A/N: Haha. Okay. So I know that this is probably going to make you go "What the heck was she thinking when she wrote this?!" But that's okay! That's the reaction I'm going for. I wanted to try my hand at a humor fic, so here we are. I want to thank my darling Pixar for being beta AND helping me come up with these craaaazy scenarios. She's the best. I hope she enjoys being Felix's ho. Haha. Anyway, on with it!

Disclaimer: Although this fic is set in the point of view of the most admired Stephenie Meyer, I am not her. I don't own Edward or Aro or any of her amazing characters. The words in this story, however, are mine.

SOMETHING TO READ BEFORE YOU START THE FIC: This is set in Stephenie Meyer's point of view. Just thought I'd let you know. Or else it won't make sense.

Creams and Donfessions

The room was cold. Everything—from the damp stone flooring and walls to the hard furniture—was gray. Not a soft gray, either. Dark and musty. Uncomfortable. It reminded me of an asylum, like the one I had imagined.

Nervously, I sat in a chair. Wait, they had said. We'll be there soon. I trusted them, knowing they wouldn't lie to me.

For what seemed like ages, I waited in my cage. There was no noise; it was almost deafening, the silence. I sat in the chair, legs crossed and hands folded on my lap.

I then heard it. A breeze, it seemed, brushed by me, a whooshing sound accompanying it.

Then they were there, more vivid than any picture in my imagination. They seemed so real! And yet I knew, somehow, that this was nothing more than a dream.

The twenty-six of them formed a circle around my chair. I turned, looking each one of them in the eyes. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my own as I gazed at my beautiful creations—my children. My eyes came to rest on Edward, who was by far my favorite Cullen and favorite character to write about. He smiled as he heard my thoughts, and sheepishly, I returned it.

"Well…hello there," I said into the quiet.

"Hello, Stephenie," they echoed in perfect unison.

"Hi, Steph!" Aro waved eagerly at me, a huge grin across his beautifully cheery face.

I chuckled. "Hi, Aro."

He smiled once more, then began to bounce on the balls of his feet. "Carlisle! Carlisle, Carlisle! Tell her now! Come on, tell her!"

Confused, I looked at Carlisle, who was shaking his head at Aro. "Tell me what?"

Slowly, he turned his golden eyes onto me. "Why you're here."

"Ahh. Yes. I've been wondering that."

No one spoke for a moment.

"Well?" I asked.

Jane—always the brave one, the one to say things straight and to the point—stepped forward from her position next to Aro.

"Steph…you see… We all have something to tell you. Sort of like a confession from the deep down of our, er, hearts."

I looked at her expectantly. "Hmmm. Okay. Tell me what's on your minds."

Carlisle nodded, and all of them formed four lines in front of me on the stone ground.

"Who wants to go first?" Felix asked.

Aro had been bouncing in his place. Quickly—vampire speed—he jumped up and shouted, "Me!"

I laughed again. "Okay. Just one question, though. Do all of you know what each other is going to say?"

They shook their heads. "Some of us know another's secret, but not necessarily," Bella said. It might have been my eyes betraying me, but I could have sworn I saw her glance at Jasper.

"Alright," I said. "Go ahead, Aro."

"'Kay!" He pranced to the open space next to me. "My secret is…"