How desperately I wish for something that resembles a window. Possibly a window to anything. The past, what ever could be the present, future, or into the lives of others. If the last, I could only want to see and experience the lives of my comrades.
The hope that they could find the Messiah by my breaching of the third taboo could be seen as a worthy hope. Yet, the pain of not knowing whether they had succeeded or not is the worst pain of all curiosity could deprive me of.
The last scene of my memory from that moment had shown the puzzled emotions coming from Uranus and Neptune amidst a frozen scene of destruction. An explosion that could not have allowed anyone to live further.
Now that I ponder it, I knew I never had the will to continue the daunting task that called for a strong sense of confidence and will to fight to the end.
One could see my action as suicidal in that sense. However, with the threat of death to all involved, it could only be prevented by a being with a forbidden, yet impressive power.
And even with that power, it still isn't the most feared of all of the guardians'.
How shameful it is to be the Soldier of Revolution at a time like this.
Born to serve, protect, and remain in solidarity for eternity. The knowledge that you are supposed to be unknown to the universe and immediately accept that duty is a privilege only presented to the daughter of Chronos.
Having the chance to serve two sacred kingdoms across an infinite amount of time is only given to one who can understand that following guidelines is the only way to survive, and for that, the only thing that you can hope for in return is that you gain respect by acting as a silent defender.
Serving as the guardian with the power to control what seems like the most powerful aspect of the universe - time and space. The most fragile aspect, at that.
Eliminating any threats in search of the Door of Space-Time was only seen as an extra duty on my part. I took pride in my protection between the various dimensions.
And yet, I disobeyed my orders in favor of what I could only hope was the appropriate decision at the time.
For as long as I could remember, even at a childlike appearance, I was expected to perform and protect as well as possible with no one else to guide me on how to make the right decisions.
The guidelines I was expected to adhere to? Don't break any of the three taboos. In order, they are: 1. I must not travel through time, 2. I must not abandon my post at the Door of Space-Time, and 3. I must not cause time to cease.
However, one after the other, I neglected my beloved Queen's orders. There was never a confrontation for the first, second, or even third. Upon the last action, I found myself in a gray area where there was no time, space, or beings immediately after rescuing Uranus and Neptune.
In all retrospect, I traded one dimension of solitude for another - an impossibly worse similarity that I could not have fathomed until now.
Death is not worth fear. Death leads to new life, as I was reminded when the entire kingdom had received the lesson straight from the most feared guardian. It's hard to believe that I wasn't afraid of her sudden appearance from that moment. However, with the promise of death, we were guaranteed rebirth as new beings in a future timeline.
Now, I reside in a void that can only be similar to a limbo-like state, which is the spark that ignites true fear not only in the heart, but in the mind and sanity, together as one.
There is no hope for rebirth at this point. A dimension where all hope is lost and can never be regained. What an ironic ending for the guardian who holds the ability to alter the perceived unalterable.
I find myself at a floating-like stance. Even when guarding the Door, I found myself standing statuesque and proud, feet planted on what could only be described as an imaginary floor of structure. How uneasy it feels to not have control over such a benign feeling, now.
I can look around the area, as I have for what seems like an unspecified amount of time, but yet, I cannot see any signs of my previous body. A dream is the only comparison.
This is the ultimate punishment for the ultimate crime, so it is said to be. Upon agreeing that my body would be vanquished when I was first confronted about the three taboos, I thought I would have felt pain. I thought I'd have seen my body diminishing in front of my very own eyes, part by part, finger by finger, and then, I would assume my eyesight would be the last to go. My most cherished sense of all has surprisingly carried over to this afterlife.
The result of my action was so immediate, it never felt like a transition. More or less, it became a matter of blinking and everything had disappeared, the universe throwing me into a vacuum that spit me out where I now am. Which, is nothing. A void of despair, at most.
Now, I can only rely on what can be described as a form of eyesight, the hope that I have some hearing ability, my thoughts, and a sense of floating in mid-air that can only be described as like swimming in a dream where there is no end and everything around you is dark matter and silence.
Unlike a dream, I will not wake up from my damnation. It's unimaginably hard to come to terms with your worst fear. In the end, I've always been lonely. This new area of my presence is just another form of being in solitude. Or, from what I assume, I am the only being, spiritual or otherwise, that exists in this void.
How I have let down not only a group of chosen defenders, but also presenting shame towards a future kingdom in the making. The image of Queen Serenity entrusting me with this sacred position over a millennia ago brings about the most guilt.
And then appears a mist before my vision. In this darkness and lack of presence, it comes as a surprise that anything besides spiritual bodies could thrive here.
I find myself wanting to reach towards the matter, but with a lack of physical body parts, I can only think of how it could be possible to float near it. Surprisingly, the ability to float farther manifested from my curiosity and desire to go on.
It's indescribable in that sense, moving without physically doing so. I can only assume it derives from the passion to discover what this mist holds, regardless of what it may be.
In a sudden jerk of realization, the impression of moving forward pauses. A familiar intensity strikes, a feeling that was at its peak near the awakening of Saturn. All hesitation in place, I am facing the opaque body of mist with more apprehension than that perilous moment from the past.
During this pause, I imagine every guardian's face as I concentrate on my decision. For what it seems, Chibiusa's form comes to mind for a few seconds longer than the others.
And thus, I went forward, neglecting my thoughts that were trying to hold me back. There is no where to turn back to, there is nothing to lose, and there is certainly nothing to be afraid of at this point.
Submerging myself into the mist, an immediate reaction of undeniable strength takes over my mind. Within a moment, I'm suddenly experiencing a shift in the energy coming from my surroundings.
How refreshing the sensation is. Being in its grasp is not only an exceptional sensation, yet it comes with the hope to make the most out of what I have.
Blanketed in the comforting feeling gives light to my entire experience as a guardian. The realization that I have not felt this same comfort for over a millennia comes as an overdue happiness.
As soon as it came, the pleasure dissipates. A whirlwind of unknown force threatens my thoughts to re-navigate in order to defend. To be so childish to let my guard down in an unfamiliar territory is cause for humiliation.
But with no weapon or physical body to use for defense, I am having to wait anxiously to identify the cause of the ripple in the atmosphere.
With tension, my sensitivity heightens, and what appears parallel to me within the haze could never have crossed my mind.
A blurred image across from my existence manages to manifest itself ever so slightly. It takes its form by bringing the particles of the mist together until I can begin to determine the main components.
Of any structure it could become, the height of it is sizable. The fragments pack together and leave delicate spaces to make the elements more defined.
Amazement comes from watching what this celestial body could become and an underlying faith accompanies it. In the back of my thoughts, there is belief in a miracle.
Sooner than expected, it resembles a humanoid body. Each aspect of this figure has been sculpted with miniscule details that duplicate those of an actual being.
What astonishes me the most happens when the specks change into various colors. Similar hues are grouped together to construct a glorious visual of sparkling matter.
Before I can fully process this bewildering marvel, I glance quickly up at the form and am face-to-face with serious maroon eyes. Following the discovery of this, I focus further out and realize that the established figure boasts shadowy green hair.
Although I observe this illustration as a duplicate of my former physical self, there were two factors that were never made themselves present when I had a form.
A familiar, understanding face transitioned towards a sinister expression. With a malicious spark in the eyes, a devilish cackle pursued the course.
The aura that made itself known showed itself as intelligent. To be able to create a threat from its intensity and then make its prey numb with a sense of fake hope is unnatural.
Everything of this dimension is unnatural.
Blocking any further thoughts of protection, the doppelganger brings its lengthy arms towards the center of its chest. Coming back more powerful, the past whirlwind of energy spirals out into a tornado-like shape from the base.
The only reaction I am aware of is the force of the power sucking my existence towards the funnel. My remaining senses blur and the last thing that appears before my sight is the tinge of loneliness behind those heinous, terrorizing eyes.