Chapter One

One day Wreck it Ralph was bored as fuck. "Ah fuck me! That damn Fix it Felix gets the penthouse and what do I fucking get? All these god damn bricks and not a single soul tries to help me out in this bitch!"

Fix it Felix overhears all the commotion as his gay, closeted ass walks out the penthouse.

"Ralph, you need to shut your retarded donkey Kong look-alike ass up. No one cares how you feel, you want to be a good guy but you're too worthless for anyone to give the slightest shit about anything you achieve." This infuriated Wreck it Ralph. "You insignificant little shit, do you think anyone plays this game anymore? No they don't and it's because your little faggot ass is a boring, uninteresting character. All you do is fix shit, you don't have fucking special powers and the levels don't get anymore challenging in the slightest. People would rather play fucking Call of duty and I'm not talking about that retarded Hero's duty horse shit. Fuck that, it's nothing but a pathetic rip off of Call of duty. This game is just plain boring and you fix buildings and stupid shit like that but everything else, you just fucking ruin." Fix it Felix was speechless, he knew he just got roasted and walked away. "Yeah walk away you little bitch!" Ralph shouted.

Ralph's crappy 90s flip phone he had was tucked away in his pocket until Penelope Von Sweets called.

ring ring* "Hello buddy" Ralph answered.

"Ralph first off, brush your god damn teeth. I can literally smell that dog shit, cat semen sand which that you ate last night through the phone. Secondly, wear new clothes. You've been wearing that outfit for over thirty years. Thirdly, get a nose job. You have the fattest fucking nose, seriously you look like Donkey Kong's retarded cousin" Penelope replied.

"Alright Penelope von whore, you're like fucking seven years old and you don't have parents. They most likely fucking disowned you because you're a spoiled brat. We used to be best friends, now you're just a little cunt that sucks off Twinkies and lollipops on the streets. Like bitch, you're a fucking child, you should be playing tag and frisbee not fucking sucking off sugar cocks for money. You also suck at driving, I never drove a car in my life and I still drive better than your pathetic ass. You lose every fucking race and I'm mind blown by the fact it hasn't already hit you, how fucking horrendous you are at driving."

Ralph replied.

"I'm actually good at driving, thank you very much. You're nothing but a butt hurt Neanderthal that has no worth in video games. Why do I talk to you anyway? You stink like dog shit. How old are you? Fucking forty? Why don't you have a job? Why do you constantly just roll around in bricks and in your filth? You're fucking disgusting... Oh and btw I'm actually nine years old, dumb ass" Penelope responded.

"God damn it! Goodbye you little waste!" Ralph shouted and then hung up.

Meanwhile...

Batman is in his cave getting ready to ride in the Batmobile to Gotham city, seeking to help helpless citizens or to stop crime.

"Batman!" Robin shouted.

"Oh my god what the fuck does your sissy ass want?" Batman replied.

"Batman! There's some serious shit going down in Sugar rush! We got to help them!" Robin cried.

"Good, let the little bastards die"

Batman said.

"Are you out of your marbles Batman?! They need us!"

Robin yelled.

"Robin, shut the fuck up. They are video game characters, they are just as important as the shit that occasionally seeps out my asshole."

Batman exclaimed.

"I did not want to know that..."

Robin said.