Note: Some parts are a bit AU and stray from the usual timeline on the show.

Song: Taxi - EXES

—

I know it'll break me

So go slow, I wanna daydream

He leans toward you, close, but not close enough for suspicion. You try to continue charting, but the feel of his breath on your neck unnerves you, you almost drop your pen. How on earth does he still have this effect on you?

"See you tonight?"

You nod subtly, before closing the chart in front of you. Yesterday, it took so much of your energy to push him away and tell him you both don't work. Then he kisses you in the middle of your whole speech of why not, and you turn into mush. The consequences of this is something you'll think about later. But for now, it's good. So good that you may have just dived back in headfirst again.

You were never a slow learner, in school. Not even in life. But with him, it's different. You have become one of those people now. Love really does make people stupid.

—

As it snows

We're sipping wine, late night, at the bar you like on seventeenth

You never go to Joe's anymore.

Ever since you started seeing him again, you've both found a new bar a few blocks away, somewhere away from the prying eyes of your co-workers. It was no Joe's, but it wasn't always packed with people because it was out of the way.

But tonight it was closed, so you went to Joe's instead — and separately. You sit by the bar, and he sits a couple stools away from you a few minutes later. The seats between you were empty, and you're tempted to jump over to his arms and kiss him senseless.

You wonder how it got hard. How you both work so well only when it's in secret. Then you realize you don't care how or why — as long as it works.

—

And you know how to touch me

And you know about the old me

"So Lex, I was thinking, maybe you wanna grab a drink sometime?"

Both yours and Mark's heads whip towards Jackson, both plastered with a surprised expression. You can't tell if it's from the nickname he just called you or the question itself.

Almost everyone was working on this one patient who fell off the twentieth floor, and he just ambushed you with this question out of nowhere. Your mouth goes dry, unsure of how to let him down easy. You blink a couple times, before finally finding the right words to say. "I am kind of... seeing someone."

"No, you're not." Meredith says, wearing an amused expression on her face. You glare at your sister then, hoping it makes her back off. Oh, but yes I am.

"Oh shit. Oh, she is! Look at her face!" Cristina says out of nowhere, and everyone looks at you. Your face burns up and you can just tell you are so damn red right now. "Who is it?!"

Mark clears his throat, then, taking everyone's attention away from you. You mentally thank him. "I'm pretty sure that's her way of saying no, Avery."

Meredith's eyes go a little wider then, but not wide enough for everyone to notice, and turns to you. She pulls you aside an hour later after the patient was taken to CT and asks about it. You just got busted.

—

As it snows

We're wasting time, late night, like we used to do at seventeen

He throws his head back in laughter, eyes squeezed shut.

This is how you always remembered him, when you were broken up. You remember that image of him from that one night years ago, before Sloan, before that incident with Derek.

When you were just in Archfield with him, in bed, naked, and talking for hours, exchanging life stories. You both had the day off the next day, so staying up late wasn't a problem. You were surprised, however, at the lack of sex tonight. It was done only once, and when he held you after that, and whispered tell me things about you, talking was all you've been doing.

He finds you funny, and it warms you inside. When his eyes are on yours, listening intently on everything you have to say, you're gone. You forget what self-control is, and you're close — on the verge, even — of falling for this man.

—

Do you still feel the wistful way that I do?

Maybe we can go back, do you wanna?

"I miss you."

A whisper, so low under his breath, that you probably wouldn't have heard it if you weren't so close to him. He kissed you. It was so unreal, that your body was lit back on fire, craving for whatever it is that that kiss just gave you. So much that you had to send Jackson away when he intervened (just like you asked him to earlier).

And you know. You know he misses you. He's said it so many times while you were broken up, pulling at you little by little, and you're just waiting for a point when those three words finally come meaningless to you, but it never did.

This is a start again. You just know deep down that this is. It's you and Mark. Once you start, you'll find it hard to stop. And you know where this ends — you heartbroken in the bathroom while your sister picks up the pieces. Your mind debates over its next move, but your mouth has other plans —

"I miss you too."

—

Kiss me in the taxi

Elevate my heartbeat

Winter and the night is cool

But I can feel your hot heat

Your shirt is almost all the way up, your bra exposed and his hands tugging at the hems. His mouth is hot on your neck. You laugh as you put your hands on his, urging him to stop.

"We're in a cab, we can't." Your teeth find the lobe of his ear as you whispered, and his subtle shiver makes you almost push him down and do it right here, right now. "Not yet."

Mark pulls away and looks at you, his eyes dark and his mouth twitching into a smirk. God, he's beautiful.

He's beautiful and sweet... and yours once. But somehow, you've been torn apart, and you can't find your way back to each other anymore. Your footing lost, except for the hookups you both have from time to time. And it makes you crazy from the constant back and forth, the constant pushing and pulling.

This time, however... this time you're determined.

—

Tell me that you want me

Even though you got me

Maybe I might fall in love tonight inside the backseat

"I want you."

You look up from the pancakes you were making and smile. You've both built a pretty good routine off of the several nights you've both had everytime you sleep over at his place. On your morning-afters, he always insists on you staying for breakfast before you leave. Today, you're returning the favor.

"You have me, Mark." You tilt your head to the side, endearingly. It's true. Even if you're both just friends with benefits, he always has you. A part of you always belongs to him, untouched by the rest of the world.

"No, I mean, I want you, Lex." He rubs his jaw nervously, his eyes never leaving yours. "I... want you back. I want to date. I want to... I want us to go out. I want to kiss you in the hospital, without being afraid of everyone knowing. I don't want to keep you a secret. I want everyone to know. You're not someone I want to hide. You're... I'm still in love with you."

Your hand reaches on the counter to get a grip, but you instead grab onto the bowl with the batter and it all falls down to the floor. The breath you were holding escapes you all at once from the loud clattering.

He walks over to help you out, and before he could lean down, you grab his face and kiss him, hard.

"You have me."

—

I tried to replace it

My drunk nights couldn't erase it

It was over a year ago when you broke up for the first time, over Sloan and her baby. He chose them, and the pain that caused you ripped you apart. Then you both came clean about sleeping with different people, and it was done.

The destruction was so bad, you changed yourself completely. Your hair, your plans, your life. You went back to sleeping with Alex Karev, for god's sake. Rock-bottom was what Meredith called it. A cry for help.

You made yourself believe, for months, that you were having feelings for Alex. That you've moved on. It was just sex, really. Something to numb you, a momentary loss of pain. You almost thought you forgot about him.

Then you found out that he slept with Reed. Reed! Of all people. And then you're back on square one, getting drunk on tequila with Meredith, and pushing Alex (who is your boyfriend at the time) aside.

You clawed your way out of that rut, and when he came out of nowhere and told you he's still in love with you, it caught you completely off-guard. How do you go back to the way that it was the first time?

It breaks your heart. You love him. You always have. And you got broken apart before you even had the chance to tell him.

—

Your blue eyes making me tongue-tied

Got me shy like every time we meet

"Okay, just stitch up the rest of the cuts, and I take it you can handle treating the burns? If you still remember what I taught you."

His eyes pierce through yours, and your breath hitches on your throat. It has been a while since he's even attempted eye contact with you since he made fun of your blonde hair a month ago. Nothing comes out of your mouth when you opened it, so you resort to nodding.

He leaves to see to another patient, and your heart clenches at how indifferent he is to you now.

"You gotta stop staring sometime, Lexie."

You almost jump, startled at the sudden voice coming from behind you. Meredith moves beside you, laughing as you focus back down on stitching your patient's cut.

"I wasn't staring."

You're with Alex now. You're with Alex now. Repeat until you don't forget.

—

As we ride, hands are laying

On your thighs, while you keep saying

The silence is killing you. You haven't talked to each other since last night and you're pretty sure you're about to go insane. Being confined in this car just you and him is not any help either.

"My patient today looked alot like Enrique Iglesias. So many nurses swarmed right outside his room, it was funny."

No response.

"He had a triple A. It was massive. I swear we almost used up all the lap pads from the supply closet."

Silence.

"I miss you." You almost sounded like you were pleading. For anything. A grunt, a roll of the eyes, anything.

You watch him as he turns the block, a different direction from home. It was the familiar route towards your favorite Italian restaurant. You almost smile, knowing you got through him. He sighs quietly, and finally gives in. "So what happened?"

His hand rests on your thigh, and you lace his fingers with yours.

—

My brown eyes making you feel right

Got you high like every time we meet

"You guys really should dial down on... all this." Callie says, her face twisting in mock disgust.

Mark laughs, sipping on the cup of coffee you just gave him. His shift was just starting, and yours was coming to an end. You usually linger a little longer to spend time with him before going home.

"I was just giving him coffee!" You smile, and say hi to his best friend.

"You mean coffee and all that sexual energy. When you're together, the air just smells like sex. It's disgusting." Callie says before getting her charts from the nurse and leaving.

He turns to you and gives you a kiss on the cheek. "I missed you last night."

"I know. I hate the night shift." You lean over the nurses' station, putting the charts back where you got them.

You couldn't wait to go home, since last night was pretty rough. But thinking of how you'll be alone until the next few hours before you start another night shift makes you wanna just stay here instead.

You turn to look at Mark and his eyes were still on you, making you laugh softly. "What?"

"I'm a lucky man." He smiles, kissing you one more time before turning to walk away for rounds. "Drive home safe."

—

Maybe we could go back, do you wanna?

Hit pause, rewind the drama

You were his second choice. Again.

He got Callie pregnant, and chose to go down that road again instead of saving what you have. Who knew this would hurt worse the second time around?

You broke up with him right after he told you, anger and hurt taking over your entire being. Now you pass by him in the hallways with your head down, avoiding eye contact every single time.

Right now, however, you were stuck alone with him inside an elevator for five floors. You stand towards the corner, making sure to be as far away from him as possible.

"I love you." He breaks the silence, his back still facing you. Your breath gets caught in your throat at the confession. At the irony of it, at the timing. "I know it's over, but... I don't want you to wonder. I thought you should know."

You close your eyes as his words ring in your ears. It was everything you needed. All you could hold onto for now. Maybe one day you could try again, when things are better. But for now, this is where you both stand.

The elevator dings and it's time for you to go. He stays standing where he is, while you start walking out. Your arm accidentally brushes on his, and it takes everything in you to blink back your tears.

"Mark?" You couldn't resist as you turn back and he hurries to press the open button again to stop the closing doors. His eyes were hopeful and your heart breaks a little more, because your next words are anything but.

"I'm sorry we couldn't work it out."