Author's Note: This is a long one shot at 12.2k so plan your bathroom breaks accordingly!
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In her 28 years Emma Swan had woken up with some killer hangovers–some of them accompanied by a warm body and an unknown bed–but this was the first time she had woken to a glass of water and some aspirin on the bed stand. It made her smile in the grey light of the hotel room. Dimly she registered the sound of the shower as she sat up slowly and reached for the short tumbler. She downed half the glass before she noticed the diamond ring on her finger. She choked and began to splutter getting water all over the sheets. Once she managed to get a lungful of air she put her head in her hands and groaned; the memories were coming back.
The dark club where she had gone to catch her skip but he had never showed. The blue-eyed, black haired guy in a leather jacket that had approached her with a swagger that had her rolling her eyes. She let him buy her a drink anyway.
Then things got fuzzy.
She knew they danced and shared one mind-blowing kiss but she can't remember when or in which club. The next clear memory she had was sitting with him at Fatburger laughing as she ate onion rings. He had told her a story about his training in the Navy. As if on cue a male voice singing about drunken sailors came drifting from the shower. Emma groaned.
Killian Jones. The name came to her suddenly. It was a relief to have a name even if it led to her thinking if she liked the sound of Emma Jones. Her stomach rolled. She lifted her hand and stared at the ring as she tried to remember the wedding. But the next memory she had was of stumbling into her hotel room, giggling (she never giggled) and kissing and then sleeping. The fact that she was still in her tight red dress from the night before confirmed the memory.
Emma felt both disappointed and elated that they hadn't had sex. Was it easier to annul a wedding if it wasn't consummated? Was consummation still a thing courts cared about? She was pretty sure Vegas marriages were at least easy to get out of. Not that she had any experience with weddings, Emma had never had a relationship that lasted more than a month since Neal left her heartbroken, pregnant, and in jail. She didn't believe in needing people and she especially didn't believe in lifelong commitments made in formal wear. But the question remained; how had she ended up married in Vegas?
"Good morning, beautiful." The thick, low voice startled her from her thoughts. She looked up to see Killian–her husband–wrapped in a white robe with a smile on his face that told her that he at least had no regrets.
"Morning," she replied but couldn't muster a smile. He was just as handsome in daylight as he had been in the dark of the club. The deep v of the robe displayed his generous chest hair and her eyes raked over him. When she returned to his face he had an eyebrow cocked and a smirk that made her flush.
"I would have asked you to join me, love, but you looked so peaceful. Although I wouldn't mind joining you for your shower. We will just need to be quick. Wouldn't want to miss our appointment."
"Appointment?" She asked avoiding his invitation entirely.
He furrowed his brow. "Our appointment at the chapel is in forty minutes."
"The chapel–" She looked down at the ring "Wait. We aren't married yet?" She sounded more disappointed than relieved which confused her even more.
He chuckled and shook his head as he moved over and sat on the bed facing her. "You don't remember anything do you?"
Emma tucked her legs to her chest suddenly defensive. "I remember most of it. You are in the Navy, a decent dancer and kisser. You like innuendos and–" She struggled to find another fact. "We ate hamburgers."
"I am, in point of fact, an excellent kisser and I would be happy to give you a demonstration, love." He leaned forward and bit his lip so Emma's eyes were drawn to his mouth. She felt a rush of heat. His lean body was so close, his robe gaping open in invitation, and he was a fantastic kisser but all that was beside the point right now. He seemed to sense her hesitation and drew back. "But that's not as important as the part of the night where you suggested marrying me for the money."
"I what?"
"While under the influence of alcohol I may have shared my disaffection with the Navy." he gave a small sneer. "I told you that I want out but I have to deploy and serve out my contract."
As he spoke the conversation came back to her. His anger at his brother's senseless death a few years before and how he blamed the Navy. How they had so much control. How he had moved jobs and hated it. How it was it's own kind of prison.
"And I suggested you break some rule or pull one over on them. To show them they don't own you."
Killian smiled and nodded. "Then I mentioned that the easiest and best scam was marrying someone. Which is when you–"
"Offered to marry you."
It came flooding back then. Emma stopping on the sidewalk with her brilliant idea. Killian laughing and then nodding as the idea grew on him. Buying a ring and then being turned away at the chapel for being too drunk. She remembered being disappointed and insisting on making an appointment for the next day. She rubbed her forehead, the cool metal of the ring not helping her headache.
"Forgive me it's all really fuzzy, but why did I think it was an easy scam?"
Killian brushed his wet hair from his eyes and frowned slightly. Emma imagined this wasn't how he saw the morning going.
"Well, in the Navy when someone gets married they increase their salary. For me it would be an extra seven hundred dollars a month. Then when I deploy I get separation pay which is even more money. Plus there are other benefits like housing and healthcare, including health care for you. Since I am deploying soon nobody will expect you to move to Virginia and nobody will question me being impulsive. Basically I just need the paperwork, some pictures and a good poker face." He gave a shrug. "You said it was the easiest con ever."
Emma nodded and looked down at the ring. She wondered just how much she told him about her con artist days. It did seem like an easy way to make money. And the idea of a marriage of convenience was not as unsettling as the idea of her spontaneously falling in love. A marriage that was in name only and designed to scam the government. That she could handle.
"Look. We don't have to go through with it. It's probably best if we forget the whole thing." Killian stood and walked toward the bathroom.
"Where exactly are we getting married?"
He turned back with a smirk. "Treasure Island wedding chapel."
"The one that looks like a pirate boat?"
He shrugged and grinned wider "I am a sailor."
She laughed. It was insane but it wasn't the dumbest thing she had ever done in her life and she liked Killian–felt a weird connection to him. Plus it was only on paper. He lived in Virginia and she lived in Boston, they wouldn't even have to see each other again. Also it was possible she was still a little drunk.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay. I will marry you on that stupid boat" He grinned at her and she raised her hand. "For the money and so you can prove the Navy doesn't own you," she added so he wouldn't get any ideas.
"Right. For the money." He winked and then disappeared into the bathroom.
It was kind of cool getting married on a pirate ship. And when they kissed Killian proved that he was much better than decent. They went to brunch after and Emma found married life to be surprisingly bearable. Killian was funny and thoughtful and made her feel like the only person in the world that mattered. When they walked down the Strip he slung his arm over her shoulders and Emma thought that getting used to such easy affection could be dangerous. Killian didn't seem to share her fears and she wondered if this was about more than just the money. Judging by the way he touched her and the way he looked at her lips it seemed he didn't quite understand the concept of a marriage of convenience.
When they got to her hotel room her body wanted to invite him in and discover what had been underneath that robe but her mind told her that having sex with her stranger husband might turn into more than just sex. The weight of what she had done was starting to sink in and she decided now was the time to cut and run.
"I am really tired and I have an early flight," she said as he leaned in for a kiss.
He stopped and pulled back his smile barely wavering. "Of course. I have your number and the paperwork. I will call you if I need anything else. Thanks again for doing this."
She nodded and gave him an impulsive kiss on the cheek before turning and fleeing into her room.
The next morning he sent her a text wishing her a safe trip. She said thanks and left it at that. To her relief she didn't hear from him for over a month. She realized she had been paranoid about his feelings. His silence proved that he saw their marriage as the business arrangement that it was. She kept the ring on. She told herself it was because it kept guys from hitting on her but the truth was she needed something to remind her she hadn't dreamed the whole thing. When he did call on a busy Thursday she was booking a skip and missed it. She listened to his voicemail in her beat up yellow bug outside the police station.
"Emma. It's Killian Jones, your–uh–husband. I have some paperwork I need you to sign to make things official. If you can give me your address I will mail it. Also there is this family picnic coming up. It's kind of a farewell party and everyone keeps asking if you are going to be here to see me off. And you don't have to but I thought maybe it would be good for the cover if you came for a few days and met everyone so they know I didn't make you up. I'll pay for everything and even give you a tour of the ship. But no pressure, really. Give me a call when you can."
Emma listened to it twice and then drove back to her apartment. She wanted to see him again. Needed to compare the man she spent too much time thinking about with the real thing. Maybe spending more time with him would reveal his shortcomings and shatter the almost perfect image she now had of him. Besides, she was the one that had convinced him to get fake married. The least she could do was help him sell it to his boss and co-workers. She called him back that night and two weeks later her plane was landing in Virginia.
He was waiting for her just beyond security in a uniform so white it made her eyes hurt and her stomach flip. He was clean shaven and gotten a haircut but was still devastatingly handsome. She saw the friends he said might come with him standing nearby and braced herself for acting the part of newlywed.
On instinct she rushed toward him and threw her arms around his neck. He gave a little "Woah" of surprise and swung her around so they wouldn't fall. When they stopped spinning Emma kissed him and as he kissed her back she felt the room start to spin again.
A loud cough interrupted them and they broke apart flushed. He kept her at his side and she leaned against him. It was an act but it felt so natural.
"Emma, darling. I would like you to meet my friends Ariel and Eric, and this is Tink."
Emma smiled at each of them in turn. Ariel and Eric held hands like the happy married couple Killian had described. Her red hair and green eyes a contrast to his brown eyes and dirty blonde hair. Tink stood to the side shortest of them all with blonde tresses in a tight bun, an eager smile, and eyes drinking in the sight of Emma. Killian said she was the hopeless romantic of the group. They all wore a different and simpler blue uniform. Emma wondered if Killian had dressed up in his formal whites just for her.
"It's so nice to meet you! Jones has told us so much about you," Ariel gushed.
Emma gave her a warm smile. "Thank you. I feel like I know you already Killian has told me so many stories."
Technically Killian had sent her an email with information and pictures but none of them knew that. Emma had asked him why he couldn't just tell his friends that the marriage was fake but he had explained that he didn't want anyone in trouble if they got caught. Emma thought that was wise since they were technically defrauding the government. She had looked it up when she got home from Vegas. As a civilian Emma was safe but if Killian's superiors found out their marriage wasn't real it could mean a dishonorable discharge and prison time for Killian.
They exchanged pleasantries while they waited for her bag to arrive. Emma smiled and responded as naturally as she could, but it was difficult because most of her attention was focused on the place where her hip met Killian's and the spot on the opposite side where his hand pinned her to him. He only released her when her bag arrived and he went to grab it. Ariel took his place, wrapped her hand around Emma's elbow and led her toward the parking garage. The redhead seemed intent on making Emma feel at home and made sure they exchanged numbers.
"If you have any questions about any of the weird acronyms or names or ranks or anything just let me know. All the jargon can be really confusing when you first get into it. You will learn it all eventually but until then just use me as your Navy-speak dictionary."
Emma decided she really liked Ariel and then felt instantly guilty for lying to her about the marriage. When she urged her to come to their BBQ the next night Emma's eyes sought Killian's but he only shrugged, leaving it up to her to decide if she wanted to spend more time with his friends.
"That's sounds great. What can I bring?" she replied with a smile that she didn't have to fake.
They said their goodbyes at Killian's car, a later model Jeep painted blue with a rust stain on the hood, and made promises to talk later. Then Emma climbed into the car and let out a deep sigh; it had already gotten more complicated and she had been there less than thirty minutes. Killian opened his door and she sat up straighter. He gave her a small smile as he started the Jeep.
"Sorry, they insisted on coming."
Emma shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. That running hug was probably overkill especially with the kiss. I just wanted to sell the whole "madly in love" thing."
Killian's eyebrow twitched and he nodded. "Well they bought it so don't apologize." He didn't exactly sound happy and Emma wondered if he was regretting lying to his friends or maybe regretting the entire scheme. She wanted to ask him but he put the car into reverse and she turned to look out the window instead.
Killian lived in a one bedroom apartment just outside of the base. The living room was decorated in greens and navy with artifacts from his travels scattered over every available surface. He had two large bookcases full of books as well as a large couch and a ridiculously giant TV screen. He watched her take it in and then led her back to the bedroom, pointing out the kitchen and bathroom along the way.
"So you will sleep here and I'll take the couch."
Emma looked at the king sized bed and back at him. Part of her wanted to point out that there was plenty of room for them to share. The other much louder and much more nervous part was happy she wouldn't have to deal with potentially waking up in his arms. So she muttered a thanks and they stood awkwardly for a moment before Killian offered to show her the kitchen.
"If you aren't tired I thought I could show you my ship?"
He scratched behind his ear as he made the offer and Emma couldn't help but smile at his nerves. "That sounds like fun."
He flashed her a bright smile. "Great just let me change."
As he disappeared into the back Emma examined his bookshelves and the various knick knacks scattered around the room. They all looked unique and she wondered if each one had a story. She was lifting a strange statue that looked like a half-man half-elephant when she heard his footsteps. She put it down and met him by the door.
The white uniform had been replaced with a short-sleeved khaki one. It wasn't as flashy as the white but Emma still found something appealing about the crisp lines and row of ribbons on his chest. She must have been staring because he cleared his throat and gave her smirk and a wink.
"You like a man in uniform eh, Swan?"
She slapped his shoulder "Please. It just looks so different from the other one."
He gave a hum of disbelief before moving to the door and holding it open for her.
The drive to the base gate was short, and as they waited in the line of cars to go past the guards Killian pulled out his wallet.
"I hope you don't mind but I had them make you an ID. Technically you have to be there in person to get one but I pulled a few strings." He handed her a small piece of mauve plastic. He sounded really proud of himself like he had done her a great favor getting this card she didn't even want. Emma took the card and looked it over. She could tell by her hair that he had used a cropped version of their complimentary wedding photo. The words "Emma Swan-Jones" were next to the photo and her stomach flipped. Seeing it there made it feel too real and too official. In Boston it was easy to pretend that the marriage had never happened or that it was all a joke but this piece of plastic was concrete proof that she had legally bound herself to Killian Jones–a man she barely knew.
When they reached the guard she handed the ID back to Killian and he handed it to the guard along with his ID. The guard, a young woman in blue camo with a pistol at her waist, scanned them with a handheld device. It gave two bright beeps and she returned the ID's
"Have a good day Commander, Mrs. Swan-Jones," she said before giving a smart salute that Killian returned. As they pulled away Emma looked over the ID again before putting it in her purse with her license.
"It's weird right? The whole "Mrs" thing?" Killian gave her a sympathetic look.
"Yeah. I never thought I would be a "Mrs."
"Really? Never? You've never been in love or–?" His eyes flitted to her and back to the road.
She was happy he was driving so she didn't have to deal with his intense stare. She knew he was fishing, asking her to explain, to share. But her lack of faith in relationships and people wasn't something she wanted to talk about. He was her husband but she didn't really know him.
"No I have never been in love."
Before he could fish further she asked him about the ships she saw in the distance. He got the message and shifted easily to identifying and explaining and she breathed a little internal sigh of relief.
The tour of the ship was eye opening. It was massive in size and Killian lead her expertly through the passageways and to the various points of interest. He kept his hand in hers or on the small of her back almost constantly. Emma couldn't decide if he was doing it to make sure she was really there or to keep up the charade of being newlyweds. Everywhere they went people snapped to attention at his presence and he was constantly telling them "as you were". Often they stopped and talked with people. Sometimes they talked about work but mostly Killian was asking them personal questions about their family or their hobbies. They all addressed him as "Commander" and he used their ranks or their last names. There were whole sentences that Emma didn't understand because of the strange words and acronyms being used so she just stood there and smiled and made a note to ask Ariel later. In the course of every conversation he would introduce her as his wife and without fail every single person lit up and told her how happy they were to finally meet her. They all seemed so genuinely happy for Killian it was easy to see how much they loved and respected him. If they had been married for real Emma would have been very proud of her husband.
She couldn't tell if Killian's love life was the topic of "scuttlebutt" (which she thought meant gossip) or if he had spent the last couple of weeks telling everyone on the ship about her. She wasn't sure which option made her more uncomfortable.
They ended the tour on the deck with the wind whipping and the sun sinking. Emma's head buzzed; a little overloaded by all the information but fascinated by the world that Killian seemed to fit into so perfectly. Killian belonged on a ship, with sailors, and she couldn't really understand why he would want to leave something he so clearly loved. She thought about asking him but she already knew his reason for leaving was tied up in the death of his brother and asking him now would probably ruin the day. Besides was it really her business? He leaned on the rail and stared out into the water as if he could stay there all night.
"Ah, Commander Jones. Aren't you a little far from the admin offices?" They both turned to see a thick set man with dark hair in a khaki uniform matching Killian's. Killian snapped to attention and saluted.
"Captain Teach, sir."
The newcomer's eyes flitted to Emma while Killian held his salute then he returned it almost lazily. He didn't tell Killian "as you were" and so he remained standing tall and stiff. Emma didn't like Teach at all.
"So you must be Jones' wife." His eyes raked over her and if they had been at a bar she might have punched him. But since he seemed to have authority over Killian Emma just looked him up and down with as much disdain as she could muster.
"Sir, this is Emma. I was giving her a tour of the ship."
Teach's eyes flicked to Killian, still standing rigid. "That's nice Jones but in the future you better ask permission before you board my ship."
"Yes, sir." Killian's tone was neutral but Emma saw his jaw muscles clench. "Permission to disembark, sir."
Teach's eyes jumped to Emma and then back to Killian. "Permission granted."
Killian executed another salute which was returned smartly.
"Nice to meet you Emma." Teach said and then turned around and walked back across the grey deck. Emma saw the tension leave Killian's body before he turned to her and gave an apologetic smile.
"Well that concludes the tour." He gestured for the gangway and they began to walk. Emma wanted to say something to diffuse the tension or to comfort Killian. If she was his actual wife she might have held his hand or given him a kiss. But since she was just pretending they made their way to the car in silence.
When the door closed Killian breathed a sigh and rested his head against the steering wheel. Emma reached out to rub his back and then pulled her hand back. She felt so useless.
"Sorry about that." Killian pulled his head up from the wheel. "Teach is a bastard but he is also a superior officer."
Emma nodded. "He certainly acts superior."
Killian let out a bark of laughter.
"How do you work for him? That must be torture."
"It was but I don't work for him anymore. Our command styles weren't a good fit." His words dripped with sarcasm.
"But the ship–?"
"I don't work on her. Teach wanted me gone and arranged for me to get attached to an Admiral's office. It's a desk job with no sailors under me." There was a bitter bite to Killian's voice. He gave another sigh and started the car. "You must be starving. Do you like seafood? I know a great little place."
Emma nodded a bit taken aback by the change in topic. "Sure. That sounds good."
Killian continued to point out things on the base as they drove but Emma wasn't really listening. Her mind was full of the proud way Killian had shown off the ship and the camaraderie between him and the other sailors. He cared about them and most of them clearly adored him. It seemed impossible that the Navy could just transfer him away from all that. They had ripped his family from him just like his brother had been ripped from him. She had more in common with him than she thought. She had spent all her childhood in the foster system and been torn from more families than she could count. She understood what it was like to have your life turned upside down on the whims of a bureaucracy. She understood Killian's anger with Naval life now. Emma was suddenly very happy that she was helping him in his little rebellion.
The restaurant was small and perched right on the water with large windows that took in every inch of view. The waitress greeted Killian by name and with a smile that wasn't dampened when he introduced Emma as his wife. Emma did her part by smiling, holding Killian's hand and leaning into him like a woman in love would.
As the waitress led them to a table a man with large ears and a high and tight haircut jumped into their path.
"Jones!"
Killian broke into a smile as the man stood. "Scarlett!" Emma stepped back as they embraced tightly and slapped each other on the back. She shared a small smile with the blonde woman sitting at the table.
"When did you get back?"
"A few days ago. When do you leave?"
"In a few days."
They both laughed and then Killian seemed to remember Emma.
"Will, I want you to meet Emma. Emma this is Will and his wife Ana."
Emma smiled at both of them. "Nice to meet you."
Killian had never mentioned a Will Scarlett and she wasn't sure what they had heard about her but Killian hadn't introduced her as his wife and it somehow felt wrong. They had only been pretending for a few hours and the omission shouldn't bother her but it did. A little ball of tension formed in her stomach; she didn't want to get attached. She stiffened as Killian slid his arm around her waist. He cast her a quick glance and then turned back to his friends.
"You should join us! We can catch up." Will looked around for chairs.
"Not tonight. Raincheck?"
Emma masked her surprise at Killian not jumping to spend time with his friend. Did he not want to lie to them? Was he uncomfortable with her getting to know them? Will seemed to take it in stride and got Killian to promise to visit before he deployed. They said their goodbyes–Will and Killian hugging and Killian swooping down to kiss Ana's cheek– then Emma and Killian made their way to their little table by the massive window. Killian didn't grab her hand or guide her with his hand on the small of her back and Emma was simultaneously glad and annoyed.
She settled into her chair and immediately buried her face in her menu. Her emotions were too close to the surface to risk conversation and she definitely didn't want to talk about the fear that had started to churn in her gut. She had promised herself she wouldn't get emotionally attached but the line between fake and real was already starting to blur.
When she put down her menu Killian was staring out into the water as the sky slowly faded from pink to gray. His brow was furrowed and his lips were a thin line; even brooding he was handsome. The waitress arrived and took their order and after she left Killian gave Emma a tired smile.
"I hope you don't mind not sitting with Will and Ana. I just didn't feel like spending the whole evening talking shop and pretending."
"Oh." It was nice to know the charade wasn't easy for him but there was also a sharp pain in her chest because it was a bit too easy for her. "No. That's fine. It can be a bit much if you aren't used to it."
"Yes not all of us have trained in the bail bondsperson school of acting." His voice was teasing and sarcastic and Emma wasn't sure if she should be offended or tease back. Before she could decide he was apologizing. "Sorry. What I meant was you have been fantastic today but I think this whole thing would be easier if we got to know each other better. Maybe become friends?"
"Is this because Simmons scolded you for not knowing what my favorite dessert is?" Emma shot back in an effort to cover up the flush of pride at his words.
He smiled no doubt remembering the over eager sailor who had insisted on making something to celebrate their wedding and then been offended that Killian couldn't tell her what Emma liked.
"Well I can't have my sailors thinking I am a poor husband."
Emma gave him an eye roll. "Well, since it will help our cover. What do you want to know?"
It turned out that Killian wanted to know everything. His questions were mostly trivial; favorite food, favorite flower, worst date, best vacation. Emma made sure to turn each question around on him so that she learned as much about him as he learned about her. It was strange to have someone so interested in her likes and dislikes. It was even stranger to find that she was just as interested in his. Emma almost forgot it was all to help them be better at faking a relationship. By the time they left the restaurant she knew more random facts about Killian Jones then she thought possible. Knowing him better somehow made what they were doing easier; less like lying.
The next morning Emma padded into the small kitchen to discover Killian in a bright yellow t-shirt with the word "Navy" in silver letters on the back and blue shorts that were short enough to show the strong cords of his thigh muscles. He was humming as he flipped pancakes and Emma spied bacon waiting on the island. A smile played on her lips as she wondered if he had gotten the ingredients for her favorite breakfast that morning or if he had had them already.
He turned and flashed her smile. "Good morning, beautiful."
Emma gave him a chiding look. With her bed hair, owl eyes, and old tank top she doubted beautiful was the right word. But then he was in that ridiculous outfit, his hair windblown, and his shirt damp from sweat and she still found him attractive so perhaps he was being honest.
"You're up early."
"Force of habit. Besides I won't have many more chances to run along the beach. Bagram isn't exactly beach front property."
"Bagram? Is that where you will work?" Emma had never asked before because she had assumed he would be on a ship. From the internet she had learned ships were considered really safe and she wondered how safe Bagram was and where it was.
"That will be my primary base. It's near Kabul. But the Admiral will spend a lot of time visiting places in RC-East so I will see a lot of Afghanistan."
"Well that's exciting." Emma didn't know what to say to that.
He cocked his head as he moved the pan from the burner and set the stack of pancakes on the island.
"Exciting? Most people tell me how dangerous it sounds and that I need to be careful."
Emma picked up a piece of bacon and shrugged. "Most people say the same thing about my job. But it's none of their business what I do with my life and I figure it's none of my business what you do with yours." She bit into the bacon and stifled a moan, it was just the right amount of crispy.
He picked up his own piece of bacon. "But sometimes it's nice to have people worry about you."
"Why?"
"It means they care."
Emma had never considered it that way. "Maybe. I wouldn't know." She popped the rest of the bacon into her mouth. Killian fixed her with eyes that looked almost green in morning light. She met his gaze daring him to pity her, to judge her for her lonely life. He must have seen what a mistake that would be because he dropped his eyes and snagged another piece of bacon
"There are strawberries in the fridge." He waved the bacon towards the stainless steel fridge "Help yourself. I'm going to go shower."
"Don't take all the hot water."
"The pipes here are very tricky so I make no promises. Of course if you wanted to join me…" He licked his lips and Emma snorted.
"What is it with you and showering together?" He opened his mouth and Emma knew it would be another cringe worthy joke "Nevermind. Just hurry up."
"If the lady insists." He made a mock bow and then slid past her to the hallway. Emma caught the scent of his Old Spice deodorant and the undercurrent of maleness and her core clenched reminding her of just how attracted she was to him. She ended up taking a rather cold shower.
The going away picnic turned out to be a kind of carnival with various booths run by organizations on the base. Some things were free and others were part of fundraisers. Little games, food, and raffles were set up on what Emma guessed was usually a soccer field. The uniforms were scarce–everyone in casual "civvies". Killian was wearing light wash jeans and a grey v-neck t-shirt that showed off the chest hair Emma remembered from Vegas. She mirrored him in her jeans and white tank top, her red leather jacket abandoned in the car when she realized how warm it was. The crowd of kids, parents, and single sailors that looked far too young to go to war wasn't very thick but Killian grabbed her hand anyway as he led her around.
They tried a couple of the games. Emma beat him in the shooting gallery and Killian won a little toy at the ring toss.
He introduced her to people like he had the day before but she could tell he wasn't nearly as close to his newer co-workers. She thought again about how unfair it was that he had been forced off his ship. They were just polishing off lunch when a middle aged black man in khaki pants and a blue polo approached. Killian half stood but the man waved him off.
"You must be Emma," he said as he slid into the bench opposite them. Emma smiled and reached out her hand.
"Emma this is my boss Admiral Nemo," Killian explained as they shook hands.
The Admiral politely asked her how she found her stay, the carnival, and the base. He had the practiced smile and head nod of a politician. Since he was in responsible for all the people here Emma wondered how many times he would have this same conversation before the day was out. After a few minutes he stood to leave.
"It was a pleasure to finally meet you. Commander Jones has been a different man since he returned from Vegas and now I see why."
Emma blushed and Killian put his arm around her as he grinned. "I told you, sir."
"You wouldn't shut up about it. Now make sure she meets Natalie and they get her on the FRG email distro. Just because she is in Boston doesn't mean she isn't part of the family."
"Yes, sir."
The Admiral turned back to Emma. "I know being married to a Navy man isn't easy and I am sure you are scared for his safety, especially because of our mission." Emma felt a heavy weight in her stomach at the serious tone in his voice. Exactly how dangerous was their mission?
The Admiral continued "My wife, Natalie, runs the FRG and has been doing this for over twenty years. She will be happy to answer all your questions about phone calls, Skype, packages and all that. She will help you every step of the way."
"Thanks." Emma gave him a weak smile that he returned. Then the Admiral walked away and almost immediately fell into conversation with someone else.
Emma hadn't given much thought to what Killian's deployment would entail. She knew it was a war zone but he didn't act like he was scared or nervous about it. And everyone she had met seemed to treat it as just another part of their job. But it was a job that not everyone came home from, and they all surely knew that too. Someone at this carnival might not be alive in a year. It might be Killian. Emma shivered at the thought.
"Are you cold?" Emma looked up into his concerned blue-green eyes and swallowed back her sudden worry.
She shook her head. "I'm fine. I was just–" Emma stopped herself from asking him about the danger "–uh, wondering what FRG means."
He gave her a piercing look as if he was reading her like an open book. "It stands for Family Readiness Group. Basically a support group for all the spouses and parents of deployed sailors. It's supposed to make it easy for everyone to commiserate and get information and make friends. They try and make everyone join."
"So should we find Natalie? Give her my email so I can be part of the group?"
"You don't have to, love."
"Won't it be suspicious if I don't?"
"Not really. Lots of spouses opt out and it's not like you need all that information or support." He shrugged.
He was right, of course, the deal was to be his wife on paper and for a weekend to convince people she was real. She wouldn't be emailing or sending packages to him. She wouldn't need friends to get her through his deployment. So what was the point?
"I would like to get on the list. Just to keep our cover." It was easy to lie to him about the reason but harder to lie to herself. She needed to get on that list, even if it was pointless.
He quirked an eyebrow but nodded. "Okay."
After finding Natalie and giving her Emma's information they spent another hour at the carnival. Then they went to the supermarket (commissary he called it) and picked up some food for the BBQ before heading to Eric and Ariel's. Unlike Killian they had a house in a neighborhood on base. It was like suburbia on steroids; row after row of identical houses painted in four different color combinations and all with incredibly neat yards. Killian explained that this was officer housing and although they didn't have kids, Eric and Ariel still got a four bedroom house because that's what was available.
Ariel gave them a warm welcome and ushered them to the back yard where Eric was nursing a beer and watching the grill. Killian snagged two beers and Emma thanked him with a smile. They talked about the carnival for a bit and then Ariel had to rush back into the kitchen and with little urging Emma followed her. They chatted for awhile about Emma's stay and her job before talking about life on the base and Ariel's experiences in the Navy. The more they talked the more Emma wished that she didn't have to lie to Ariel; she was such a genuine and kind person. The kind of person Emma could be friends with, if she ever put forth the effort to make friends.
Sometime after putting the potato salad out and before the other guests arrived Ariel burst out.
"I am so glad Killian found you. He deserves to have someone wonderful to share his life with. After Liam died I never thought I would see him truly happy again. But yesterday at the airport–well you were there."
Emma blushed and cursed the over the top twirl and kiss. Though it was comforting to know their acting was convincing, Emma agreed with Ariel that Killian did deserve someone wonderful. Someone that truly loved him. She wouldn't admit that she wanted to be that person. Not to herself and certainly not to anyone else.
The party wasn't large or very loud. Just a small group of close friends. Emma felt a little like an intruder to their banter and in jokes, but they tried to include her and soon she was teasing Eric for his over-cooked ribs and beating Killian at dominoes. As the sky turned purple Killian helped Eric light the fire pit while Ariel said goodbye to the few that had duty in the morning or children to pick-up. The remaining six–Killian, Emma, Ariel, Eric, Smee, and Tink–gathered around the fire and told stories as the stars came out. Emma was cuddled up next to Killian sharing a blanket and body heat against the growing cold. She hadn't given a second thought when he had opened his arms for her; she blamed the beer and the two margarita's Ariel had insisted she drink.
Since they had all served together at one time or another the stories were mostly memories of their earlier days. Emma enjoyed hearing how Lieutenant Killian had tossed sailor's racks looking for contraband rum, how Ariel had celebrated getting accepted to work on submarines with a mermaid tattoo, how Smee earned the nickname "bilge rat" and why everyone called her Tink instead of Rose. Her body felt a warm buzz of contentment as the night deepened.
"So Emma have you always had a thing for guys in uniform?" Smee asked when there was a lull in the conversation.
Emma shook her head. "Not really. I didn't even see Killian in uniform until the airport."
"Oh that explains the dress whites," Eric tipped his beer bottle in their direction. "Wanted to give her the full Richard Gere cinematic experience."
"You wore dress whites to the airport?" Smee sounded appalled.
"It wasn't to impress Emma."
Emma pulled back and looked at Killian with an arched eyebrow. "You didn't want to impress me?"
There were sniggers around the fire as he backpedaled. "No. Well, yes. Look, I was only in whites because I was getting my deployment photo and didn't have time to change."
"Hmm. Of course you were Commander," Smee chuckled and then finished off his beer. Killian huffed his annoyance; Emma found it adorable even as she was confused by his explanation.
"What's a deployment photo?"
Killian was taking a swig of rum so Ariel answered. "Before deployment everyone has to take a standard photo in a nice uniform. Some people take them in duty uniforms."
"But Admiral Nemo wanted us to take them in our whites," Killian added petulantly.
Emma gave a slow nod. "Why would everyone need a photo? Some kind of deployment yearbook?" That got a chuckle from the group.
"It's for your memorial service," Smee offered.
"And the press release, and the walls of the fallen, and your obit." Tink rattled off.
"We called them our "in case of death" portraits," Eric added.
Ariel nodded. "Nobody wants a bad memorial photo."
Emma found the conversation morbid but they all treated it as normal. She thought of how Killian had looked at the airport–young, alive, happy–not at all like someone who had just taken his "in case of death" photo. She never wanted to see that picture. She didn't even want to think about Killian not coming back. She rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest where she felt the reassuring pound of his heartbeat. His arm pulled her tighter and she wondered if he guessed her thoughts and fears. The conversation dwelt on the topic of bad photos for awhile then morphed into a conversation of Ariel's and Eric's wedding photos which inevitably led to questions about Emma and Killian's wedding.
"How did he ask you?" Tink asked leaning forward.
"I asked him and it wasn't very romantic."
"I thought it was charming. How you turned to me in the street, got down on one knee and said 'Killian how have I lived without you for so long? You complete me! Marry me and make me the happiest woman alive.'"
"I did not." Emma pulled away and slapped him on the chest but it didn't remove his smirk or stop his friends laughter. "It was more like: 'we should get married.'"
"So why did you ask? What made you want to marry this idiot after only one night?" Tink seemed eager to hear all the swoon worthy details.
Emma wished she had something romantic and rehearsed to tell them. She glanced at Killian but his raised eyebrow told her he was just as interested in her answer.
"I– Well at first I was just having fun; cutting loose after failing to catch my skip. But then we stopped dancing and started talking. And I just felt this connection. Stronger than I have ever felt with anyone. And I thought I would be crazy to just let him disappear from my life." She took a quick sip of beer to cover her agitation and then added. "Plus I was really drunk."
Everyone chuckled. Killian slipped an arm back around her and pulled her to his chest. She couldn't pull away, not in front of his friends and not after practically declaring her love, so she leaned against him and listened to the pounding of his heart while she tried to push her panic away. Because she hadn't been lying or acting when she said those words. She had connected with Killian and she had been fighting that connection since the morning she woke up in Vegas.
She was tired of fighting, she was tired of being alone, but she was also scared of being hurt. She took a deep breath and his hand rubbed a comforting circle on her back. She decided that just for tonight she would stop being tired and scared and just be the Emma they all thought she was. The one that was married to and madly in love with Killian Jones. It wasn't the truth but it was pretty close.
At Tink's urging Killian went into great detail about the wedding on the pirate ship. He made sure to say how beautiful Emma looked and how happy she had made him and it sounded real enough that Emma let herself believe it was true too.
The conversation continued but wrapped in the cocoon of Killian's arms Emma started to drift to sleep. She woke to him placing a kiss on her forehead and urging her to stand. He led her back to the house and up to a bedroom. He was too drunk to drive and Emma was too tired to protest. She climbed into the queen bed and at her sleepy urging he climbed in after her. As his arm encircled her waist she sighed.
"I don't want you to die," she whispered into the dark.
"Don't worry, Swan. I'm a survivor."
He pulled her closer and she fell back to sleep, half sure that she was dreaming.
She awoke just after dawn, hot from their combined body heat and the sun filtering through the blinds. Killian was pressed against her back, his hand resting on her stomach, his breath tickling where her shoulder met her neck. It felt good in his arms and she wished that it was truly where she belonged. It had been easy to pretend that he cared for her under the stars when she was still a little drunk and they had an audience. She dreaded him waking up and pulling away. Complimenting her on her performance the night before or apologizing for having to share a bed. She wanted it to be real; for them to hold each other and tell secrets in the dark. She wanted to be the type of woman who didn't shut people out and run when they got too close. She wanted to pretend for a little longer.
She turned to face him. She let her hand run through his hair and over the scruff on his chin. She didn't mind the clean cut look she liked him better like this–the way she had first seen him. He turned into her touch and smiled faintly. She sighed and then without really thinking she told him a secret.
"I ran away from the foster system when I was 16. I stole to survive. One day I stole a stolen car and then fell in love with the guy that stole it first. He was a runaway too but older and more experienced. He taught me cons and made me laugh and for the first time in my life I felt like I had found a home. The day after we said our 'I love you's' he set me up to take the fall for a robbery. I was a minor so I got a reduced sentence but I still spent almost a year in jail." Tears started to fall but she didn't wipe them away. "And I am not even sure now if I really loved him or if I even know what love means." She paused and looked at his now familiar face, her heart beat faster. She closed her eyes against the surge of emotion that she didn't want to name. "I move around a lot, I don't make friends, I only have one-night stands and I don't let anyone get close to me. That way I never get hurt." She opened her eyes and brushed her thumb against his cheek and whispered. "I think you could hurt me." And then on instinct she closed the distance between them and kissed him.
It was a gentle press but he responded quickly. Later she would wonder if he had been truly asleep and just how much he had heard but in the moment all she was aware of was his eagerness. He pressed forward and his hand tangled in her hair, pulling her closer. Her mouth opened to him and soon their tongues were sliding and exploring. He gave a grunt that had her pressing her hips to his and she gasped at the contact. He began kissing along her jaw and then sucking hard on her neck, eliciting a moan. Killian chuckled against her skin and Emma panted trying to catch her breath. He returned to her lips but paused, hovering just out of reach. Their breaths mingled and their eyes met. She expected to see lust in his blue depths but found only an awe and tenderness that made her spine tingle. He kissed her again but softer and slower. She wasn't prepared for the ache in her heart; she didn't want him to stop. For a moment she felt like she was home. Then through her haze she heard the shutting of a door and voices. Suddenly she remembered where they were and what they were and she couldn't keep pretending.
She pushed at his shoulders, breaking the kiss and twisting away. "Stop."
He lay back, his breath heavy, his hair disheveled, and his eyes closed. A small smirk played on his mouth and she wanted to kiss it away.
"This was a mistake," she blurted as she climbed out of bed. Panic seized her. What had she done? She wasn't supposed to feel like this.
He sat up. "Mistake?"
"I can't do this."
His forehead crumpled and he reached for her. "Emma, I'm sorry I got carried away."
She backed away and then fled through the door. It was all too much. She was a fool to think she could play with this kind of fire and not get burnt. She rushed down the stairs, avoiding the kitchen where she could hear Ariel and Tink talking, and going straight for the door where her shoes and Killian's keys were waiting. She didn't stop to think what Killian would tell the others or wonder if she should at least say goodbye or thanks for the party. She grabbed his car keys and fled into the glaring sunshine.
It was surprisingly easy to find her way back to his apartment. It took no time at all to change her clothes and pack. And it cost less than she thought to get her flight moved to that afternoon instead of the next evening. She knew when Killian discovered that she wasn't just downstairs with Ariel but gone with his car because several text messages pinged her phone in quick succession.
Where are you?
Are you okay?
Can we talk?
I'm sorry I didn't want it to be like that.
I know we are just friends.
I'm so sorry Swan. Please talk to me.
She was already in a taxi on her way to the airport. She sent him one message
I shouldn't have come to visit. I'm sorry. Be safe.
And then she turned her phone off.
When she landed she had several voice mails and texts from Killian. She ignored the texts and deleted the voicemails without listening. She knew if she heard his voice she might confess everything and she couldn't take that risk when he only thought of her as his pretend wife. She couldn't tell him that glimpsing his life, his friends, his way with his sailors, and just being with him had grown whatever connection they had into something she wasn't ready for. She couldn't tell him that she might love him.. She owed him an explanation and she felt horrible but she told herself it was better this way. He would still get the extra money and the satisfaction of his little rebellion. He was better off without her. He had plenty of friends. He didn't need her or her baggage. She told herself that she was better off alone, she was used to being alone. That she had dodged a bullet because relationships never ended well, and that the ache in her heart would fade.
But as days, and weeks and months passed, the pain didn't fade. Emma learned that one can get hurt from being in a fake relationship just as easily as in a real one.
After the first few days she didn't hear directly from Killian, but she did get the FRG emails from Natalie. Long emails about sending packages and communication options (Killian could Skype when he was in Bagram Air Base because the internet was fast). Short emails that contained motivational quotes or reminders of events. Depressing emails about memorial services or communication blackouts.
Emma thought the communication blackouts were a unique kind of torture for those waiting at home. Every time there was a death nobody in the unit in Afghanistan was allowed to communicate with anyone back home until the family was officially informed. The thinking went that this way nobody found out about their loved one through a rumor or while in the grocery store. It made sense but it didn't make it any easier for those left in suspense, sometimes for days, until the notifications were made. Emma wondered if it was easier for her since she didn't have contact with Killian and so couldn't miss talking to him during blackouts. But then maybe her worry was worse since she never got reassurance from him after they were over.
She preferred the emails that chronicled the visits home–especially when there was a video of one of the family members getting surprised. Everyone got two weeks to come back and visit their family on R&R but the timing of the visits was staggered so after the first three months it always seemed like someone was happily welcoming their family member home. Emma sometimes wondered where Killian would go on for his leave.
She often found herself thinking of him during her day. Little things reminded her of him; a bunch of forget-me-nots at a florist shop (it was his favorite flower), a man in a black leather jacket, a Jeep passing her on the street. And of course she thought of him and worried about him whenever she got one of Natalie's emails. Each time she would stop herself and try to direct her thoughts somewhere else but she became increasingly aware of just how little she had to think of besides her job. She lived alone in her apartment. She had no friends, few acquaintances and no real hobbies. It was how she had always been but now it was not enough. It felt empty and hollow.
One Wednesday afternoon Emma caught a skip trying to hop a plane to Bali. She looked it up when she got home and wanted to tell Killian how stunning and relaxing it looked. The perfect beach vacation for his two weeks. He could spend every morning running and then they could spend the day on the beach talking and laughing. It was a pretty fairytale and one she only indulged in when she was a little too drunk or a little too tired. It was foolish to think she would see him again and insane to think they would watch sunsets on a beach together.
Almost seven months after Emma had flown back from Virginia she was on her couch eating takeout from her favorite Thai restaurant and checking her emails. She had just opened Natalie's latest–titled "On the Recent Commo Blackout"–when there was a knock at her door. She contemplated ignoring it. It was likely someone religious or selling something. But then the knock came louder and Emma got the feeling they weren't going to give up. With a sigh she closed her laptop, stood, and shuffled to the door.
When she pulled it open to reveal a man in a blue naval uniform her heart jumped. But then settled when she saw his face. It wasn't Killian. His hair was a lighter brown and his eyes a greener blue. He carried a file folder and had a care worn expression on his face. Her heart plummeted. Had something happened to Killian? Was this how they would tell her he was dead? She willed herself not jump to conclusions. The officer could be here for any number of reasons. Maybe they had been found out? Maybe they were just checking up on her?
"Mrs. Swan-Jones? I'm Lieutenant Hood. May I come in?"
"Yeah. Of course." She gestured him inside and closed the door. "What's this about?" She forced her voice to stay steady.
"I am sure you have seen the helicopter crash on the news."
Emma shook her head as her heart dropped again.
"Oh. Well. That's–" He shifted his feet and moved his file folder to his other hand. Emma wanted to scream at him to just tell her what was going on but she bit her lip instead. "Ma'am your husband, Commander Killian Jones, was in a helicopter flying from Bagram to Jalalabad when an RPG, a rocket propelled grenade, was deployed by enemy combatants. The RPG impacted –"
"Is he dead?" She struggled to keep the panic from her voice. She wasn't interested in what happened she only wanted to know if Killian was alright.
"No, ma'am." Something broke inside her and she sank against the door, she wrapped her arms around herself. He was okay. "But the helicopter did crash and he was seriously injured." Her heart stuttered.
"What do you mean? How serious?" Emma knew it had to be pretty bad for the man to be there. Did that mean Killian wasn't out of the woods? Could she still lose him before she ever really had him?
"He received multiple lacerations and shrapnel in his right side. His left hand was crushed. He lost a lot of blood and I am afraid they had to amputate."
"But he is alive? And out of danger?" She couldn't process anything beyond that fact. Couldn't think of Killian bleeding or on an operating table. Because she needed him to live, needed him to know how she felt and to know if he could ever feel the same.
"Yes, ma'am. He has been taken to Landstuhl Hospital in Germany. Your flight there will be arranged at your earliest convenience. And I am here if you need anything or have any questions."
"Flight?"
"As Commander Jones' primary next of kin the Navy will arrange for your travel to his bedside. My job as your CACO, that is your casualty assistance calls officer, is to help you get there and answer any questions you may have."
"I–" For a brief moment Emma considered confessing everything to this stranger. The fake wedding, her abandonment issues, how she ran from Killian, how she hadn't spoken to him in months, how there was no way he would want or expect her at his bedside. But she wanted to see Killian, needed to make sure he had someone there when he woke up and if she didn't go who would? He had no other family and she knew from the emails that only relatives were given the special privileges like flights. "I can leave now."
The next 15 hours were a blur. Lieutenant Hood arranged the flights while Emma packed, or more accurately threw random things into a suitcase. Then he sat her down and made her eat while he explained exactly what happened to Killian and what she could expect when she got to Germany. He assured her that she would be taken care of and he kept telling her not to worry, that Killian was safe and everything would be just fine. Then he drove her to the airport and walked her to her gate and sat with her until the plane boarded. He kept asking if there was someone he could call or anything he could do and Emma loved him for his kindness and his patience. She found Ariel's number in her phone, unused and almost forgotten, and asked him to call her and tell her. Emma couldn't bear to face the woman that had almost been her friend. She didn't know how to answer her questions and she was afraid that Ariel knew about the lies and would question Emma's right to go at all.
The flight was long and though it was a red eye Emma didn't sleep. As soon as the lights went out she allowed herself to cry and then she mindlessly watched episodes of a show about fairytales come to life in the modern world. As the Snow White character spouted platitudes about the importance of hope and believing in happy endings Emma turned over in her mind what she could possibly say to Killian to explain what she had done. She realized now that running had been a mistake. It hadn't prevented her from being hurt, and if Killian had died she would never have forgiven herself. She had been given a second chance and she wasn't going to waste it. Even if it meant getting rejected, she had to at least tell him.
When she landed a woman with black hair, a kind smile, and a different uniform picked her up and drove her to the hospital. She ushered Emma to Killian's room toting her suitcase and explaining that Killian was on heavy medication and might be a little out of it.
He was sleeping. Late afternoon light streamed in from his window emphasizing the paleness of his skin and the bright red of the cuts on his face; minor lacerations, the report had called them. He was just as handsome as she remembered and her heart lurched into her throat. She stood in the doorway, ready to run once again despite her earlier resolution, until the woman nudged her to go in.
Licking her lips she crossed the threshold and then sat in the chair next to his bedside.
"Killian," she breathed. Tears fell down unheeded as she took his hand. She didn't notice when the woman left. As the relief that he was safe and she was finally there washed over her she felt her eyes droop and soon she was sleeping, slumped in the chair her fingers entwined with Killian's.
She awoke with a start to a grey room and Killian's eyes fixed on her. He gave her a sleepy smile. "I dreamed you were here."
The sound of his voice sent a thrill through her. She leaned forward. "Yes. I'm here."
He frowned. "You left."
"I know. I'm sorry. But I'm here now."
"Did I dream you here? Or am I still dreaming?" His forehead corrugated as he tried to work out the impossibility of her presence.
She shook her head. "No. You aren't dreaming."
His smile grew wide. "You are my dream girl."
She laughed, a kind of disbelieving, sleep deprived mania setting in at the tenderness of his words. His medication must have been pretty strong.
"I bet you say that to all the girls."
He shook his head "No, you are the only girl for me. I'd go to the ends of the earth for you. Even though you don't want me"
Emma blinked away tears. She had told herself he didn't care for her so many times that she had started to believe it but now she began to hope.
"I do want you Killian," she whispered. He gave her a wide and goofy smile and then turned his head and closed his eyes. She watched him sleep for almost an hour her mind buzzing and her heart skipping before the nurses kicked her out. With their help she got to her hotel room and then fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.
When she got back to Killian's room late the next morning her hair was still wet from her rushed shower. Killian was sitting up in bed talking to a skinny man in scrubs with white blonde hair and a chart in his hand. Killian locked eyes with her and started.
"Emma!"
The doctor turned and gave her a smile and motioned her to come in. "Ah Mrs. Jones so nice to meet you. I am Dr. Whale, your husband's surgeon. I was just telling him about his prognosis and physical therapy."
Emma nodded her eyes darting to Killian's shocked face. He obviously didn't remember their conversation. The Doctor glanced between them.
"But, uh, we can talk about that later. I'll let you two talk."
Emma turned and watched the doctor pull the door shut behind him. She stared at the door not wanting to face Killian just yet.
"So you were really here. I wasn't dreaming?" His voice was rougher than she expected and she turned. His eyes bored into her as if she would disappear if he concentrated hard enough.
"Did you think I wouldn't come?"
"Given our history can you blame me for being unsure?"
"Of course I came. Killian, you were wounded in a war zone! And–and I am your wife!" She stepped toward him. He snorted and looked down his eyes fixed on the place where his left hand should be.
"Only on paper and as you can see I am fine. You really didn't need to come all this way just to keep up the cover."
Then Emma knew that she needed to say something else, something more, something to bring back the goofy smile she saw last night and to let him know how she felt. She took a few more steps and sank into the chair beside him.
"I didn't come because of the damn marriage scam." She took his hand and he looked up at her with a mix of surprise and wonder."All my life I have ran. Never staying in one place long enough to let people in. I thought I could pretend to be married to you and still protect my heart. But somehow you broke through my walls and when I realized it I ran, because that's what I always do. But I want to stop running."
He shook his head and pulled his hand from hers. Her heart dropped and she knew that was the moment he told her that he didn't want her, that she wasn't enough. She looked down but he reached out and cupped her cheek and she lifted her eyes to his shining gaze.
"Emma. From the moment I saw you turn down that creep at the club I knew you were special. I never cared about the money. I married you because I knew after one night that I would never find a better person to spend my life with. And I hoped that eventually you might feel the same." Emma smiled her heart full to bursting and then leaned forward to kiss him, but he held her back. He wasn't done yet. "But things have changed. I am going to need physical therapy. My career in the Navy is over. I have nothing to offer you. And I don't want you to stay with me out of obligation or misplaced guilt."
They locked eyes and the intensity of his gaze should have made her unsure or scared but it only made her more sure, more determined not to let him get away.
"Killian it took you almost dying for me to realize I don't want to live without you. I am not going to let a missing hand stop me from my happily ever after." Then before he could respond she surged forward and kissed him with all the love and emotion she had held inside everyday they were apart. He met her with equal passion and soon the nurses were running into the room because of the spike in his heart rate.
After a stern talking to about sutures and recovering strength the nurse left and Emma and Killian broke into breathless giggles.
They smiled at each other for several long moments just basking in being happy and together. Then Killian's eyebrow rose and his mouth quirked. "So, love, I am your happily ever after?"
Emma groaned. "It's a figure of speech. I watched five hours of a fairytale show on the plane. And I may have stolen a line from Snow White."
He gave a cheeky nod not bothering to suppress his smile. "Hmmm…"
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
"There is no need to be embarrassed, Swan. I quite like fairytales. In fact I have been thinking about rereading Peter Pan." He raised his left arm. "I might have more sympathy for Captain Hook this time around."
She laughed in spite of herself. Maybe it was wrong to joke about his injury so soon after the accident but Killian's ability to find humor in any situation was one of the reasons she loved him. And they hadn't said the words but as she looked into his twinkling eyes she knew it was true. She kissed him again not caring if the nurses yelled at her. She was in love with her husband and for Emma Swan that was nothing short of a miracle.
When Killian felt ready they took a vacation to Bali and the reality was much better than any fantasy or fairytale.
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=
Author's Note: I have experience with military culture but in the Army not the Navy. I apologize if I got anything wrong. I hope it didn't ruin the story for anyone and I would be interested in learning where I messed up. As always thanks for reading or favs and double, extra, triple thanks for reviews!