After reading Ranger's bridge rescue in Takedown Twenty, I knew I wanted to write a story about what I would've liked to have seen happen the following morning in the book. During a discussion with another writer on here about the new book (that would be you, Margaret) this story started to take shape. I didn't use a lot of Takedown Twenty in this story. Leap of Faith is a combination of Janet's words and mine specific to one scene from the book, but even if you haven't read the new book I hope you'll still enjoy this. Everything familiar belongs to Janet. The mistakes are mine.
This seems to have become an uncontrollable habit of mine, especially lately, and once again I let myself into Stephanie's apartment with no real invite. My reasoning is that if I did knock, she'd open the door to me anyway so I was really just doing Stephanie a favor by not making her get out of bed, which in turn is a plus for me. Nothing is sexier than how Stephanie wakes up in the morning. Arms stretched above her head - her body arching, automatically drawing my gaze to her breasts - and her eyelashes still pressed together, reminding me of just how she looks when I'm moving deep inside her. So maybe there is one thing even sexier than Steph coming awake, Stephanie coming, period, because of me.
I passed by Rex's seemingly empty tank on my way to the bedroom and assumed he was as sound asleep as his owner. As I made my way silently to Steph's bed, I tried one more time to block out the sound of her body hitting the water only a second or two after I cleared the bridge's guardrail to reach her. This was too close of a call. If I hadn't tracked Stephanie down after she alerted me to her kidnapping, and wasn't able to find her in the water, I would be here saying goodbye as I collected the closest living thing to her, Rex. I've seen the shit Morelli gives Bob, and no way in hell would I leave something as important to Stephanie as Rex with him.
I took a deep breath and thanked God one more time that Rex and I have Stephanie with us today. I stood next to the bed and looked down at her. Normally I would have sat in the chair across from her and just watched Stephanie sleep for a few minutes before waking her, but this morning to block out the light, or bad memories, she had her pillow over her head. Or maybe this is just Steph's idea of another line of defense against the bad guys after her. Either way, the pillow is a poor substitute for her beautiful face, so I sat down on her bed with my hip touching her thigh, and lifted it off her.
She came awake instantly.
"Babe," I said quietly, so she'd know it was me and not someone dangerous to her.
I am dangerous to her, in ways she still doesn't know, but she will today if I get my way. And I always get my way.
"Getting dropped into the Delaware is exhausting."
So was seeing Stephanie dangling above it. Followed by watching her fall into it. Those two things, coupled with a sleepless night as the scene replayed itself over and over again in my mind, made me want to do nothing else today except climb in this bed beside Stephanie, bury myself in her, and then sleep for a week just holding her tightly to me as I did. But we have a few things to work out before I do any of those.
"How are you doing?" I asked her, scanning her face for signs of trouble.
I couldn't find any.
"I'm doing great," she told me, and sounding like she meant it, too.
"I wish I could say the same. I'm having a hard time erasing the vision of you falling from the bridge."
And that's exactly why I'm here instead of meeting with a client across town. I had Tank take over all the Rangeman shit today. I have my own fucking mess to clean up here. It occurred to me around three AM as I was staring at the ceiling above my own bed, that I'm done pretending that what Steph and I have is a no-strings friendship. I'm ready to say what I need to, and make damn sure Stephanie is listening to me when I do.
Steph spoke, forcing me to wait before having to spill my guts to her. As much as I want this conversation over, I didn't mind the interruption.
"Yes, but you jumped in and saved me," she said, smiling at me before finishing. "You're my hero."
"Being your hero is a full-time job." One that I'm now willing to take on. "I worry that someday I'm not going to get to you in time."
Stephanie's mouth tightened slightly. If I didn't know her as well as I do, and didn't have this obsessive need to always be looking at her, I would have missed it.
"I didn't know you worried about anything."
"I worry about everything."
Everything regarding her, but she doesn't need to know that. Not yet, anyway. If Stephanie found out her Batman isn't infallible, she might lose another layer of confidence she can't spare right now. I recognize all the signs. Steph is one disaster away from quitting her job and claiming her life needs to change. Again. Morelli has been steadily trying to get Stephanie to conform to his way of thinking, and his idea of the ideal life, and I know it's going to take time and patience to get her back to the Eliza that I've grown to love. When Stephanie gets there again, I have no doubt that she'll kick Morelli's ass to the curb herself. In the meantime, I'm happy to do it for her. 'Almost engaged to Morelli' my ass. He could kiss ours as we move Steph's stuff into my apartment once and for all. The hard part is going to be getting her there, but if I'm honest with her, I know she'll agree to move into Rangeman - maybe even stay there - eventually.
With Moe, Shorty, and God knows who else after her, I don't have time to wine and dine Stephanie properly to get her away from Morelli and into my building, but I promised myself and Steph, that I'll do that and more as soon as the threat is lifted.
"What happened to Moe and Shorty and the two guys in the SUV? Were they captured?" Stephanie asked.
I filled her in on their capture, arrest, and immediate release due to a sympathetic - which in my mind just means ineffective - judge.
"Would you consider moving into Rangeman until we get this sorted out?"
"It's tempting, but no," she said, just like I knew she would.
She paused as if she was contemplating changing her mind. Maybe this will be easier than I thought. But in typical Stephanie fashion, she did the exact opposite of what I was expecting. Stephanie didn't change her mind, she just looked at her watch and was ready to get on with her day, not realizing that she'd just blown a hole through mine.
"Damn. It's almost seven o'clock! I'm late. I told Grandma I'd pick her up for Bingo at seven."
Stephanie would probably attempt to kick me in the nuts if I told her just how adorable she looks when she uses the heel of her hand in place of a brick wall to bang her head against, so I kept it to myself.
"My car is still parked at the bonds office," she said, telling me something I already knew and had taken care of.
"I had it picked up and brought here. It's parked in the lot."
She was about to smile her thanks for my foresight, but little does she know that I had a motive for bringing her car, and then myself, here.
"And your car will be staying in the lot, and you'll be staying right here with me, until we have a chance to talk."
"First off, Ranger. You never talk," she said to me. "And second, I just told you that I have plans with Grandma Mazur, for a case you asked me to help with."
"I haven't forgotten the Gillian case, Babe. But today Hal is taking a hit and will be escorting your grandmother."
"To Bingo? Seriously? What did Hal do, get stunned again and this is part of his punishment?"
"No. Hal didn't do anything except say, 'Yes, Sir. Okay, Sir,' and leave to do his job. You're the only one who gives me trouble, Steph."
She sat up against her other pillow, and pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
"Am I in trouble now?" She asked, trying out a little early morning flirting.
"You have no idea," I said, but didn't use the same teasing tone she had.
Stephanie released her legs and leaned towards me. She'd picked up on the seriousness of the situation.
"Ranger? What's going on? Why is Hal taking over? Is it because someone's trying to kill me again? Really, I'm okay. They didn't succeed. I'm not dead. And truth is, I've gotten used to daily attempts on my life."
"The bridge dive did play a part in many of the decisions I've made in the last few hours, Babe, but the main reason Hal is babysitting Grandma Mazur right now is because I need to talk to you without any interruptions. And since I already knew you weren't going to say yes to coming to Rangeman, we're going to do it here. At the moment your grandmother is busy. Morelli's at work. Connie and Lula aren't expecting you, and Tank knows I'm offline for the day, so I'm going to look at this as one of those once in a lifetime moments, and take full advantage of the opportunity presented to me."
I can't order Stephanie to stay where it's safe. And she's made it clear that I can't use just sex to lure her to my bed and keep her there for longer than a night, so I'm going to do what I should have done all along ... tell her the truth. And tell everyone else to fuck off - my better judgement right along with them. I almost lost the woman I love, the only woman I've ever loved, yesterday. And no way am I'm losing her today. Not to a mobster, a clueless cop, or my own emotional restrictions. Stephanie Plum is mine, and I'm not leaving this apartment today without her.
Stephanie had been studying me, but I purposely kept my face impassive. I'm not going to give her a reason to bolt before I even got started. I know Steph is afraid of a relationship with me. And she has every reason to be, but there comes a time when everyone has to confront their biggest fear. Yesterday, I almost had to face mine while watching Stephanie slip away from me. And today Stephanie is going to face hers - dumping Joe and coming home with me. I don't care which comes first as long as they are both done today. The only man Stephanie is going to be almost engaged to is me. Joe Morelli can go straight to hell for all I care. He's been wishing me there for years, I might as well make the trip worth it.
"Jeez, Ranger," Steph told me. "You said you wanted to talk, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm not part of your current conversation."
"You are now, Babe."
"Was that a warning?" She asked.
"Yes."
She blew out a sigh. "Okay, Batman, what is so important that you had to torture Hal and play hooky yourself?"
"You."
"Uh-huh. I knew you'd be over sometime today to check on me, but as you can see, I'm fine."
"But I'm not, Stephanie," I told her, reaching forward to cup her face in my hand.
I may not be able to bribe her with sex, but I know Steph has trouble thinking clearly when I touch her, and I have no problem using that knowledge. I've repeatedly told her not to give information to the enemy. And this is exactly why.
"What was going through your mind when you were upside down over the Delaware River?" I asked her.
"Honestly? Not much aside from ... oh shit!"
My lips tipped up despite my effort to control them. It was such a Stephanie thing to say. No tears. No thinking about who would be mourning her if she had died. No ... Stephanie would be saying 'Oh fuck!' right up to the last second of her life. My job has been, and always will be, making sure her life is a long one. Preferably one that included more of me in it.
I moved even closer to her on the bed until I could feel the slight tremor that ran through her body. It's times like these that I really appreciate just how expressive she is. That, and when she's naked. If I don't fuck this up, there's a good chance Stephanie will be naked with me within the hour. My dick is ready to go, but I'm not going to start something again until Stephanie is ready to let us finish it.
"Would you like to know what I was thinking about, Babe?" I asked quietly, using the slightly deeper voice she'd remember from the last time we'd shared a bed.
I was so close to her now that I could see goosebumps immediately rise along her arms. I let her face go so I could slide my hands from her wrists all the way to her shoulders and back down again, spreading warmth and hopefully desire as I did. I threw in what Stephanie calls my hundred-watt smile just to tip the odds more in my favor.
"Uh ... um ..." Steph started to say, before clearing her throat and trying again. "What were you thinking?" She finally managed to get out.
"As I watched the knot - the only thing securing you to the bridge - get looser and looser, the three words I said over and over again were ... 'She can't die.' Getting you out of that situation, and then out of the water, was all I cared about. If Tank and the men weren't on standby, Moe, Shorty, and those two fuckers with them could have all been emptying clips into me, and still nothing would have slowed me down unless they managed to kill me before I reached you. I was in the water a millisecond behind you because you dying is not an option in my mind. I would have stayed in that river until I found you. And if someone was stupid enough to drag me out without you, even one of my men, they would have been delivered to the morgue after I was finished with them. And do you know why, Babe?"
She was quiet for a full minute, her skin now pale. Good. Now she knows exactly how I was feeling when I couldn't pull her to safety in time.
"Because you love me," she said finally, no question mark anywhere in her statement.
"I do, Steph. But do you know just how much?"
The spell was broken when Stephanie gave me a small laugh, a little too bitter sounding for my liking.
"That's always been the hundred thousand dollar question, Ranger, hasn't it?"
"Maybe in the past, Steph," I told her, "but not today."
The doubt was obvious on her face. "What's so different this morning?" She asked me, not looking away. "I've been threatened many times, and none of them got me more than a 'I love you, Babe. Lock your door when I leave.' You never wanted to stay."
"I wanted to stay, Stephanie. Every single time. I just wasn't ready to."
"And you are now?"
"Yes." I paused. "Do you believe me?"
"No," she said.
"Do you want to?" I asked.
She didn't answer.
"Stephanie," I said, holding her head still so her eyes had to stay on me, "do you want to believe me?"
"What if I do? What will it get me?" She asked, her eyes narrowed.
I could see the slight sheen of tears she was trying not to let fall. I wanted to give myself a beating for putting that look on her face, but I knew I wouldn't have changed what I'd done in the past. I had to do everything I could to keep Stephanie safe. Now I needed her safe and also with me.
"It will get you me, Babe," I told her softly. "A life with me if you want one."
I gave her a moment to let that sink in. I saw exactly when it did, because her eyes opened wide.
"Yes, Stephanie, that's exactly what I'm saying," I said to her. "I want you, your crap, all your crazy, even your overfed rat."
"Rex is a hamster, not a rat," Steph informed me, trying to distract me, herself, or both of us. "And he's not overfed. Rex exercises and everything. He just likes snacks."
"Just like his caretaker. Now stop trying to avoid what I'm saying and start talking to me instead."
"When did you get so freakin' chatty anyway? You hate talking about your feelings. Never mind your feelings for me."
"Well, I'm talking about them today. And you need to really hear what I'm telling you. You are not marrying Morelli, Stephanie. Ever. I will make him disappear if I have to."
"So let me get this straight," she said, leaving no doubt that she isn't as pleased as she should be with my bedroom visit, "you got up this morning, got dressed, and came straight over to my apartment for the sole purpose of completely screwing up my life?"
"Yes." Before she could take a swing at me, I explained further. "But if I thought you were happy with Joe and weren't in love with me, I would have kept my distance. We both know that you aren't completely happy with Joe, and I know you love me. You may love Joe, too, but not in the same way."
"Ranger ..."
"Tell me I'm wrong, Babe."
She went silent again.
"Am I wrong?" I asked after a moment, brushing my thumb across her bottom lip.
"No," she told me, and I felt the word on my thumb as well as all through the rest of my body.
I've known for awhile that Stephanie is in love with me, but that knowledge is nothing like hearing her say it. Or at least not denying it in this case.
"It's okay, Stephanie," I said to her, bending my head, intending to cover her lips with mine.
She pulled her head back a fraction of an inch, just out of kissing range.
"How the heck can it be okay, Ranger? If I tell you that I love you, and you say you want to be with me, where does that leave Joe?"
Where he belongs ... back in the Burg with someone who'll appreciate him, like Bob.
"Are you willing to sacrifice both of our lives," I asked her, "just so Morelli's feelings don't get hurt?"
I let go of her, and Stephanie opened her mouth to say something. I stopped her.
"Before you tell either me or Joe to go to hell, Steph, hear me out. When I went into the river after you, and afterwards while I was holding you - feeling you shake uncontrollably in my arms - I was mentally listing everything I couldn't live without. And they all involved you. Watching your blue eyes sparkle when you laugh or darken when I'm about to kiss you. Being able to say "Babe" and know that I'll be hearing your voice a moment later. Just thinking that there was a chance I'd never feel your body against mine again, made something snap in me. I could lose you to Morelli just as easily as I could have lost you to the Delaware River. Stephanie, I've never been a man to sit back and just wait for things to happen ..."
"Wait, what about that crap you said about 'probably never' being willing to pay the price for a relationship with me? I know I'm guilty of running hot and cold with you, but talk about getting doused with a big bucket of reality in only two words."
"I meant what I said at the time, Babe, but you didn't give me much of a chance to stick to that statement," I told her, wondering why she put up with me sometimes. The least I can do to make up for being such an asshole is tell her what I'm feeling for once. "The thought that I could have watched you die yesterday, negated everything I've ever said to you, Stephanie, except for the times I've told you that I love you."
A single tear rolled down her cheek, but I wasn't certain if it was a happy tear or a sad one. Or who it was for. I honestly believed Stephanie would give everything to me if she thought I loved her in the way she needed. This will be the moment of truth.
"And that's why you broke into my apartment first thing this morning?" She asked me. "To take back what you said and get my hopes up again?"
"Seven o'clock is hardly first thing in the morning," I told her, "but yes. And your hopes can stay up from now on. I love you, Steph. I want to be with you. And I also want you to move into Rangeman with me, if only until the men and I eliminate everyone threatening you. I refuse to watch you almost die again."
I breathed a little easier when Stephanie's lips formed a slight smile. "Is that all you want?" She asked me, drying her eyes with the corner of her sheet.
"For the most part, Babe. But before you tell me if I'm going to get what I want, there is one thing that is non-negotiable."
"And what's that?"
Steph just looked curious, not at all like a woman who is about to tell me that she's marrying Morelli and populating the world with more versions of him.
"Morelli has to be out of your personal life," I told her. "I don't care if you talk to him, or have a sub with him at Pino's once in a while, but if you want a relationship with me, there will be no more sleepovers at Morelli's house, even platonic ones. And under no circumstance will Joe be in your bed, or you in his. The only body that will be next to, on top of, or inside, yours is mine."
"Are you finished?"
"Depends," I said to her.
I was ninety percent sure I had her, but you can never be sure of anything with Stephanie.
"On what?" She asked me.
"On what your answer is. Maybe I should just shoot Morelli and be rid of him once and for all so there will be no chance of you calling him if you throw me out."
"You're not shooting Joe," she said. "And my answer depends on what exactly you want from me."
"I want you in my apartment, in my bed, and in my life for the rest of it."
"Marriage? Kids?"
Fuck. I should have known she would bring up starting a family. Those would be her mother's first two questions.
"What are your feelings on the subject?" I asked her, buying myself a little time.
"What if I were to tell you that I want to get married and have a baby by the time I'm thirty five?"
That would definitely require a lot of rearranging on both our parts, but I thought we could manage it if Stephanie wanted a family that badly. It scared the shit out of me, just like a relationship with Stephanie had not that long ago, but I'd rather have any kind of life with her than one without.
"It won't be easy," I told her, choosing my words carefully, "but we could do it if the husband and kid thing is something you definitely have to have."
Stephanie slid out from underneath the covers and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"Relax, Ranger," she said. "I don't think I want kids. And I'm not really sure I need to get married, either. I just wanted to hear what you'd say if I asked."
"Did I pass the test?" I asked, as I scooped her up off the bed and deposited her in my lap.
"Yes. And thank you for that. For not just saying a flat-out no, or giving me an unrealistic yes just because you thought it would make me happy."
"I'm far from perfect, Babe," I told her, kissing the top of her unruly curls, "but I will do everything I can for you."
"You always have, Ranger. And that's one of the reasons why I love you."
She held my gaze before giving me a light kiss on the mouth. As much as I enjoyed the feel of her lips on me, I wanted much more than that. My arms came up across her back and under her thighs, and I was about to move us from vertical to horizontal, but first I had to hear Stephanie say it.
"Morelli?" I asked.
She knew I was asking her to make a choice. Me or him.
"Morelli will be part of my past as soon as I talk to him," Stephanie told me, her eyes a little damp again, but also looking brighter than they have in the last few months. "Do you want me to call Joe now?" Her eyes now turning suggestive in a very un-Stephanie like way, reminding me of the times she used that stupid vordo excuse for wanting me. "Or should I wait an hour ... or maybe five to end things with him?"
Tough question. I know we should wait - for her sake - until Stephanie is officially single before I take her again, even though I want her bad, but as soon as she snuggled closer to me and pressed her lips to my neck right above the collar of my t-shirt, I no longer gave a fuck about noble intentions.
"Well ...?" She asked, tugging my collar down to start in on my chest.
What the hell? Everyone already knows Stephanie is mine. My men all refer to her as my woman. The parasites along Stark Street know not to fuck with her or they'd be dead soon after. And every cop called to the bridge yesterday would never question my feelings for her after watching me dive over a hundred feet into the water after her. The one person who doubted those particular facts, and always refused to believe Stephanie and I could be together, could damn well wait until after I was sure Stephanie felt extremely, completely, and thoroughly appreciated ... and loved, like she should have been all along.