A/N: Yeah, I was feeling sad today and decided that someone was going to be sad with me. Why I chose Justin, I don't know. Just another random victim, methinks. Sorry for the curse word. If anyone has any other suggestion as to what to call Heather, let me know.
Disclaimer: You don't want to know what would happen if I owned TDI.
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I wasn't always a mean guy.
I know I didn't talk much on the island. I just don't talk a lot, I never have...but, if I had talked, I wouldn't have said the same stuff I've been saying these past few weeks.
It's just, I was so excited when I got to the island...something you guys have to understand about the modeling world, it's extremely competitive. Yes, even for me. And I've been modeling since I was around three. Months, not years. I'm just used to competition, and I'm used to winning. And when I got to the island, I was so excited to be in a competition that wasn't all about looks. I wanted to know if I could make it in that kind of competition, if I had what it took...
I didn't. Obviously.
I dunno. When Chris said I wasn't getting a marshmallow...as I was walking down to the boat, something inside me snapped. All I could think about was Heather, reading Gwen's diary. How did she get away with that? How could she do something like that, and people still choose to vote me off instead? I hadn't snubbed anyone. It just...didn't make sense.
And then I found out I had another shot. I dunno, being nice and quiet never got me anywhere. Heather was...well, a bitch. But she did place third.
I guess, I figured, you know, that just being myself and taking "the high road" didn't get me anywhere, so I'd use what I did have-my looks. And somehow, that progressed into being a manipulative jerk.
And now my own mother isn't responding to my letters. My friends aren't either, the fanmail is dwindling and I have no one to talk to anymore. Even Beth and Lindsay refuse to look at me.
The bottom line, I guess, is that I've been watching the reruns and I realized that I'm the scum of the earth. I've thought long and hard about how to fix it, and I realized that I can't. So this was all I could think of. I can't live with myself anymore.
I know you guys probably don't care, but if anyone still does, I don't want to leave them without answers. And I also can't bear the thought of anyone thinking that I was born a jerk. I wasn't, I swear.
Izzy, I want you to know that I'm sorry I lied to you, but I wasn't lying when I said I never cheated. I didn't.
Noah, I want you to know that I really don't like you. I think I was jealous. I may have insane good looks, but you have smarts and personality. A crappy negative one, but still.
Lindsay, I want you to know that I never thought you were as stupid as everyone else did. And Beth, I'm sorry I told you I loved you, when I didn't. I wasn't lying when I said you were pretty, though.
Mom, I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm just...sorry.
I'm sorry to all of you. I could go on and on, but let's just say that I'm pretty sure I've screwed each and every one of you over at some point, in some way, and I'm sorry.
-Justin
"Something inside me snapped," she whispered. It's all my fault.
She looked down at the body, picked up the gun and decided she couldn't live with herself either.
* * *
That was Heather, at the end, in case that wasn't clear.
This is the darkest thing I've ever written. Hm.
Oh, also, I made my friend watch this show with me the other day and she decided that Justin's new name is officially Chad.