Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or a lot of other things. I also hold no personal grudge against any of the countries in this fic, especially the southeastern European nations. I sincerely apologize for any offense taken.
I also apologize for any formatting errors. Please let me know if there are any and I'll fix them ASAP.
Background information: Someone gained access to the nations' email server and managed get a hold on all of the countries' email messages. These are the messages exchanged between 6 and 8 AM.
I wrote this on a whim when I was bored, so it's probably not funny…bleh, watevs. I might continue this if I feel like it. For now, I'll mark this as ongoing.
Notes: The countries' full names are used. A guide to the hardest ones and other information is at the A/N at the bottom.
Without further ado~!
6:00 AM to 8:00 AM
14/8/2012, 6:32:12 AM
From: Latvijas Republika
To: Eesti Vabariik
Subject: Wake-up call
Dear Estonia,
I broke your alarm clock, I'm sorry! But it's kind of late so I'm sending you this message so could you wake up now?
Sincerely, Latvia
14/8/2012, 6:45:23 AM
From: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
To: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, République Française, Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich, Konungariket Sverige, Kongeriget Danmark, Rossiyskaya Federatsiya, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Lietuvos Respublika
Subject: Energy conservation meeting
Hi y'all!
This is a reminder that today at 11:00 AM sharp, there is a meeting on energy conservation at my house! If all goes well, we'll be done at 3 PM. Be on time or justice will be served to you the American way!
From, the United States of America
14/8/2012, 6:48:35 AM
From: Eesti Vabariik
To: Latvijas Republika
Subject: Re: Wake-up call
Dear Latvia,
Thanks for reminding. Please try not to spill coffee on my alarm clock in the future.
Sincerely, Estonia
14/8/2012, 6:50:09 AM
From: Canada
To: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
Subject: Energy conservation meeting today
Dear America,
Last week you announced I would be attending the meeting, but I didn't receive the reminder email that provided details on location. Would you please forward it to me?
Thanks!
Canada
14/8/2012, 6:51:55 AM
From: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
To: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
Cc: République Française, Canada
Subject: I broke one of my clocks…
England,
I broke one of my clocks this morning. Could I borrow one from your place?
Sincerely, the United States of America
14/8/2012, 6:52:48 AM
From: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
To: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
Cc: République Française, Canada
Subject: Re: I broke one of my clocks…
I thought you just invented some eternal everlasting nuclear battery or something! Or did you just drop it and the battery broke? I didn't bring you up to be as careless as this!
Fine, I'll lend you one of my clocks. You better not break it.
England
14/8/2012, 6:53:57 AM
From: République Française
To: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
Cc: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, Canada
Subject: Re: I broke one of my clocks…
Merci Angleterre!
France.
14/8/2012, 7:00:38 AM
From: Lietuvos Respublika
To: Latvijas Republika, Eesti Vabariik
Subject: Meeting 11-3
Latvia and Estonia,
I'm going to an energy conservation meeting with Poland and Russia today at 11 and while America says we'll be done at 3, it's possible I'll come back later than that.
Have a good day! I bought some cherries, Latvia, don't spill them please. Estonia, give them to Russia if he asks. They're freshly picked off a local farm. I tried one and it's delicious.
Sincerely, the Republic of Lithuania
14/8/2012, 7:06:02 AM
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Česká Republika
Cc: Slovenská Republika
Subject: Hope you get better!
(Apologies for the inconvenience, Czech Republic.)
Dear Bohemia,
Last week I heard you fell and broke your arm pretty badly. That must really stink, huh? I'm writing this email to let you know that as I don't believe you're busy today, I'm going to come to your house. I hope you get better soon!
Best wishes, Bavaria
14/8/2012, 7:09:52 AM
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Republika e Shqipërisë
Subject: Just read the darned email!
Sorry West. I'll make up with beer later.
Westphalia, if you are reading this, ignore it. NOW. THE AWESOME ME SAID SO.
Hey, Saxony and Brandenburg! I was just checking to see if you had a spare calculator. I'm going to replace Westphalia's cell phone with it during the meeting. Shh.
From the awesome (former) Prussia!
14/8/2012, 7:10:42 AM
From: Republika e Shqipërisë
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Subject: Fwd: Just read the darned email!
-Forwarded message-
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Republika e Shqipërisë
Subject: Just read the darned email!
Sorry West. I'll make up with beer later.
Westphalia, if you are reading this, ignore it. NOW. THE AWESOME ME SAID SO.
Hey, Saxony and Brandenburg! I was just checking to see if you had a spare calculator. I'm going to replace Westphalia's cell phone with it during the meeting. Shh.
From the awesome (former) Prussia!
14/8/2012, 7:11:25 AM
From: Republika e Shqipërisë
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Subject: Re: Just read the darned email!
Dear Prussia,
I didn't know you still existed. I'm sorry for not recognizing you in the past.
I'm afraid you sent this email to the wrong account. I forwarded it back to Germany's account, if you don't mind, so that Saxony and Brandenberg receive it.
Best wishes, Albania
14/8/2012, 7:12:14 AM
From: Rossiyskaya Federatsiya
To: Eesti Vabariik
Subject: Mochi pictures
Dear Estonia!
I found a collection of pictures of you and your mochis. I thought of returning them to you, but they are very cute. Would you mind if I made copies of them before returning them?
From, the Russian Federation
14/8/2012, 7:16:48 AM
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Subject: To Prussia, from Germany
Prussia,
Please stop using my account to send emails to the other provinces. It clutters up my inbox and sent mail box; plus, it's really awkward. France is convinced I talk to myself these days.
Sincerely, Germany
P.S. Westphalia, keep a close eye on your cell phone. Prussia plans to steal it.
14/8/2012, 7:20:15 AM
From: Eesti Vabariik
To: Lietuvos Respublika
Cc: Latvijas Republika
Subject: Re: Meeting 11-3
Lithuania,
Thanks for the cherries! I'm sure Latvia will like them.
Estonia.
14/8/2012, 7:22:03 AM
From: Eesti Vabariik
To: Rossiyskaya Federatsiya
Subject: Re: Mochi pictures
Dear Russia,
Please feel free. I would like them back by noon, however.
Sincerely, Estonia
14/8/2012, 7:28:07
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Subject: Re: To Prussia, from Germany
Darn it, West! Why did you have to tell Westphalia about that plan?!
Actually, no that's Albania's fault. ALBANIA!
From, the Awesome Prussia.
14/8/2012, 7:29:56
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
Subject: Re: To Prussia, from Germany
Thank you.
You didn't need to let me know, I stole Saxony and Brandenburg's calculators in advance.
Prussia, if Albania isn't on this email, why are you yelling at her anyway?
And Germany, please remind Bavaria he needs to stay for our (provinces) meeting.
Westphalia
14/8/2012, 7:32:32
From: Rzeczpospolita Polska
To: Lietuvos Respublika
Subject: Computers
Hey Liet,
My computer ran out of battery and I can't find my charger. Can I borrow yours?
From Poland
14/8/2012, 7:33:49
From: République Française
To: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
Cc: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, Canada
Subject: Petit déjeuner
Bon matin!
Aujourd'hui je vais prendre le petit déjeuner chez Norvège. Est-ce que vous voudriez venir avec moi?
Amitiés, France
14/8/2012, 7:34:31
From: Lietuvos Respublika
To: Rzeczpospolita Polska
Subject: Re: Computers
Yes, I'll bring it over.
Poland, please, in future, don't leave your charger in the hallway. Then you won't think it's a snake and cut it in half when you get up in the middle of the night.
Sincerely, the Republic of Lithuania
14/8/2012, 7:35:59
From: Kongeriket Norge
To: Konungariket Sverige, Suomen tasavalta, Kongeriget Danmark
Subject: Breakfast
Hello all.
I just found I made too many pastries this morning. Would you like to come and share them with me for breakfast? I plan to eat breakfast at eight.
Sincerely, Norway
14/8/2012, 7:36:20
From: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
To: République Française
Cc: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, Canada
Subject: Re: Petit déjeuner
SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU MORON!
And no, I don't care to go to Norway's place for breakfast. I just finished eating, thank you!
England.
14/8/2012, 7:40:42
From: Suomen tasavalta
To: Kongeriket Norge
Cc: Konungariket Sverige, Kongeriget Danmark
Subject: Re: Breakfast
Sure! I'll drop by at eight.
Thanks for your invitation!
From Finland.
14/8/2012, 7:41:26
From: Kongeriget Danmark
To: Kongeriket Norge
Cc: Konungariket Sverige, Suomen tasavalta
Subject: Re: Breakfast
How did you make too many pastries? I thought you usually only ate one or two every day. You didn't run out of coffee this morning, did you? Anyway, sure, I'll come. Thanks!
From Denmark.
14/8/2012, 7:41:59
From: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
To: Canada
Subject: Fwd: Energy conservation meeting
Whoops, sorry, I think I forgot you! Here you go.
-Forwarded message-
From: Democratic Republic of the United States of America
To: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, République Française, Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich, Konungariket Sverige, Kongeriget Danmark, Rossiyskaya Federatsiya, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Lietuvos Respublika
Subject: Energy conservation meeting
Hi y'all!
This is a reminder that today at 11:00 AM sharp, there is a meeting on energy conservation at my house! If all goes well, we'll be done at 3 PM. Be on time or justice will be served to you the American way!
From, the United States of America
14/8/2012, 7:43:18 AM
From: Konungariket Sverige
To: Kongeriket Norge
Cc: Kongeriget Danmark, Suomen tasavalta
Subject: Re: Breakfast
I would like extra time to prepare for today's meeting, so I will eat at my own place. Thank you.
Sweden
14/8/2012, 7:47:31 AM
From: Magyarország
To: Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich
Cc: Rzeczpospolita Polska, Ukraina, Respublika Belarus, România, Republika Serbija, Republika Hrvatska, Republika Slovenija
Subject: Reports due Thursday?
Good morning!
I just wanted to confirm if the reports we were supposed to do on oil consumption were really due on Thursday. Seeing that's only in three days and that it usually takes a while to gather the information, I wasn't sure if it was true.
Sincerely, Hungary
14/8/2012, 7:48:52 AM
From: République Française
To: United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
Cc: Democratic Republic of the United States of America, Canada
Subject: Re: Petit déjeuner
All right, fine, Angleterre, I will translate.
…Well, you got the message anyhow.
France
14/8/2012, 7:50:09 AM
From: Bundesrepublik Deutschland
To: Magyarország
Cc: Republik Österreich, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Ukraina, Respublika Belarus, România, Republika Serbija, Republika Hrvatska, Republika Slovenija
Subject: Re: Reports due Thursday?
Dear Hungary,
You might have misheard me. I said the reports were due next Thursday.
Sincerely, Germany
14/8/2012, 7:52:17
From: Rzeczpospolita Polska
To: Lietuvos Respublika
Subject: Re: Computers
Like, thanks, Liet! I totally owe you for that!
What do you mean, I don't mistake computer chargers for snakes! They don't even look alike! Even in pitch blackness!
Oh wait huh…
Poland.
14/8/2012, 7:55:02
From: România
To: Magyarorszag
Cc: Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Ukraina, Respublika Belarus, Republika Serbija, Republika Hrvatska, Republika Slovenija
Subject: Re: Reports due Thursday?
You might have been able to turn in your report this Thursday if you cleaned up your government corruption.
Romania
14/8/2012, 7:56:47
From: Republika Serbija
To: România
Cc: Magyarorszag, Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Ukraina, Respublika Belarus, Republika Hrvatska, Republika Slovenija
Subject: Re: Reports due Thursday?
Look who's talking!
Serbia
14/8/2012, 7:57:46
From: Republika Slovenija
To: Republika Serbija
Cc: România, Magyarorszag, Bundesrepublik Deutschland, Republik Österreich, Rzeczpospolita Polska, Ukraina, Respublika Belarus, Republika Hrvatska
Subject: Re: Reports due Thursday?
Yes, Serbia, look who's talking.
14/8/2012, 7:58:33
From: Kongeriket Norge
To: Kongeriget Danmark
Cc: Konungariket Sverige, Suomen tasavalta
Subject: Re: Breakfast
Sweden, Finland, thanks for letting me know.
Denmark, if I had run out of coffee, I would probably have given up on you and chased you out of Scandinavia by now.
From coffee withdrawal, if you were too stupid to figure it out.
Norway
14/8/2012, 7:58:55
From: People's Republic of China
To: Japan
Subject: This morning's rice
Good morning, Japan.
I made some rice for you and South Korea! Maybe you can come by at lunch and pick some up?
Sincerely, China
14/8/2012, 7:59:41
From: Lietuvos Respublika
To: Eesti Vabariik
Cc: Latvijas Republika
Estonia,
I found Russia's agenda from last week's meeting. Do you think I should give it to him at today's meeting or just go to his house?
Sincerely, the Republic of Lithuania
Lengthy author's note!
Here's a guide to the hardest country names, as promised.
Eesti Vabariik—Estonia
Rossiyskaya Federatsiya—Russia
Slovenská Republika—Slovenia
Republika e Shqipërisë—Albania
Republik Österreich—Austria
Magyarország—Hungary
Rzeczpospolita Polska (Gosh, that was a nightmare to spell…)—Poland
Republika Hrvatska—Croatia
Suomen tasavalta—Finland
Hopefully the rest is easy(er) to figure out. If you need any more help, please let me know and I will gladly enlighten you. *pulls out magic light bulb* Speaking of enlightenment, I don't know if the "tasavalta" is supposed to be capitalized or not. If any of you know Finnish fluently, please tell me if it should be capitalized.
Oh! And…French translation:
Bon matin! Aujourd'hui je vais prendre le petit déjeuner chez Norvège. Est-ce que vous voudriez venir avec moi? Amitiés, France—Good morning! Today I'm going to eat breakfast at Norway's house. Would you like to come with me? Sincerely, France
I take French at school so I don't expect this to be too inaccurate. If there's something I need to correct, though, please let me know.
About the whole Germany-talks-to-himself thing, well…headcanon time! In my headcanon, all the German provinces (Rhineland-Palatinate, Brandenburg, Saxony-Anhalt, Saxony, etc.) live with Germany though they don't actually do any real work. Germany does the heavy lifting with the meetings and speeches and, God forbid, the headdesking during rowdy conferences, while the provinces stay at home and brew beer and fun stuff like that.
But since they're all part of Germany, they have to use his email account to communicate with each other. So basically, to an outsider like France, it looks like Germany's talking to himself. Plus Germany's inbox and outbox get horrendously cluttered. Poor Germany.
The German provinces (all featured except Saxony-Anhalt are male), Bohemia (female), Albania (female), Croatia (female), Czech Republic (male), Slovakia (female), Slovenia (male), and Serbia (male) are all OCs. I apologize if Romania is OOC; I really don't know that much about the canon version.
In my headcanon, southeast Europe is kind of short-tempered at present because of all of the problems it's facing right now. In reality it's also a more politically corrupt part of Europe, which is why they're insensitively poking fun at each other's governments. If you have anything to flame about, please don't flame about this. As I said in the beginning of this fic, I hold no personal grudge against any of the countries featured.
Bohemia is actually part of the Czech Republic.
Hope you enjoyed! Please review and let me know if I should continue! *waves review box*