For SorceressCirce, Happy Birthday bb, may your day be filled with love, laughter and lots of cool pressies. Here is a little fic based around John Donne's Air and Angles. Thanks to Nae for helping me when I got stuck and pick which poem to use. Since you used it in Just One of the Boys, she thought it would be a good one. Enjoy Jasper and Edward.
Thanks to potterhard for her beta work.
Sue xx
Air and Angels
Twice or thrice had I loved thee,
Before I knew thy face or name;
So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame,
Angels affect us oft, and worshipped be;
Still when, to where thou wert, I came,
Some lovely glorious nothing I did see.
But since my soul, whose child love is,
Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do,
More subtle than the parent is,
Love must not be, but take a body too;
And therefore what thou wert, and who,
I bid love ask, and now
That it assume thy body I allow,
And fix itself to thy lip, eye, and brow.
Whilst thus to ballast love I thought,
And so more steadily to have gone,
With wares which would sink admiration,
I saw I had love's pinnace overfraught
Every thy hair for love to work upon
Is much too much, some fitter must be sought;
For, nor in nothing, nor in things
Extreme and scatt'ring bright, can love inhere.
Then as an angel, face and wings
Of air, not pure as it, yet pure doth wear,
So thy love may be my love's sphere.
Just such disparity
As is 'twixt air and angel's purity,
'Twixt women's love and men's will ever be.
By John Donne
Every day he comes in here, sits at the same table, orders the same coffee, and reads the same book. Every time he reads a certain page, he will close his eyes, remove his glasses and sigh softly with a sweet smile on his lips.
Once I figured out the name of the book, Air and Angels: Selected Poems, by John Donne, I brought myself a copy. Three weeks later I figured out which poem caused that reaction in him, Air and Angels, the title of the book also happens to be the name of the poem that makes him smile wistfully.
I am fascinated by the way he moves his lips as he reads quietly to himself, and I can't help but stare. He has caught me on a few occasions I'm sure but has never said a word, he will just smile and look down, burying his nose back in his book. God but he is beautiful.
His copper hair and emerald eyes, full red lips and chiseled jaw. Every part of him has me completely captivated, even the T-Shirts he wears. Today's proclaims 'home is where the hearthstone is.' It was after he wore one claiming, ' I am not a nerd. I'm a level 80 priest' that I looked up what it meant and discovered that not only does he love poetry but he plays World of Warcraft, something else I know very little about.
Glancing up at the clock I realize I have ten minutes left until I hear his voice again. His friends will arrive soon and they will again start their debate about whatever topic has their attention this week. Last week it was a very heated argument about which characters level up the fastest. Mage, Hunter, Paladin, and Warlock were all thrown out there and the volume level rose considerably as each character's pros and cons were gone over with a fine tooth comb. I was left zoning out and listening to the dulcet tones of his voice, instead of the words coming out of his mouth. It was how I found out his name: Edward.
What do I know of Mages and Warlocks? I'm just a boy from Texas who loves his six string, but I guess you have to find something to do when you live in one of the wettest parts of the U.S.A. It was the poem that fascinated me though, the way it felt tangible yet unreachable. Giving human form and then made air, angelic. Like an idea without boundaries, nothing can hold it in its purest form. Or at least that's what it means to me. That when you feel it, when it takes hold of your very soul, there are no words that can describe the feeling of it. And when I look at Edward, I see the poem take physical form, he is my Air and Angels.
"Twice or thrice I have loved thee," the words left my lips before I could stop myself, and as shocked green eyes met mine, I gather up my books and run out of the shop and head straight for Jake's.
"Dude, you are so cactus." Shaking my head ruefully, I halfheartedly glare at Jake and his astounding response to me spilling my guts.
"Yes, well, thanks for that very succinct response to one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. It's been six weeks of sitting and staring at him, trying to work up the courage to talk to him and the first time he hears me speak, I'm practically declaring my love for him." Running my hands through my hair in frustration, I stick my tongue out at Jake as he laughs at me. "Besides, what the hell does 'cactus' mean anyways, you dork?"
"Cactus," Jake repeats still laughing, "means screwed buddy, you are totally screwed. Seriously Jazz, I have never seen you lack for confidence or something to say, you are a right wordy bastard most of the time, so what the fuck is it with this guy?"
"I have no idea, but from the moment I laid eyes on him, I just knew. Twice or thrice I have loved thee, before I knew thy face or name." I heave out a sigh and glance up at Jake to see his reaction.
"Hey, I recognize that, its, wait give me a second here, I know those words. God damn it, Bella says shit like that all the time when she's reading from her books. Donne, that's it John Donne. Bella loves that guy, she says he reminds her of Shakespeare, in the way he writes. Whatever that means." My face must have shown my shock and I'm sure I must be slack jawed right now as Jake seems both amused and annoyed at me.
"Seriously dude, I can't be with Bella and not pick this shit up; besides, I'm not a total moron."
"I guess not. How is Bells anyway? I haven't seen her in like a week."
"She's good, busy, and she made a new friend, Alice something." Jake grins, "From how Bells describes her, she would have been perfect for you, you know if you happened to like girls. But since you don't, I'm thinking about setting her up with Seth. Bells said she is new in town, her family only arrived here like six months ago. She has a brother though..." he trails off as his eyebrows raise up and down repeatedly. I groan at the thought of Jake playing matchmaker.
"You remember the last time you tried to set me up right?" Jake frowns and closes his eyes for a moment.
"If I ever get my hands on that bastard..." I lay a hand on his arm to comfort him. We all remember James, and the aftermath of that relationship, it had only lasted four months, that's how long it took for him to show his true colors and for me to bolt.
"Forget it, Jake, no dwelling in the past, besides I got out before anything really fucked up could happen." Jake nods but the frown never leaves his face. He shakes his head and his smile returns.
"So how about I kill two birds with one stone, we can go to this coffee shop you love so much, and I can check out this new guy, have Bells bring Alice and we can take Seth and see what happens. Maybe we can even get you to have an actual conversation with this Edward fella."
I agreed, somewhat reluctantly, and then conversation turns to band rehearsals.
The bell on the door chimes as Seth, Jake, and I enter the cafe, Bella is meeting us here with Alice in about five minutes, so I show the boys to the table I usually sit at and my eyes automatically look to his table. Just like clockwork, he is sitting at the table, his nose buried in a book, his hand running periodically through his already messy hair. Beautiful.
"I take it from the look on your face right now that that would be Edward." Jake chuckles as he elbows me in the ribs. I nod, and my eyes widen as Edward looks up, almost as if he heard his name being called. I can feel the blush on my cheeks as I quickly duck my head.
"Nice one, Jake," I grumble as I fidget with the menu. I'm saved from any more comments as the waitress comes around to take our orders, and smile out the window as I see Bella running for the door with a small girl in tow, trying to avoid the sudden onset of rain.
"Edward, what are you doing here?" I swing my head around to see Bella's tiny friend, Alice, looking straight at Edward. She grabs hold of Bella and heads to his table, never once looking in our direction.
Edward looks up and a beautiful smile takes over his features, his eyes dancing in amusement as he eyes Bella and Alice, and for a brief second my heart clenches, until I realize that Jake had mentioned Alice is single, plus Edward's words help erase any negative thoughts.
"Hey sis, what brings you to my neck of the woods?"
"Oh, so this is the illusive cafe you talk about; is that cute blond you go on and on about here?" Edward's wide eyes meet mine before he quickly ducks his head, his cheeks tainted red. He mumbles something I can't make out to Alice, and her head whips around in our direction.
"Jake, Jasper, Seth, hey guys, I didn't see you there. Come on over and join us." Jake drags me up from my seat, laughing the whole time and leading me over to where they are as Bella continues talking, "This is Alice and her brother it seems, Alice and brother, this is Jake, Jasper, and Seth."
Alice's eyes track my body and face like she is looking for the secret of eternal life and then she smirks at me and sticks out her hand, "Hey, Jasper, nice to meet you, this is my brother Edward; Edward meet Jasper." She giggles and Jake busts out laughing.
"Oh I like you already, little one," he chuckles to Alice as he shakes her hand. "Alice, this is Seth, Seth, Alice, I'm sure you two will have a lot in common."
"Subtle Jake, real subtle," Seth says as he eyes the floor.
"I was never one for subtle myself. It's nice to meet you Seth, Bella's told me a lot about you."
As the conversation continues around me, I slide into a seat and fidget uncomfortably, while sneaking peeks at Edward. He looks just as nervous as I feel and that gives me a little comfort.
"So, Edward..." And that is all I have. I can feel my face flame as I search my now malfunctioning brain for something else to say, and come up empty.
"Yes?" he looks at me expectantly, and now that I'm up close and looking into those emerald eyes, I'm completely lost. My brain has not only malfunctioned, it has completely stalled. My mouth opens and closes a few times and I run my hand through my hair in frustration, causing Edward to chuckle.
And, oh, that sound, it's like music to my ears and I can already hear the rift to a new song forming in my mind, with flashes of green and copper to accompany the beat. I feel Jake elbow me and turn just in time to see that smirk flash across his face and I gulp, 'cause this only means trouble for me.
"I think what my blond friend is trying to say is, would you like to come see us play tomorrow night?" I turn back to Edward and nod emphatically, like the total moron I am at this very moment.
"Oh yes, Edward you so have to come," Alice chimes in from beside Edward, pulling on his arm.
"Well, I guess I have to come. Where and what time?" He directs his question to me, a beautiful crooked smile gracing his beautiful face, and the words flash in my mind, 'twice or thrice had I loved thee, before I knew thy face or name'. In that moment my brain catches up to everything that has just happened and my synapses start to fire.
"We are playing at Twilight, our set starts at nine." Yes, that came out okay, now I just have to hope I don't choke on stage.
"I'm looking forward to it. So what do you do in the band Jasper?" My name on his lips, sweet as the summer breeze. Oh God, I'm turning into a complete moron.
"I play guitar and sing." I choke out as I try to get myself under control. I have never, in all my life, met anyone who could turn me into such a mess. I can feel Jake's eyes on me and I just know I'm gonna hear about it later.
The conversation continues with talks of the band and the play list for the night, but I'm so distracted that I have very little input in it. I just nod here and there and throw in few uh huhs along the way while continuing my convert staring at Edward. It seems he is doing the same thing and I catch Alice elbowing him almost as much as Jake is doing it to me.
By the time we all leave, which, lets face it, was part relief part anguish for me at this point, I shake hands with Edward once we are outside. I shudder as a jolt rushes through me. I look into his eyes and see them widen, and I'm sure he felt it too.
Turning to leave, I hear his soft voice and thrill a little as I hear those familiar words leave his lips in a whisper, "Twice or thrice had I loved thee, before I knew thy face or name." I turn just as he reaches the last words and smile at him, nodding my head in agreement, which causes a huge smile to grace his plump lips.
I want to run back to him and take him in my arms, kiss those lips and run my fingers through that messy hair. I'm stuck to the spot as my brain and body try to come to a decision, one which is taken out of my hands when Jake shoves me in the back and whispers, "Go for it."
Edward meets me half way and its like watching us on a big screen. It feels like slow motion as his arms wrap around my waist and mine around his neck. Our lips come together slowly and the kiss is explosive. I had never truly understood those words in that poem until this moment, this kiss. Love is more than a feeling more than an emotions, it is sight, sound, taste and feeling. It is the air we breathe and the ground we walk on. It is everything and nothing at all, and I feel myself melting into his embrace, knowing that this is where I have always meant to be. This is the moment that my life will change. He is the one, and from this moment on I will never be alone again.