-Chapter one-

Decisive conflict

"You..." Harry hissed, moving back; something as furore and hate was boiling in his insides. Pain was increasing in his young mind in every instant. He had lost more than his temper; to this very moment he was no more able to think whatever it was. In his anger he was unconscious of his spiritual pain -- he was not capable to see that his fury, which was driving him mad, was due to this pain...
"You dog ... you vermin... you, filthy..." he said in a shaking voice -- he had never shaken so much. He did not know what he was going to say - indeed he knew nothing about nothing -- so he plunged his hand in his pocket, to take his wand. He raised it.
"Harry!" Dumbledore stood at his side. There was such a fog in Harry's brain that he was not really able to understand whatever it was, but the sound came to his ears and he felt unable to move. His wand was taken off his clenched hand.
"Headmaster..." Snape began.

"You may go, Severus." Snape strode off the room, quickly and quietly.
"Will you follow me, Harry?" It was not a request but obviously an order. "Now, we are going to my office"

Harry wavered, then he followed him, fog in his brain, pain in his heart, a deep sadness in his young soul and everything drowned by a white hot anger, burning his insides.
"Sugar Quill" said Dumbledore sharply and they entered. "I am very angry with you, Harry"
But the boy was not able to understand what he was told - he was just able to feel - and he was feeling nothing else than wild rushes of anger. As Harry did not pay any attention to what he was told, Dumbledore changed his mind and spoke again, a bit louder. "Come here, give me your fingers, and don't move." He took a ruler and snapped it on Harry's fingers.
Very slowly, Harry went back to his senses -- fog began to disappear -- minutes elapsed. He became aware of Dumbledore's anger and went troubled. He had never expected it to happen. Sadness and pain became clearer and clearer. He felt as drowned by suffering feelings. He had felt like killing, and now he was feeling like dying.

"I am afraid I will have to punish you, Harry." Harry did not answer. "But it would be useless to punish you if you do not understand how wrong you were."
Harry raised his eyes a quarter of second to look at Dumbledore, then lowered them shivering slightly.

"I know you were feeling a violent pain, which one had been awoken by professor Snape, but it is not a decent reason to get half-mad. You did no effort to resist to your insane furore, you abandoned yourself to wild emotions."
Harry's body was covered with sweat. Dumbledore was slightly breathless.
"Do you understand what you told him and what you were on the point to do?"
Harry lowered his head without a word. "I am personally cross with you."
Harry lowered still more his head, but this time, it was to hide his trouble, to escape Dumbledore's eyes.
"You insulted someone who is working to my service, in other words, my friend. I can hardly bear to see my friends insulted..."
A minute passed, in a heavy silence.
"Professor Snape has suffered as you have, Harry. I had thought you would understand it but you do not care about his feelings, and I..." He stopped at mid-sentence, to survey Harry through his half moon spectacles.
Now, Harry was ashamed and very troubled because Dumbledore was angry with him. The wish it had never happened was increasing in him every second. "I am disappointed by your behaviour, Harry, by your misunderstanding of others' feelings. That is all, you may go now."
"Professor," Harry began, "I didn't mean to ..." Harry stopped speaking.
Dumbledore was ready to listen to him but he suddenly noticed he had nothing to say.
"When shall I be in detention?" Harry asked.

"Tomorrow evening. Eight o'clock
"Goodbye then," Harry said in a low voice.
"Goodbye," he answered heavily.

Snape hesitated an instant then whispered "Sugar quill". He arrived in front of the door and shivered, slightly paler than usual... Eventually, he knocked at the door and waited ... It got open...
"Come in, Severus"
He entered. They faced a few seconds.
"Headmaster..." he said in a breath.
"I am afraid not to be able to be Headmaster with such a teacher and such a student." Dumbledore answered calmly and coldly.
Snape did not stop watching him. Dumbledore looked angry, though quiet enough. Snape began to worry and feel bad. Dumbledore had not got really cross with him for... at least twelve years.
"Do not say that -- I pray you... that is not true." his voice which had shaken at the beginning of the sentence became firmer at its end.
"Severus?"
Snape nodded shortly to mean he was listening.
"I had not thought you would be so cruel towards a young boy. You awoke in him a terrible pain, you provoked him, you drove him mad, you brought him to such a state of suffering that he went unconscious of what he was saying. You had already -- many times -- been sharp, cold, nearly rude with him, perhaps a bit unfair, but never before had you made him to suffer so much."
Snape felt something as shame increasing in him for the first time since the instant he had entered. He lowered his eyes, he felt sorry... He had always known how much Dumbledore liked Harry but he did not know... he did not mean... or perhaps he did, and he did not mean to know it.
"Headmaster... I did not mean... you know I... "
His voice lost itself in a deep silence. Snape did know it and did mean it -- he was not able to lie.
"You knew it very well."
"But...?" he said bitterly.
"Yes?" asked Dumbledore with a point of interest.
"Nothing, it does not matter." he muttered hopelessly.
He did not dare to ask, he felt too ashamed, too wrong towards him. Perhaps he would ask later... how late was later?
"You may go now."
"Er... "
Snape did not want to go now, he wished to be forgiven before, or maybe he wished Dumbledore to rage and storm at him. In anyway he could not go now.
"You do not want to leave?"
"No." answered Snape in a polite and slightly hesitating tone.
"Come here, then"
He did as he was told.
"Give me your fingers."
He gave his fingers to Dumbledore who took a ruler and snapped it on Snape's fingers.
"Do you wish ...?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes." answered Snape.
"All right."
He snapped it again on Snape's fingers.
"That is right now?"
"I think so, Headmaster." replied Snape respectfully.
"So?"
"Goodbye." mouthed Snape in the bitter and hopeless tone of the one who is not going to be answered.
"Goodbye, Severus." he answered back, not in his warm and friendly usual voice but not in a as sharp and as cold voice as he could have answered.
Snape went out, with a last glance on the Headmaster, who looked still angry enough. Snape felt stranger than ever, and perhaps a bit dizzy, but better than at the moment he had knocked at the office door and awaited Dumbledore to open it to him.

Harry was drawing his feet -- he did not feel like being punished -- through he felt he deserved it. He knocked at the door and waited. The door opened itself.
"You may enter, Harry." said Dumbledore in a serious tone.
Harry for the first time felt something as a hint of fear -- Dumbledore was still cross with him.
"Er... thanks ... 'evening."
" 'Evening" answered back Dumbledore, but he did not look as caring about the evening, his thoughts were somewhere else.
"Sit down."
Harry sat down.
"What do I have to do?" Harry asked at mid-voice.
Dumbledore took a book and put it in Harry's hands. This book was quite familiar to Harry.
"Open it, page 999."
He did as he was told.
"Read chapter 45"
Harry began to read aloud... Time passed...
"I've finished the chapter," said Harry.
"Read it again, then."
Time elapsed ...
"I've finished."
"Good... How would you do a potion to increase elephant's tusks growing?"
"I would... er... wait the full moon."
"And?"
"Er... I would need... moonstone, dragon blood...
"And?"
"Er ... I ... I don't know, professor."
"You do not know?"
"No... I don't." Harry was feeling really worried.
Why on earth was not he able to answer? What was going to happen? Was Dumbledore going to punish him? to give him another detention? How cross was he about his knowing not how to prepare a potion for elephants? Was he going to tell him to go out?
"Come here, then."
Harry came, drawing his feet, as if it was useful to arrive... ten seconds later... He felt afraid enough, though he had an idea of what was going to happen - it was not so terrible - or perhaps it was. When he arrived near Dumbledore, he still did not know what he would do because he did not mean to know it.
"Give me your fingers" Harry did as he was told, grudgingly because, indeed, he had not really mean to deserve what he was going to get and he did not mean to get what he deserved. Dumbledore snapped his ruler on Harry's fingers, then he told him peacefully:
"Read it again."
Half an hour passed...
"I've finished"
"Read it again, then"
Half an hour went off...
"I've finished" said Harry in a voice lower than ever.
"Would you be able to answer to a question about it?"
"Yes, I think so," said Harry, he nearly knew the text by heart.
"You may go then."
Harry raised his eyes to look at Dumbledore. The way he had acted was proving he trusted him.
"Goodnight, Harry"
When Harry heard him, he felt sadder and sadder: he was not used to being spoken in such cool tones by Dumbledore. He would perhaps have preferred him to hit his fingers again, rather than to send him away coldly. That was too much. Would Dumbledore always behave like this toward him? Would Harry never obtain his pardon? He felt a rush of sadness and he understood that Dumbledore was overawing him and had always overawed him. Sadness was increasing in him. He was not able to bear it, tears went to his eyes. He meant to answer, but, he thought, his eyes fixed on the floor, that if he opened his mouth, he would give no sound but a sob. That is why he kept it closed. He hurried towards the door.
When Dumbledore saw he was weeping, he posed his hand on Harry's shoulder, who kept his gaze on the floor, shaking from head to foot.
"Harry?" said Dumbledore, gently and firmly.
Harry, who would had given everything for Dumbledore to speak to him in that kind way, a few minutes before, now wished more than ever to leave his office.
"You know very well what you have to do, Harry. Do it then."
"I … I don't know …" protested Harry.

"You do, but you do not mean it."
Harry answered nothing, maybe it was true. As Dumbledore was adding nothing, he strode off. Dumbledore watched him to go away.
"Let us hope..."He told Fawkes.

"Headmaster?"
"Yes?" Dumbledore answered in a slightly annoyed tone.
"I mean to go -I had to tell you-- for the Order. I'll be back in a few days, perhaps more ... a couple of weeks."
"Where?" asked Dumbledore who looked worried.
"You know," Snape replied firmly and calmly.
"We already spoke about it, I told you it was too dangerous. You agreed with me" Dumbledore said in an hopeless tone. He felt Snape was going to risk his life. He felt that whatever he would say Snape would leave because he had decided so.
"I changed my mind, Headmaster," Snape replied, looking at him, and when Dumbledore saw the daring on Snape's face, he felt something as admiration towards him, so courageous and so faithful to the Order. But he knew it was lost.
"I pray you, Severus, don't."
"I will, Headmaster," Snape said, self-confident. But Dumbledore was growing more and more anxious.
"Be sensible, Severus. I do not want any member of the Order dying".
"Of course you do not, you never wish anyone to die. But I think I'll be able to handle this, and if I manage to get out, the Order will be in a very advanced position".
"And if you do not?"
"The Order will lose nothing. You know I would never betray the Order, you ... "
"Yes?"
"Nothing," said quickly Snape who felt suddenly very embarrassed. Dumbledore decided not to insist.
"You called a member "nothing"; if the Order was losing a member, it would not lose a nothing," Dumbledore said reproachfully.
"I did not mean to, but... "
"You did," Dumbledore replied sharply.
"I beg your pardon ... I meant to say that you could manage without me. I am not very useful. Who would care about my ... er... disappearing?"
"I would care, Severus, and you do as if you do not know it, just to hear me to tell it again."
"I am sorry, Headmaster, but I was not able to resist to the occasion to get a last mark of ... before to go so far from Hogwarts... "
Dumbledore knew that there was just a last way to keep Snape near him : intimidation, authority.
"Goodbye, I must go now, Headmaster."
"No, you will not" said Dumbledore sharply and firmly
"I... "
"I do not want you to leave, Severus"
"But... "
"You are not allowed. I forbid it to you."
Snape lowered his eyes a quarter of second, he shivered slightly, then he felt ashamed to have hesitated, raised his eyes again, and, looking straight in Dumbledore's blue ones, he spoke slowly and seriously.
"I must go, Headmaster."
Dumbledore understood he was going to leave, there was nothing to do.
"Severus?"
"Headmaster?"
"May I ask you?"
"Yes?"
"Please, do not leave today... wait until tomorrow evening."
"All right."
Dumbledore felt pain and fear as Snape was walking out, because he knew it was a bit his fault if Snape meant to go.

Snape arrived in the dungeons.
"Good-morning, everyone."
"Good-morning, Professor," answered every student in the class.
Snape looked in a better mood than ever. Harry was rather surprised.
"Today, we are going to prepare a potion to increase elephants' tusks growing. Who know how to do it?"

Strangely, Snape did not feel afraid at all. He had not been in such high spirits for months. Harry dared to raise his hand. Snape was surprised, but he asked in a gentle and warm voice:
"Yes, Mr Potter?"
"I would wait the full moon... "Harry began. When he had finished (... And eventually I would let it infuse for ten minutes, and then I would bottle it.) Snape answered:
"It is a very correct answer, Mr Potter. Five points for Gryffindor."
That was the first time for five years Harry had made Gryffindor win points during Snape's class. Though to say this seemed hard enough to Snape, now he was beaming, expressing something as deep self-satisfaction. He snapped his fingers and what they had to do got written on the blackboard. They began to work.
"Mr Longbottom?"
"Yes, sir?" asked Neville in a shaking voice.
"Do not put dragon blood now; you must put moonstone first." replied Snape gently and warmly.
"Yes... thank you Professor."
"Do not mention it."
Neville found him so noble that he turned intimidated, went pink, and kept his eyes on the floor. On the other hand, Harry was feeling worse and worse, he had the sensation to be guilty towards Dumbledore and towards Snape, but this troubling sentiment did not soften his dislike for the Potions Master.
The lesson came to an end. Neville proudly brought a sample of his potion to Snape who gave him an encouraging smile. Harry meant to go but Snape spoke to him.
"Will you stay an instant, if you please?"
Everyone left the dungeons but Harry.
"Sir?"
"Harry... "
Harry gave a start. It was the first time Snape had called him by his first name.
"I am sorry to have made you suffer so much, three days ago... "Snape went on "I did not really think... or rather I did, but I know I should not have acted in that way towards you. I beg your pardon... "
Harry did something as a gesture to mean he was accepting the apologies. There was an embarrassed silence. Harry knew it was the best moment to present his excuses, too. He knew he was wrong to have attempted to attack Snape. Snape was paler than usually, and he was slightly breathless, as if he had done a kind of effort. But Harry's feeling of guilt was drowned by his vanity. No, he was not going to apologise; he was not going to humiliate himself in front of someone he disliked so much. But Snape was expecting him to break the silence, that is why he broke it:
"Goodbye, then."
"Goodbye," replied Snape, and he swept off.

"Severus?"
"Headmaster?"
"Will you please, pass in my office after dinner, just to speak about a few things?
"If you wish, but--"
"--Do not worry, I shall not be too long. I will not discuss again ..."
Dumbledore stopped, hesitating to finish his sentence.
"The points I needed three hours for you to be half persuaded?"
"Thanks, Severus, it is what I meant to say," answered gently Dumbledore.
Snape gave him a teasing smile.
"And what about...?" enquired Dumbledore.
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
Snape looked at him happily.
"All is correct."
Dumbledore beamed at him, posed his hand on Snape's shoulder in a friendly way; Snape lowered his eyes, but he felt happy because he knew he deserved this mark of affection.
"I am happy and proud of your being sensible, Severus."

Dumbledore met Harry in a corridor.
"Good after-noon, Harry." he said, beaming down at him.
"Good after-noon." Harry answered automatically. Dumbledore went his way, leaving Harry struck by amazement, wondering why Dumbledore was so nice with him, why he had not spoken in a cold voice, why he was no longer angry with him.
Dinner time came, Snape, who was sitting to Dumbledore's right, was talking with him in an happy-go-lucky way. When the meal came to an end, Dumbledore rose and left the room. Snape waited for a moment then he rose too, and, as he passed near Professor McGonagall, she spoke to him at mid-voice:
"Good luck, Severus."
She gave him her hand; he bent courteously and kissed it.
"Thanks, Minerva."
"Good-bye."
"Er... Good-bye."
He went his way shaking a few hands on his passage. An instant later, he knocked at Dumbledore's door, which was opened as soon as he did it; he felt caught off his guard, he had not expected it to be opened so quickly.
"Good-evening, Severus."
" Evening, Headmaster."
"Come in, please."
Snape entered.
"Sit down." asked Dumbledore quietly.
He did as he as told. Fawkes gave a sweet song, then he went to settle in Snape's lap. Snape stroked him with the very end of his fingers.
"As you refused anyone to come with you... "
"As I needed three hours for you to be half persuaded you had to stay at Hogwarts." said Snape with a mischievous smile.
"Be careful, Severus, I could lose my temper," answered Dumbledore seriously, but he did not look cross at all. Snape ventured on asking politely:
"Would you?"
"Of course, I would not; not today," answered Dumbledore quietly, but in a tone which made Snape understand they were going to have a sensible conversation, and it was better not to answer something as: "Tomorrow draws on apace." That is why he answered nothing, and it was wise from him.
"As you do not mean me, neither Professor McGonagall, neither Professor Flitwick, neither anyone to come with you -and perhaps you are right -- I decided-and he agreed- Fawkes will follow you, I think he could be useful."
Snape looked at the bird. He found him so beautiful that he felt moved.
"No," he protested, rather embarrassed, "I cannot... "
"You can, and you have to."
"Why?"
"You mean to go today, don't you?"
"I do."
"So, if you need three hours for me to be half persuaded, this day will come to an end before you have finished; and it is not with me that you will have to discuss, but with Fawkes, who means to go with you, and I warn you, he is as stubborn as I am."
"All right, Headmaster," answered Snape who was happy enough to give up.
"And, as you cannot Disapparate here because it is impossible, as you will not Disapparate when you have left Hogwarts, because--"
"--I would be noticed by wizards."
"Yes.--That is why I intend to provide you an animal you could mount; I first thought to give you a hippogriff, but they have been distrustful lately ... Eventually, I thought you would like Coriolan very much. He is a good animal. I tied him near the lake."
Snape shivered to the word "distrustful", but Dumbledore did not notice it.
"I reckoned your bicycle -- with such bad roads ... "
"I see... "
"Coriolan is used to mud, water and everything... "--Snape knew Dumbledore was going to say soon something as "but" and he did not feel like hearing it.--"... But, when you arrive you know where, you will have to send him back... "
"How?" asked Snape, conscious, for the first time since he had entered, of the darkness he was going to face.
"Just tell him to go back home, to go back to me. All these names are familiar to him. I am sure he will understand."
A minute passed.
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"I mean to congratulate you. I am pleased with your behaviour towards Harry and your patience with Neville; though ... "
"Mm?"
"I mean to say I perhaps would have preferred you to stay-- but I understand you- and I admire your courage ..."
"Er... thanks ..." said Snape perhaps a bit embarrassed.
"I want to tell you good luck, Severus."
"Thanks very much, Headmaster," answered Snape softy.
"I do not think you desire I proceed to usual... er... recommendations."
"I do," said Snape in such a low voice Dumbledore could hardly catch it.
"As you want."
He surveyed Snape very seriously over his half-moon spectacles.
"First I want you to come back"-Snape felt happy to be told that, because at this moment, the idea he could not come back did not even cross his mind.
"Healthy, if possible, you know, I am not pleased to see you spend a week in the hospital wing, after your travels." Dumbledore gave him a look which meant he was going to speak about things he would not feel happy to hear. "Don't fight if it is not necessary - avoid violence as much as possible - do not provoke people, and do not get provoked too easily."
"Yes, Headmaster."
"Be prudent, Severus, you are going to a terrible place which is dangerous for everyone... "
"I will come back, Headmaster."
"Let us hope ... "
"Headmaster?"
"Yes?"
"I pray you do not worry about me ... I do not want you to be worried because of me... "
"Severus?"
"Yes?"
"Is there anything you wish?"
"Yes, Professor."
And Snape meant it so clearly Dumbledore could not pretend not to have understood.
"Do you wish...?"
"Yes." answered Snape
"All right."
Dumbledore snapped his ruler on Snape's fingers.
"What is the matter with you, Severus?" enquired Dumbledore with something as concern in the voice. "Did you get cross with someone?"
"No..." Snape replied hesitantly.
"Did anyone get cross with you?"
"No... "
"What is wrong, then?"
"Harry... "
"Did you apologise to him?"
"Yes, I did." said Snape. Dumbledore knew he was not lying.
"Everything is right, then." Dumbledore did not understand that Snape did not feel forgiven by Harry and was troubled about it. "Perhaps he is not very nice with you, but it is natural. He feels humiliated. Don't worry."
Dumbledore was persuaded that Harry had apologised, coldly perhaps, but he did not think he could have not done at all.
Several minutes elapsed...
"I think I must introduce Coriolan to you."
They both stood up; Dumbledore went to the door and held it open for Snape.