He never thought this day would come.
The day when the familiar comfortable gallantry, the boyish smile and wit, the endless knowledge on all things that fly, the crafty versatility, the politeness that always lends toes to be stepped on, the locks of stupid hair, the jar of individually wrapped sugar cubes that might as well have his name printed on each and every little label, the endless list of things that Walter used to love about Daniel...
He never thought he would see the day when he just couldn't take it anymore.
He didn't want it to be this way. After all these years of easing into an awkward comfort until he could believe his lover when he said he would never leave him, the last thing Walter could ever want was to stop loving him.
It hurt in the way that it shivering hurts. It starts high in the throat or in deep esophageal tissues, then ruptures through the arms until the shaking is uncontrollable. Unbearable. And by the time it reaches the neck, the spine, where it probably should have started from the beginning
//didnt see this coming//
it aches and makes you curl with discomfort for not bracing yourself for the chill.
He didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave. Everything they did, it was together. Removing lint from the drier before starting a new load of laundry...
But even that, he was just sick and tired of.
But he couldn't leave.
It wasn't a question of how he would move on. How he would pick his life up once more. How he would get over the heartache of losing the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He would survive. That was what he did. And he did it with Dignity. Capital D.
No. It wasn't that.
The question was, how could he live with such a compromise? How could he leave a lover that he no longer loves, a lover whose world he embodies? But how could he stay?
No... That wasn't it either.
What it was.
What it is...
How can I stop compromising for Daniel... Start compromising for myself?