Title: Hands Up

Author: LogicBomb.32

Ships: Meh, JJ/Emily friendship and JJ/Hotch friendship

Summary: Maybe she just needed to move on, accept the fact that Emily was gone, gone and not coming back. But she couldn't.

Authors Note: Started off as one thing and ended as something completely different, now I know that Rossi was the one to talk to JJ but in this fic it was Hotch, so just roll with it please. Go All The Way will be updated before the end of the week, just in case anyone was wondering.

It was totally against protocol.

And yet she didn't care.

Insert Username:

But she still hesitated, her fingers hovering above the keys as she debated. It had to be something that her friend would recognize, but not something that anyone who happened to be scanning the internet could connect back to DC. A small smile played at the corners of her lips as a name came to her, and with that name, a memory

"You've got to go home."

The blond media liaison looked up from the file she was scanning to see a familiar face in her doorway "So should you." She replied, setting her pen down and reclining into her chair.

"Creative response." Emily Prentiss said as she sat down in one of the chairs across the desk from JJ.

"Well" JJ started "it's late and witty comebacks are not incredibly important right now."

"Okay, so what is?"

JJ paused, pondering this for a moment before opening a desk drawer and pulling something out "These."

"Cheetos?" Emily asked, confused.

"Yes." JJ said as if this was completely normal "You want?" she asked, offering the open bag to her friend.

"I think I'll pass" Emily said, shaking her head and smiling as JJ grabbed a handful of puffs and ate them.

"Your loss." JJ said, though her voice was muffled from the food

"How many of those bags do you eat?" Emily asked after a minute of watching JJ devour the contents of the orange bag.

"Does it matter?"

"To me, no? But Hotch might be concerned about an addict working on the team." Emily responded, grinning and she ducked instinctively as the contents of the bag came flying towards it.

She managed to bat most of the puffs away but a few landed on her shirt and she gasped in mock horror as she saw dusty orange streaks on her white blouse "How could you?"

"Like this." JJ said, tossing a few more across the table.

"Oh you're on." Emily grinned, grabbing a handful and chucking them back at JJ

The blond shrieked, a wild, free shriek that Emily hadn't heard from her friend in a long time. Too long. And she laughed, watching as the light in JJ's eyes shone bright as she grabbed pen this time and lobbed it across the table.

Insert Username: CheetOBreath

She smiled sadly as she entered the username and at the same time she hoped that her friend would recognize the name. It was wrong, selfish of her to send this request but at the same time JJ needed to send it. She couldn't recover like everyone else, because Emily wasn't dead to her like everyone else. She was alive, in France or Germany or Brazil. Some part of JJ hoped that she was in France, in the City of Lights, because whenever the brunette talked about her time in Paris she would smile, a simple, happy smile that indicated that out of the memories from her childhood, Paris was a good one.

To whom would you like to send an e-mail request:

The e-mail address had been Emily's idea, amidst the chaos of her 'death' and getting Emily out of the country, the small humor had given JJ a light, a light that the blond had desperately needed. It was still a dark time for everyone, but what they had, that JJ didn't have, was each other. She was back at the Pentagon, trying to live like one of her best friends wasn't 'dead', wasn't half way across the world under another name, another life.

She was still alone.

She got coffee with Garcia when they could, e-mailed Morgan, and Reid, the memories of the twenty something coming to her apartment, sobbing over the loss of a friend, it wasn't enough. Watching Spencer break down night after night, it was a constant reminder of what had happened, the lie that she was living.

And she wanted to tell him, more than anything she wanted to tell the grieving man that his friend was not in fact dead. But she couldn't, couldn't do it, couldn't risk Emily's life, couldn't face the hatred that she knew would come from Spencer. So she was forced into silence.

Are you sure you want to send request: YES

It was sent.

JJ leaned back in her chair, running a hand through the strands of air that had escaped her bun. It was later than normal for JJ to be at the office, especially now that she worked at the Pentagon. Normally she came to work, did her work, and went home but tonight, tonight she couldn't put on the mask. She couldn't go home and force a smile on her lips, she couldn't stay up, waiting for Reid's inevitable appearance. She couldn't do it.

And so she had sought out a way to deal with her emotions, trying to find a way to handle the guilt, handle the sorrow and handle the loss. The firing range didn't work, unloading clip after clip of ammo into a paper target did nothing but frustrate her. Running and boxing helped for short periods of time, but she needed a more permanent solution. That was online Scrabble.

Or so she hoped.

Maybe it was foolish, to sit here and hope that halfway across the world Emily Prentiss would accept an anonymous online Scrabble request. Maybe she just needed to move on, accept the fact that Emily was gone, gone and not coming back.

But she couldn't.

She just couldn't do it.

"It's not your fault."

The voice from her doorway surprised the blond and her hand flew instinctively to her hip where the gun no longer rested "Hotch." She sighed "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you're doing." He said simply, not one to beat around the bush.

"I'm coping" she replied vaguely

"Alone." Hotch said

"It's not like there's anyone else for me to talk to. I can't talk about what happened without putting her life in danger and I won't do that."

Hotch nodded in agreement, she was right after all however that didn't mean that she needed to suffer alone "I know." He said

"Aaron, you didn't come here to remind me that I'm alone. And it's not that I'm thrilled to see you but it's one thirty in the morning, why are you here?"

"Can I sit?" Hotch asked, indicating to the chair across the desk from the blond. JJ indicated he could and he continued "I need to talk about it."

JJ was surprised, of all the years she had worked with Aaron Hotchner never once had he indicated that he wanted to talk, about anything. Not even after Hailey had died and he was attempting to figure out what his life was going to be, he hadn't come to her. This was different, they were connected by a lie that they were living, one that was eating both of them alive as they struggled to watched their teammates handle their grief "So do I." she sighed "But what is there to say Aaron? She's gone, halfway around the world but to everyone that knows her, that knows us, she's dead. There's nothing to talk about." She knew her bitterness had seeped into her voice but she didn't' care, it felt good to talk about it.

"Maybe you're right."

"Come on Hotch. " JJ spat "You didn't apply for access to my office three days ago to come here after hours, when we would be the only ones around, just to do this. What's your game?"

Hotch smiled "I'm here to offer you a job."

She wasn't expecting that "A job?"

"As a profiler."

"A profiler, for the BAU?"

"Yes."

"Why?" It was the essential question for JJ, to go back to the BAU would mean living the lie to a more extreme degree, but it meant no longer being alone.

It meant being back with Garcia and Reid and Rossi and Morgan but it also meant being back with the scum of the earth. It meant the nightmares would return and the sleepless nights would as well, it meant less time with Henry and more time on the road "I don't need an answer right away." He said

"No." JJ said, shaking her head "I can give you one now."

Fin.