Disclaimer - I may be able to do a British accent, but I'm not British. Therefore, we come to the conclusion I cannot possibly own Harry Potter, which was written by a British author.
Denouement
Peter used to wonder why he had been sorted into Gryffindor instead of Hufflepuff. But when he was faced with the Dark Lord's wand he knew why. He hated himself for it, but to him, there really was no choice.
Peter had never understood why he had been put into Gryffindor. He wasn't very brave, and preferred running away and hiding to standing up and fighting. He often felt that there wasn't any house that really fit him. He wasn't noble, or ambitious, or intelligent, and he wasn't certain if he could fit in with the friendly Hufflepuffs. He was worried that he wouldn't have any friends, until he met James and Sirius.
Peter first met them when James had joined the Gryffindor table after his sorting. Apparently they had met on the train and had become best friends. They had bonded over breaking rules. Sirius' mother had told him not to associate with Potters and blood-traitors ("with a venomous look in her eyes and voice," Sirius would say later), and James' mother had told him not to make eye contact with Blacks ("with a scowl in the 'lovely' Mrs. Black's direction," James would state gallantly.) James had promptly entered Sirius' compartment and held out his hand, informing him that his mother had told him not to make friends with Blacks. It was an instant bonding. Peter felt in awe of them at first. They were so comfortable and cool that he felt he could never possibly live up to them.
Peter used to follow James and Sirius around everywhere. They tolerated him at first, probably feeling good about having a constant fan boy trailing behind them. Peter wasn't sure why he did act like a lapdog and why he tolerated their condescending tones. When the two of them were snickering over their forgotten homework while he sat beside them trying to fit in, he'd often glance over at the other Gryffindor first year, Remus Lupin, who would be seated not far off, immersed in his homework and seemingly not minding that he was nicknamed 'Loopy Lupin' and that he had no friends except - possibly - Evans, the girl he sometimes studied with in the library.
Peter instantly started noticing when his position went from being follower to being friend. It seemed so sudden that he was rather startled. Perhaps it had been a gradual process that lasted most of the first year; Peter could never be sure. But he would always vividly remember the day in Charms class when he was having trouble with a charm that he had spent three days practicing. Peter was getting desperate since he was the only one who couldn't figure the charm out, when Sirius suddenly appeared at his elbow, and said in the most compassionate voice eleven-year-old Sirius was capable of, "You're doing that all wrong. Don't you pay attention? It's like this!" and moved on to chant the words and flick his wand perfectly. It was done in such a Sirius-like way that Peter should have felt insulted. Instead, as he copied the dark-haired boy's movements, knowing that Sirius wouldn't have helped just anyone, he couldn't help but feel the warm feeling of friendship spread out in his body.
Peter had a lot of trouble with school work. He was hopeless in Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, and anything that typically had to do with magic. James and Sirius picked up their incantations and work with no trouble and spent their time creating various whimsical pranks to pull on snotty Slytherins. Peter often had to seek help from his classmates, and that's how he first started his friendship with Remus. He'd needed help with an essay for DADA, and Remus had happened to be nearby. Remus had managed to guide him through the essay patiently (but surely painfully!) and Peter had been handed back the essay from the astonished teacher who declared he'd gotten an E. And though Remus still sat alone in the Great Hall, Peter felt like he'd gained another friend.
Peter was nervous at the beginning of second year when Remus was accepted into the gang. He was scared that James and Sirius would be more interested in the boy who could do their homework then the boy who explodedhis homework. But the threesome became a foursome, and when Peter sat in the Great Hall for lunch and listened to James and Sirius bicker, with Remus' exasperated voice floating above theirs, he smiled, because he was happy to have such great friends.
Peter was scared to find out that Remus was a werewolf. It had been bound to happen. The three of them hadn't paid much attention to their quiet roommate in their first year, but in second year, with him around them nearly every minute of the day, it wasn't hard to notice him disappearing once a month. James made the connection while he was doodling on some paper the night of the full moon. He'd drawn a wolf for no apparent reason, glanced out at the moon, sat up straight so fast that Peter could have sworn he heard James' spine crack, and announced to the room (which luckily only held the three of them) that Remus was a werewolf. Sirius had laughed so hard he fell off his seat. But only a couple of months later, they'd cornered Remus and managed to get him to admit it after James told him they knew. Sirius had been so furious with Remus when the werewolf said they didn't have to be friends with him anymore that Peter thought he saw sparks fly out of his eyes.
Peter sensed the change that happened among the four of them after Remus' revelation. Their bond tightened, their friendship was stronger, and there was an unspoken and unexplained agreement between Peter, James, and Sirius that they would figure out a way to help their friend no matter what. The first Marauder had been born then. Sirius had nicknamed Remus 'Moony,' and the name had stuck, much to Remus' chagrin.
Peter could remember those Hogwarts years like they were yesterday. He could still count off the many different pranks they pulled in those years. Pranks like switching the genders of the Slytherins for the day, or charming the portraits of past Headmasters' and mistress' to march around the school singing the Hogwarts school song, or tampering with the food for the Slytherins so that at breakfast all their food would get up and start running away from them every time they tried to eat something. Peter would always remember those years with great fondness, even in his darkest moments.
Peter got frustrated with himself quite often when he couldn't figure out a charm his three friends were doing perfectly. But when he first shifted into his Animagus form, he was so delighted that he had accomplished something few wizards did, he let out a yell of joy that ended up sounding like a terrified squeal. That's when he'd realized what his form was.
Peter had been very disappointed with his Animagus form. James had tried to hide his laughter - while Sirius laughed openly and loudly - but Peter knew that they both found it hilarious. He was jealous of James for being a magnificent stag, and jealous of Sirius for being a handsome dog. He had become a rat. He was horrified that the rat was a symbol of what he truly was, and his downcast face must have alerted Remus to how he felt. While Sirius and James were laughing over Peter's unfortunate predicament, Remus had laid a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder and told him gently that it wasn't too bad. "It could have been worse," Remus had told him. "You could have transformed into a toad, or a mouse. At least rats are big, and some people are afraid of them. Besides, now you get to explore places that James and Sirius won't ever be able to see." "So can a worm!" Sirius had called out. James had guffawed at that, and said, "He should have been a worm. He would've been named Wormy!" And even though the despised nickname Wormtail had come from that enlightening conversation, Peter still felt better about his Animagus, and was even more grateful for having a friend like Remus around.
Peter used to wonder if the Marauders solemn promise of being friends forever would last after school. Peter would often sit under the Marauders' tree during the day beside Remus, watching James and Sirius' antics and trying to imagine his life any differently. But he couldn't. He couldn't ever imagine James not lusting after Lily Evans, or Sirius not ripping off his shirt dramatically to dive into the lake (and later fall in again because he was trying to get the shirt back from James), or Remus not irately warning the others that McGonagall was coming before reluctantly helping them hide the evidence of their misdeeds. But in seventh year, everything did change. James and Lily started dating, Sirius started hanging around Remus even more, pranks were not common occurrences, and Peter began to feel lonely.
Peter still remembered the night one week before school ended for the year. The Marauders had all woken up in the night, one after another, and ended up having a heart to heart. They had talked about everything: jobs, futures, babies, marriages, girls. Peter had asked whether they would still be friends after school and Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Of course we will, Pete!" he'd exclaimed. "Our future will be great. Jamie will marry Evans and have little Pronglets running around the house, Moony and I will live together for awhile - shut up, Moony, you know that was the plan! - and you'll get some hot girlfriend and get married and have little Wormie's running around the yard." "And we'll still be friends, of course, even though Sirius and I won't be living together," Remus had cut in. Peter listened to his friends argue cheerfully, knowing they would always be friends.
Peter often mulled over the hat's decision to sort him into Gryffindor. He had often thought he should have been in Hufflepuff. He was proud to be in the Order of the Phoenix, but he was so often afraid of the missions he went on. He was terrified of dying, because to him, there was nothing more frightening then death itself. On missions with other order members he was often tense and frightened, barely saying anything at all, and only relaxing once he returned home. But with missions when he had James' sturdy force beside him, or Remus' collected mind, or Sirius' brash recklessness, he felt safe. He loved his friends more then anything, and would do anything for them.
Peter realized why he wasn't sorted into Hufflepuff when he was faced with death. He'd been on a solo mission and the Dark Lord had unexpectedly shown up. Faced with the wand that was beginning to glow green with the spell that destroyed lives instantly, Peter panicked. All loyalty he held to his friends vanished. The years spent standing up for Remus or looking after him flew away. The years where Sirius would defend Peter from bullies seemed to have never even existed. And the years James spent helping Peter perfect his Animagus transformations were forgotten. Peter feared death more then anything, and he would do anything to avoid it. Ravenclaws were intelligent, something Peter had never been called. Slytherins were cunning, a trait Peter never possessed. Gryffindors were brave, a streak of which sometimes showed in Peter's life. Hufflepuffs were loyal, a quality Peter had always believed he had. But he didn't. In the end, death was such a formidable foe that even his loyalty and love for his friends were pushed into the shadows. Peter couldn't die. He wasn't brave enough to.
Peter hated lying. To him, lying was distasteful. Lies hurt people. Every time Peter told a lie, the hate he had for himself grew. He had always sworn he would never lie to his friends. He broke this promise when he began lying. He had always worried the Marauders would break up. It was ironic that he would end up breaking the Marauders. Peter knew he had to install distrust in his friends. He didn't bother with trying to destroy the bond James and Sirius held. Instead, he focused on implanting suspicion and mistrust between Sirius and Remus. He hated it. His two friends had always been close, and in their seventh, when James was wrapped up with his dream girlfriend, they were practically inseparable. And when Peter's manipulations began to work, and Sirius stopped coming to Remus for advice and help, Peter hated it. Hated what he had become.
Peter cried when he became the Potters' secret keeper. He looked over at little Harry, who gurgled happily and waved a hand at him. He looked at Lily who smiled at him trustingly with her beautiful green eyes. He looked at James who placed a friendly hand on his shoulder and grinned in anticipation. The trepidation in his eyes was noticeable, but Peter knew that James trusted him not to betray his family. He hated himself. He hated Sirius for not trusting Remus enough to make him the secret keeper. He hated Sirius for switching it to him. He hated James for going along with it, and being stupid enough to trust him. He went home and cried on his bed.
Peter talked with Remus a week before he revealed the Potters' location to the Dark Lord. It would be the last time in over twelve years, though neither one knew this. Peter regretted everything he had done. He took in the sight of Remus looking older then his twenty-one years, with his tired amber eyes, and the exhausted slump of his shoulders. His hatred for Sirius suddenly grew. The Marauders had always looked after Moony. It was an unspoken rule that had never been broken. Moony was strong, both in mind and body, but his friends still protected him. All three had stood up for him against prejudiced bullies, and had always cared for him when he was sick. And now everything was ruined. Sirius no longer trusted Remus, and it was Peter's fault. He hated himself. He hated Sirius. He hated the Dark Lord. He hated how he could sit there and and listen and talk to Remus as if everything was okay, as if nothing was wrong. Because everything was wrong. He hated it.
Peter shook with tears and cold after the Dark Lord apparated to Godric's Hollow. He loathed himself for what he had done. He shouldn't have told him where they were. Merlin, how he hated Sirius for trusting him more then Remus! If Sirius had been the secret keeper James would be safe, along with Lily and Harry. Sirius wasn't afraid of death, and Peter was. He was afraid of it enough to sacrifice James' life. He would give up anything for death to stay away.
Peter listened to the sounds of the world as he ran. Excruciating pain came from his paw that was missing a toe, but he didn't care. He was wearied, exhausted, and heart-broken. He'd destroyed Lily and James' lives, and then he ruined Sirius'. And Remus' too, now that he thought about it. Peter staggered forward and landed on the ground with a dismal squeak. How did it come to this? How could four boys, practically brothers, with an impenetrable and unbreakable bond fall so far? Prongs had been killed, Padfoot was in prison. Both were betrayed by Wormtail, who was believed dead, believed to have been killed in a last heroic act. Who knew what had happened to Moony? It seemed unbelievable that the four boys who had sworn to remain friends forever ended up having their friendship so utterly shattered in the end.
Peter didn't know how it happened. Darkness had taken him and he'd woken up with a healing paw and looking into a sea of red hair, freckles, and beaming faces. He rested his head in the comfort of the home. He was safe for now. The Dark Lord was gone, and he was being hailed as a hero. He hated it, though. He didn't deserve it. He wasn't a hero. He was a coward. He wasn't a Gryffindor; he was a disgrace. Peter looked out and thought bitterly that there were only two Marauders left. Wormtail was a no longer a Marauder. He was a Death Eater. Peter Pettigrew seemed to have disappeared. Wormtail knew, as he lay on the warm pillow in the cozy Weasley home, that his tale wasn't over yet. It was beginning.
Peter Pettigrew had always feared death. Perhaps it was from the childhood trauma of losing his little sister in an accident, or when his pet cat died when he was eight. But death was something Peter had always been terrified of. He used to have nightmares of terrible things that could happen to him that would end up taking his life. Peter often asked his friends if they were afraid of death. James and Sirius would laugh, and go off in a gallant speech of how they would die heroically. Remus simply shrugged and said he wasn't afraid of death simply because he faced it every month. But Peter didn't. He would do anything to avoid death.
Peter had always asked his friends if they would be friends forever, and yet he was the one who destroyed their friendship. Peter was the one who was terrified of death, and yet it was him who ended up dying in the end. Wormtail was the type of person Peter hated. He was a coward, a liar, a murderer, a traitor. He was someone Peter had never wanted to be. Years later, when he was killed, and stood alone in the afterlife, he wondered what he would do if he had a second chance. Would he do it differently? Would he refuse the Dark Mark? Would he become a spy instead of a betrayer?
Peter stared at his friends from afar and knew that if he was given a second chance, he would do anything for his friends. Anything to avoid the destruction he caused. Would he die for them? Yes, yes he would. But there would be no second chance. Peter had his shot, and the lessons learned were taught too late. Peter smiled bitterly. The Marauders had broken apart after all.
This story was made to shed a more sympathetic light on Peter. I know some people really hate him, but I love reading about Peter when he was a Marauder. I always like the stories where he always stands up for his friends (especially Remus), and I wanted to show a Peter who regretted what he did.
Please review and tell me what you thought!