After a series of dreadfully unconcieved and unfortunate events, Harry is forced to face his biggest challenge yet:

The Chamber of Food Snatcher has opened once more...DIET!

I lay pathetically on the cold hard floorboard of the Dursley's living room, to weak to rise.

'Keep polishing the floorboards boy! The Quicksnacks will be arriving any second!' Vernon growled scoffing down a cream biscuit. ' Mr. Quicksnack has offered an important business arrangement for Grunnings products but will only seal the deal if his germ-o-phobic wife sees our house is spotless.'

Why is he telling me this? I thought grudgingly as I picked up the fluffy sponge.

'And when your finished you can take you and your baggy trousers upstairs and lock your self in for the rest of the night.' He finished licking his sausage sized fingers which challenged Hagrid's.

'What!' I exclaimed confused, 'but the door requires a retina scan of your eyeball to open and close!'

His beady eyes stared me down, 'Are you arguing with me boy?' He raised a meaty fist.

'No Uncle Vernon' I said dejectedly hitching my trousers to my armpits so I could walk properly and slowly trudged my way over to the stairs.

Ding Dong!

'Huh! That must be them!' Harry could hear Aunt Petunia's annoying voice down the hall trying to drag Dudley out of the fridge. 'Answer the door sweetie, Oh no! Your covered in crumbs!' The sound of fat wobbling as she tickled him under his many chins.

'Quick boy out of here!' Vernon gasped in a panic hefting me by the waist and shoving me up the chimney. I choked as I breathed in sooty air.

'Hey that's not fair!' I stumbled back out of the fireplace dodging Uncle Vernon's flailing arms and made for the stairs leaving a trail of soot in my wake just as Dudley opened the front door.

'BOY!'

Thinking, a first for Vernon Dursley, he dragged the plush sofa diagonally across the trail of ash in front of the fireplace knocking over two coffee tables and a pot plant. He hurriedly tried to scoop up the soil but abandoned that as the Quicksnacks footsteps neared the living room. In a final attempt he draped a cream Persian rug over the whole mess and taking his place on the lopsided sofa, hoped for the best. Trying to appear casual he chirped a cheery greeting as Dudley led the Quicksnacks into room their eyebrows raised at the sight.

I huffed and puffed my way up the staircase then collapsed outside my bedroom door. I cast my eyes mournfully to the complex locks decorating my door. It was going to be soooo boring! I was weighing up my options, I could go play on Dudley's computer, Harry the Hamster was my favourite game, only the volume control was permanently on loud after Dudley whacked it with a spade. My ears pricked as I suddenly heard peculiar chuckling sound coming from the Dursley's upstairs bathroom. '…?'

Abandoning all thoughts of hijacking Dudley's computer, I hesitantly made my way to the closed door. 'SHahah..nahnhEEEE!' Dudley? No he was gobbling down Aunt Petunia's cooking in the Kitchen. If not the Dursley's then who…? 'Gwaoorfff Smooawff Heeza WEEZE!' Gathering my Gryffindor courage, I grasped the metal handle and quickly swung it open, begging that I wouldn't be scarred for life from whatever was going down inside.

'EEEEEEHHHHHHHH!' I was immediately struck by an ear piercing screech. A tiny creature with enormous eyes and bat ears clothed in a mouldy pillow case sat on the Dursley's expensive porcelain toilet obviously deeply engrossed in Aunt Petunia's old gossip magazines before I interrupted, they were piled high under his stumpy legs that couldn't even reach the tiled floor. I felt my mouth open widely in surprise.

'OUT! OUT!' It squeaked in an extremely high pitched voice, but that may have been from the panic, 'DOBBY-TIME! DOBBY-TIME!' A toilet roll lobbed itself at my head and the door snapped shut as if by magic.

I blinked stupidly at the closed door my mind still processing what I'd just witnessed. There were several seconds of silence before the bathroom door creaked open.

'Harry Potter! Dobby is most honoured to meet you sir!' The creature, or 'Dobby' bowed so deeply before me in the door frame that his abnormally long nose bashed into the floor.

'Oh HAGRID'S NOBBLY KNICKKERS!' He cursed clutching his nose, I jumped back as a large torrent of nose blood erupted from his nostrils.

He gasped at the dripping mess on the floor his eyes growing impossibly wide. I had only enough time to gulp before he launched himself at my chest spraying blood and dobby bogies everywhere.

'AAAHH! Get off!' I struggled to bat him away as he flung his wiry limbs round my neck stopping my air supply. Great globs of ruby red splattered across Aunt Petunia's pristine white walls and vacuumed carpets and ON ME. He clung on tighter and began bashing his head against my skull, 'Hey stop it!' I overbalanced as my trainers suddenly slipped up in the bloody puddle at my feet, arms windmilling I tried to grab the towel rail but missed by inches and crashed into the bath.

'Dobby is sorry,' he wailed from atop my chest completely unharmed.

'OWW! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!' I screamed spotting my black eye in the mirror, but Dobby not taking heed of my anger simply brushed himself off unconcerned.

'What are you doing here? What ARE you?'

His bauble eyes latched onto mine, 'I is Dobby, Dobby the House Elf!' He squeaked giving me another bow, I dodged away as his nose nearly stabbed me in the eye. 'I come to warn Harry Potter! Harry Potter must not come back to Hogwarts School!'

I blinked in surprise, 'WHAT? WHY!'

'Big evil follows every step!'

'That doesn't even make sense!' I protested scrambling to my feet, Dobby flew off me landing on top of the toilet.

'Harry Potter must PROMISE!'

'NO!'

Dobby shook his head sadly reaching into a hidden pocket, a large brightly wrapped package emerged covered in golden snitch wrapping paper. I caught a glimpse of Ron's messy handwriting on the tag.

'Promise…or Potty's pressie go flush-flush.' His large toe pushed the button threateningly.

He wouldn't!

In slow motion Dobby launched off the toilet top Ron's present clutched high above his batty ears, he twirled, then slam dunked it down like a professional basketball player towards the bowl, Ahhhh! I desperately dived forwards my fingers outstretched.

CLUNK!

FLUSH!

(DOWNSTAIRS)

'-Yes! And then I told Mr Nibblet that-'

FLUSH! FLUSH! FLUSH!

'I say! What on earth is that!' Cried Mrs Quicksnack eyeing the roof with concern.

FLUSH! GARGLE! 'NNNOOOOOOOO!'

'Oh, don't mind that its just the cat!' Vernon said hurriedly. 'EErrr…terrible constipation.'

The Quicksnacks' eyes widened and Dudley choked on a biscuit.

Dudley came in the room to gloat at me again. I snarled at him from between the bars of the giant bird cage dangling from the ceiling of my room that the Dursley's had bought for me especially. He squealed like a pig and waddled out in fear to the kitchen. Feeling pleased (for once) at causing Dudley discomfort I popped my aching spine. I had been forced into this detainment for a whole night! And even I had to admit, my chances of freedom weren't looking good; I had a better chance of defeating Voldemort or coming back from the grave!

I tried to coax Hedwig over, but failing that threw a napkin at her which she snatched up in her talons. The napkin was an SOS to Ron, my pal, who until yesterday I thought had deserted me. (Stupid Dobby). I only hoped he was smart enough to read it and not use it as the usual purposes as a napkin.

Harry's owl Hedwig zoomed in from the kitchen window onto my plate, sending my favourite meal of the day (breakfast, obviously) all over Percy's purple spotted pyjamas. A speck of bacon grease splatted on to my cheek; Hedwig considerately held out her talons in offering…

Harry's troubles have only just begun... Please Review, we'd LOVE some feedback!