Disclaimer- I don't own any of these people. So don't sue.
Spoilers- There might be some.
Note- This takes place some time after Secrets and Lies. And Abby has moved back into her apartment (just because it makes it easier for me).
I've edited and re-uploaded, thanks for the comments before, I tried to minimise the use of certain words.
I don't even think this makes much sense but oh well and Sorry my grammer and spelling is bad, I'm computer challenged and so I don't mess around with technical stuff like spell checker. :)
Oh and sorry if this idea has already been done before, I'm basically new here and I haven't read all of the other fics.
~
Revelations.
I open my locker with force, suprising myself.
"good day?" the voice asks gently behind me.
I can feel his warm breath on my neck, I want to turn around and face him but I don't. Instead I stay focused on the contents of my locker, rummaging through the forgotten items.
"huh huh" I reply flatly to him, still I do not turn to look at him.
"you ok?" he asks.
I can imagine the concern in his dark eyes, roaming around looking for sure tale signs of my state of mind.
"just peachy" I reply through gritted teeth.
I pull out my jacket and close the locker with a slam, I hear Carter's soft sigh.
"want to talk?" he places his hand on my shoulder lightly, I try not to shiver at his touch but I can't help it, his hands are so warm and so soft.
I betray my mind and turn to face him, shrugging his hand away discreetly.
"talk about what?" I ask him curtly.
My composure softens as I look into his eyes, they look tired but beautiful at the same time. I want to reach out and take his hand, but I don't. Some will that I didn't know I had stops me.
"I don't know, you? me? life? anything, we haven't really talked recently." he responds.
He smiles at me, it makes his eyes light up.
Bastard.
All he has to do is smile and he thinks i'll melt.
He's right.
"we spoke yesterday" I reply glancing away, my eyes roam around the lounge.
I focus on the peeling paint in the corner of the room, it's tiny particles fragmenting away gradually.
"talking about the weather doesn't count" he tells me,
I'm still staring at the peeling paint.
"This room needs repainting" is all I say.
I move past him, but he stops me and turns me around gently to face him.
I want to tear my eyes away from his face, but I can't.
I can't think straight when he's staring at me like that.
Bastard.
I hate that he has this power over me.
"how about we go for coffee and pie?" he says.
His voice is warm and soothing. I want to say yes, my heart is screaming at me to accept. I want to tell him everything. I want him to tell me that everything is going to be ok and I want to cry in his arms forever. But of course I don't, I would never let him see the pitiful thing that i'd become. I would never subject him to that.
I take a deep breath and say "I'm pretty tired Carter, maybe some other time"
He looks dissapointed but I know i've done the right thing.
I move my eyes away from him.
"ok well, do you want a ride home?". He tilts his head slightly to the side trying to make eye contact with me.
He thinks he knows how to win me over.
He's wrong, well mostly.
I sigh.
"No it's ok thanks, I feel like a walk." I reply.
Damn, wrong choice of words.
"well I'll walk with you."
Bastard.
I knew he would say that. It was my own fault.
"Carter I don't need a babysitter" I tell him.
Why won't he get the picture. I want to be alone.
"I know that, but I know you need a friend." he responds matter of factly.
"What makes you think you know what I need?"
I know I sound childish but I don't care, how dare he tell me what I need.
He has no idea what I need.
"Because I know you Abby, and you've not been your self lately."
"How would you know? you've not been around me lately" I reply, I fold my arms over my chest assertively.
I'm trying unsuccessfully to look strong.
"Because you haven't let me" he answers sadly.
Damn, he's not letting this drop easily.
I want to retaliate. I want to scream out at him to leave me alone.
Why won't he leave me alone?
I just want to be alone.
All I do is roll my eyes and walk away. Leaving him standing there to stare after to me.
I don't look back.
~
I'm still in a bad mood when I reach my apartment. All I want is to curl up in bed and never wake up.
No such luck.
I jam my key into the lock roughly and turn it. I'm not suprised to find that the door's stuck but it still worsens my mood. The door always sticks.
I elbow it and shove the door with my side. It doesn't work.
I give it another shove.
Then a kick.
The door doesn't budge.
"need help?" the voice startles me.
I didn't see the figure sat on the staires leading to the next floor
"How did you get here before me John?" I ask him trying to sound calm.
I'm still shoving the door with my side, harder this time.
I see a glimpse of a smile on his face.
It infuriates me even more.
Bastard.
"I drove, remember" he answers.
The door recieves another shove.
"Damn. Thing." another shove "Won't...." kick." Open". I say sharply and out of breath.
My side begins to ache. I close my eyes and silently count to 10.
1.
2.
3 .
He stands up and takes the key from me.
I watch as he places the key in the lock and turns, I hear that familliar click and he gently pushes the door open.
I stare at him hotly.
I can see he's trying not to laugh as he hands me back the key.
Bastard.
I walk past him and make my way into the apartment.
"So can I come in or is it safer out here?".
He's smiling, he knows it will make me madder, thats why he's doing it.
I shrug my shoulders "if you want."
He closes the door behind him and turns to face me.
I sigh, why me? I'm too tired for this. I just want to be alone.
Neither of us speak. I bite my lip and look around the apartment.
I am not going to cave in. I am not going to cave in. I'm not going to ca....
"What are you doing here?" damn, I caved in.
He knew I would.
"I wanted to see if you're ok. I'm worried about you" he says, he takes a step faward hesistantly.
"I'm touched Carter" I say flatly and roll my eyes.
The silence between us is deafening, the tension is so thick.
I don't look at him, I can't look at him.
I want to run away.
I'm silently pleading with him to leave.
Why won't he leave?.
"Abby, I....." he begins.
I don't trust myself to speak.
"please talk to me" he finishes.
I take a deep breath.
"what do you want me to say?" I ask him finally.
I will not cry.
"Tell me what's wrong with you. And don't say you're fine because I know you're not, I know you more than you think I do." he tells me matter of factly.
I will not cry.
"why do you care?" I reply.
"You know why. I L...."
I stop him before he can finish. I won't let him say those words, those tiny words that would break my heart forever.
"Don't pretend that you care about me Carter because you don't." I say to him sharply.
I will not cry.
"Abby...." he stops abruptedly, his eyes become fixed on the object behind me.
I close my eyes.
I know what he can see.
I will not cry.
I silently scream at myself for being so stupid.
I feel him move past me towards it.
I can imagine the dissapointment in his eyes.
I don't turn to look at him.
I don't want to see the heartbreaking look on his face of realising what i've done.
My heart is pounding, it feels like its going to jump out my chest. I wish it would, I want this pain to stop.
Its too late, the tears role freely down my face. I cannot control them any longer.
I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands.
I feel him beside me and his arms are around around me in an instant, holding me, rocking me.
His soothing voice tells me everything is ok.
I bury my face into his shirt.
I cannot supress the uncontrollable sobs.
~
I'm not sure how long I had been sat there for, crying into his arms.
It felt like ages.
I wanted to stay this way forever. With him.
He just sat there with me, not saying a word, his hand gently carassing my head.
My heart ached more than I could bear. I wanted to let all my pain out.
I needed to be free of the guilt, the anger and the sorrow.
I wanted to be happy.
I knew I had to tell him. I had to tell him everything.
~
I lift my head up to stare at him, his dark eyes are brimmed with tears.
I could see the empty wine bottle through blurred vision on the table behind him, standing there so innocently yet so guiltily. It stood out like a neon sign.
I wanted to take the bottle and smash it into a thousand pieces.
"John, I-I'm so sorry, I couldn't fight it any longer, it just got too much".
Once again the tears begin to fall.
"shhh, its ok" he said and kissed my forehead.
"its not ok, I let you down. You're the last person I wanted to dissapoint" I begin, ".I need help Carter" I finish finally.
I focus on his tear stained shirt. I can't bear to look at his face.
He lifts my chin up softly so that i'm facing him.
"Abby, you know i'll help you. But you just have to help me help you" he tells me, his voice is soothing.
I close my eyes. When I open them he is staring at me patiently.
He was right.
I had to tell him.
And I did, I told him everything. About the abortion, about Richard and how much he'd hurt me, about Luka and about how i'd tried so hard to love him, about my mom and how much I tried to hate her but loved her more than the world. I told him everything, I even told him how much I loved him and how much I was afraid of my feelings for him.
All the while Carter just sat there and listened carefully. Because he knew that was what I needed, someone to just listen while I poured my heart and soul out.
I think thats one of the reasons why I love him so much, because he knows what I need without asking. He knows me so well.
It felt so good to finally talk. Like the weight of the world had finally been lifted.
The overwhelming pain had eased.
He told me repeatedly that everything would be ok, and I knew he was right.
Because I had him beside me.
Should I continue this? or is it better left as a mini thing.
please R + R.
Spoilers- There might be some.
Note- This takes place some time after Secrets and Lies. And Abby has moved back into her apartment (just because it makes it easier for me).
I've edited and re-uploaded, thanks for the comments before, I tried to minimise the use of certain words.
I don't even think this makes much sense but oh well and Sorry my grammer and spelling is bad, I'm computer challenged and so I don't mess around with technical stuff like spell checker. :)
Oh and sorry if this idea has already been done before, I'm basically new here and I haven't read all of the other fics.
~
Revelations.
I open my locker with force, suprising myself.
"good day?" the voice asks gently behind me.
I can feel his warm breath on my neck, I want to turn around and face him but I don't. Instead I stay focused on the contents of my locker, rummaging through the forgotten items.
"huh huh" I reply flatly to him, still I do not turn to look at him.
"you ok?" he asks.
I can imagine the concern in his dark eyes, roaming around looking for sure tale signs of my state of mind.
"just peachy" I reply through gritted teeth.
I pull out my jacket and close the locker with a slam, I hear Carter's soft sigh.
"want to talk?" he places his hand on my shoulder lightly, I try not to shiver at his touch but I can't help it, his hands are so warm and so soft.
I betray my mind and turn to face him, shrugging his hand away discreetly.
"talk about what?" I ask him curtly.
My composure softens as I look into his eyes, they look tired but beautiful at the same time. I want to reach out and take his hand, but I don't. Some will that I didn't know I had stops me.
"I don't know, you? me? life? anything, we haven't really talked recently." he responds.
He smiles at me, it makes his eyes light up.
Bastard.
All he has to do is smile and he thinks i'll melt.
He's right.
"we spoke yesterday" I reply glancing away, my eyes roam around the lounge.
I focus on the peeling paint in the corner of the room, it's tiny particles fragmenting away gradually.
"talking about the weather doesn't count" he tells me,
I'm still staring at the peeling paint.
"This room needs repainting" is all I say.
I move past him, but he stops me and turns me around gently to face him.
I want to tear my eyes away from his face, but I can't.
I can't think straight when he's staring at me like that.
Bastard.
I hate that he has this power over me.
"how about we go for coffee and pie?" he says.
His voice is warm and soothing. I want to say yes, my heart is screaming at me to accept. I want to tell him everything. I want him to tell me that everything is going to be ok and I want to cry in his arms forever. But of course I don't, I would never let him see the pitiful thing that i'd become. I would never subject him to that.
I take a deep breath and say "I'm pretty tired Carter, maybe some other time"
He looks dissapointed but I know i've done the right thing.
I move my eyes away from him.
"ok well, do you want a ride home?". He tilts his head slightly to the side trying to make eye contact with me.
He thinks he knows how to win me over.
He's wrong, well mostly.
I sigh.
"No it's ok thanks, I feel like a walk." I reply.
Damn, wrong choice of words.
"well I'll walk with you."
Bastard.
I knew he would say that. It was my own fault.
"Carter I don't need a babysitter" I tell him.
Why won't he get the picture. I want to be alone.
"I know that, but I know you need a friend." he responds matter of factly.
"What makes you think you know what I need?"
I know I sound childish but I don't care, how dare he tell me what I need.
He has no idea what I need.
"Because I know you Abby, and you've not been your self lately."
"How would you know? you've not been around me lately" I reply, I fold my arms over my chest assertively.
I'm trying unsuccessfully to look strong.
"Because you haven't let me" he answers sadly.
Damn, he's not letting this drop easily.
I want to retaliate. I want to scream out at him to leave me alone.
Why won't he leave me alone?
I just want to be alone.
All I do is roll my eyes and walk away. Leaving him standing there to stare after to me.
I don't look back.
~
I'm still in a bad mood when I reach my apartment. All I want is to curl up in bed and never wake up.
No such luck.
I jam my key into the lock roughly and turn it. I'm not suprised to find that the door's stuck but it still worsens my mood. The door always sticks.
I elbow it and shove the door with my side. It doesn't work.
I give it another shove.
Then a kick.
The door doesn't budge.
"need help?" the voice startles me.
I didn't see the figure sat on the staires leading to the next floor
"How did you get here before me John?" I ask him trying to sound calm.
I'm still shoving the door with my side, harder this time.
I see a glimpse of a smile on his face.
It infuriates me even more.
Bastard.
"I drove, remember" he answers.
The door recieves another shove.
"Damn. Thing." another shove "Won't...." kick." Open". I say sharply and out of breath.
My side begins to ache. I close my eyes and silently count to 10.
1.
2.
3 .
He stands up and takes the key from me.
I watch as he places the key in the lock and turns, I hear that familliar click and he gently pushes the door open.
I stare at him hotly.
I can see he's trying not to laugh as he hands me back the key.
Bastard.
I walk past him and make my way into the apartment.
"So can I come in or is it safer out here?".
He's smiling, he knows it will make me madder, thats why he's doing it.
I shrug my shoulders "if you want."
He closes the door behind him and turns to face me.
I sigh, why me? I'm too tired for this. I just want to be alone.
Neither of us speak. I bite my lip and look around the apartment.
I am not going to cave in. I am not going to cave in. I'm not going to ca....
"What are you doing here?" damn, I caved in.
He knew I would.
"I wanted to see if you're ok. I'm worried about you" he says, he takes a step faward hesistantly.
"I'm touched Carter" I say flatly and roll my eyes.
The silence between us is deafening, the tension is so thick.
I don't look at him, I can't look at him.
I want to run away.
I'm silently pleading with him to leave.
Why won't he leave?.
"Abby, I....." he begins.
I don't trust myself to speak.
"please talk to me" he finishes.
I take a deep breath.
"what do you want me to say?" I ask him finally.
I will not cry.
"Tell me what's wrong with you. And don't say you're fine because I know you're not, I know you more than you think I do." he tells me matter of factly.
I will not cry.
"why do you care?" I reply.
"You know why. I L...."
I stop him before he can finish. I won't let him say those words, those tiny words that would break my heart forever.
"Don't pretend that you care about me Carter because you don't." I say to him sharply.
I will not cry.
"Abby...." he stops abruptedly, his eyes become fixed on the object behind me.
I close my eyes.
I know what he can see.
I will not cry.
I silently scream at myself for being so stupid.
I feel him move past me towards it.
I can imagine the dissapointment in his eyes.
I don't turn to look at him.
I don't want to see the heartbreaking look on his face of realising what i've done.
My heart is pounding, it feels like its going to jump out my chest. I wish it would, I want this pain to stop.
Its too late, the tears role freely down my face. I cannot control them any longer.
I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands.
I feel him beside me and his arms are around around me in an instant, holding me, rocking me.
His soothing voice tells me everything is ok.
I bury my face into his shirt.
I cannot supress the uncontrollable sobs.
~
I'm not sure how long I had been sat there for, crying into his arms.
It felt like ages.
I wanted to stay this way forever. With him.
He just sat there with me, not saying a word, his hand gently carassing my head.
My heart ached more than I could bear. I wanted to let all my pain out.
I needed to be free of the guilt, the anger and the sorrow.
I wanted to be happy.
I knew I had to tell him. I had to tell him everything.
~
I lift my head up to stare at him, his dark eyes are brimmed with tears.
I could see the empty wine bottle through blurred vision on the table behind him, standing there so innocently yet so guiltily. It stood out like a neon sign.
I wanted to take the bottle and smash it into a thousand pieces.
"John, I-I'm so sorry, I couldn't fight it any longer, it just got too much".
Once again the tears begin to fall.
"shhh, its ok" he said and kissed my forehead.
"its not ok, I let you down. You're the last person I wanted to dissapoint" I begin, ".I need help Carter" I finish finally.
I focus on his tear stained shirt. I can't bear to look at his face.
He lifts my chin up softly so that i'm facing him.
"Abby, you know i'll help you. But you just have to help me help you" he tells me, his voice is soothing.
I close my eyes. When I open them he is staring at me patiently.
He was right.
I had to tell him.
And I did, I told him everything. About the abortion, about Richard and how much he'd hurt me, about Luka and about how i'd tried so hard to love him, about my mom and how much I tried to hate her but loved her more than the world. I told him everything, I even told him how much I loved him and how much I was afraid of my feelings for him.
All the while Carter just sat there and listened carefully. Because he knew that was what I needed, someone to just listen while I poured my heart and soul out.
I think thats one of the reasons why I love him so much, because he knows what I need without asking. He knows me so well.
It felt so good to finally talk. Like the weight of the world had finally been lifted.
The overwhelming pain had eased.
He told me repeatedly that everything would be ok, and I knew he was right.
Because I had him beside me.
Should I continue this? or is it better left as a mini thing.
please R + R.