She tried not to think about the ifs. The ways that her life might be different if only one small thing was changed, about how they really could have been perfect… only if.
She tried not to think about what her life would be like if they lived somewhere else. Somewhere far away from Rosewood, where the grass grew tall, and the sounds of whispers didn't follow her everywhere. Because if they didn't live in Rosewood everything would be different. If they didn't live in Rosewood they might have met at a Sadie Hawkins dance, and he would have noticed that they had matching chin dimples and smiled a little at that and she would have asked him to dance. If they didn't live in Rosewood they would date for a couple of weeks and then she would introduce him to her family, and he to hers, and there would be no drama. Her mother would love him, and she'd be able to bond with his stepsister over their mutually intense personalities. After a couple of months they would start talking about the future, about college, and how they were going to go together. And then they would. Then after a couple of years he would propose and she would say yes and they would live happily ever after because that's how it was supposed to be for them. But they did live in Rosewood, and in Rosewood there was never a happily ever after for anyone. Why had she ever imagined that they'd be any different?
She tried not to think about what would have happened if Alison had never died. If Alison had never died she would have cut the cord with her right there and then after that night in the barn. If Alison had never died all four girls would have eventually drifted away from Alison and become who they were now… only happier. And eventually she would have realized that Alison had set him up. Eventually she would have seen that everything that Alison had ever said about him was a lie. Then she would go and apologize. She'd apologize about the mess the five of them had made, she'd apologize and he'd accept, because his life was so hard that he'd really need a friend. And she would be that friend for him. She'd listen to him about Jenna and believe him that it was never his fault. And he'd help her with her family too. He'd help her mend ties with her parents, and Melissa because he was just so good at fixing things. If Alison had never died they'd have escaped Rosewood eventually, because he'd be able to do whatever he wanted because he would have finished high school and gone to college because no one would ever call him a murderer. If Alison had never died they would have found their happily ever after somewhere far away from all the pain and suffering that seemed to forever plague their town. But Alison had died, and secrets had to be guarded, and there was no way for her to leave Rosewood to chase a fairytale ending that was just out of reach.
She tried not to think about what would be different if A hadn't targeted her. If A hadn't targeted her then they would never have been framed for murder. If A hadn't targeted her she would have eventually believed Emily that he was a good guy, and she would have hung out with the two of them as a favor to Emily. She would have realized immediately that there was nothing sinister about him, and she would have given him a chance. If A had never targeted her then they would have worked together to discover the secrets behind Alison's murder, and in the process they would have fallen in love. If A had never targeted her then they would have found a way to be happy against all odds. If A had never targeted her they would have been the first happily ever after that Rosewood had ever seen. But A had targeted her, and A had realized that she had a weakness for happily ever afters, and had gone after her one chance to have one.
But there was no use thinking of what ifs, even if they had raced through her mind at the gnarled tree and inside the police station. The important thing now was that he was safe. The important thing was that she didn't bring any more danger to him. The important thing was to not think about happily ever afters because it was obvious that she was never going to have one, not without him. Not without Toby.