Lavender Brown Knows What Witches Want (George Weasley Thinks It's Him) by Luvscharlie
Warnings: Naked men, cocks of all kinds, a bit of descriptive language, and George getting too personal with Roger for his taste. And a ghost Rabastan even though I think in canon it's his brother that we're certain dies.
Author's Notes: Originally written for the October 2010 Month at the_playwitch community on Live Journal where the Wizards of the Month were George Weasley, Rabastan Lestrange and Roger Davies
"Turn, please," said Lavender.
Two of the three naked men standing before the lights set up for the photo shoot turned as instructed, but George Weasley did not. Instead, he stomped his foot and glared. "How many more times do you plan to make us do this before you pick one of us? Fuck, do you want a measuring tape?"
"Such a man," said Lavender under her breath, and added in an even quieter voice, "and a Weasley, no doubt." She gave George a reproachful look. "I'll have you know, Mr. Weasley, that I take more than the size of your—yes, that, into consideration before deciding on a cover model for this magazine. It's my first month working in this position, and I'm not choosing on a whim." She had something to prove. Most people only saw a pretty face when they looked at Lavender Brown, but she was determined to prove that she had a knack for knowing what women wanted, and she'd do well in this employment.
George pointed over at the older man standing on the opposite side of Roger Davies. "That one's not even alive!" George shouted. "Why is he even still here?"
Honestly, there is one pain in the arse in every group! Lavender took a deep breath to keep from shouting back at the unruly ginger who was doing his level best to make her photo shoot difficult, then she calmly recited in disclaimer fashion, "This magazine does not discriminate against the dead, Mr. Weasley. All living and…er… non-living—" Rabastan Lestrange shot her a scowl at the term. "Dead?" she continued, which earned her another menacing sneer. "Ghost? For Merlin's sake, whatever politically correct term that you prefer, just insert it there, okay?" This job was no picnic, despite what Parvati said about Lavender's new employment being a piece of cake. On the surface it sounded nice, stand around and look at naked men all day. And if only they didn't have the ability to speak, it actually might have been.
Rabastan didn't stop scowling, but Lavender suspected that it was more to unnerve her than anything, and he was doing a good job of it. Her attention was drawn back to George, when he began another tirade.
"He's see-through. Do you really think women are going to want to buy a magazine with a see-through cock on the cover?"
Unable to resist the temptation to point out the obvious, Lavender gave George her sweetest smile and said, "Mr. Weasley, I would point out to you that his see-through cock, as you so eloquently put it, is about three inches longer than your rather solid one. And since size matters so much to you-"
"It's girth! Girth is what matters, woman. Don't you know anything?" George's voice grew quieter as he muttered, "Besides there's no way he's got more than an inch on me. And at least a woman would feel mine when it—" He let the sentence die as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked sullen at the criticism of his member. Then he gave Roger Davies' cock a look over and grasped it by the root, causing Roger to squeal in surprised protest and do his best to wriggle free. George held firm. "And just look at this one," he said. "It curves funny. I mean it starts out normal enough." He gave the erect cock in his hand a stroke to show that it did, in fact, begin straight. "But, look." His hand followed the length of Roger's cock as it veered off to the right. "Do you think any woman is going to want to try and shove that thing inside her? I mean the fantasies are going to definitely suffer if she's having to stop and figure out positioning and—"
George's voice, though still droning on, had become a dull hum in Lavender's head. His outburst, though totally disturbing her photo shoot, had actually given her an idea for this month's cover. It was something that had never been done in the history of The PlayWitch.
The PlayWitch Magazine makes history. Sales reach record marks, outselling all other magazines in Europe!
The Prophet, of course, refused to report on such "trash".
Women flocked to the news stands to bring home the October edition of the popular magazine. The cover featured all three men, George Weasley, Roger Davies and Rabastan Lestrange, standing naked behind Lavender Brown. She was reaching back, her hand encircling George's wide cock, and staring at Roger's curved one, her tongue sliding out over her lower lip, as Rabastan's see-through member rested against her shoulder showed her blonde curls behind it.
And while the cocks were impressive, as were the men they were attached to, what the women seemed most taken with was the headline.
"Straight or curved, wide or long, solid or not? Tells us what you like, ladies. The PlayWitch invites your input."
The edition sold out in record time, and there were rumours of a brawl in Diagon Alley over the final issue at one newsstand being ripped to shreds as women fought over it.
Prior to the invitation, The PlayWitch had been run by men who simply assumed they knew what women wanted, just as George had done, sparking Lavender's idea to ask them what they desired—and the owls came in so fast that there was a bit of an incident at the windows of the magazine and subscriptions nearly quadrupled.
The next month's Quibbler (the Prophet still refusing to acknowledge such rubbish as newsworthy) announced Lavender Brown's promotion to Vice-President of the company, and George Weasley's addition to the staff as Collaborative Genius, a title he insisted upon, and the President agreed to despite Lavender's protestations.
Oh well, you can't win them all. But she was quite happy with the victories she'd achieved in her 'piece of cake' job. Staring at naked men all day and making the women of the wizarding world happy—a girl could do worse.