I can never really find much to say so I'll just say I do not own Gundam Wing.
On with the fiction, my good man. Harrumph.
Ex-Factor
By quicksilver
Song: Ex-Factor sung by Lauren Hill on her album: The Mis-education of Lauren Hill (1998)
Standard Disclaimers apply. Warnings: Angst, violence, yaoi.
It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard.
Duo is sitting alone near the window of the cheap apartment he and Heero share. The flashing neon sign from across the street is the only light in the dark and sparsely furnished apartment. It is raining heavily but Duo does not seem to care. His eyes are dry and bloody from crying, Heero has left again…out into the blinding rain.
Loving you is like a battle.
Flashback
He and Heero are arguing again, their voices rising with every insult, every accusation. It is hard to believe that they are in love. They scream at each other, oblivious to the complaints of the other tenants. Heero is furious, murder in his eyes, but Duo doesn't seem to care. He's too tired and frustrated to care anymore.
End flashback
And we both end up with scars.
Duo gingerly touches his busted lip. One of the many injuries inflicted by an angry Heero. He gets up and walks to the bathroom mirror. The harsh light showing his bruises in worse light. His eyes have dark circles and are swollen with lack of sleep. His skin is pale and dark clothes cover his blue black marks and recent weight loss.
Tell me who do I have to be
To get some reciprocity
He overhears Heero on the phone with Relena. His is begging her to take him back but she won't. She does not love him, it was just a crush. She is ruler now and does not need a boy killer at her side. Heero slams down the phone, cracking the receiver. He is caught between anger and despair. He starts to laugh, that maniacal laugh that Duo used to hear on the battlefield. It frightens him.
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Duo tries to comfort Heero, who pushes him away roughly. Like a robot Duo goes back, offering his love again and again. His violet eyes full of love mixed with sorrow.
Is this just a silly game?
That forces you to act this way.
Heero explodes, pinning Duo against the wall in a fit of anger. His callous hands bruise Duo 's pale skin and Duo flinches away, terrified. But Heero does not hit him as expected, but kisses him. On his face, his neck his chest through the open shirt. He leads him to their old bed and undresses them both.
Forces you to scream my name.
Heero is rough, hurting Duo in his desperate attempt for satisfaction. Duo bites his lips, enduring the pain but for the pleasure that comes in the end. When it is time Duo comes trembling against his lover. Heero thrusts, his pace frantic. Then he erupts, Duo's name escaping his lips in a harsh bark.
Then pretend that you can't stay
Heero gets up and dresses quickly, ruffling through the drawer for the rent money. He shoves it in his pocket and walks out with out a word or backward glance.
Tell me who do I have to be
To get some reciprocity
Duo lays alone and naked in the dirty bed. He hugs the pillow tight, trying to pretend that it's Heero. He promises himself not to cry. Another promise he can't keep.
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Duo sobs into the pillow. When will Heero understand?
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
Duo wants to go to a movie with Heero. For once Heero agrees. Duo is ecstatic. Heero lets him hold hands; he buys popcorn and candy. Just before they go in Heero spots Relena, she is getting out of her limo and entering the hotel opposite the cinema. Heero darts off to see her, abandoning Duo.
It ain't workin, it ain't workin.
That was the real reason he had agreed to come. Duo lets the popcorn fall, no longer interested in the movie. He hails a cab and goes back to the apartment. Heero is gone for three days.
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay.
Duo packs his things, determined to leave. But Heero bursts in, dead drunk and half conscious. He collapses onto the couch begging for help. Duo sighs, and starts to unpack. He can't leave Heero like this. He just can't.
End flashback
This is crazy, this is crazy
Duo goes into the bedroom and takes out his duffel bag. He packs away his clothes, determined this time to leave…no matter what. His puts on his old priest outfit…Shinigami walks again.
I keep letting you back in.
How can I explain myself?
Duo shakes his head; he was such a fool. This love was killing him, draining him dry. Like an idiot he would sacrifice himself to Heero would step on his brittle heart. It was too much hurt. Before, during and now after the war he still hurt so much inside.
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else.
He stands at the door, his resolve dissipating. He still loved Heero but if he stayed he would surely die. He looked around the old place, grey and mouldy, illuminated by flashes of red neon.
See I know what we have to do
You let go and I let go to
Duo steps out into the pouring rain, soaking him to the skin. His upturned face is washed clean; his soul is washed in the downpour. No more hurt, he starts to break his chains.
Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no on ever will
He hails a cab and jumps in, telling the cabby to wait. He looks up at the old building once more. As he leans forward to tell the driver his destination he sees Heero in the rearview mirror. He is standing across the street in the heavy rain, watching Duo go. Duo turns to look but he is gone.
Care for me, care for me…. I know you care for me
There for me, there for me…said you'd be there for me
Duo begins to cry in the backseat of the cab. He tells himself that this is best.
Cry for me; cry for me…you said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me…why won't you live for me?
Heero is gone, he has to let go of the past or it will drag him down. Heero is too lost and Duo can't find him. There was nothing more he could do. He tells the cabby to go to the airport with dry eyes.
Where were you…when I needed you?
The car rocks gently, the rain drumming on the roof of the cab. Duo sees the city pass in a blur. He reaches into his pocket and takes out his crucifix. Slowly, ceremoniously he puts it on. And with it comes hope.