A kingdom Hearts Fanfic! it corresponds with my KH radio fic! I suggest you read that first please! if not, that's ok.. this can sorta stand on its own. :)

RATED M FOR LATER CHAPTERS. this chapter is rated T for Too Totally Tubular. imean Teens.

DISCLAIMER: Sarah does not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of its characters. That is why she cries herself to sleep at night. (sheds tear)

WARNING: Strong language, implied Smex-ual activities, and Slash/yaoi/boyXboy smut. Yup, that's right; it's gay. don't like don't read please...

Written from Roxas's POV, please excuse the crappy-ness. This is why I usually just write dialogue..

Unbeta-ed. Please excuse any and all mistakes! (bows)

Plz enjoy!

What had possessed me to drive to the store? It's only three blocks away. Oh yeah, the weather. Well, a fat lot of good that did; it's still snowing like crazy and the traffic is terrible. A quick trip to the store that SHOULD only take ten minutes, fifteen tops, is now taking an hour. Or rather, 43 minutes to be exact. I keep on looking at the clock and trying not to touch the dial on the radio. Who cares if I hate this popular crap? If I touch the dial, I know where it will end up. And that is bad. Because then I would hear HIM. And I don't want to hear HIM, don't want to think about HIM. But the past five songs have been full of stupid shit like knocking up some bitch and taking drugs, and "Poker Face" has played three times since I got in the car. My ears are close to bleeding.

You don't need to touch it, just put it on search. It won't go anywhere near HIM. Just do it.

That is the lie I was now telling myself. I know it is a lie. I know that the traitorous part of me, the heart I had somehow gained, is aching to hear HIM. Such a masochist, that traitor inside me. So I press search, and half listen as more crap songs and country and snippets of commercials reach my ears. Then I heard something actually good! "The Reason" by Hoobastank! One of my favorite bands playing my favorite of their songs! I stopped the search and tapped the steering wheel in time with the base, singing in my (admittedly girly) soprano, harmonizing.

I'm not a perfect person,

I never meant to do those things to you.

And so I have to say before I go,

That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you.

I snorted; of course with my luck I'd come in at the very end of the song. Then I froze.

"That was 'The Reason' by Hoobastank! Ha, that's a funny name! Don't you think so Axel?"

Shitshitshitshitshit Demyx! That could only mean...

"(sniffle) Roxas loved Hoobastank… He had all their CDs…"

It was HIM. HE was there. At the station. On the radio. In my car. In my thoughts. Everywhere. And he said my name. And it sounded like he had been.. crying? Impossible. HE didn't cry. Not in public at least. HE had cried, in front of me. Then joked it off. He was always doing that. I listened again as HE talked about OUR snowmen, and was shocked when I heard HIM say the L word. No, not lesbian. Love. Or rather, HE said loved. That- that HE loved my smile… that stunned me for a minute: HE said it, HE said the L word! HE loved my smile! Then the pessimistic-emo side of me spoke up.

It's just you're smile, you love Demyx's smile because it makes others laugh, because he's your friend and you like to see him smile, that's probably what HE means. It's not LOVE love, just Like love.

That shut me up.

"Is.. is that Roxas's hoodie?"

And that made me speak. "What the hell?"

"…yes…"

So that's where it went. "You fucking klepto." I grumbled. I could hear the affection in my voice. Not good. I should not feel affection for HIM, not feel anything for HIM! We were over. Ended. Kaput. I reached forward to change the channel, and he said my name again.

"Roxas used to hug me… he was so short, I could just rest my chin on his hair.. and then, his hair would tickle my nose, cuz it's so spiky, and I'd sneeze. And if I sneezed on him, he'd jump away and say "eeeewwww" just like that… (sniffle)"

I shook my head, suppressing a smile. That was true, it had happened before, and WE always laughed and got ice cream afterwards, joking about the cold I was sure to get because of HIM. I missed HIM. I loved HIM. I wanted to never see or hear HIM again, but I couldn't change the station. HE was like a drug. I waited to hear HIM say my name again, as I inched forward in the traffic.

"So uh, Axel, What do you think would help make you feel better?"

"Roxas."

"Yes, but Roxas isn't here. What do you do when Roxas isn't around and you're sad?"

"I call Roxas."

"Uh.. if he doesn't have his phone?"

"I go looking for him."

"Seriously?"

"I get worried if he's out without it.. he's so dam rape-able…"

I turned bring red. Dam HIM, making me blush and saying something so dam embarrassing over the radio! I if I was there I would have smacked him upside the head!

"You know what makes me happy? Roxas."

I blushed harder; how could HE say something like that? Was HE playing with my heart on purpose? Did HE know I was listening to HIS voice and drinking it up like the world's sweetest nectar? No.. No that's impossible. HE didn't know what nectar was. The idiot. I saw myself in the mirror; bright red, with a love-sick look on my face. I glared at myself instead. Much better. I shouldn't think about HIM and what WE were, because that was over and done with. Like this station.

"OoOh, OH! Can I talk about the first time I saw Roxas?"

God dammit, how did HE know what to say to make me freeze like that? Bastard…

"Siigh, I remember it like it was yesterday.. Superior had wanted me to take the new guy back to the Castle, and God when I saw him! It was in Twilight town, right in front of that creep-tastic mansion, and the sun hit him just right, and he just seemed to.. glow! And his eyes; they were so full of light, even when his face was expressionless and zombie-like and God, his HAIR! It just had the most golden hue and fuck, all I could think was that I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything or anyone in my entire existence! So instead of taking him straight back to the castle, I took him to the clock tower and we had ice cream, and holy fucking Christ the way he ATE it-"

I remembered the first time I saw HIM. I was freshly made, I had no memory of who or what I was. I only knew that I was. But other than that, nothing. Xemnas had given me a name and then disappeared, and in his place was HIM. HE was so tall, way taller than me, and so alive and vibrant, everything about HIM screamed color and noise and life, from HIS bright red hair that glowed in the setting sun, to HIS emerald eyes that caught the sunlight and made it more beautiful, to those dammed hips of HIS, cocked to the side, one hand resting on them (a totally gay pose I always mocked HIM for). I remembered staring at HIS tattoos, stunned by HIS brilliance, and the only stupid thought running through my head was "I wonder if that hurt…" yep. Just call me Casanova.

"Fine. God. Well, after a while, we became friends! And the first time he laughed… I- I felt this, this ache in my chest! And I didn't understand it! I couldn't! Somehow, that little perfect punk had made me FEEL something! And not just one thing, a whole bunch of somethings! I wanted him, and I was happy he was there with me, that he was my friend, that I'd made him laugh, and sad because he was a Nobody, because he wouldn't know the emotions that I could only remember yet somehow was feeling, and I was sad because he was so dam perfect and hot and wonderful and innocent and smart; how could HE love ME?"

I snorted. The idiot, I was none of that. I was quiet and weird and awkward with people, and definitely not innocent and perfect. Ok, maybe back THEN I was, innocent that is, but not now. Geeze. And I had made HIM feel? Ridiculous; utter BS. Really. Right? Right. Maybe. And how could I NOT love HIM? HE was smart (in a stupid way), and funny, and kind, and tough, and strong, and so god dammed SEXY, not to mention warm. Everything about HIM was warm, and me? I was cold. But HE had the ability to make me warm, whether I wanted it or not. I often wonder if, without HIM, I would have become another Zexion. Pre-Demyx Zexion that is. That is always guaranteed to make me shudder.

"And then he DID! Somehow, he wanted ME like I wanted him! I couldn't believe it.. I kept on waiting for him to say goodbye, or to laugh and say that it had all been a joke.. and then our first time-"

I blushed all the more; trying to talk about THAT on the radio? Oh he was SO dead the next time I saw HIM- but wait. I wouldn't. I wouldn't see HIM. I would avoid HIM, at all costs. I would just listen to HIS voice on the radio, and try not to think about the person attached to it. The only person who could hurt me so much, the person who had. And HE thought I would leave HIM? Laugh and say it was a joke? Really, who would do that to HIM? That utter perfection, that walking laughing living breathing sun; who would be so cruel and heartless to play with HIS feelings? Not me. Never me.

My car crept forward: I was finally close to heading through this stupid light. Almost home. I'd go home and hide. Almost home.

"Shut up! It's not an obsession! I LOVE him!"

HE said it. HE said it. HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE said it HE SAID IT HE said IT HE said IT HE said IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT! HE SAID it! HE SAID IT! No, A-Axel said it.

Axel said he loved me.

"Well, Of course I didn't tell him! He was too god dammed PERFECT! How could he actually FEEL the same way I did? The reason the sun rises is so that it can look at him and the moon shines just for the slight chance that it will touch his face! The stars fall from the sky just so they can try to be the light in his eyes, but they aren't nearly as bright! Flowers lean towards HIM because he's brighter than the sun! How could he possibly feel the same about me?"

Now he was saying my thoughts, but backwards. The idiot was describing himself. How couldn't I feel the same way about him?

"I love you too, Axel," I whispered, wishing he could hear me.

And that was the last thing I said before everything exploded in pain and darkness and pain. But I didn't drown in it; because in all that pain, in all that darkness, in all the silence and noise and light that my world had become, there was one thought that mattered.

Axel had said it.

(sheds manly tear) He said it!

Well... this wassss... interesting. forcing myself to write not dialogue is always difficult. Cuz I suck at not dialogue. XP I always have trouble with these things. this so called "normal" way of writing.

Tis difficult. Part of me wants to write in present tense the whole time, the other half wants past tense, it's so full of conflict! D:

BUT I managed to finish this lil gem. the next one would beee..uh, Axel rushing to the hospital. So I shall get to work on that. many good ideas for that. many.

As stated above, it might be easier for you to understand this and what's going on if you've read my other Fic, Organization XIII at 103.8 (or something like that) It's dialogue only and the guys have their own radio station! very fun to write! And it helps you to understand this!

UHMR, as usual, Reviews would be appreciated! do you guys see mistakes? or do you know ways I can better my writing? cuz good lord I am starting to HATE writing not dialogue. and that is a problem. because I love writing. and if I hate it, how can I love it? SEE? It's a problem.

Well well well, Hugs and Circles to you all (cuz who doesn't like a good circle?),

~Sarah