Title: Coming Home
Author: autumnconfusion
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Genre: Angst
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,681
Warning: Alternate Universe.
Summary: Remus had to leave for a mission in the middle of the war. He's coming back home now.
Disclaimer: Only J.K. Rowling owns the characters that I've used. The song Coming Home by Skylar Grey inspired the story.
A/N: I was getting tired of the writer's block that's been overtaking my life the past four years so I started writing a Christmas story. In the end it frustrated me so much that I couldn't write down my thoughts, I asked someone to prompt me when I was suddenly inspired by the storm outside and the song Coming Home on the radio. I decided not to write too much but enough to give me back the love for writing. I'm happy with what I've got. It's not much, I know, but I hope you like it anyway.
Coming home
Rain plummeted from the dark sky as the wind sped up in force. It howled as it rushed through the streets, picking up the brown-coloured leaves and carrying them a bit further away. Remus shuddered, his head sinking low into the collar of his ragged cloak in order to escape the bitterness of the northern wind. One of the streetlamps flickered before switching off permanently, leaving him standing in nothing but darkness. He took out his wand and muttered a silent 'Lumos', hoping that the Muggles living in the street were asleep at this inhumanly hour of the night. He was mentally and physically exhausted, his eyelids drooping as he stood waiting, contemplating if he was making the right choice; after all, it had been nearly two years since he had been here last.
Remus closed his eyes, trying to shake the fresh memories from recent events away from his mind, wanting to remember what it had been like, what he had been like and what they had been like. He remembered being happy, having everything he wanted. Sirius and him had been close friends throughout Hogwarts but found out they both had wanted to be more the moment they shared the apartment. The war hadn't been at its peak yet but was so prominent in their life. However, Remus knew now, he had been naïve when he had thought they could challenge the world and come out of it stronger, together. But everything had fallen apart. James was dead and so was Lily. He hadn't seen them ever since they'd gone into hiding, two months before Remus had left on his mission. Now, he'd never see them again. He had failed to keep them safe and it made him white with anger and sad all at once. He hadn't been good enough.
The night was growing old when Remus opened the front door, glaring as it squeaked in the silence. Sirius followed him outside, stopping when Remus turned around. Their eyes met in sadness and Remus felt his stomach drop to his knees, a lump forming in his throat. He had promised himself he wouldn't be emotional and deal with it like every self-respected man would deal with a goodbye but Remus found himself to be different than those men, his head falling down to his chest as the first tears fell.
Soft fingers touched his cheek and lifted up his chin. Remus swallowed, heart beating rapidly. He didn't want to leave and not know when he'd be back. What if this would be the last time he'd see Sirius? What if he left and came back to an empty house, destroyed by war? What if?
He leaned into the hand, savouring their final touches before he turned away, heart heavy in his chest. Leaving Sirius was the hardest thing he'd ever do but he had no choice. He inhaled deeply, trying to control the nerves that were scrambling around his stomach as he took the first step away from Sirius. Nothing was said. What could they say? They knew they loved each other, saying it out loud would only cause more pain.
He took another step, slowly, hesitatingly. He'd never been alone before, had always had someone accepting him, loving him. Now, he had to give up on that life, going on a dangerous mission, putting his life in front of the darkest wizard of their time. Remus was no coward, wasn't scared for what may happen to him, but not knowing what would be going on home with his friends, was going to be hard.
Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him back, entwining their fingers. His grey eyes were twinkling with unshed tears and Remus could tell he was trying to act brave but not willing to let go of him, like he was not willing to let go of him either.
"Promise me to come back home?"
It had been said as a whisper, fragile in its sound and made Remus bit his lower lip. Why did he have to do this? Couldn't someone else do it? He didn't want to leave.
"Only if you promise to wait for me."
"I promise."
Remus squeezed his hand and nodded. "I promise to come back home."
Then, he turned away, not letting go of Sirius' hand until he had stepped so far away their hands barely touched and dropped against their bodies, no longer entwined but separated for an unknown time. He forced to put one foot in front of the other. He didn't dare looking back because looking back would make him stop. Once he was outside the protective spells surrounding their apartment, Remus disapparated leaving the life he had once known behind to change it for a living nightmare, his chest hurting as if his heart had been torn apart.
His muscles ached when he started walking towards the familiar street. He was nervous, wondering if they could pick up their life where they had left it. He knew it would never be the same without James and Lily. What if they had changed too much to function together? What if Sirius had met someone else during the time he had been away? It had been so long. So long since they had experienced their love. Love. It felt so foreign to him now.
His legs wobbled underneath his weight. Remus was tired and hungry but he couldn't stop now. A few more minutes and he'd be back.
Lifting his head, he saw the apartment he had left two years previous and his heart thumped loudly in excitement. Everything seemed to have stood still in time, as it still looked the same as it had done all those years ago. He felt weird to be standing here, so close to put an end to the pain.
He stood at the edge of a forest, hidden in the shadows of the trees while he watched the sickening scene in front of him develop. Screams were heard and blood was spilled as they were attacking an innocent town in the middle of the night. Remus refused to take part in this. He knew he'd receive punishment later but he'd rather get himself killed than having to bite an innocent man or woman. His stomach churned at the thought and he had to look away. This was barbaric. They were exactly acting the way the Ministry portrayed them. How would they ever get the life they deserved if they kept acting like this? They were monsters and Remus felt ashamed that he was one of them. How he could have ever pitied these men, sharing the same illness, he did not know but these men acted all out of their free will and it was disgusting. The moment when a high-pitched scream from a child echoed in the air, Remus vomited until he had nothing left to spill. When would it stop?
Tears cascaded from his eyes and fell onto the ground, mixed by the rapidly falling rain. He felt like a monster, no longer proud of whom he was. He was ashamed and wasn't sure he deserved to be back here. He deserved the cold and the wet for he was an animal, a beast and not a wizard like he had believed for so many years. He shouldn't be here.
He was about to turn away when the sound of a door creaking open made him stop and look up. He hadn't expected Sirius to be awake, hadn't expected him to even open the door without knocking but there he stood, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. His heart fluttered when he saw him standing there just like he had remembered, tall and elegant and just as handsome as always, if not a bit pale.
The thought of leaving had left his mind as he took a hesitant step forward. He wanted to be with him, needed him so badly so suddenly. He didn't dare to blink when he saw Sirius rushing toward him, barefooted. He started running too. It felt ages before their bodies clashed and Sirius wrapped his arms around his waist, his lips kissing him eagerly everywhere they could touch skin. Remus pushed his nose into his neck, inhaling Sirius' scent and relaxed immediately. His hands wrapped around Sirius' body, pulling him closer and he could feel that Sirius was crying, his body shaking as silent sobs took place.
"I knew you were coming," he said in a whisper and pushed away until they could look at each other. Their eyes were the windows to their souls and both of them read the same message: they were pleased, over-excited to be here, in this embrace, finally holding each other again after so long. Sirius didn't wait any longer and leaned in, making their lips touch in a hard kiss. The kiss felt foreign, yet so familiar, from a long forgotten dream of a better time. Their teeth clashed in their eagerness to taste and feel each other and even though it wasn't their best kiss, it was a kiss Remus would never forget as his fingers tangled in Sirius' hair and Sirius' hands held him close against his body. It was wet and salty as their tears were mixed with the rain but no matter how imperfect it was, it was the most perfect kiss they had shared.
Sirius ended the kiss and rested his forehead against Remus'. Their noses brushed and Remus could feel the puffs of air coming from Sirius, tingling his skin as the warmth hit the coldness of his skin. They were sharing oxygen, standing still as they watched each other. He felt so many things at once and wanted to do and say so much that Remus wasn't sure where to begin but as Sirius rubbed a hand over his back and placed another kiss on his lips, Remus decided that everything could wait, that right now, the important thing was that he was standing here with the love of his life still alive. He was finally home.