When he found her she was sitting on the floor of her kitchen, leaned against the dresser with the chipped white paint they kept the microwave on. She was staring down at her palms, rubbing her ring finger on the left hand. She didn't seem to notice he was there. He gulped usually she didn't even look up at him. She'd start talking at him about what they we doing that day, a fight she'd gotten into with her mother, how late he was…

"Lilly," He said cautiously from where he stood. The last time she'd looked like this it had meant her father had left. "Are you getting up?"

"No," She stated simply, not looking at him still. "I'm thinking."

He tentatively crossed the five steps or so between where he was at the edge of the kitchen and where she sat. Now he stood right above her, looking down at her blond head. Her hair was parted down the middle in the curly way she'd been wearing it lately. It had been Miley's idea.

"Did the Zack ass propose to your mom?" She shook her head, still not looking at him. He sighed, sliding down across from her against the island. "What then?"

She bit her thumb nail, a classic sign of Lilly nervousness if there was one. "You don't want to know." She told him.

This wasn't true. On the contrary, Oliver just wanted to know more now than ever. "How do you know what I want?"

She glared at him, finally locking eyes with him. "I know exactly what you want," She spat at him, and he regretted sitting down. "You want Joanie to let you feel her up. You want your mom to stop being a bitch and let you buy Grand Theft Auto IV even though you aren't seventeen. You want Connor to stop dating Miley because you're sick of pretending their height difference doesn't bother you and it's hard not to cringe when she stoops down to kiss him. And you want to be able to bring your stupid Love Doodle to the Coldplay concert next weekend instead of me even if you're too chicken to ask. And by the way, no, I will not give her my ticket. I was the one who found them on e-bay."

"Jeeze, fine." He crossed his arms across his chest and glowered at her out of the corner of his eye. She didn't seem to care. Already she'd dropped her gaze back to her lap. Faintly he could hear Numb by Linkin Park playing somewhere far off. Probably it was coming from the iPod stereo upstairs in her bedroom. He strained his ears to hear it.

But I know you were just like me,

With someone disappointed in you…

Joanie hated this song, the other day they'd been in his car and he turned it up. She'd smacked the radio of and told him they both had great parents and they shouldn't listen to trash that insisted otherwise. "Promise you won't laugh."

"I won't laugh," He promised even though he wasn't sure. Still she was quiet though. "I'm not doing Miley's gross spit shake."

"Promise you won't think I'm stupid," She whispered, her voice brittle and almost sad. Like she'd been crying, but her eyes weren't red and she wasn't sniffling.

"I'm the stupid one, remember?" He willed her to laugh so the ache somewhere between his throat and his heart would go away. She didn't.

"Promise you won't hate me," It was the quietest of the three. It was also the craziest.

"Right, Lilly, because it's so likely that I'll start after thirteen years," She looked in his eyes again, and he saw the flicker of something scarily unfamiliar.

Well no sir,

I don't want to be the blame,

Not anymore…

She looked away as the new song filled the speakers. Joanie loved Paramore. Misery Business was her favorite song. She'd dragged him to the concert with her where lots of underdeveloped girls wearing too much eyeliner and an uncomfortable amount of black had sung all the lyrics. He'd hated it, especially Misery Business. He didn't mind Crushcrushcrush on the other hand.

"You love Joanie, right?" She asked, biting her thumbnail again. He nodded, and she must have seen him out of the corner of her eye because she continued, "When did you know?"

"When she first kissed me," It was a lie and he knew it. He hadn't been sure then, he'd been sure when they'd gone bowling with Miley, Connor, Lilly, and her friend, Adam, from photography class. Lilly'd been bowling in the lane next to him and she'd accidentally let her ball drop onto his foot. Joanie had come over and held his hand. That was when he'd known.

"So you knew right then? It wasn't hard at all? You just were?" She looked at the bottom of the counter where it met the floor with an envious expression he assumed was meant for him.

He frowned at her, wrinkling his forehead. "Who are you in love with Lils?" He muttered, staring at her.

"I don't know, that's the problem," Her eyes filled with tears, but they didn't spill. They just stayed there on the rim of her eyelashes making him nervous. "It used to feel smart, you know? Not knowing exactly what love was, it seemed so philosophical and I thought that waiting for it to find me rather than chasing it made me mature and worldly. And then when Jake kept leaving Miley, and we were all alone together. It seemed right, not going after that was only causing her pain."

"You saw how happy she was when they were together though, that glow. You said you wished it was you." She glared at him again. What, was she only going to look at him when she was mad for the rest of her life?

"I lied, Oliver. People lie all the time. I was happy you two were miserable, and you wanna know what? I'm sure it'll make me happy again someday soon because right now you two are happy and you keep forgetting about me. Everyone forgets about me." She pushed herself off the floor and started towards the archway to the den. He barely heard her feet on the stairs. He did hear the song cut off and another one start. It was another one he'd heard a lot recently too. Sometimes it was blasting out of Lilly's headphones while she stared out the window of his Taurus while Joanie babbled shotgun, sometimes she'd hum it while she looked on as Miley and Connor shared their little moments. He could hear her humming in his mind while the first few bars played.

When we met light was shed,

Thoughts free flowed,

You said you've got…something,

Deep inside of you…

He closed his eyes as he went up. Considering how clumsy he was it was stupid and dangerous, but he never could listen to it with his eyes open. It blasted something through him, always. The big unknown that made you feel empty and dull, even at your fullest. In the back of his mind, he thought that maybe if he was really full it would only remind him of what he had to be careful not to lose not what he had yet to find rather than what he might be missing. The good thing about this voice was that it was very quiet and easy for Oliver to ignore.

A wind chime voice sounds,

The sway of your hips round rings true,

It goes deep inside…of you.

He saw her sitting on a fluffy red blanket on top of her bed from the doorway, just staring. Not at him, at something behind him. He'd never seen the blanket before, it wasn't the usual Jasmine comforter she's had since she was seven and her Beauty and the Beast one had worn out.

These secret garden beams,

Change my life so it seems…

She started sobbing now, as he came close to her and buried her head in her pillow. He stood, shocked and rooted to the floor next to her bed.

A fall breeze blows out side,

I don't break stride,

Thoughts are warm,

And they go deep inside of you.

He climbed onto the bed in the small space she leaves next to her, rubbing her back like his mom used to do when he was little.

Yeah…

I never felt alone,

Ooo, ooo, 'til I met you,

"It's not easy, being hollow, you know." She whimpered, turning her head a tiny bit so she was just barely facing him. "Everyone wishes for it, but they don't get it. They don't understand how lucky they are not to be alone."

"We do." He breathed, looking down at this unfamiliar version of his best friend. "We just forget sometimes, like sometimes you must forget to be lonely and tortured. We forget to be happy."

She sat up a little more, peering up at him like she hadn't quite decided something about him yet, his bet being whether or not she should kick him off of her bed. "Do you think it's…?" She shook her head, turning away from him and onto her side to face her overflowing closet. "Never mind."

"What?" His voice came out sounding more childish then it had since he'd hit puberty, and he blushed at his tone.

She glanced at him over her shoulder then scooted over, lying flat on her back. "Do you think it's easier falling if you don't know you're doing it?"

"I guess that the first time is like anything else," He shrugged, "You have less to be afraid of because you don't know what the outcome will be."

She shook her head, "You're aware you're doing it then though. Do you think not knowing, falling unconsciously for someone without ever realizing it, or having them tell you they care about you is easier? That way you can't get rejected…I mean, if you haven't ever kissed someone or anything, can you really miss what you never had?"

He bit his bottom lip, trying to read her. As usual it proved impossible. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I don't care what you say, I just need to talk to someone about this and Miley would never understand. It's been eating me alive," She groaned, still staring at the ceiling.

"I think it's possible. I don't think it's easier though, Lilly," He paused, rubbing his hands against the soft fabric of the covers. "I think waiting for someone you love unrequitedly to realize it must suck more than anything. To never have the kiss where you know, and to feel that rush, I think it's the worst kind of love there is."

"No, you don't know it's unrequited if you never said anything, do you?" She asked, and he felt himself start to draw blood he was concentrating so hard.

"I guess not, but you also know that if you keep not saying anything they'll find someone else and watching them together will break your heart." His stomach chortled at the memory and he tilted his head towards the stereo, pretending to concentrate on listening again. He couldn't even hear the words anymore, or anything else but his heartbeat inside his ears.

"Who broke you heart, Oliver?" She asked him and he cringed.

"No one," He whispered and felt his hand clasped in hers.

"Isn't lying easier sometimes?" She mumbled and he nodded into her pillow.

"Sometimes, but easy isn't always good," He answered, tracing her fingernail with his thumb.

"This is easy though, isn't it?" She mumbled into his shoulder, "Us, our friendship…It'll never be difficult."

It wasn't a question but he felt the need to answer it anyways. "I hope not." He moved to get up but he felt her hand push down his shoulder.

"Stay with me for a while? I don't want to be alone right now." She'd asked, but they both knew he really didn't have a choice. He nodded anyways, turning over and tucking a piece of her ruined hair behind her ear.

AN: Alright, I don't know where the idea for this came from. It's a mixture of something that's been floating in my head for like two weeks now and my iPod stereo blaring in the background. The songs used are, in order: Numb by Linkin Park, That's What You Get by Paramore, and Deep Inside of You by Third Eye Blind. I highly suggest all of them. Deep Inside of You is my favorite though, it made me realize it the first time I fell in love. Entirely too late, mind you, but it did make me see what I'd missed. Tell me if I should continue, or leave as is and go force myself to work on one of my other stories.