Setting: A whiles down the road after 5x10 "Riding in Town Cars with Boys." Once all the drama of royal engagements, pregnancies, paternity tests, car crashes, miscarriages, comas, and weddings has settled.
It had been about 6 months since she lost baby in the car accident, a little over 3 months since she ran from her wedding, and almost 2 months since she told Chuck she needed time to be on her own after all she'd been through before she could be with him or anyone else. She was calling Dan more often. Reluctantly, Dan guessed. He tried to fight it, but it was beginning to be hard for him to see her as just a friend again. So what if she was only around when she was having a Chuck crisis? If it meant he got to see her, he got to see her.
They took a walk to get coffee at "Milk & Roses," three blocks down from the loft. Dan had recommended this place to Blair. He walked by it often, and it always reminded him of her. When she came in, he could tell she was immediately enchanted by its giant wall of books (with a surprisingly decent amount of Wharton novels), garden patio, and quiet jazz songs being played on the grand piano. Blair would never admit to liking any place in Brooklyn, no matter its charm.
She sat and sipped her cappuccino that she was seemingly enjoying while she read. Dan tried to concentrate on reading his novel, but eventually the words on the pages quickly became his excuse to appear normal. He'd flip a page now and again, but really, he was thinking about how nice this was. Nice that they could just sit quietly and read, without any awkwardness. He could sense Blair's mannerisms as he tried to stare at his book, she would shift her weight on her chair, or her eyebrows would slightly scrunch when she probably read something that challenged her thinking. Occasionally he'd pretend to look around so he could steal a glance at her. It may seem corny, but he never really noticed how beautiful she was. He guessed it was more of their witty banter and talks on his couch that first drew him to her.
The faint sunlight of what remained of the day streamed through the front window on her porcelain face and brown hair. She was everything regal and sophisticated about New York while he was its grit, rugged with his untamed curls, 5 o'clock shadow, and wrinkled t-shirt.
He looked out the window, and a teenage girl in a parka snapped a picture on her phone. A "Spotted" post for Gossip Girl no doubt, but he didn't care. It made him happy to think New York would know Blair was with him, even if he was just her friend. For a second he felt so lucky to be sitting across from her.
What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop staring down at her hand? That perfectly manicured little hand with her girly light pink nail polish. He hadn't had this much of an urge to hold someone's hand since…since...he was about 12 and wanted to hold Vanessa Abram's hand just to see what it would be like.
Blair leans over and pokes his shoulder hard and whispers sternly, "Wake up Humphrey! I've finally allowed you to actually sit next to me in a movie theater, for a movie you chose might I add, and this is how you repay me? "
Why did he choose this movie anyway? Sure, Khodorkovsky's political influence in Russia was interesting, but not really hand-holding movie material. Damn. He should have picked that horror movie. He knows Blair always ends up unintentionally sitting closer to him when she's scared.
Dan leaned in close to Blair, "You're hogging the armrest." As he gestured to her arm and gave a coy grin.
Blair rolled her eyes and quickly moved her arm to her lap.
It was a Saturday, and Blair did that thing she always did where she would ask what Dan's plans were and then say that if she were to join him, it would probably ruin his evening, to which Dan would say, "If you want to come over Blair, you're always welcome to."
Knocking.
"Just a second!" Dan threw in the last of the basil. He always bought the fresh kind when he cooked for her.
They started with small talk. Blair talked about her visit to the Kandinsky's exhibit at the Guggenheim, as recommended by Dan, to which Blair complained about how abstract expressionism gave her migraines. While Dan finished cooking, she took off her shoes and made herself comfortable on the couch like she always did. She picked up an open book from his coffee table full of highlights and Post-its.
"Writing a paper?"
"Yeah, on John Milton's, 'Paradise Lost.'"
.
Later they're sitting on the floor well into their spaghetti dinner that Dan cooked. They're halfway into watching "Funny Face" on his laptop while they ate on his coffee table. Blair said he owed her an Audrey movie for his poor art exhibit recommendation.
.
When the movie's over, they're on the floor talking. Blair is leaning back on the couch. Dan's plate is empty, while Blair's still had a small clump of food left on her plate, no more than two bites. That always annoyed him.
Blair asked, "How are things at that low performing hipster breeding school of yours?"
"Blair, need I remind you that you used to go to NYU?"
.
Dan told her about his one crazy professor who made his mentor JL Hall seem more than sane. He told her how he went to a lot of parties before, but the people and parties at NYU didn't hold too much interest for him now.
"Finally developing a preference for the upper east side?" she said with a teasing smile.
He grinned. "Something like that."
.
A while later.
"How can you stand living in a concrete box that doesn't have proper insulation!" she said bossily as she rubbed her arms from the cold.
Dan gets her a fleece blanket.
.
It's getting late and they're sitting on opposite ends of the couch. The conversation gets deeper. Blair is much softer, and her teasing disappears for a while.
She tells Dan that she gets insecure sometimes that Serena is her only girlfriend. She tells him she has this reoccurring dream where she relives that moment when everyone deserted her after Gossip Girl blasted that she slept with Nate and Chuck, and how alone she felt on the met steps. Dan reassures her that she's not alone, and how much Serena would tell him that she cared about her.
Dan eventually tells her about how the ups and downs of the release of Inside make him worry about his future as a writer. Blair acknowledges that she knows she gives him a hard time about his writing, but admits she often quotes his article that she submitted to Vanity Fair.
Blair tells Dan the ugly details of the day her father told Eleanor and her that he was leaving for Paris because he was in love with Roman. Her mom threw her wedding ring at him as he left for the elevator. Dan told her about the day he woke up to the sound of his dad yelling on the phone, "Did you sleep with him?" and how he'd never heard his dad raise his voice to his mom before.
Eventually, she tells him that she wanted to name her baby Ethan, if it was a boy.
Dan holds her close on the couch as she cries into his shirt.
.
Once she's feeling better, Dan puts in Harold and Maude to watch on his laptop to lighten the mood.
It's almost 2 in the morning and the movie's been over for a short while. Their conversation grows as they reach the topic of their exes. Blair's feet are nestled on top of Dan's lap, her legs covered by his plaid fleece blanket.
"You really don't have any regrets?" Dan asked her just to be sure.
"Of course not. I've truly loved everyone I've been with."
"Even…Lord Marcus? Louis' long lost royally evil twin?" he teases.
Blair lightly kicks him under the blanket.
"Yes!" she says half laughing as she makes a face.
"You do have a thing for royalty."
She raises her eyebrows smugly.
"And what about you Humphrey? This coming from someone who's had sex with Georgina Sparks."
"I'd hardly call that dating. More of an…adolescent momentary lapse of judgment."
He pauses.
"Well you know what we do have in common about our exes?"
"What?" Blair asks suspiciously.
"We've both dated celebrities."
Blair scoffs.
"Louis and Marcus were hardly 'celebrities'. You said it yourself, they're royalty. A completely different level. Who have you dated that could even remotely compare? And please. Don't say Serena. Wild and adventurous blonde socialites do not count as celebrities."
"Olivia."
"Please! That second-rate Kristen Stewart vampire actress?" she laughs.
"Mmm, you know… I saved all the articles written about me and her." He looks at her somewhat embarrassed with a grin.
"You did not!" She laughed.
"I did." He nods.
"You're pathetic, Humphrey." She says with a smile.
"What?" he laughs under his breath, "A 21 year old washed up writer like me wants to savor his 15 minutes of fame."
Dan digs out his magazine and newspaper clips of him with Olivia, and Blair scrutinizes her fashion sense and height which secretly made Dan happy. That is, until she commented that his hair looked like a desert tumbleweed in one of the photos.
.
They laugh and talk about their days at Constance, NYU, and W.
Finally their conversation grows to a lull.
"Can I tell you a secret?" she says softly, her tone more serious as she looks down at her mug.
Dan can feel his blood burn for just a second. With all his heart, he hoped she would say something about him. About them. Anything about how she felt about him. His face felt warm, ready to hear her. He wanted desperately for her to truly and finally see him.
"Of course," he mustered.
"I miss Chuck sometimes."
His heart sunk, and he closed his eyes and let out a breath.
He gathered himself and said softly, "I can't do this."
"Do what?" Blair sat up puzzled and removed her feet from his lap.
Frustrated yet confident in his feelings, Dan looked her in the eye and said softly, "I'm in love with you Blair."
Dan felt the words he had been holding in spill out of his mouth onto the floor. He was exposed.
"Dan…" she said quietly and somewhat surprised.
He felt this rush of emotion. He had planned this moment, what he would say, how it would go. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but something overtook him and it all spilled out, "I wanted to tell you so many times. Last summer when you asked me to take you to the Hamptons; the day you came over to hide from the reporters; when I saw you in your wedding dress; when I chased after you at JFK…"
"I didn't realize…" Blair was quiet and soft.
His hand clenched his chest. "It kills me to be your friend Blair." He was speaking with this passion and frustration he didn't think he could ever have for someone. Not like he was angry at her, more like he sincerely cared, "All the years I've known you, I've watched you try and find your fairytale ending and happiness with these men who break your heart over and over. And maybe before that didn't matter much to me, but it does now."
He waits for her response.
"Dan. I'm sorry." She says quietly.
Her eyes are wet and glossy. She looked up at the ceiling to catch her tears,
"I…"
And finally,
"I can't."
He paused to take a breath, "Please Blair. You can't tell me there's not a part of you that doesn't feel the same. Why do you think I was the first person you chose to tell you were pregnant?"
Tears started to run down her cheeks now.
"Why do you come all the way to Brooklyn when you need someone to talk to? You don't go to Chuck. Or Louis. Or Serena…It's us Blair."
Tears running down her face, she let out a quick breath and gives a harsh, "I thought we were friends." She removed the blanket, and headed towards the kitchen counter towards her purse, ready to leave. Dan stood up and followed her.
"Blair…wait…"
He walked to her and grabbed her hand.
"Blair, please, I'm sorry."
Blair quickly looked down at his hand and quickly removed hers. She opened the door.
"I just wanted you to –"
The door shuts.
He looks down and says quietly to himself, "Know how I felt."
It had been 4 days. Dan sat in front of his laptop on his couch, with the title "Afterward" at the top of the page, the blinking cursor staring him down. He didn't know what he wanted to write, and his final draft was due tonight for the re-release of his novel.
The door to his loft swings open suddenly, but he can't see who it is.
He hears two clicks of someone's heels, and he holds his breath.
A warm and familiar voice, "Hey."
It was Serena.
It had been 3 weeks. Blair sat in her bed, Netflix queue open on her laptop, phone in her hand. She typed in "D..." as her phone highlighted the name, Dan Humphrey. She twisted her lips to the side, not knowing what she felt seeing his name, and her finger hesitatingly rested on the call button. She closed her phone and put it on her nightstand. She got annoyed that the Humphrey's had a history of aggravating her to no end. Who did Dan think he was anyway? Ruining their solid friendship and practically insisting that she must have been in love with him too. The boy must have been delusional. She thought about who she could confide in about all this, and ironically thought to herself that Dan would know what she should do.
She walked downstairs to find Dorota dusting in the study.
"You have not spend time with lonely boy lately."
Blair gives a critical scowl to Dorota as she slowly walked around the study tracing her finger along the spines of the books.
"We're not speaking right now actually. It's for the best though. My lungs were getting tired of breathing in Brooklyn pollution."
She stops as her eyes come upon a copy of Inside lying on the counter. This one looks different. And new.
"Dorota, why do we have this atrocious excuse for literature lying around?" She holds the book up like a dirty sock.
"Mr. Humphrey send Serena new copy for helping him with inspiration for afterward."
.
Having never finished the book, she takes it and sits on the chaise by the window and skips ahead to the last few chapters.
About half an hour after she finished the book.
"There you are."
Dan was sitting in Central Park reading on a bench. He looked up at her not knowing what to say.
"I saw you were here on the Gossip Girl spotted map." She said softly as she gestured to her phone.
Dan was just silent, and watched her as she sat down next to him.
"Blair…" he starts.
"It's ok." She interrupted.
"We still friends?"
She ignores the question, "I hated your afterward."
"Yeah?" He says and he can feel his mood brighten. He's just happy she's speaking to him.
"You once had potential as a writer Humphrey."
"What did you hate about it?"
She's quiet and she looks down at her hands then looked up at Dan.
"You said if you could change anything about the book, it's that…Charlie Trout…God Dan, you couldn't think of more original names?"
Dan raises his eyebrow at her like he wants her to continue.
"Sorry. What I'm trying to say is, you said Charlie didn't deserve to die alone, and he should have ended up with Clair."
She seemed nervous.
"And while that's true, and he doesn't deserve that…Clair…"
She pauses.
"Belongs with Dylan…I think she always loved him, but was too afraid to face it or, admit it…I was too afraid to…"
Dan can't help it, and a grin creeps up on his face, as he's looking down. He smiles then leans over and nudges her with his shoulder.
"Want to see a movie with me tonight Waldorf?"
Blair seems a bit confused, "That's all you have to say?"
He nods trying to fight a smile.
"Ok…." she says inquisitively. "But you're buying me popcorn."
This time in the theater, when the opening credits are rolling, Dan reaches over and laces his fingers into hers, just to see what it would be like. She looks down at their hands surprised and she smiles at him while he reciprocates a smile still looking at the screen. She finally sees him and she doesn't pull away.