Title: Bluer Than Blue
Rating: M rated
Warning: Foul Language, heartbreak, Limes, unbeta'd, angst-y love story and Crying Sasuke. OKAY? I warned yah, there's a crying Sasuke in this story! (~~ _ )~~
Discaimer: Naruto's not mine. as well as the title. it's from a song called Bluer than Blue by Michael Johnson. it's an old song but I really love it so yeah..~ (*speechless for the time being*) Oh, I don't also own the Book here called Bone Machines. it was written by John Dodds. you should try to read it, it's awesome. :D *nice guy pose*
Summary: Sasuke realized one thing after everything that has happened to him and his relationship with Naruto; Everything that you thought was fun isn't fun at all when you don't have the one you love beside you doing all those things with you.
Author's note: [IMPORTANT] Just a heads up so that there's no confusion or anything here; this story consists of three parts. the first one is what happened back then, like a flash back. In this chapter, the flash back was 6 months ago. the second part was the main focus of the story or how the story will build but it most likely happened a week back from our present time then we have the present time and it will be the last part which is where the realizations, conclusions, forgiveness, repentance and blah blah blah happens. So if anyone of you is still confused, please, don't think twice on asking me. :) thank you.
(Wow, for the first time of my writing life here in ff net, I actually wrote an Important Author's note. wow. just wow. O.O)
Let's get it on...
Chapter 1: My Favorite Books
6 months ago…
'Renaissance paintings depicting The Passion often show Christ with a resigned look on his face, like he's rolling his eyes upward at the punchline of a bad joke. Clearly, neither the artists nor their models for Jesus understood real suffering. They were simply pandering to public tastes of the time, and the Catholic Church would hardly have parted with any of its gold for anything which too graphically depicted Christ's torment….
"Oi."
'Passion fascinates me, as a concept at any rate. Sexual passion is one sort, the anguish of torture and physical abuse another. Depicted in art ecstasy and agony can appear similar, the face of a woman experiencing orgasm or exquisite pain virtually indistinguishable. Why is that, I wonder?
Still, unlike Renaissance artists, it's important to me to be sincere in the expression of my art. As a post-modernist I don't need to show torment graphically. Instead it is implied, leaving ample space for the imagination.
But I digress. Back to the boy….'
"Oi, Teme!"
'He said his name was Bartholomew. I picked him up at The Equinox Club, one of the city's more popular gay hangouts….'
"Oi, TEME!" I looked up from the book that I'm trying to read and threw a glare at the nuisance that was currently kneeling in front of me. I sighed and put the book aside.
Looks like I won't be able to read it again.
"What now?" I scowled when he just smiled at me.
"Nothing much. I just missed you. You're too engrossed on that book that you won't even spare a look at me anymore, so then I thought, I can get your attention in any way possible since I've already done that seeing how we are now." He chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows, probably reminiscing about how he basically dragged me to go on a date with him.
Hn. Dobe.
"Tsk. For your information, Naruto, you're the one who bought this book for me because you insist that I kept giving 'Googly-eyes' on it when we're at the bookstore. It's your own fault anyway." I pushed his face away from me and stood up, taking the book with me inside our room so to lock him from the outside.
I heard him shout at the other side of the door when I locked the room and settled on the bed, book in hand. Sometimes, Naruto is just too much. I love him, I do, but there are times that I just want to relax and read a book while listening to music and not his incessant whining about how Ichiraku's not having sale for the month or how much of a pervert his co-worker is.
I love him, I really do. After all, I said yes to him and replied I love you too because of who he is and not because I just felt like it. Loving someone means loving the whole package.
But sometimes, he's just too much.
-My Favorite Books-
7 days ago…
"You know what? You're fucking too much! Will you get out of my sight for once?" I shouted at him but was instantly frozen when his eyes grew wide from hurt and shock from my outburst. I shouldn't have said that, but it's already out in the open.
"…wha- what? Get out of your sight?" Naruto stuttered, his usually bright blue eyes now looked dull and on the verge of tears.
I'm supposed to take it back. Say that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean it, but instead I stood on my ground, grind my teeth and muttered stupidly. "Yes, get out."
Since it's already out, I should just stick to it. After all, they say that if you had a Freudian slip, it's actually true – or partially, I don't really know – because it's your subconscious thoughts. Well, that's what the stubborn part of my brain said, but the other, the one who's scared and stupid said otherwise.
"Are you serious, Sasuke? You want me to get out?" Naruto hissed, controlling himself from punching something, or rather, someone.
"I'm…I'm tired, okay?" I mumbled tiredly, which I actually am.
"Do you think that I'm not? I'm also fucking tired Sasuke. I'm still a human. I can't take all of this shit at once and now you're asking me to get out? All I want is for someone who will just stay by my side whenever I feel like the world is against me, why can't you do that?" Naruto replied back exasperatedly.
"Naruto, I'm not your care taker." I answered back again without thinking.
Fucking stupid.
"You're not my caretaker? Goddamnit Sasuke, I'm not asking you to feed me, wash me or tuck me in my bed, I just wanted you to do what a lover is supposed to do, just BE fucking there!" Naruto shouted, an onslaught of tears pouring from his eyes. I suddenly had an urge to wipe it away and whisper in his ears that it's okay and that I'm sorry, like what a lover is supposed to do.
But then I remembered, there's no taking back all of this. I sometimes hate my Uchiha genes for having too much pride.
I looked away from his piercing blue eyes and gulped.
"I'm sorry…" Naruto muttered softly and I looked up again and saw him wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and sadly smiled at me. "I guess I asked for too much huh? Don't worry; you won't be seeing this nuisance anymore."
I stood there frozen. Even though my mind kept shouting at me that I should stop him, reach out to him and apologize for everything, my body isn't doing any of it. I stood still, digesting everything that had happened that day.
And before my body's able to process what my mind has kept on shouting, Naruto's already gone. And true to his word, that was the last time I have seen him.
-My Favorite Books-
Present day: Sunday, 8:30 am
I walked out of my room lazily stretching the kinks out of my muscles. I had a whole day to relax since it's a Sunday. I can do whatever I want today and I chose on reading a book, a new book maybe?
I turned to look at my shelf and instantly, my attention was drawn by a book called Bone Machines. The Bookmark was placed just somewhere in the beginning and I'm guessing it's still on the first chapter. I picked it up and walked back inside my room towards to my huge and cold bed and settled there, book in hand.
I opened it and surprisingly, I was right. It was still on the first chapter. I started reading on the word that my eyes first saw.
'I picked him up at The Equinox Club, one of the city's more popular gay hangouts….He offered me poppers as we danced to the primitive, tribal rhythms of techno pop. Pulsating strobe lights carved his cheekbones in deep hollows….
Oi…
'He was pretty, in a way, and his baby skin and firm muscles interested me. A quick sniff of the little bottle of amyl nitrate made my heart jolt and for an instant I didn't have control of my own body. I didn't like the feeling one little bit. Normally I'd never allow anything, chemical substance or emotion, to cloud my rationality. It won't happen again….'
Oi Teme…
I hear someone called me but when I looked up, no one was there. No bright blue eyes pleading me to just pay attention to him or a grin that can make my heart stop with how genuine and breath-taking it was.
It feels like déjà vu but without Naruto.
Naruto…
I blinked and looked at the book cover then I remembered. This was the book Naruto bought me because he said that I kept giving googly-eyes on it. And I was reading that on the same day when I got irritated at him and locked him outside of our room.
He started shouting at me to let him in while I ignored him and continued on reading. But after awhile, he started singing that stupid song him, Sakura and Shikamaru wrote called 'Naruto Ondo' and before I know it, I was singing it too and smiling.
In the end, I let him in and we sang the song together even though my voice would crack whenever I sing Sakura's part. After that, we both relaxed on the bed, the book forgotten.
I smiled sadly and pushed the book away from me. Now, I have all the time and chance to read and relax peacefully, but in reality, what I feel right now isn't even close to being relaxed and having my mind in utter turmoil.
After all, I don't need these books just to be able to relax.
All I need is Naruto, and now, he's not here.
"Dobe…come back please." I sighed, not realizing that I'm crying.
Reviews are welcome, neh? :)