Chapter 1: Roy
It was a saturday night and Roy was just about ready for his evening date. Roy finished by packing his pockets with useful items, such as a pack of lighters, alcohol based hand soap, his "I work for the military and automatically get a discount" card, and an "easy fire creator for the lazy camper". After replacing his slashed tires with new ones he set off to pick up his lucky date. After about 5 minutes of driving horribly, Roy entered the nearest gas station. Roy then began dancing to his favorite song "Baby got Back". Roy then noticed that his tank was finally full so he began to pay for the gas.
"$89.90! Oh well I'll just use my discount card." Roy said while reaching his gloved hand into his pocket in search of his discount card. Unfortunately Roy's glove rubbed against the side of the lighter pack. Roy caught on fire, there was an explosion, and an unhappy lady who was stood up for her saturday evening date.
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Roy Mustang is given the Darwin Award. He has proven that he is an idiot, and we don't feel like explaining why.