The Line Begins To Blur
I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. I hate his voice and what it does to my insides. I hate his touch, the way my skin reacts. I really hate his lips, the way they leave mine scorched. I hate his eyes, how I am reflected in them. I hate the feel of his body against me. I hate how my body reacts to that feel.
Why? Why me? Why him? I mean, I'm not one of those people who is repulsed by the idea. It's just not me. Sure I can admit when another guy is attractive. I have a fairly open mind. Shit, I kiss him on stage. You find me a straight man willing to do that. Even when we're not supposed to be interacting on stage, I find myself wandering over to him. Wanting, needing to be near him, to feel him.
How is he doing this to me? I keep telling myself, we're just good friends. I like to be around him because of that. Yeah, that's easy to tell myself in the daylight, but at night it's a whole different world. When we hit the stage it all changes. He's up there killing it and I'm a kitty ready to pounce.
His pretty kitty. Why does he have to call me that? Why does it feel so right? Why do I want to crawl into his lap if he says it with the right inflection?
On stage with him all my worries take the back burner. His touch, his voice, his scent, are all I know then. People wonder why my hair is always in my face. It's to keep them from seeing my stare. My eyes following his every move. The small gasps when he grinds those hips just the right way. I get so utterly obsessed with him on stage, it's absurd. Sometimes I wonder how I keep playing, if I'm even playing the right notes. Somehow I manage to make it through the show. By then my mind and body are a mess.
I try to compose myself to go sign a few things for the fans, but my mind still wanders. It wanders into dangerous territory at that time. Mostly because I know Adam has hit the shower. Gah, I want to be in there with him. Pressed against his wet body, letting him feel the utter torturous need I'm in. I do my best to shake the image and venture out to the fans. They are all so nice and I try to be that way even as my mind is restless.
I know he's coming out soon. I always leave before he arrives. Sad part is I don't really go that far. I stand back in the shadows and watch him. It's my guilty pleasure. He's so great with his fans and so cute to watch. So pretty even with the light bit of makeup he has on. Pretty? God damn it, why do things like that keep sneaking in? They always do before I can stop them. I sneak away at just the last moment and step onto the bus, he's always the last to board.
He walks past me to his section in the back. Oh how I want to follow him. If just once he ever summoned me back there with him I don't know what I'd do. Of course I've been back there before, but never behind closed door. I wonder what he'd do if I came back there on my own. He'd probably get that god damned smug smirk.
I hate that smirk. Every time he's all up on some pretty boy he gets that "Oh yeah, I hit that" look. Why is that so damn sexy to me? He knows he could get any boy he wanted. Why does that make me jealous at the same time? I hate it. It makes me want to jump in there and kiss it right off his lips.
Oh god... not now. Please not now, I can't listen to that in this state. All I hear is his soft moans. I know exactly what he's doing. Fuck. I can't, I fucking can't.
Why am I getting up?
I won't.
Shit. Was that my name?
I stop leaning my forehead against the door. Curse you body, curse you for reacting like that. Curse you Adam, curse you for sounding like that. For letting my damn name cross your lips at this moment. I feel like holding my breath, maybe it will help me stop, think. I let out a long breath, but it has done nothing.
My hand is still moving toward that god forsaken handle. Something stop me, stop my hand from turning the knob. My mind isn't my own anymore, as my name becomes a desperate litany from his lips. God that sound, so breathy, lust filled.
I can't even look up as I open the door. I make quick work of it, shutting it fast. I lean back against it and will myself to look. I look up and my mouth literally drops open. Words can't even pass my lips. I'm stuck there, staring at the sight before me. He's hard as hell, his hand moving achingly slow on it.
"Tommy."
He moans it again and I don't know how I didn't come in my pants right there. I gasp, but my hand is too late to cover the sound. He looks up then. His eyes are glazed, so dark, looking at me. They make my entire body shudder. I thought for sure he would stop. I was waiting for that damn smirk that never came. He's too far gone, too lost in his need to stop now.
Why does he have to stare at me like that? I'm so damned hard it isn't even right, and those eyes could be my undoing. I'm freed from their grip when he let's his head fall back. So fucking beautiful. His head thrown back, his back arched. I've seen a similar version of this. That back bend in front of Monte on 20th Century Boy. The terrible thoughts I had of crawling up his body when he's like that. I have free reign to do it right now, but I'm still awestruck.
The moans get louder, his fist moving faster. He's going to shoot, I know. I bite my lip in anticipation. My cock is literally throbbing in my pants. I swear no woman I've been with has ever made me this hard in my life. I don't know how I'm not touching it. The sight before me is just all encompassing. I hear a deep groan and he looks up at me. His hair in his eyes, but I see those eyes on me.
"Tommy..."
He says it one more time just as the come starts to spill from his cock. Out of nowhere I lick my lips, suddenly hungry for the juices flowing before me.
My resistance and inhibitions have totally dissolved. I pull my t-shirt off, my hands working to unbutton my pants. Once again I can't censor myself and a moan escapes me as I slide my pants off, freeing my aching cock. I swear I merely blinked and he's on me.
"Shit." is all I can manage as I feel him against me.
He's fucking hard again, and slicked with his own come. It feels so delicious, I can't stop my body from moving against his. He dips his head, brushing those all too sexy lips against my neck. He slides them up to my ear and whispers into it.
"I want you so fucking bad."
I shiver again, my cock twitching at his words. His hands find mine and pull them up, pinning them over my head. I whimper feeling his larger body pressed so tight to mine. The shear size difference is inexplicably turning me on even more. He takes my lips in a kiss. I've kissed him hundreds of times, but this one has turned me into a whimpering mess. It's so brutal, so hungry, so needy. I can do nothing but answer with the same force.
We break apart panting and he starts moving those hips. Those fucking, god damn hips. His cock grinding so hard against mine. He moans again, his eyes on mine. My body wantonly moving against his. I need to come so fucking bad, and this friction is sweet torture.
"Come for me kitty."
That was all he said and I came undone. My body shuddering, coming harder than ever before. If his body wasn't pinned against mine I would have collapsed right there. I feel him start to grind against me again.
"Fuck Adam." I whimper feeling his cock still so hard.
He didn't come yet? How the hell did he not? My mind races, but before my thoughts come together, he lifts me up. Out of sheer instinct I never knew I had, I wrap my legs around his waist. He groans at the feel, keeping his composure, he moves us to his bed. He lays me down, and my legs unlock from him.
I bite my lip, survival instinct making me slid up the bed. He looks like some sort of hungry wolf about the pounce. He crawls up my body, hovering above me. He kisses me again, just as hungry as the first. Those lips, I can't help but suck on them in response. So full and pouted from our hungry kisses. I'm so lost that I barely feel him move. I only notice when I hear the pop of a top. I whimper softly into his mouth. I'm a bit frightened, I've obviously have never done this. I know Adam wouldn't hurt me. Although that cock could. The sheer size of it, so big, thick.
I'm brought out of my inner thoughts by Adam's slick finger slowly sliding into me. my body reacts before mine mind, as I push back against it.
"Mmm so anxious."
That tone, so dark, all knowing, I wish I cold punch him. I refuse to look at his face, I know what looks resides there. I gasp as he adds another finger. He jabs just the right spot and I'm gone.
"Adam... fuck." I moan finally meeting his gaze.
That damn smirk is there, I'd slap it off his face if he wasn't so damn hot. He's smug now because he has me where he's always wanted me. He adds a third finger and I feel like I"m going to bust. It's no where near the size of his cock though. He moves them against that damn spot again. To my own disbelief, I am hard again. He slips his fingers out and I whimper at the loss. I look up into his eyes wondering if he can see the fear masked by my lust. Then I feel the head of his cock against me.
"Oh god." is all I can muster, feeling the slick head move against my hole.
He moves so painstakingly slow, biting down so hard on his own lip I swear he'll make it bleed. I can tell he's barely containing himself, or he'd shoot right now. All I can do is let him fill me. I fear I can't take it all. I feel so full and he's only halfway in.
"So tight Tommy. Uh fuck."
As he buries himself to the hilt, his head falls to my shoulder. If either of us moved right now he'd be gone. We're holding our breath scared to move. Seconds seem like minutes. Should I move? Should I wait for him to move? My body is taking over, moving back against him. He shudders against me, groaning against my neck.
"You like that kitty? Huh? My rockstar cock deep inside your ass."
I'm scared to admit it to myself, but I do. I more than like it, I love it. He laughs softly.
"It's ok kitty. I know."
He slides his hand down to my cock, stroking it slowly. He matches the rhythm of his hand and I'm a moaning mess. I'm not even sure what I'm saying. The only thing I know is that if he hits that spot one more time it's over. As if reading my mind, his grip tightens, his pace quickens, and his cock hits my spot. With that I'm done for. I scream, I don't care who hears it. I come so hard, spilling over his hand. He shudders against me and thrusts hard into me again. It hurts a bit, but I don't care. My nails rake down his back. He's so close I can tell. Only my words can push him over the edge.
"Come for me Adam. Make that rockstar cock shoot in my ass."
He trembles, burying his head in my shoulder. He growls against my neck and I feel his teeth sink in. I can't help but feel my cock twitch at the sensation. I gasp and within seconds he's shooting deep inside my ass.
"Adam." I pant as he collapses against me.
We lay together panting. I don't think either of us can comprehend what has happened. Minutes pass before he finally slides off my body to lay next to me. I don't know what to do, I just lay there and wait for him to make a move. My body grows restless, the need to feel him overwhelming. I move against him, laying my head on his chest. His soft sigh triggers and involuntary purr from me.
"Tommy," he sighs, "My pretty kitty."
I still have no words to say. I can't muster them. My eyes flutter, the surroundings beginning to fade. Much like the lines drawn in my soul that have begun to blur.