Alone

All the people - people she used to know, here on Galactica, some on Pegasus during her short stay there ... many she'd come to know on the planet. Not one of them cared that she was back.

Not even her frakking husband ... the man who supposedly loved her more than anyone else. Where had he been those four long, tortuous months she'd been waiting for him to rescue her? She wasn't the kind of woman to wait for a 'knight in shining armour', but seeing as how she'd saved his ass she figured he should return the favour. And frak, it wasn't like she wasn't trying to get away ... just that damn cylon kept resurrecting himself and coming back. If only she could have killed him once and for all ...

Not Lee ... well, should she have expected a warm welcome from him? No, she didn't deserve that ... not after what she'd done to him. But some sort of recognition would have been nice ... even an insult. At least it would have shown that she actually registered on his radar ... but no, he was too busy with her ... and with his father. His eyes slid past her, never even noticing she was there.

Not Adama. She supposed she shouldn't have expected any sort of welcome from him. In fact, given what she'd done to Lee, she almost expected him to refuse to allow her on his ship. But he'd forgiven her Zak ... would it be possible for him to forgive her Lee as well? She'd killed Zak's body but at least he'd gone out the way he'd wanted to - in a viper, flying ... just like his old man and his big brother, the two people he'd idolized most in his life. But she'd killed Lee's spirit ... something far worse in some ways. He was still alive, but he was different now, not the same Lee they'd known in the almost-year they'd spent together on Galactica, BNC -- Before New Caprica. Would Adama be able to forgive her for destroying his one remaining child?

Maybe ... but not now. His eyes found her, focused on her for a moment then turned away as he greeted other returning pilots. The snub was more painful than any physical blow could ever have been.

She was alone now ... truly alone. She'd lost Sam - yes, he said he was glad to see her alive and well, but he'd obviously done just fine for himself while she'd been gone. She'd lost Lee ... well, that was her own fault for toying with him. She'd lost the Old Man ... ditto - she should have been more careful with Lee. She'd always known Adama would support her in anything she did, but how could he not side with his son when it became apparent that he couldn't sit on the fence about what happened between them? And she'd lost Kacey ... the child who hadn't really been hers but whom she'd come to feel something for.

And worst of all - she'd lost her mind.

Leoben had frakked with her in every way possible, and though she'd tried her best to fight him, he'd finally found the chink in her armour and had pushed the sword in all the way. Now she was left with a gaping hole where her heart used to be ... Now all that was left was hatred. Hot, buring, fiery-red hatred of everything and everyone.

Her eyes narrowed. All these people who used to be friends ... none of them mattered anymore. She just wanted to be alone ... away from the noise, the confusion ... the nearness of them. She longed for solitude. She wanted to be back in that cell where she could be alone with her thoughts of hatred and murder. Where she could kill over and over and not get punished for it. Where those who hurt her could be repaid for causing her pain.

Her eyes scanned the bay wildly as she sought for escape. They focused on one head ... far above the others, with it's eyepatch. Her eyes and his one met ... and in it she could see the same emotions and feelings she felt reflected back at her. Understanding flowed between them for the first time ever. They'd always been more alike than either one of them would ever admit, but now they shared something else - the pain that no one else could possibly know or understand.

He blinked and the tie was broken. She was alone again.

She slipped through the crowds, easily done since everyone was busy congratulating Adama and Lee for their rescue, and left the hangar bay through the back hatch, breaking into a run as she hit the empty corridors. Tears streamed down her face ... the tears she'd held back for four long, empty, painful months.

She wasn't aware of where she was going, and was surprised when her face hit the hard, metal bars of the brig. She slid down to her knees, gripping the bars so hard her knuckles turned white, tears still flowing freely.

If only someone would open the cell and let her back in ...

fin