As you may have guessed from the title, this is a song fic and a one-shot, inspired by the lovely Regina Spektor and her song "Fidelity". I really think that the lyrics sum up the problem with Hiei- he never "loved nobody fully". Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!
Fidelity
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I never loved nobody fully Always one foot on the ground And by protecting my heart truly I got lost in the sounds
Hiei didn't quite hesitate on the branch that he usually used as his vaulting point into Kurama's room; nor can it be said that Hiei entered as brazenly as he normally did. The window was just a touch slower opening as well, the sound of it smacking open a little softer; the disconnects were picked up on by the red-haired kitsune currently inhabiting the room, of course, and his pencil stopped moving across the paper.
"Is there something wrong?" Kurama asked as he looked up from his homework, gaze suddenly a little too alert for Hiei's liking.
"Hn," was Hiei's only response as he crouched on the windowsill. Kurama looked at him a moment, waiting for him to come down from the opening.
"Either come in, or stay out," Kurama advised when he made no further movement, raising an eyebrow. "You might be comfortable in this weather, but I am not. And take off your shoes, please." As if to accentuate his words, a freezing breeze came in, sending him shivering in his cool silk pajamas. Standing, he pulled a quilt from the bed and wrapped him around himself before seating himself once more. Kurama looked at Hiei for a moment, waiting for him to close the window. "Hiei?" he asked, a touch of impatience and concern in his voice.
Hiei stayed on the windowsill, lips thinned and eyes narrowed for another second of time, before fully entering the room, shutting the window behind him with a decisive snap. Hiei's pointed look said, 'There, are you happy?'
Kurama looked, equally pointedly, at his feet. Hiei sighed, and removed his boots with the air of someone doing a huge and unjustifiable favor for another.
Kurama simply sneezed in the face of Hiei's glare, then reached for a tissue. "I wonder who was speaking." He paused, waiting for the second sneeze, and was gratified when it never came. "Oh, it was good!"
"Kurama?" Hiei wondered uncertainly. He left his shoes right underneath the windowsill and moved to sit against the wall next to them.
Kurama waved a hand. "I thought I had explained…I guess not. It's a human cultural thing: when someone sneezes without obvious cause, they say it means that someone else was talking about you. If you only sneeze once, it's considered a sign that whatever was being said was favorable."
Hiei's face might have twitched the slightest bit. He didn't want to delve to deeply into the idea that someone might be talking about the kitsune, especially when given the fact that it was favorable. He was having enough trouble keeping Kurama out of his mind already. Like now. I do not need to be having any delusions about- he cut himself off, shoving off unwanted feelings with force of both will and practice while keeping his face totally impassive. "That's ridiculous," he commented flatly.
Kurama shrugged. "I suppose. I think it's somewhat quaint." Kurama studied him for a moment, ruby and emerald not quite meeting each other. Why is he so intent on avoiding my gaze? Without another word, Kurama returned to the remainder of his homework, giving Hiei the chance to silently exhale and relax.
Every so often, Kurama would peek over, taking in the sight of the other demon. He seemed preoccupied with something. I wonder what. A thought occurred. I wonder if the what is a who. Kurama's heart plummeted at the thought. No, Hiei's not the type to spend hours on end worrying about an person. He'd be the type to either blurt out his feelings at the first and earliest opportunity just so he doesn't have to deal with them anymore, or he'd never say a word about them.
Kurama sighed lightly, making sure that it was quiet enough not to disturb Hiei's thoughts. That being said, I somehow doubt there is a who on his mind. Well, maybe. Kurama glanced at him yet again. He broods like that over Yukina. He let his heart ache in peace for a moment. I wish I could get him to understand- to Hiei, words are just another form of communication. Action, power, those are the things that matter. Therein lies the irony; I can't use words to persuade Hiei to tell her, and there isn't any real action that can be taken that would work- I can just imagine it. Yusuke would pin him down, I'd give you Yukina the news. As if Hiei wouldn't hate us enough, making it a counterproductive move, Yukina probably wouldn't take it so well.
Add in the fact that he truly doesn't believe he's worth her unconditional love- a ridiculous idea to begin with- and the fact that he would never tell her unless he knew, 100% that he was at no risk of being hurt, and you've got a wonderful situation. Unless something drastic changes, Hiei won't ever tell her. Kurama's writing slowed, then stopped.
He set his pencil down, then looked over at his friend and unknowing love. "Hiei?" he asked, softly, hating how gentle his voice was and completely unable to stop it.
I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind all these words I hear in my mind all this music
While Kurama's attention was focused elsewhere, Hiei immediately felt as though he was fighting a war, one with three major parties.
Firstly was his fear, his desire to be anywhere but in Kurama's room, anywhere but looking and lusting after the kitsune. His fear of love, fear of commitment, fear of that soft smile that a niggling voice in the back of his mind insisted was just for him. And I would do anything to be done with this. I would do anything to be free to leave and never come back, to be able to hate you as I please. I would do anything to keep you from realizing how I feel.
Equal to the fear was love, a force that drove his skittering gaze to drink in the sight of the busily working kitsune. Love for the kindness he'd shown, for the thousands of healed cuts and bruises, for the offered partnership that had swelled into friendship when he wasn't looking. For everything, it seemed. And I would do anything to kiss you, to see if you feel the way that I do. I'd do anything to make you smile and laugh and make those tiny sarcastic remarks that Yusuke and Kuwabara never seem to fully get. I would do anything to tell you how I feel.
Torn between the two was the crying child, wanting the comfort that a kind hand could bring, while also flinching back from the hand in expectation of a blow. The child's tears were a thousand pains, large and small alike waiting to be released, and examined under the light and- not dismissed, but made bearable, made acceptable wounds in the face of what was to come. The child's voice simply repeated, over and over, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!
Each of the three feelings, clamoring for attention, clamoring to be followed locked Hiei's limbs. He couldn't have budged even if he wanted to, transfixed by ever memory of Kurama being brought up and examined from every conceivable angle and quite a few unconceivable ones. I want and fear his love, without even knowing what love is. I sure as hell didn't have it as a child. What if, against all odds, he might have some feelings for me? What am I supposed to do when he realizes that I don't know how to love anyone back?
"Hiei?"And it breaks my heart And it breaks my heart And it breaks my heart It breaks my heart
Hiei's head snapped up, and with years of practice, he managed to answer in a voice carefully stripped of emotions and replaced with general irritability, "What?"
Again, Hiei suspected Kurama of knowing more than he let on. Those green eyes, always planning and thinking and choosing the right words to make him feel guilty or happy or- it was insufferable. Just leave, and he can't do that anymore, his fear whispered. "Nothing, I was just wondering if there was something on your mind?" There was the merest suggestion of a smile in the corners of Kurama's mouth.
"No." Hiei muttered flatly, darkly. "Absolutely not."
Kurama didn't look convinced one iota. "It's not raining tonight."
"So?"
"You usually only come this late if it starts to rain unexpectedly. Actually…why are you here at all? You should still be at the border. Don't tell me you've finally cracked and killed someone- or, as is probable in your case, quite a few someones- and are now on the run. I don't plan on getting involved in that sort of nonsense." Kurama grinned slightly taking any edge off the words and assuring Hiei that they weren't serious.
"I just needed to get away from all the stupidity." I certainly can't tell him that Mukuro told me to get the fuck out of there before she killed me for mooning over Kurama so much. And I certainly, certainly can't tell him that when I denied it, she took me aside and made a point of mentioning every single time I'd seen him I got the strangest look on my face. And I certainly certainly certainly can't tell him that Mukuro warned me that she'd been in my mind, and if I tried to lie to her about you ever again, she'd kick my ass right back into the Ningenkai and make sure that I lived here for the rest of my life, and then watched as I walked across the border.
Kurama's pursed lips indicated he didn't believe Hiei. Well, I don't care. He doesn't have to believe me. To enforce this, Hiei glared up at his friend, unmistakably mulish set to his chin. If he's not satisfied with that answer, he can just deal.
"Well, if you needed to get away from stupidity, somehow I doubt that your first instinct was to come over to the Ningenkai. After all, 'stupid' was probably the kindest thing you've called most humans," Kurama said, adjusting the quilt. Hiei opened his mouth, probably to interject the fact that Kurama was not exactly human when Kurama cut him off. "Have you seen Yukina since you came back?" he questioned, abruptly shifting gears. The last thing I need is to press Hiei- if I question why he's here to intently, he's liable to just run off.
Hiei frowned, taken aback. "No. Why would I?"
Kurama gave him a long suffering glance. "This is the first time you've been back in what, three years? More? And you can't even be bothered to visit her for five minutes, to show your sister so small a kindness as to give her hope? She's been waiting with admirable patience for you to give her clues about the whereabouts of he long lost brother."
"She doesn't know who I am," Hiei reminded, as if it were a fact that could be forgotten easily. His fingers twitched, as if wanting to grasp the two hirui stones that hung around his neck. "It's just as well that I don't visit. She might ask too many questions."
"Too late," Kurama informed him dryly. "If you bothered to stop by more than once in a blue moon, you'd have realized that Yukina is getting suspicious. She's kind, not an idiot. I think she knows that we at least know who her brother is."
Hiei half rose. "You wouldn't dare tell her. I'd kill you, you know I would." The distinct sound of a katana sliding out of its sheath filled the room.
Kurama didn't so much as flinch; this time, a long suffering sigh accompanied the long suffering glance. Kurama opened his mouth to speak and then stopped. Hiei tensed, still half-standing, waiting to see if Kurama would continue. Finally, after an endless age, Kurama whispered, piercing gaze finding Hiei's, "Why are you so damn afraid of her?"
And suppose I never met you Suppose we never fell in love Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you Suppose we never ever called Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
"Afraid?" Hiei tried to bluster, but couldn't help the notes of confusion. "Have you lost your mind to say something so stupid? I suppose I have the oaf to thank for that." Inside, all three emotions stopped their war to stare at Kurama in confusion as well. What does that have to do with anything? What is the kitsune getting at?
"Yes, afraid. Don't give me that look, Hiei. You can't be in the same room with her without twitching, you can't seem to lie to her- which is one of the reasons why I think you tried to give me the hirui stone to give to her- you can't seem to show her any kind of affection, you outright hate it when she touches you, you can't even show her a semblance of friendship!"
"I'm not her friend!" Hiei growled, focusing on the one part of Kurama's attack that he could combat.
"No. You're her brother." Kurama's tone allowed no argument. Kurama gave a Hiei a slightly scornful look. Instead of disappearing, Hiei stood his ground, but avoided Kurama's gaze. That's strange. Usually if I push this much, he just vanishes back into the Makai and refuses to come back until I promise not to speak of it. Why hasn't he done that.
"And?"
"And what? She deserves to know!"
Hiei nearly hated himself for the next words, but he couldn't stop himself. "Like Shiori should know?"
Rage stole his breath for a second of time, and Kurama spent that wasted breath glaring nastily at Hiei; Kurama's glare had far more affect on Hiei than Hiei's did on Kurama. "That's completely different, and you know it. And before you open your mouth, I'll tell you how it is different. Shiori, unlike Yukina, does not exist under the misconception that youkai don't exist. Yukina, unlike Shiori, has actively been seeking for her brother knowing that her brother could not possibly be perfect because he never even had the opportunity to grow up with a home. Shiori, unlike Yukina, has already directly given her love to me-" a sudden darkening of Kurama's eyes said that he still didn't understand why, "-but Yukina, like Shiori is a kind and loving soul who deserves every hope and happiness. And she wants to find her brother and love him. And if you didn't agree with me you wouldn't be so afraid of her."
Hiei found his throat stuck for too long a second. Kurama's eyes grew a touch sorrowful. "Just give her a chance to love you. She deserves it. You deserve it." Please Hiei, just listen to the words. Just give in, for once. Bend before you break and tell Yukina the truth!
Just to break my fall Just to break my fall Break my fall Break my fall
"No one deserves to be told that their brother is a murderer, and a criminal, and grew up in the worst slums of the Makai. She doesn't deserve-" Hiei might have continued, but he hadn't shared the most painful of moments of his past with anyone in his life, and wasn't about to start. "No. Just…no." Hiei couldn't look at Kurama, couldn't see that disappointment in his eyes.
"There isn't anything that can change your mind?" Kurama didn't sound hopeful.
"No." Hiei's voice was thick with a myriad of emotions. "There's nothing that would force me to put her through that."
"Alright. For a moment, let's pretend that the only reason you're not telling her is for her sake, and not because your self esteem is not much higher than you are-" Hiei shot Kurama a dirty look, which was promptly ignored as unimportant, "But seriously. What if you could tell her without any risk to yourself?"
"Any risk to myself?" Hiei said uncertainly. "What do you mean?"
Kurama felt his heart in his throat. This was the last gamble, the last chance, the last possibility. He'd hoped for years that Hiei might change just enough to tell Yukina the truth without this to fall back on, but clearly that was to high a hope. Telling Yukina…that would change him so much. Yukina's love isn't something he can run away from or ignore, or downplay, like he can with us. And Yukina is sure to love him- that much love can't help but heal wounds that Hiei doesn't even know he has.
"What do you mean?" Hiei pressed. He stood from his crouched position. His eyes were full of suspicion and a general wariness that reminded Kurama more of a wounded animal than a person.
Kurama swallowed thickly. This is your last chance to back out, your last chance to lie about it… Kurama pushed those thoughts away, and said, in a tone that only wavered a little, "Dream pollen."
Hiei looked as though the term had been a non-sequitur. "Dream pollen?" He ventured. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Kurama couldn't meet his gaze. Inside the quilt his hands were clenched into tight fists, nails on the verge of drawing blood. Please let me be doing the right thing. Please, please, pelase Kami-sama, don't let me be screwing this up beyond all repair. In contrast to his inner turmoil, Kurama's voice was steady. "Yes. If you tell her, and she doesn't want you as a brother, I'll make her forget. Then, I'll give her the hirui necklace back and tell her that her brother is dead." Hiei began to say something only to be interrupted by Kurama. "But this deal is a two way street, Hiei. If she accepts you as her brother, you're not going to be able to back out of that deal. You have to visit her, at least once a month, you have to make her happy. You have to act and be her brother in more than name. You have to listen to her, and…" Kurama looked up when the window slammed open, but Hiei had already gone.
Green eyes were serious, his voice muted when he finished aloud into the empty room. "And…you've got to allow her to love you, Hiei. Please." All my friends say that of course its
Gonna get better Gonna get better Better better better better Better better better
"Shuichi?" his mother knocked on the door. When Kurama voiced his consent for her to enter, she frowned. "Dear, why is your window open? It's freezing!" She shivered, walking over the close it. Kurama flinched when it snapped shut.
Drawing his attention away from the heated conversation that had just taken place, Kurama said, "Sorry, mother. The stars are especially bright tonight. It's nice."
Shiori's face softened. "I know, dear." And hand reached up, brushing away the scarlet bangs in order to plant a soft kiss to his forehead. A cool hand cupped his cheek. "Are you alright? I thought I heard voices."
"I'm fine, Mother," Kurama said in his most reassuring voice. "I'm just doing some homework. I must have been speaking aloud." Kurama didn't meet her eyes, and thus she didn't see the slight tightening in the corners of her mouth. She smoothed her son's hair down once more, unwilling to press for answers when he looked so despondent.
"Of course, dear." Shiori pressed a final kiss to his forehead and stood. "If you need anything, I'm downstairs." She left, shutting the door behind her. She stood outside the door for a moment, musing. Oh, Shuichi, if you only knew just how badly a mother's instincts can clamor…
I never love nobody fully Always one foot on the ground And by protecting my heart truly I got lost in the sounds
Hiei wasn't sure how to respond to Kurama's offer- but he needed to get out of the room, needed to run, needed to outrun his thoughts for a little while until he could get his emotions under better control. Without thinking, Hiei ripped open a portal to the Makai and was through it in an eye blink's time.
Hiei raced forward, each step increasing his pace until non but the most powerful youkai would sense him.
"Is there a particular reason for all this running?" Mukuro's mellow voice asked from beside him. Unthinking, Hiei lashed out with his katana, a strike that the woman easily dodged. "That's not very kind. What happened?"
Hiei ignored her, running even faster. Sweat began to prickle at his brow, but he had a sense of perverse pleasure watching Mukuro struggle for a second before matching the new pace. Even so, she found the energy to sigh as though the situation at hand was no more inconvenient than a paper cut. Instead of speaking, she simply ran with Hiei, footsteps falling at the same time. The steady rhythm gave something for Hiei to focus on as he separated all of his emotions single-mindedly.
Many miles later, the sun began it's steady crawl over the horizon, and Hiei finally slowed. Mukuro stopped as well, until they both remained still, breathing heavily. "What happened?" the woman asked again. "I thought I sent you to the Ningenkai to get your head in order."
Hiei bared his teeth, fangs glinting in the early light. Mukuro rolled her eyes at the show of power. Sometimes he's more belligerent than even I want to deal with, she thought dryly. "Don't be stupid." She stood there, waiting impatiently.
Hiei's jagon eye flared to life, brightening for a few moments. Is he checking something? Mukuro wondered briefly.
"Kurama offered to use the dream pollen on Yukina."
Mukuro didn't respond, knowing that such a statement would require a level of diplomacy she hadn't needed to use since before Raizen's heir had appeared. "Oh?" Her voice was carefully neutral. Hiei's head snapped towards her. Very careful handling indeed.
"Kurama said that if I told Yukina I was her brother and she reacted…poorly, he would use his dream pollen on her to erase the memories."
"That's an interesting proposition." Until Hiei made his opinion clear, she wasn't going to push him towards one side or the other.
"Hn," was all the answer Hiei gave her, and then he turned around towards the border. His run was not as fast as previously; now it was a more comfortable jog.
Mukuro snarled under her breath, frustrated, as she watched him go. You fool, she thought, mouth tight. Kurama's offered a nearly perfect fallback plan, and you won't take it? I'm not sure whether to beat you to a bloody pulp or to laugh myself sick at how moronic your behavior is. As if it wasn't enough, you're in love with a kitsune all while distancing yourself from him and any other person who could provide friendship or comfort. Hell, you fuckhead, even I've got friends. Mukuro sighed heavily, knowing that if she had just said those very words to Hiei he'd denied it to his dying breath.
Is there any way for me to convince him to take this deal? A promise…if I can defeat him in a serious battle, with a free promise to the winner, I can force him to take the deal. His honor won't permit him to back out of it, and I know that it'll work out for the best. Mukuro's lips curved in a distinctive devilish smile. Perhaps it's a good thing I spent centuries completely in charge of a third of the Makai. It's made my strategies wonderfully precise- I know just how to handle this. The smile widened, and Mukuro began to plan.
The plan didn't come to fruition, however, for another three weeks. Hiei had spent his time with a closed jaw and an obsession with training. When Hiei finally halted, chest heaving, Mukuro sauntered up. "What do you say to a battle?" she questioned as if it was no more than curiosity that moved her.
Red eyes met hers suspiciously. Mukuro knew that he was trying to probe her for information, wondering why she hadn't pressed him for more information when she's finally made her way back to border control. Mukuro gave a quick shrug. "I'll make it enticing," she said with a quick smile.
Suspicion turned to outright wariness. His stance shifted slightly. "How so?"
"What is that charming phrase Raizen's heir once used? Ah, yes, a 'get out of jail free' card."
Red eyes blinked. "Excuse me?" Every line of Hiei's body was filled with disbelief, whether from the phrase or the offer Mukuro wasn't sure.
"Exactly as it sounds. We do battle, and whoever wins gets one free wish, as it were."
Hiei smirked. "That sounds like an interesting proposition, Mukuro."
I hear in my mind all these voices I hear in my mind all these words I hear in my mind all this music
Hiei groaned. Every muscle, every bone, every ligament, tendon, organ ached ferociously. "Shit," he breathed, unwilling to move. Eyes still tightly shut, he wondered, When did I last feel this fucked up even after hibernation? Oh, right. Last time I dueled with Mukuro. A pair of hands reached underneath him, supporting him as he sat up. His eyes finally opened, and he blew out an annoyed breath when he saw that it was Mukuro sitting next to him. The movement sent a wave of pain rippling down his side. "Bruised or broken?" he asked. His ribs were never hurt this badly unless it was one or the other.
"Broken, healed, but still bruised to the bone."
"Wonderful. Damage report?"
"More bruises and contusions and broken bones than you know what to deal with. And that's after a healing," was the only answer Mukuro would give. "Now, if I remember correctly, we had a wager."
Something about the words made Hiei tense. I thought she already had a plan for me in mind when she challenged me, and this only proves it. That was a big risk though, since I could have made her do anything. Unfortunately, the risk paid off and now I get to suffer through the consequences. Hiei glanced at Mukuro. If she thinks she can use it to make me confess my feelings for the kitsune, she has another thing coming. He tensed further, waiting for Mukuro's request.
"If Kurama's offer still stands, take it."
Hiei's thoughts were lightening quick, already searching for ways out of it. "And if the offer has been rescinded?"
"Than you are free of the wager. Otherwise, take the deal."
Hiei pulled himself out of Mukuro's grip. He was going to support himself if it killed him. "No was in hell."
Mukuro's face might as well have been made completely of steel. "If that's your final response, then I'll simply have to kill you. You're weak enough now that it would barely take a moment of effort."
"You're not any better yourself," Hiei spat, glaring fiercely at her even knowing that Mukuro would follow through on her threat.
"Are you sure?" she suggest in a murmur. "Are you entirely sure that you want to test that theory of yours with your life on the line?" Her voice mellowed, taking on a persuasive warmth. "What's the big deal? What does it really cost you?"
"Love." Hiei's voice rasped on the word.
Mukuro's hands trembled the slightest amount. Here was where the work would really start- and she started by lying through her teeth. "What's love? An emotion, that's all. You can handle it. Besides, if you don't, not only will you be dead, but your reputation will be forever tarnished. You won't have even died in battle. It would be pathetic. On the other hand, what does Kurama's deal cost you? A sister if you win, knowledge if you lose. It's a gamble and either way you can come out ahead. Either way you come out stronger." It was the lure of strength, Mukuro knew, that would hook him. She left then, left him to ponder her words.
"Strength," Hiei breathed, laying back down to ease his headache. Ever since the day I was born I've searched for every piece of strength I could find. I did it to find Yukina, Hyoga and my hirui stone at first, and then before I'd even realized it, Kurama, Yusuke…even the oaf, even- Genkai, Mukuro, the others, I did it for them. And then when I realized I had so much to lose, I was so tired. I didn't want to have anything to do with them any more. But now…I can't. I couldn't stand it if they just moved on without me. I love Kurama, I think, even as I'm terrified of him. I still want to grow stronger, but not for me. For them. To protect them. To help them.
To kill for them.
To die for them.
Hiei closed his burning eyes. And I can't even find the energy to will it back the way it was, when it was so easy just to hate everyone and anything. I'm going to take the deal, Hiei realized with a choked gasp. A hand flew up to his mouth, smothering the noise. Before Mukuro even said anything, I'd already agreed to it. I'm going to do this for my sister, for them.
And it breaks my heart It breaks my heart Breaks my Heart Breaks my heart
A day passed, then a week, then a month and then two. Kurama couldn't quite keep his hope from disappearing completely, but it had dimmed so much as to be nearly nonexistent. If he hasn't come by now, then he's not going to agree, not ever. Kurama wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not. His proposal was a risky proposition at best, at he had no idea if it would actually work.
Despite the spring buds that were peaking out of the garden, the gust of cool air was enough to send Kurama shivering. But the window isn't open- He whirled in his chair. "Hiei?" he gasped.
Sure enough, the petit youkai was standing inches from the kitsune's chair. Hiei inhaled, as if preparing himself for some huge undertaking, and asked in a low, trembling voice. "Is that offer still available?"
Kurama licked his lips, missing Hiei's blatant stare at the kitsune's mouth. "Yes," he rasped.
"Do you have school tomorrow?" Hiei's gaze captured Kurama's.
"No."
Hiei closed his eyes for a moment, and if Kurama didn't know better he might have suspected that he was trying to gather courage. "Can we go tomorrow? Please?"
Kurama had never heard a plea from Hiei's lips before and he blinked once in disbelief. "Hiei?" he questioned, wondering if his friend and love was alright. He's so nervous about this. I shouldn't have cornered him. "Hiei, if you're not comfortable with it, don't do this," he pleaded. Listen to me. Just a few weeks ago I would have died happily to have him agree. Now I'm not so sure- if it goes poorly, it will be a confirmation of every despicable thing that Hiei has believed himself to be in the past. I'd rather not lose his friendship over this, Kurama realized with a start. But it's too late now.
"No. We're doing this." We're, Kurama noted, not me. I guess I don't blame him for not wanting to do this alone. "If you're sure…" Kurama trailed off, leaving an opening for Hiei to use. Hiei's look kept him from protesting further. "Tomorrow morning, once we're awake." Kurama agreed.
Hiei looked torn, unable to form a real response. His lips moved for a moment, and then he was gone again.
Please let this be the right thing to do, Hiei thought in desperation as he raced from rooftop to rooftop. Don't let Kurama screw this up, don't let Yukina hate me for everything I've done, don't let me say the wrong thing. Don't let me alienate Kurama, don't let him abandon me. Yukina, don't…just don't. His hands were both clutching at the hirui stones, throwing wild wishes at the pair as though they could answer his prayers. Please…he begged, his defenses damaged almost beyond repair. Let this work.
Please let this work. Kurama thought as he slowly shut his window. Please, Kami-sama, please tell me that I did the right thing- the right combination of words and actions to cement the change Hiei's been going through for so long. He deserves every happiness in the world, as does Yukina. Please, Yukina, accept him for the brother that he is and keep him around- love him, because he's really a good person. Please…he begged, his hopes too battered to survive another defeat. Let this work.
Miles away from each other, both paused, looking up at the sky, thinking the same words. And maybe, if I'm luckier than I have any right to be, when this is done, just maybe…
Maybe he'll return my love.
And it breaks my heart It breaks my heart Breaks my Heart Breaks my heart
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The End