Throw me in a landfill

Don't think about the consequences

Throw me in the dirt pit

Don't think about the choices that you make

Throw me in the water

Don't think about the splash I will create

"No… I'd really rather not go…" I whined into the phone while putting down my mug of tea on the table, inhaling the smell of peppermint and ginger, swirling the tea bag in the steaming liquid.

"Oh come on! It will be fun! I'll be there…and Hanna and Marie, oh and Josh said he'll be there too! And Tom and Susan…" My friend Alice kept going, her voice sounding too excited for my liking.

I picked up the mug again and sighed. "…and HIM." I finished Alice's long list of friends and colleagues...all of which were planning on attending the party this evening, a party held by one of our colleagues from the office. I took another sip of my tea.

"Now come on, Tori! You're just sitting there and mopping around and drinking tea. Yes, I can hear that!" This got a little chuckle out of me. "And yes, he'll be there… But, like I already pointed out, tons of other people too. People you're not constantly fighting with, people you don't hate and that want you there. Your book and tea can wait."

I huffed. Could Hemingway really wait? Or Kate Atkinson? I hadn't made up my mind yet on what to read that evening.

Alice apparently just entered her apartment. I heard the distinct clonk of her shoes hitting the floor, the rustling as she shrugged out of her coat and plumped down on her sofa. "Please, Tori."

I huffed again. Alice already knew that she won. Whenever she pleaded for something… I just couldn't say no to my best friend. "Alright… But I'm not gonna go all stylish and stuff! I won't let him ridicule me…again." That one time at the Christmas dinner last year was definitely enough. I had been wearing a burgundy red dress, had my dark brown hair flowing down my back and my blue eyes accentuated by Alice and her makeup skills. I felt beautiful. The invitation said to dress festively and I wasn't overly styled. But he still managed to criticize everything about me in the most fascinating way while sauntering around the room in his perfectly tailored suit and shiny shoes, his dark hair and blue eyes the perfect mirror of my own. He made me feel inferior and I hated him for it.

"I hate his guts" I clenched through my teeth, the statement itself making me angry.

Alice sighed an "I know" in return. "But I'll be there…and the others. It will be fun, okay?"

I put the mug back on the table, a bit too forcefully, and got up from my chair. "I'm gonna go shower now. See you in an hour. Just let yourself in."

Alice squealed and hung up.

I stood in front of my closet and contemplated what to wear. Every piece of clothing left me with endless possibilities of how he could degrade me, humiliate me in his dark and deep timbre of a voice.

The royal blue cocktail dress – Don't mistake yourself for a blue blood, darling… Your aloofness over all fault does not make you a queen... Or do you think you're better than us?

The jeans mini skirt – Did you mistake this location with the establishment in the alley around the corner or… is your newest male conquest member of a biker gang?

The slack pants with a blouse – Hello, Miss Goody two-shoes… Wouldn't want to grant anybody lower than yourself a glimpse at your alabaster skin or are you just too professional to loosen up?

I let out a frustrated growl and stomped around my bedroom, stepping on socks and shirts and dresses.

"Whatever happened here?!" Came a shriek from the door. Alice stood there, bottle of wine in hand and a weird expression on her face. "What are you doing? Unless you want to go in your underwear, which I really hope you're not planning on, you need to get dressed. Did you already raid your alcohol stash or what's wrong with you?"

I grabbed the wine bottle from her. "I need your help. Pick something for me, please… I can't decide." I won't decide.

She picked up an emerald green summer dress and a pair of black heels. "Here, my ever so lovely Slytherin." I rolled my eyes and put on the dress and the shoes and… I felt beautiful. Not good.

"I can't wear that." The simple statement left my lips before I could stop the words.

Alice scowled at me, her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

I threw my hands in the air. "Because the last time I felt beautiful he – "

"Oh no, don't you get started on this again! Stop it, stop it, stop it! When, please tell me, when did your life start to evolve around him? He's just a guy we worked with on a project! A nice enough one – " I huffed yet again. "Well, yes he is! God knows why he acts this peculiar way towards you, Tori, but he is nothing less than the perfect gentleman with everyone else. And you know that. So please, just let us have some fun tonight, okay?"

She didn't even give me the chance to respond and steered me towards my bathroom where she got started on my hair and makeup and not even half an hour later we were in a taxi on our way to the party.

Leave me at the altar

Knowing all the things you just escaped