"The Facts of Life" *Edna Garrett
Season 5 *Blair
"Those Dreadful Double Dates" *Jo
*Tootie
*Natalie
guests-*David
*Jim
---Int. Edna's Edibles---
Blair is shelving items by herself. Jo comes
through the front door.
Blair: Jo, can you help me shelf this stuff?
Jo: I can...
Blair: Great! (lifting up a heavy box)
Jo: But I'm not going to.
Blair: Ha ha Jo. (pause)(pleading) C'mon Please.
Jo: Hey, Mrs. G. told us to vote for the person
that we wanted to be in charge, and you won.
Even though you bribed Natalie and Tootie.
Blair: C'mon Jo. I need your help.
Jo: YOU need MY help? BLAIR WARNER needs MY help?
Blair: (rolles her eyes) Will you just help me?
Jo: Sure, I'll go get the other boxes. (exits)
Tootie and Natalie walk in through the living room
doors, arguing.
Tootie: No Natalie, we are not going out on another
double date. You know what happened last time.
Nat: It wasn't that bad.
Tootie: Not that bad? Nat, they started fighting in the
middle of a movie over candy and popcorn.
Nat: So we won't go to the movies. C'mon Tootie please?
Tootie: Okay, I'll go call David.
Nat: Yes! (both exit)
---Int. Living Room---
Blair is sitting on the couch reading. Tootie comes
down the steps in a beautiful green dress.
Tootie: So, how do I look?
Blair: Great! That dress really looks good on you.
(pause) Where's Natalie?
Nat: (V.O.)(yelling from upstairs) Getting ready!
Tootie: Hurry up. They'll be here in a half-hour.
Nat: I can't find anything to were.
Tootie: Your not even dressed yet!?
Nat: Well...
---half-hour later---
The doorbell rings and Jo answers it.
Jo: Hi Jim. C'mon in. Natalie should be down in a
minute.
Jim walks in and sits on the couch
Jo: (yelling) Nat, Jim is here, hurry up.
Jim: That's okay I'm not in a hurry.
The doorbell rings again.
Tootie: (coming down the steps) I'll get it. Its
probaly David. (Jo leaves)(she opens the door)
Oh its only Mrs. G.
Mrs. G is holding bags and is struggling to get through
the door.
Mrs. G: Thanks a lot.
Tootie: Sorry Mrs. Garrett. (she takes some of the bags)
I thought you were David.
Mrs. G: That's okay. (looks at Tootie) Wow Tootie you look
great.
Tootie: Thanks.
Natalie comes down the steps. She has a very pretty dress
on.
Mrs. G: (sees Nat) And Natalie... you look wonderful!
Nat: Thank you Mrs. Garrett. (sees Jim on the couch)
Oh hi Jim.
Jim: (to Nat) She's right, you do look wonderful.
Well are we ready to go?
Nat: No we have to wait for David
Jim: He's always late for a date.
The doorbell rings.
Tootie: That's David. (she opens the door) Hi David.
David: Hey Tootie (kisses her on the cheek)
Tootie: C'mon in David.
David: Hi Natalie, Jim.
Jim: Well... can we go now.
Tootie: Okay. Let's go.
Tootie, Nat, David, and Jim start to leave.
Mrs. G: Have a good time girls. Be home by 11.
(they leave)
---4 hours later---
Tootie comes storming through the front door. Nat is
behind her.
Tootie: (Yelling) I can't believe you.
Nat: (loud) What? David was being a real jerk. Telling Jim how
mechanics rip people off and can't fix cars at all.
Tootie: David was a jerk? If you want to see a jerk,
invite Jim back over here. He was the one that
started the whole thing.
Mrs. G: (coming down stairs) Girls! What's going on?
Nat: (calmer) We were just disgusing how Tootie's
boyfriend was acting like an idiot.
Tootie and Nat start arguing back and forth, loud.
Mrs. G: (screaming) GIRLS! (they stop) Thank you.
Now just calm down. You'll wake up the other
girls.
Jo: (V.O. from up stairs) You already did!
Mrs. G: Okay girls just sit down and let's talk it over.
They all sit down.
Mrs. G: Now what happened?
---Int. Edna's Edibles---
Tootie and Natalie are cleaning off the tables.
Jo is wheeling a cart through the front door. Blair
is in the kitchen baking.
Jo: They're finally here.
Nat: Good. Blair's having a fit about those pies.
Blair: (V.O.) Are the pies here yet?
Tootie: We'd better bring them to the queen of the kitchen.
Tootie grabs one pie, Nat grabs one, and Jo grabs two.
they walk right behind each other. Tootie first, Nat
next, and Jo last.
Blair swings the door open.
Blair: I said...
Tootie flings her arms back and the pie goes in Nat's face.
The girl start to laugh except Nat.
Nat: Do you think its funny Tootie?
Tootie: (still laughing) I'm sorry Nat.
Nat: Well sorry dosen't cut it.
Natalie throws the pie at Tootie. Tootie ducks and it hits
Blair. Everyone laughs but Blair.
Jo: Now there's your natural beauty Blair.
Blair: (walking over to the pie cart) Jo, Jo, Jo.
Blair grabs a pie and hits Jo.
All of the girls start throwing pies at each other. In all of
the comotion:
Tootie: I'm sorry Nat about last night.
Nat: That's okay.
They start throwing again. Mrs. Garrett opens the living
room doors.
Mrs. G: Girls!
They all freeze in their tracks.
Mrs. G: What are you doing?
Jo: Well... ya see... I dropped the pies off of the cart
and now we're cleaning up the mess.
Mrs. G: With your face?
Blair: Yeah. Its real messy cleaning up pies.
Mrs. G: Nice try girls. (she looks around the shop)
You'd better start cleaning up.
Tootie: So you're not mad at us for this mess that we made?
Mrs. G: No. I'm not the one who has to pay for the pies
and clean it up.
Nat: So you're not mad at all? Not one bit?
Mrs. G: No Natalie. Now I Have to leave for a little bit.
When I get back this mess better be cleaned up.
(she gets her coat on the table)
Nat motions the girls. They each get a pie when Mrs. G
is not looking. Mrs. G. turs to her right to go out the front
door and she is not paying attention to the girls.
Mrs. G is about 5 feet away and:
Girls: Oh Mrs. Garrett...
Mrs. G: Yes? (turns around)
The girls throw their pies at Mrs. G. They all hit her.
The girls are hysterically laughing. Mrs. G. starts to
chase them. The girls run to the living room doors.
We freeze when the girls get to the doors.
THE END
Season 5 *Blair
"Those Dreadful Double Dates" *Jo
*Tootie
*Natalie
guests-*David
*Jim
---Int. Edna's Edibles---
Blair is shelving items by herself. Jo comes
through the front door.
Blair: Jo, can you help me shelf this stuff?
Jo: I can...
Blair: Great! (lifting up a heavy box)
Jo: But I'm not going to.
Blair: Ha ha Jo. (pause)(pleading) C'mon Please.
Jo: Hey, Mrs. G. told us to vote for the person
that we wanted to be in charge, and you won.
Even though you bribed Natalie and Tootie.
Blair: C'mon Jo. I need your help.
Jo: YOU need MY help? BLAIR WARNER needs MY help?
Blair: (rolles her eyes) Will you just help me?
Jo: Sure, I'll go get the other boxes. (exits)
Tootie and Natalie walk in through the living room
doors, arguing.
Tootie: No Natalie, we are not going out on another
double date. You know what happened last time.
Nat: It wasn't that bad.
Tootie: Not that bad? Nat, they started fighting in the
middle of a movie over candy and popcorn.
Nat: So we won't go to the movies. C'mon Tootie please?
Tootie: Okay, I'll go call David.
Nat: Yes! (both exit)
---Int. Living Room---
Blair is sitting on the couch reading. Tootie comes
down the steps in a beautiful green dress.
Tootie: So, how do I look?
Blair: Great! That dress really looks good on you.
(pause) Where's Natalie?
Nat: (V.O.)(yelling from upstairs) Getting ready!
Tootie: Hurry up. They'll be here in a half-hour.
Nat: I can't find anything to were.
Tootie: Your not even dressed yet!?
Nat: Well...
---half-hour later---
The doorbell rings and Jo answers it.
Jo: Hi Jim. C'mon in. Natalie should be down in a
minute.
Jim walks in and sits on the couch
Jo: (yelling) Nat, Jim is here, hurry up.
Jim: That's okay I'm not in a hurry.
The doorbell rings again.
Tootie: (coming down the steps) I'll get it. Its
probaly David. (Jo leaves)(she opens the door)
Oh its only Mrs. G.
Mrs. G is holding bags and is struggling to get through
the door.
Mrs. G: Thanks a lot.
Tootie: Sorry Mrs. Garrett. (she takes some of the bags)
I thought you were David.
Mrs. G: That's okay. (looks at Tootie) Wow Tootie you look
great.
Tootie: Thanks.
Natalie comes down the steps. She has a very pretty dress
on.
Mrs. G: (sees Nat) And Natalie... you look wonderful!
Nat: Thank you Mrs. Garrett. (sees Jim on the couch)
Oh hi Jim.
Jim: (to Nat) She's right, you do look wonderful.
Well are we ready to go?
Nat: No we have to wait for David
Jim: He's always late for a date.
The doorbell rings.
Tootie: That's David. (she opens the door) Hi David.
David: Hey Tootie (kisses her on the cheek)
Tootie: C'mon in David.
David: Hi Natalie, Jim.
Jim: Well... can we go now.
Tootie: Okay. Let's go.
Tootie, Nat, David, and Jim start to leave.
Mrs. G: Have a good time girls. Be home by 11.
(they leave)
---4 hours later---
Tootie comes storming through the front door. Nat is
behind her.
Tootie: (Yelling) I can't believe you.
Nat: (loud) What? David was being a real jerk. Telling Jim how
mechanics rip people off and can't fix cars at all.
Tootie: David was a jerk? If you want to see a jerk,
invite Jim back over here. He was the one that
started the whole thing.
Mrs. G: (coming down stairs) Girls! What's going on?
Nat: (calmer) We were just disgusing how Tootie's
boyfriend was acting like an idiot.
Tootie and Nat start arguing back and forth, loud.
Mrs. G: (screaming) GIRLS! (they stop) Thank you.
Now just calm down. You'll wake up the other
girls.
Jo: (V.O. from up stairs) You already did!
Mrs. G: Okay girls just sit down and let's talk it over.
They all sit down.
Mrs. G: Now what happened?
---Int. Edna's Edibles---
Tootie and Natalie are cleaning off the tables.
Jo is wheeling a cart through the front door. Blair
is in the kitchen baking.
Jo: They're finally here.
Nat: Good. Blair's having a fit about those pies.
Blair: (V.O.) Are the pies here yet?
Tootie: We'd better bring them to the queen of the kitchen.
Tootie grabs one pie, Nat grabs one, and Jo grabs two.
they walk right behind each other. Tootie first, Nat
next, and Jo last.
Blair swings the door open.
Blair: I said...
Tootie flings her arms back and the pie goes in Nat's face.
The girl start to laugh except Nat.
Nat: Do you think its funny Tootie?
Tootie: (still laughing) I'm sorry Nat.
Nat: Well sorry dosen't cut it.
Natalie throws the pie at Tootie. Tootie ducks and it hits
Blair. Everyone laughs but Blair.
Jo: Now there's your natural beauty Blair.
Blair: (walking over to the pie cart) Jo, Jo, Jo.
Blair grabs a pie and hits Jo.
All of the girls start throwing pies at each other. In all of
the comotion:
Tootie: I'm sorry Nat about last night.
Nat: That's okay.
They start throwing again. Mrs. Garrett opens the living
room doors.
Mrs. G: Girls!
They all freeze in their tracks.
Mrs. G: What are you doing?
Jo: Well... ya see... I dropped the pies off of the cart
and now we're cleaning up the mess.
Mrs. G: With your face?
Blair: Yeah. Its real messy cleaning up pies.
Mrs. G: Nice try girls. (she looks around the shop)
You'd better start cleaning up.
Tootie: So you're not mad at us for this mess that we made?
Mrs. G: No. I'm not the one who has to pay for the pies
and clean it up.
Nat: So you're not mad at all? Not one bit?
Mrs. G: No Natalie. Now I Have to leave for a little bit.
When I get back this mess better be cleaned up.
(she gets her coat on the table)
Nat motions the girls. They each get a pie when Mrs. G
is not looking. Mrs. G. turs to her right to go out the front
door and she is not paying attention to the girls.
Mrs. G is about 5 feet away and:
Girls: Oh Mrs. Garrett...
Mrs. G: Yes? (turns around)
The girls throw their pies at Mrs. G. They all hit her.
The girls are hysterically laughing. Mrs. G. starts to
chase them. The girls run to the living room doors.
We freeze when the girls get to the doors.
THE END