A/N: So I wrote this like a madwoman a bit over a week ago. I came up with the idea when I first heard James Arthur's Say You Won't Let Go, which I must say is romantic af. I also heard the song before it was popular,just thought I should point that out. This is the first part in a 4-part series I plan on writing. Just brief snippets of Clarke and Lexa's lives together. I hope you enjoy.
Part 1: You Lit Me Up
Octavia Blake could throw some extravagant parties. Ever since she was a teenager, she had always been capable of drawing a crowd around her, like a strong magnet people were easily attracted to. Having all of her friends and loved ones together was alway a feat because there were so many. When she had the excuse to get them all in one place, they normally had the best time.
This party was different though. Her twenty-second birthday was being celebrated in a bar owned by her boyfriend, Lincoln Woods. He'd closed down the place and given Octavia full control over every aspect of the celebration. Since they had gotten together, Octavia's friend group had shifted slightly to add Lincoln's and it would be the first time hers and his were mingling together.
Octavia's stomach had twisted at the initial idea of it because she didn't know how well it would work out. But now, she wondered why she had been nervous in the first place.
The party was in full swing by nine o'clock and Raven was in the process of grinding on Echo, one of Lincoln's friends. Granted, the brunette was drunk, Octavia was slightly embarrassed. Besides Raven, Lincoln's sister Lexa and their cousin Anya had been the two that kept mostly to themselves.
"They aren't interacting," Octavia breathed to her boyfriend when they found a moment alone together. Everything within her wanted to have Anya and Lexa's approval. They were both badass, strong women and it took them awhile to warm up to anyone, Lincoln had told her, but that didn't dissuade Octavia.
Lincoln rolled his eyes but noticed the way his sister was glancing around, as if all of this was beneath her. He had to practically drag her to this party in the first place, now she was acting like a pretentious asshole. It pissed him off a little bit, but he knew he had to deal with it. She was going through alot right now. "Don't worry about it, they'll warm up."
"Your sister is acting like an ice queen," Octavia argued, wrapping her arms around Lincoln's bicep and placing a loving kisses on his jaw. "Your cousin is looking at everyone like she'll murder them if they get within a foot."
"What am I supposed to do about it?" Lincoln smiled down at his girlfriend, unable to take her very seriously with the pout adorning her face. She was so adorable.
Octavia huffed, "I don't know." her eyes wandered the small crowd, landing upon her brother, who stood with Clarke Griffin and Wells Jaha. A devious smile spread across her face as an idea developed in her brain.
She noticed the way Clarke's eyes kept drifting to Lexa, as if she just couldn't resist. Octavia knew that Clarke liked beautiful things and even she could admit that Lexa was practically a perfect specimen. It seemed to run in the Woods family. Wells and Bellamy were both teasing the blonde, nudging her and gesturing to Lexa not-so subtly.
This was going to be great.
"You could just go over and talk to her, you know." Wells nudged her lightly and Clarke had to blink out of her haze. The rest of the room seemed to come back into focus and her only thought was fuck no, she didn't want to make a fool of herself. Lexa Woods stood across the room, completely intimidating and beautiful with her cousin Anya. She was uninterested and Clarke was certain her approach would be most unwelcome.
When Wells didn't receive a response he added, "You could at least offer her a friendly drink."
"Uh, no. She'll probably bite my head off."
"Oh, come on, Clarke. You clearly want to talk to her. What's the harm in tell her you want to spend time with her? I bet she'd be down." Bellamy seated himself next to Wells casually, blantly gesturing to Lexa. Clarke was almost certain the gorgeous brunette already knew they were talking about her.
"She could hear me, Bellamy. I don't want to look like an idiot, especially since she looks like she'll kill the next person that approaches her." Clarke shivered at the idea.
"You always seem to go for the hostile girls, anyway. Also, you always look like an idiot. It kind of comes with the blonde hair." Bellamy teased, reaching over and playing with a strand of her hair, snickering when she smacked him away with an indignant glare.
"Shut up, I'm not going over there and that's the end of it." Clarke took a large gulp of her beer and turned to walk away from her two friends.
"Too late," Octavia boxed her escape from the left, nearly spilling Clarke's beer in her haste. She held up a fresh beer, "Her name is Lexa and she's Lincoln's sister. Go make nice." She forced the beer into Clarke's free right hand and shooed her away.
Clarke didn't budge. "What is this? A trap?" Clarke looked between her three friends, nerves bubbling in her stomach because she knew they would make her go. Bellamy and Wells she could fight off, but all three of them? Probably not. They looked like the Three Stooges all of the sudden and it didn't sit well in her stomach.
The younger Blake smiled evilly and with the help of her brother and Wells, shoved Clarke in the general direction of the beautiful brunette without another word. Without looking where she was going, Clarke reached out to slap Octavia before continuing forward.
"You know all of them are looking at us, right?"
Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed. "I know."
She did know, even if her back was to the bar and she was facing her cousin. The eyes on her weren't subtle and if she chose to glance backwards, three of Octavia's friends would be blatantly staring at her. She didn't want to be here and attracting this much attention just irritated her.
Lexa would have much rather been at home working on something or reading a book. Going out and partying with her brother's girlfriend wasn't productive in her mind. Enjoying herself just reminded her of everything she'd lost and she preferred living in her little world of self-misery.
Her bubble of darkness was only ever violated when Anya showed up and threatened to beat Lexa to a pulp if she didn't try to enjoy herself. The brunette had become very good at pretending she was having a good time.
"I think the blonde wants to talk to you," Anya noted, "it looks like her friends are trying to push her to do it but they're getting shot down."
"Good, I don't want to talk to her." Lexa sighed and leaned against the table they were occupying.
Anya rolled her eyes, "You could at least pretend like you're having fun. Innocent conversation with a pretty girl isn't going to kill anyone."
Irritation at the whole party and her family's inability to stay out of her business felt like it was beginning to overflow. To keep from saying anything she may regret later, she drank the last of the alcohol she had been nursing the entire night. "I'm going to get another beer. Want one?"
"No, I'm good. But Lexa, seriously. Loosen up, get over yourself. She left you but you can't let that define the rest of your life."
"Whatever, An." Lexa turned and walked away from her cousin.
"Her name is Clarke, by the way!" Anya shouted after her.
It seemed as though fate meant for the two of them to meet because Lexa was making her way back to the bar just as Clarke was reluctantly being pushed in her direction. They collided without warning and their heads bumped together painfully, two hard headed dimwits literally running into each other. Their feet tangled together and they would have gone toppling over if it wasn't for Lexa's quick reflexes.
She rightened their bodies, slipping her arms around the mirroring swells of soft hips to slow their momentum. She stepped backwards and then pinwheeled a little to keep them from looking like a complete set of idiots and landing on their asses.
A chorus of laughter echoed from the bar and Clarke's face flushed such a bright shade of red she could barely stutter out an apology. This was going way worse than she had originally thought it would and now she was wrapped up in Lexa's arms.
Lexa was even more beautiful up close. Her eyes a vibrant shade of green, her lips bow shaped and soft-looking, and her body soft yet firm against her own.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Don't mention it," Lexa withdrew herself from Clarke and straightened her shirt. Lucky enough, Clarke had managed to keep a hold of both of the beers and not splashed them both with the liquid.
The brunette turned away and Clarke realized she was missing her chance. She dropped her beer on the nearest table and reached out to grab Lexa's bicep. "Hey, I'm sorry for running into you and...well, I saw you from across the bar and I was-"
"If this is you trying to flirt with me, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested." Lexa's face was unreadable, a mask of stoic indifference and Clarke really didn't know what to make of it. Honestly, she just felt completely embarrassed. Maybe this girl wasn't into girls after all, but it seemed like Octavia was pushing Clarke because Lexa was into girls.
"Oh," Clarke glanced around, trying to find a way out. "Well, I mean. I wasn't flirting...uh," she decided going with the truth was her best bet. "My friend, Octavia. She says you're Lincoln's sister and well, uh, she thought you weren't having all that much fun and wanted to send me over to, ah, you know, introduce myself." She held up the beer she had in her hand and jumped over to the one resting on the table nearest to them. She waved them both around, as if to prove that her story was true. "I was bringing you a drink."
Lexa quirked an eyebrow at that and she found Octavia watching them worriedly from the bar a few steps away. When she noticed Lexa looking she glanced away sheepishly and pretended to be involved in the conversation her friends were having. "You were bringing me a drink?"
"Yeah," Clarke held it out and smiled. It was one of those half-smiles that was endearing and brought out a little dimple in her cheek, which was flushed from alcohol and their collision.
The brunette took a moment to look Clarke over, having not done so the entire time Anya was explaining what was going on behind her. Blonde hair was tied in little braids and pinned to the back of her head to keep the rest of those wavy tresses out of her face. Clarke was dressed in a casual pair of tight-fitting jeans, a loose v-neck and a leather jacket that made her look oddly feminine even though it was definitely a man's jacket and was probably meant to look hard. Her eyes were a bright, alert blue and she had soft, rounding curves that Lexa had to admit this girl was definitely her new type.
This girl was the complete opposite of her ex.
Lexa didn't know if it was the clumsy way Clarke tried to recover, her smile or the way she looked, but she reached out and took the beer. "Thanks. Why don't you come over to my table? I can introduce you to my cousin Anya."
Clarke's heart stuttered because she could have sworn this girl was a second away from biting her head off like she had predicted. Having succeeded, relief rushed through her and it took a moment before she could formulate a response because she was resisting fist pumping in happiness. Most of the time her attempts at flirting with girls utterly failed and she was left to pick up some guy if she wanted to.
"Oh, um. Yeah, that'd be...cool." She nodded eagerly.
"This way," Lexa smiled, a small one that made her eyes twinkle but it still urged Clarke on. She followed the brunette back to her table.
"Anya, this is Clarke. Clarke, Anya." The brunette introduced the two blondes and they shook hands, exchanging a knowing smile. Anya met Lexa's eyes over Clarke's head and raised a curious eyebrow, to which Lexa only rolled her eyes.
Clarke took a seat between the cousins and rested an elbow on the table. "So how come I've never met you Lexa? Octavia and Lincoln have been pretty serious for awhile and the only part of his family I've met is Anya, actually."
"You two have met?" This was news to Lexa. She may have vaguely heard a name similar to Clarke's mentioned once or twice, but not enough to really draw her attention. Half the time she wasn't even listening, anyway.
"Once or twice. Lincoln's brought her around some of Raven's parties when he came with Octavia," Clarke explained. "He mentions you a lot, but says you don't like to go out." She was relaxing because Anya was there, her familiarity comforting. Lexa was also fun to tease, the way her head tilted in confusion was adorable.
"That's an understatement," Anya sent Lexa one of those looks that spoke more than words and it was one that Clarke couldn't really understand. She glanced between them as Lexa glared back. It was a moment before either of them spoke again and it was Anya who did it. "Since you're here Clarke, why don't you entertain Lexa? I wanted to talk to Raven for a bit."
"Sure," Clarke smiled at Lexa, who barely masked a grimace at her cousin. It didn't make her feel better.
"I hand the baton to you, dear Clarke," Anya slapped her on the shoulder roughly, jostling the smaller blonde. "Good luck," she breathed in her ear as she passed.
Clarke gulped as she was left with Lexa, who looked way more interested in the label on her bottle than actually holding a conversation with her. She wanted to impress Lexa in some way, but couldn't fathom exactly how. It took her a couple of minutes of absolute, awkward silence and a hard wracking of her brain to figure it out, "Want to shadow me?"
"What?" Lexa frowned.
"Its this game I played in college a lot. You buddy up and however much the other person drinks, you do too. It's kind of like a drinking game, I guess. I used to do it with Raven all of the time, until I got alcohol poisoning. Which wasn't fun."
Lexa wrinkled her nose at that, she'd never been as heavy a drinker as to get alcohol poisoning. It sounded to her like Clarke was a bit of a party animal. "I don't think so."
Clarke raised an eyebrow. "I guess," she smirked, taking a sip of her drink to try to mask it. "You probably wouldn't be able to keep up with me anyway."
Not one to back down from a challenge, Lexa was instantly defensive. She leaned closer to Clarke and for a moment, got lost in mischievous blue eyes. Her tongue seemed to stop working and she couldn't formulate any words, her brain felt like it went completely blank. The way those eyes continued to sparkle and another one of those smirked adorned Clarke's lips, she seemed to know exactly the effect she was having on Lexa.
After a moment, Lexa drew her eyes away and held out her free hand. "Challenge accepted, Clarke. I'll shadow you."
Clarke's smile seemed to double in size as she latched on to Lexa's hand, squeezing it before holding it and dragging her in the direction of the bar. "Perfect."
It wasn't even two hours later before Lexa realized this was a serious mistake. She'd lost track of how many shots of...was it whiskey? that Clarke had taken and then goaded Lexa into taking as well. She was still nursing the second beer that Clarke had bought her, but she was drunk enough that it didn't even matter.
She could feel her motor skills failing and her filter was completely gone. All of her inhibitions from earlier seemed to have melted away with false bravado and confidence that came with the alcohol. Clarke too, seemed to make her stumble over her words and trip over herself just a little bit more.
It became easier to laugh with Clarke, who seemed to have a joke to crack every second. Her stomach ached from it in the most pleasant way. As the alcohol took its desired affect, both girls became a little more handsy with each other. Clarke's hand never left hers and when she finally convinced Lexa to dance with her, it had gotten even harder to dislodge themselves.
They were just on their way back to the bar for something to quench their thirst from dancing when they ran into Octavia, who was utterly smashed. She was barely able to stand on her own and Lincoln had a dutiful arm wrapped around her waist the entire time. When the younger girl spotted the two of them, her face lit up.
"Clarkeyyyyy!" She shouted, stumbling forward and wrapping her arms around her less drunk friend.
"Hey, O." Clarke gave Lincoln a warning look.
"I love you sooooo much, I'm so glad you fun policed Lexa and got her to loosen up," she breathed, her breath smelling of rum and something else. Octavia could not handle hard liquor.
"Who gave her rum?"
That was when Raven came scrambling over, with Anya practically clinging to her to prevent her from falling over. Her face was flushed either from the alcohol or practically carrying Anya, Clarke wasn't sure. "This one challenged her. We all know how Octavia doesn't back down and it's her birthday, so everyone's been buying her a drink."
Anya smiled sleepily and rested her head on Raven's shoulder. Something about it just seemed completely wrong to Lexa on some deeper level that she couldn't quite put her finger on in her drunken state.
"I was thinking of taking her upstairs to lay down for a bit," Lincoln suggested.
"I was going to drive Anya home, if that's alright, Clarke. I know I was DD for you and Bell tonight." Raven bit her lip, concern etching between her eyebrows.
Clarke shrugged, "I can get an Uber, I was thinking Lexa needs a break anyway. Maybe a water if she wants to keep up with me for the rest of the night." She smirked at the brunette hanging on her arm and swaying slightly. Her eyes were glazed and her jaw slightly slack as she continued to stare at her cousin as if she was an alien.
"What?" Lexa blinked and then frowned, her back straightening. "I can keep up with you."
Anya laughed into Raven's shirt, "She'll say that until she throws up or passes out."
Lexa made a small, indignant noise and stuck her tongue out childishly. "I can hold my alcohol."
"Sure, sure."
"Anyway," Lincoln's concerned eyes had never left his girlfriend, who was still clinging to Clarke like a koala. "I should probably get her upstairs," he reached out and lightly brushed a hand over her waist. "Come on, babe, we're going to bed."
Octavia began humming softly, ignoring Lincoln and swaying Clarke back and forth in her arms. "Hey, Clarke."
"Yes Octavia?" the blonde chuckled and rubbed her free hand over her back, giving Lincoln a look that told him to be patient, the girl always got a little spacey when she was drunk.
"Will you see Beauty and the Beast with me? Lincoln has to work and I wanna see it."
"Of course, O. I bet Raven would love to come too."
Raven rolled her eyes, already having said she thought the live version would be horrible. "Yeah, I'll go, O. It'll be a girls night out."
"Promise?" Octavia peaked out from Clarke's hair at her other friend.
"I promise."
"It's just that, we never get to hang out anymore. I miss you guys," she pouted and pulled away from Clarke, finally succumbing to her boyfriend's silent, but insistent pestering. She slouched into him and sighed wistfully. "I want us to hang out more."
"We'll hang out more, O." Clarke's eyebrows pulled together in sadness, because Octavia was right, they hadn't seen each other very often. Life was just getting in the way of it.
Raven agreed, attempting to placate the brunette so she would listen to her boyfriend. Once the two of them were gone, Raven said her goodbyes and helped Anya towards the exit. The rest of the party was still in full swing, nearly twenty or so people still mingling and dancing to the heavy bassed rap music escaping from Lincoln's top of the line speaker system.
Clarke and Lexa were left alone again, but their giddy mood had been slightly broken by the exit of their took a seat at the bar and ordered two waters instead of alcohol. They stayed close together and Clarke could feel the heat radiating from Lexa's body. If she was reading all of the signs right, Lexa thought she was attractive. Or at least, she thought she was funny by the constant laughing that they had done that night.
She had to admit that she found Lexa attractive and wanted to get to know her better. She reminded Clarke of an enigma, one moment stone-faced and unemotional and then in the next she's laughing like it was what she was made to do. The sound of it made Clarke's heart soar and she couldn't help but laugh too.
Lexa watched Clarke as she took a drink of her water, the way her throat bobbed and her hair shone in the darkness. They may have only known each other for a couple of hours, but Clarke made Lexa feel more alive than she had in months. She lit her up in the best way possible, set her blood on fire with the way she moved and even though Lexa was much more drunk than she, never got too handsy with her.
The blonde seemed to understand what she was thinking in that moment and said it before Lexa could, "Want to get out of here with me?"
Lexa smiled and nodded.
"I don't mean...like, I didn't meant to imply that we," she gestured between them, having figured out that her words could have come off in a much less innocent way. "I was just wondering if maybe you'd want to come by my apartment, you mentioned wanting to see some of my paintings."
Lexa laughed and grabbed ahold of Clarke's floundering hands before they hit someone. "Clarke, yes. I will go home with you."
They exited the bar together, their fingers intertwined and breathed in the crisp air of the night. It succeeded in clearing both of their minds and before Lexa ordered them a cab, Clarke spoke up, "Why don't we walk? My apartment is just up that way." she gestured to the left, further down the street. She didn't want their night to end too soon.
Once they arrived, Lexa hesitated at the threshold. Clarke's place was a split townhouse in a decent area and was well lit. Her apartment was the top one, the door opening into a small entry way that inclined steeply to the second floor where she lived.
After a moment, she followed Clarke inside and slipped of her shoes at the bottom of the stairs. She followed Clarke up, though at a much slower pace to observe the photographs on the walls. There were some of a blonde haired and blue eyed toddler, kid then teenager that Lexa could only assume was Clarke. Some of the pictures were with a man that looked much like she did or a woman that was much darker.
There were others with aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. People Lexa had rarely seen before they died when she was young, now all she had left was Lincoln and Anya. Her heart clenched slightly, with envy and sadness at remembering what she couldn't have any longer, but she was happy to observe Clarke's life - which seemed so untouched by pain - and to know the girl that had experienced it.
When she reached the top of the stairs her depressed mood was gone and she found Clarke standing in the kitchen with a wine opener and a bottle of the alcohol itself. The cork was just popping out when she stepped up onto the landing.
Clarke had let her hair loose and then pulled it up into a bun. Her eyes were heavy lidded and her body swayed heavily, even if she acted like she was perfectly fine, Lexa knew she was far from sober. Maybe she could still handle her liquor even if she hadn't had a serious binge like this one in a while.
"Wine?"
"Yes, and I have chips," she waved around the bag of cool ranch Doritos. "I also have nacho if you're into that." She wrinkled her nose and grabbed down two glasses from the cupboard.
The apartment wasn't very large, just a living room off to the right of the stairs, blocked off slightly by the wall that framed the staircase. There was a plasma screen with a huge, well-maintained entertainment center set up, a leather couch and a ratty blue lay-z boy sitting in the corner. The kitchen was a narrow section with a wall on either side of the sink and a tiny area for a dining room table.
To the left of the staircase was a door that looked like it led to a bedroom and behind the dining room table was a hallway that led deeper into the apartment, though it didn't seem like it went very far. It was a modest little place, but splashed with so much color, Lexa wasn't surprised it was Clarke's. The blonde girl seemed to be riddled with color in personality and style.
Lexa rounded into the kitchen and accepted the offered glace, picking up the bottle to read the what kind it was. "Muscato?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I didn't take you for a white wine kind of person," Lexa shrugged, placing the bottle back down.
"Well you don't know me very well, Lexa Woods."
"Why don't we change that?" Lexa leaned in and lightly pressed their glasses together.
"I would like that very much."
The bottle of wine was finished and the bag of cool ranch doritos was crumbled on the living room floor. A big blanket had been dragged out of the closet hours before because Clarke had gotten cold during their conversation. It was now half on the floor along with her pants because eventually she had gotten hot.
Alcohol, it seemed, made her bolder and she was all too happy to take them off and sit there talking to Lexa as if she wasn't almost half naked. It had taken the brunette a bit to ignore the soft looking skin of Clarke's thighs and focus back on the conversation, but eventually she had.
Their night had suddenly come to a squealing halt when Clarke stopped talking, her face grew pale and she practically threw herself off of the couch. She bolted down the hallway, slammed through the door on her right and was hurling everything in her stomach into the toilet.
Lexa had rushed after her, having been unsure of what exactly the problem was. It had taken her a moment to process it, but when she did, she had dropped down onto her knees behind the blonde. Her fingers came up to brush the loose strands of hair that had escaped the bun on the top of Clarke's head.
Clarke's shoulders shook and she heaved up the rest of what was in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the Doritos or the combination of heavy liquor and wine, but her body couldn't take it anymore.
Lexa settled behind her, rubbing soothing circles on her back and whispering assurances as she did her business. The brunette wasn't accustomed to dealing with throw up in her normal, everyday life, but taking care of Clarke didn't really bother her. She had never had the most squeamish of stomachs and she couldn't have been more thankful for it in that moment.
All of her concern was for Clarke and making sure she felt comfortable. Once her body stopped its shaking and her stomach had expelled whatever had bothered it, she didn't stop rubbing circles on the other girl's back. All she did was lean up and around Clarke to grab a wad of toilet paper and hand it to her before flushing the toilet.
They sat on the tile floor in the bathroom, and like most people do after they throw up to ground themselves and relax, Clarke laid her face against the edge of the cool bathtub. She rubbed her clammy forehead over the porcelain for a few moments before looking over her shoulder at Lexa. The brunette was still rubbing soothing circles into her back, right below her shoulder blade and it comforted her in ways she didn't quite understand.
Embarrassment flooded her cheeks with red but she was too drained to really do anything more than smile sheepishly at her. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this."
"Don't be," Lexa smiled and her brain felt clearer all of the sudden. The fog of alcohol disappeared for a moment and the brightness of Clarke's eyes seemed to shine even brighter in the darkness. Lexa's heart felt like it might leap out of her chest if she didn't do something. There was this overwhelming urge to keep Clarke close and never let her go.
Like she had early, Clarke seemed to read her mind. "Will you stay over?"
Lexa paused, every fiber of her being wanting to say yes, but she didn't want to seem eager. "You should get some rest."
"I didn't mean it in any other way than sleep, Lexa. I'll get rest."
"I didn't mean it in any other way either, Clarke. You need to sleep, I don't need to distract you while you're sick."
"You make me feel better," Clarke leaned back into her, pressing her back into Lexa's front and allowing the brunette to settle against the wall. It was almost as if Clarke knew exactly what Lexa wanted without her having to voice it. She slipped one arm around Clarke's waist and the other into her mussed golden locks. Her face was pale and slightly clammy, but it buried in the crook of Lexa's neck, her body turning to press as much into Lexa's as it could. "This is nice, don't let go."
It didn't matter if she thought it would be better for her to go home, if she had wanted to she didn't think she could have. A feeling rushed through Lexa at those words Clarke said so casually, something she couldn't quite place or name, but it made her feel more alive than she ever had before. Sitting in that tiny bathroom, the cold tile making her thighs numb and the uncomfortable curve of her back against the wall was nothing compared to the sudden warmth blossoming in her chest.
Her arms tightened as she drew Clarke closer to her chest. " I won't." She breathed, and for some reason, it felt like a promise.