Title: Empty Walls
Summary: Oneshot. I always imagined that post Cyberwoman Ianto and Jack's sex life could easily go into a dark place where they could have a d/s dynamic with Jack as a dom. It is an exploration into Ianto's state of mind if that had occured.
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa (past)
Word Count: 354
Rating: R
Warning: Vague mentions of m/m and d/s sexual relationship.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything familiar, just like to play a little before putting them back.
A/N: I typically like writing dom!Ianto but as I was contemplating my newest piece of in production smut I just couldn't get this out of my mind. It is a stream of consciousness practice of first person Ianto voice. More of a writing exercise really, prose that come out a bit like poetry. Not really sure what to think of it so all you be the judge...
Torn. Speechless. Frozen. Cold. Broken. Shattered. Pain stops the confusion, the grief, the metal nightmares. Physical pain chases the heartbreak away. Bloody wounds replace the shattered soul. The bruises, the gashes, the stripes on my arse. Purify my soul. Anesthetize the heart. Cleanse my mind. Give me more, give me mine, give me pain, give me numb. I beg. I plead. I beseech. I implore. I insist. I direct. I demand. I command. I order. I obey. Use me. Abuse me. Strip my body bare as my soul bleeds the hate, the anger, the pain, the heartbreak. Put my heart together. Will you? Can you? The pain will release me but I am bound to return again into the cage I build for myself. It is safe there, secure in the dark, damp, horrid place. Protected by the deliberate walls I erect. Empty walls encasing an empty space. Fearful, cautious, afraid, hollow. The walls come down for the moments I spend with you, moments that you cause me pain, nausea, weakness, an escape. Harmless, innocuous, innocent. Then when I am away and the bruises fade, the walls go up again. Fear, pain, loneliness, panic, trepidation, anxiety, nightmares. I hate myself for needing you so. No, not love. Hate. I hate you for your role in the play. Need. Want. Not a need for you. Not a want for you. But a need for the pain you cause. A want for the temporary release from my cell. An addiction to the pain, use, abuse. An addiction to freedom. Liberty from this hollow existence without her. Without Lisa. Liberation from the darkness. I need you because you cause me sweet pain, pain I could not inflict on myself. I need you because I cannot let me hurt myself. Because she wouldn't want that. And I still love her even as I break. How I wish I could make myself bleed, bruise, fracture. I am not strong enough… or not weak enough… to give into the temptation. I need you, Jack, to be who I can't so when my walls fall… I'm able to erect them again.