippled boy before he could limp away.
"Everyone has forsaken me…" The white hair boy curled up in the plant man's closet, saucer-wide eyes and all. He clutched his pointy crucifix, the metal digging into his skin and causing him to bleed.
"I can smell yooouu"
"Eep."
Itachi's blinded state left him running into walls. He tripped down the stairs and landed in the kitchen, but managed to fall face-first into a bowl of sugar and dough.
"Oh! Does Itachi want to be part of the cookies?" Tobi asked, rolling pin in hand.
"This is cookie dough?"
"Of course it is! Now into the stove you go!"
Sasori was being stalked by his former partner.
"Come on!" A complain came from the snake-bastard. "We're perfect! An immortal pedophile and an immortal twelve year old! No other pair is more perfect than us!"
"Leave me alone, you scary man!"
"Please, Sasori-kuuuun"
"Pein-sama! Help me!"
Sasori found himself drugged and bound to Orochimaru's snake. "HELP ME!"
No one has seen Sasori since.
Actually, no one has seen Itachi and Nori either.
They were running short on members.
"Recruitment time! We need three new members!" Pein, still clinging to Crayon's decrepit torso, announced.
"I say we get a Mary Sue so we can beat everyone in our way, un." Deidara suggested.
"Good idea. Now go woo a Mary Sue with your sexy-ness."
"Shit… un."
A/N: Should I continue this? NOPE. I won't. It's stupid and really all-in-all pointless.
I was bored. It was hot outside… and I should have been drying towels. SEE YOU LATER.
-Silent Birthday