Kagome stared at the brilliant night sky and sighed. This was one of her favorite things about the Feudal Era, she decided. Back home in Tokyo, the light pollution was so bad she could hardly ever see the stars, and even when she traveled to more remote locations, they were never as clear as the stars were here every night.
I wouldn't mind seeing this every night for the rest of my life, she thought, and immediately felt guilty. How could she so carelessly think about staying here forever without her family? Her mother had already suffered the loss of her father; the loss of her daughter would be devastating.
She would understand if it were for love… She silenced the small corner of her mind. Even though she knew how she felt about Inuyasha, she couldn't be sure about how he felt about her, especially with his feelings for Kikyo confusing the matter. She knew they shared a special bond and that he liked her as more than a friend, but was that because of the ties between her and Kikyo? Did he like her, Kagome, or did he like the traces of Kikyo left in her soul? And how did those feelings match up beside the older, more established love he held for Kikyo? There was no way she could compete with the infuriatingly perfect, radiantly beautiful, impossibly skilled priestess.
Frustrated with the turn her thoughts had taken, Kagome heaved another heavy sigh and stared resolutely at the innocently twinkling stars. She would not compare herself to Kikyo, she would not worry about having to leave her family, and she would not agonize over Inuyasha's feelings for her!
"Kagome," came Inuyasha's voice right next to her ear, causing her to jump nearly out of her skin.
"Don't sneak up on me like that!" she snapped, furious with herself for not hearing him approach.
"Well, pay better attention, stupid!" came his retort. "Any way, I came to let you know that Sango left to drag Miroku away from the brothel in town and Shippo's accepted an invitation to sleep at his new 'girlfriend's' house. Seriously, how that kid manages to steal a heart in every town is beyond me, and why the girl's parents liked him enough to invite him to stay the night makes even less sense. He's just an annoying little brat— "
"So what you're saying is that we're camping alone tonight?" Kagome interrupted. She couldn't deny a twinge of excitement. She loved her new friends dearly, but sometimes she missed the old days, when she could spend more time alone with Inuyasha.
"Yeah, Sango isn't likely to be able to bring Miroku home until morning anyway," Inuyasha said as he sat next to her. "What were you sighing at?" he asked.
Kagome felt her face grow warm. "N-nothing," she stammered. When he looked unconvinced, she hastily continued, "It's just that the night sky is so beautiful here compared to at home. The stars are so much clearer…"
Inuyasha stared at Kagome as her face relaxed into an expression of wonder at the night sky. His heart ached to hear her call the future modern age "home", but he understood. That was where she'd spent her whole life, where her family was, where she belonged. He never thought he'd ever have a home after his mother died, but recently he'd felt like maybe his home was with Kagome. Or more like his whole world was with Kagome. Every time she mentioned going back to that place, every time he saw her disappear down the well, his panic over never seeing her again resurfaced. He wanted to do something to make this place, with him, her home. He HAD to do something. If he didn't, he feared he would lose her forever.
Kagome suddenly realized Inuyasha had been staring at her for a while now. She turned to face him, questioningly, but the expression on his face froze the question in her throat. He looked so sad, yet so determined, that it tore her heart. But the thing that made her heart skip was the absolute intensity of his gaze toward her. He looked like he was going to swallow her whole.
"Inu…yasha?" she whispered. She brought her hand up, wanting to touch him, but hesitation stopped her halfway. He grabbed her wrist with one hand and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. The momentum of his movement bore her to the ground, her back pressing into the earth. She stared at the stars through a sheet of his silver hair. His heartbeat thudded against her chest and she marveled at how steady and strong the rhythm was. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, musky and somehow fresh, like wind through a forest. It reminded her of something wild and free.
"Inuyasha?" she asked, again. His grip on her tightened in response and guessing she wouldn't get a better answer out of him, she decided to simply enjoy this rare contact. Sighing contentedly, she laid her cheek against the firm column of his throat. His weight settled pleasantly on top of her, his scent enveloping her. She breathed in deeply again and turned her face slightly, her lips very lightly brushing against his neck. She startled herself with the unintended contact and became increasingly aware of how tightly their bodies were pressed together. She tried to shift her hips to create a modicum of space between them but froze as the movement pressed her more intimately against his thigh.
Inuyasha felt her abrupt halt mid-movement but didn't care to figure out why. He was busy trying to wrestle himself under control. When he grabbed her, all he could think about was his burning need to be close to her. Now that he held her in his arms, he realized the mistake he'd made. All his senses were consumed by her. Her intoxicating, distinctive scent swirled around him, making him lightheaded. He longed to see if she tasted as sweet as she smelled. He could feel every inch of where their bodies were pressed together. All he could hear was her slow and steady heartbeat in time with his. It was a skip in this steady beat that caught his attention. Her breathing had turned a bit erratic as well. Thinking he was crushing her, he lifted his torso slightly and turned to look at her face.
Her face was turned towards his slightly, but her eyes were glazed and staring unseeing in the opposite direction, as if she were embarrassed to look at him. Her face was flushed, and her breathing had become more uneven. He became aware of a damp heat pressed against his thigh and realized that her sweet scent had become even stronger. He felt his face flush with heat, even as he felt the heat spread through other parts of his body. He was inexperienced, but not naïve. He had imagined Kagome responding to his touch too often not to recognize the signs she was displaying. He tightened his grip on her wrist, effectively pinning her hand to the earth.
Kagome felt his grip tighten, and looked at his face, surprised. She watched, enraptured, as he slowly lowered his face to hers. For a moment, he hung mere inches above her lips, their breaths mixing in the night, before he gently, gently claimed her lips with his own. Sensation exploded within her, and she gasped under the force of it all. Inuyasha used that small opening to tease his tongue inside her mouth, reveling in her flavor, which, impossibly, was even better than her fragrance. When he felt her tongue tentatively return his caresses, the desire he kept banked inside him was fanned to life in an instant. He was half-aware of his free hand gently exploring her body, marveling in the delicate curves and smoothness of her skin. He barely recognized when his hand slid up her shirt, but he felt her stiffen in response.
Kagome felt herself come to her senses abruptly. What was she doing?! Inuyasha was in love with Kikyo; she couldn't be doing this with him! Or at least, not like this. Whenever she had imagined Inuyasha finally taking her, it had been after she imagined him renouncing his feelings for Kikyo and a lengthy declaration of love for her and only her. She had received no such declaration. She pushed Inuyasha away and he complied, if only halfway. Instead of getting off her like she had wanted, he lifted his head and propped himself up on his elbow on top of her.
"What's wrong?" he asked, desire still clouding his mind.
"I can't do this with you right now!" Kagome gasped. He was still pinning her wrist to the ground and though his weight was on his elbow, his hand remained firmly planted where it was before she pushed him off: right on top of her breast.
"Sure we can, the others are gone for the night…" Inuyasha leaned down to kiss Kagome again.
Panicked, Kagome blurted, "No, it's because of Kikyo!"
Kikyo's name acted like a bucket of cold water over Inuyasha. He pushed himself off Kagome and propped himself up on his elbow again. "What does Kikyo have to do with this?"
Embarrassed, Kagome looked away. "Don't you love Kikyo? How can you do this with me if you love her instead? I promised I'd stay by your side no matter what, but that doesn't mean I'll help you be unfaithful to her!"
Inuyasha looked away. "There's nothing to be unfaithful to. Kikyo doesn't want to be with me."
Kagome couldn't stop herself from whispering, "But you want to be with her."
Inuyasha looked back at Kagome, hard. He had a past with Kikyo that he couldn't forget, it was true, but couldn't Kagome see she was his future?
"Kagome, have you ever wondered why I consistently choose to return to you? It's not just that Kikyo doesn't want me with her; if I wanted to, there would be nothing that could keep me from being with her, or at least beside her. I would choose to protect her from the shadows, I would live on the periphery of her life. If I wanted to, I would have gone to her long before now."
Kagome turned her face away to hide the pain Inuyasha would surely see written there. If he loved Kikyo so much, why hadn't he already followed her like he clearly longed to?
Inuyasha caught Kagome's chin and turned her face towards him. "But I've come to realize something about myself. When Kikyo was first resurrected, I thought it was my fate to die consumed by her hatred, just as she did. Her soul holds nothing but darkness now, where it once used to hold the sun. I wanted to die with her, to atone for my past sins. But you've shown me something different." Inuyasha gently rubbed Kagome's cheek with his thumb, wiping away tears he pretended not to notice. "You've shown me that your soul possesses the same sun I loved so much in Kikyo."
So it is the traces of Kikyo he loves about me! Kagome thought in despair.
Inuyasha continued, "But you've made the brightness completely your own. You've taught me that maybe I can be allowed to look toward the future again. You've taught me that maybe hatred isn't my only path to redemption." His voice broke, and Kagome looked fully into his face for the first time since she stopped his kiss. His eyes were round, and uncharacteristically damp. Her heart softened, and she reached up to cradle his face in her hands. She pulled his face down until their foreheads were touching. He continued, whispering, "I'm with you because I want to be."
It wasn't the romantic declaration of love she wanted. He never even renounced his feelings for Kikyo. But it was enough for Kagome. She softly pressed her lips against his and tasted the salt of tears. Whether they were her own or Inuyasha's didn't matter. He tasted like home.