Hailey looked down at her hands that were still shaking. If Jay still didn't have his arms wrapped protectively around her, she was sure her whole body would start convulsing. She was that freaked out by what just happened mere moments ago. If she was this on edge about it, she couldn't even imagine how her partner must feel right now. She tried to shift slightly so she could peer up to look at Jay, who still held her close to his chest. Hailey could still feel the black bulletproof vest that he had pressed around her torso digging into her back. She let out a long breath, which was louder than she thought, because it jolted Jay back to the present day.
"Jay?" She questioned, seeing that his eyes were still full of concern. She prayed he wasn't having one of his flashbacks. She hadn't been with him while he was experiencing one in a long time. And she was certainly not in the best state of mind (nor position given his tight grip on her) to help him. She wanted so desperately to tell him that it was alright, that they were alright, but no words would come out of her mouth. She just kept seeing the spray of bullets that littered their van only minutes ago. And she couldn't help but think if it wasn't for the man who held her in his arms now, she wouldn't have been able to see it. Or see anything for that matter, because quite frankly, if Jay hadn't pulled her down to the floor, she might have been hit. And who knows what they would've done then. Despite what everyone liked to believe about cops, or about Voight's "rogue" Intelligence Unit, they were still people. And they got scared. They got angry. They got sad. They held on for dear life too. They bend, and they break. They aren't made of steel – they're made of skin and bone. And in that moment, Hailey never felt more vulnerable and humanized.
She was pulled out of her one-track mind by Jay finally responding to her initial question. "Yeah, I'm good, I'm okay. Are you alright?" He said, letting up on his hold to scan her body for injury. She did the same to him, despite what he had just reassured her of. They were partners. If they couldn't protect each other, what else was there? She couldn't help it, it was as if her default setting was to be there by Jay's side, checking on him, being an ear, being a friend, whatever he needed. She knew he was the same way about her. It was their thing, the thing that works between them.
"I, yeah. I'm good." She could feel the physical heat from the warmth of their bodies, but she could also feel the heat radiating from his gaze as his green eyes bored into her blue ones. Before Jay, Hailey never knew a gaze could say so much. And yet, here they were, pouring all of their relief for one another's safety into their longing looks.
She cleared her throat, which Jay must have taken as an unintended cue to give her some space, because the warmth was gone from her in an instant. She only coughed to clear her throat of the acrid remnants of gunpowder. The inside of their van now resembled swiss cheese, which was a split-second comic relief. She couldn't believe that they were just sitting in their seats, minding their own damn business when a psychopath decided to take them out. Attempted to, she scolded herself, willing the images of Jay's last brush with death out of her head. She wondered if he was feeling now what she felt then: the uncertainty, the pain of possibly losing a partner. But she knew it was more than that for her – she knew it then, but just didn't have the guts to admit it. She knows now, and is still silent for god knows what reason.
Jay still had a hand on her shoulder, where the vest lay hanging off her arm. She went up to slide it completely off of her body, when their hands touched. He managed a small smile, to which Hailey returned, as she finished removing the vest. She took the opportunity to try and sit up, but Jay insisted on helping her upright.
"Thanks." She said, sighing as she leaned her head back against the only complete wall left of their vehicle. Jay followed suit, in both position and expression. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, before replying, "Sure thing, even though you could probably do it yourself, I just figured–"
She cracked a full smile for the first time since the incident, which made Jay stop mid sentence. She watched his brows furrow into a confused look, which only made her shake her head in disbelief. He really didn't get how amazing he was, did he?
"No, Jay, not for that. I meant for everything today. For that, but especially for before. You saved my life. I…I don't know how in the world you did, or how you could even think–"
"Hailey, it's my job to protect you. Partners or not. I'll always look out for you. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I'd do."
She sadly smiled at him, knowing that's exactly what she should have said in the bed of the ambulance truck after he had taken a bullet. Course she almost did lose him. Granted, it wasn't on her watch, but she swore that day to always be there for Jay, even more so than ever. She could not come that close to heartbreak again.
"Jay, god, I…I could have never forgiven myself if something happened to you, all because you were protecting me. I mean, when you got shot, I almost lost it right then and there. And maybe that's why I'm feeling so emotional…" she paused, wiping a tear that had snuck its way down her cheek. "I could never…I can't ever lose you. And not just because you're my partner. But because I need you in my life. I just needed you to know how much you mean to me. And my gosh," she said, staring up at the bulleted walls "I almost never got the chance to tell you that. So promise me we're gonna stick together. Always?"
Jay took her hand in his, smiling back at her. "Forever, Hailey. I promise. We're good, we're always gonna be good, you know that." He pulled her into a hug, shedding a tear or two of his own before the moment was interrupted by Voight, who pounded down on the door without so much as a warning, which made the two jump apart.
"Jay? Hailey? You're all clear. You guys alright?"
"Yeah, Sarge." Hailey said, sliding towards the door.
Jay nodded, looking at her, wanting to never forget this moment in time. Albeit frightening, it was also a moment of clarity for him. His first instinct was Hailey. And it has always been about her. Protecting her, helping her, dare he say loving her. His heart may have built a wall around itself after Erin left, but Hailey had managed to chip away at it piece by piece over these last couple years. And for that, he was grateful. Because they were good together, and he knew that no matter what happened, they would stay good together.