Crutch

CHAPTER I

The place smelled of antiseptic, blood, and death. It was a place, Katsuki Bakugo, hated more than any other place in the world. As the ash blonde walked down the white plain unsettling halls his thoughts always drifted to the what could have been and what If's. It has been about 3 years now that he has been coming to this god awful place. He comes at least twice a month.

The reason for his visit was always the fucking same. Some times the visits were alright. Others, not so damn much. Hell, a few times he had to be carried out of the room. But there were the good days where he could visit with out anything like that occurring. He was hoping today was a good day. School had fucking sucked. Shitty Hair had tried to talk him out of coming on more than one occasion.

He just didn't fucking understand him. It was not like Katsuki liked coming to the hospital. He did it because it was his fault for the person he went to go see for being in this shithole in the first damn place. Not only that, he felt he should be there when the damn nerd finally woke up. If, Katsuki, If he wakes up. His mind played that over and over. Every fucking time he came here that was the biggest If of them all.

Once he entered the familiar room, all that could be heard was the sound machines. The eerie sound of the heart monitor, the wheezing sound of the respirator that was pumping oxygen into the green haired boys lungs. The sight alone was a trigger to Katsuki half the time. He felt his insides tighten as he walked over towards the boy. Looking down at him, it was hard to tell he was fighting for his life. In the dim light the ash blonde could see the familiar freckles on the boys face. The rise and fall of his chest was the only indication that the boy was even still alive.

Katsuki took his usual seat by Izuku Midoriya's bed. For awhile he just sat there. It was always hard to start the conversation. One sided that it was, Katsuki usually told his once childhood best friend about UA, the Heroes that he meet so far. The blonde was unsure if his friend (if he could even call him that after the hell he put him through), could even hear him. But it didn't matter much. It made him feel a bit better to talk about current events with Deku.

"Guess you're still fucking asleep. Go figure. All might is still teaching at UA. A big pain in my ass though. Shitty Hair, you remember him right? Stupid red head he spikes it says it looks manly, and has shark teeth?" he paused as is he was waiting for an answer. "Figured you remember me talking about his ass. Anyway, he wanted to throw a damn party at his dorm. Got into a shit load of trouble. Course I was there too All Might fucking scolded the hell out of us." The ash blonde sighed as he put his head in his hands.

The silence was getting to him. His heart rate was picking up. He tried to calm himself down. He started by breathing in then breathing back out. A breathing exercise Kirishima had showed to him. It worked most of the time. Once his heart rate slowed down he picked his head back up. The blonde opened his mouth once more but stopped short as he heard the door open. His red iris met bright round green ones. It was uncanny how much Inko reminded him of Deku. His heart rate started to pick up again.

"Oh, Katsuki, didn't think I'd run into you," her soft warm voice cut through the eerie mechanical sounding room. She came over and stood on the other side of Deku's bed. A smile on her face. Katsuki noticed she had lost some weight. Bags were under her eyes. Hell it had been 4years sense Deku has been in a coma. Looking at her made his chest tighten. He cursed under his breathe. "Shit, don't fucking have an episode here damn it. Not in front of Inko." He gritted his teeth as he tried to calm his breathing.

"Y-yeah I didn't think you usually visit him on Monday's," came his reply. It was a bit shaky but Inko seemed to just smile even more at him. "Damn it. Don't fucking smile at me. I did this. Deku is in this damn hospital because of me! I don't deserve your damn kindness!"

"No normally I don't. But, I was in the area and so I decided to come by. The nurses tell me you come by every so often. Thank you for that. I'm sure Izuku would be happy to know his best friend has been keeping on eye on him. Even though he is asleep," another bright smile lit up her face. Katsuki's chest got worse. It was getting harder to breathe. Carpal tunnel was setting into his vison. "Izuku would always say how you would help him. He was always being bullied. Just because my poor boy was born quirkless. But thanks to you, he said it kept him going. He looked up to you, you know?" She had a hand in her son's green hair. Tears where now flowing down her face.

"L-looked up to me? Helped him?" he wanted to laugh so fucking bad. But there was nothing funny about this. Why did the nerd go and say that shit to Inko? The woman shouldn't be thanking him. Hell, she should be trying to kill him.

"Yes. He would always talk about you Katsuki. Told me he believed one day you would be just as good of a hero as All Might, maybe better," her smile while tears streamed down her face was not helping the ash blonde keep his cool. He didn't want to hear any more. He chest couldn't take it. As he stood up, fast a little to fast, his vision was playing with him. He stumbled a bit as he grabbed hold of the bed side railing.

He could faintly hear Inko in the back ground though he could not make out what she was trying to say to him. His palms were sweaty. Most of the time he welcomed that but not when he was having an episode. He needed to get out of the room. He didn't need or want to make anything explode. He hurt Deku enough as it was. If his quirk went off now, surly he would finish the job.

Katsuki moved away from the bed and headed towards the door. His palms were starting to smoke. Another cruse left his mouth. He just needed to get out of the room. Take a breather count to three. Anything! But as soon as took a few steps he feel to his knees. "Shit damn it. Not now….fuck not now damn it!" he cursed. His voice was shaky as was the rest of him. No oxygen was getting into lugs. His mind was all over the place. Why had Deku said those things? He was the one who made his life a living hell. He was the one who told Deku to take a dive off a building. And he was the one that shoved the knife into his god damn hands. Everything was his fault. He knew the nerd had been inflicting self harm and what did he do? NOT A GOD DAMN THING. Laughed it off shoved the knife into his hand told the nerd to cut himself just end it all.

"Katsuki, listen to my voice, try to breathe in and then out ok?" he could vaguely hear her but none the less he tried. Smoke filled his nose as his hands wanted to go off, explode the room apart. It took all his will power through the episode for that not to happen. The breathing was helping. He could feel himself calming down little by little. A hand was on his back soothing him like a mother would their son. But he ignored that. Thinking on that subject would make his episode worse.

He wasn't sure how long he staid like that. It seemed like hours past but he knew it could only have been a few minutes tops. Soon as he could breathe again he stood back up. A sigh left his lips. After he collected himself he turned back to Inko. " I'm fine now. Anyway, I should get going," he turned quick on his heels as he headed to leave the room.

"Wait! Katsuki, how long have these attacks been going on?" She sounded concerned. It made him feel like shit all over again. With his hand on the door to leave he paused for few before giving her a response.

"About two years ago is when they started to get worse…" he kept his red eyes peeled on the door. Knowing full well if he looked back at her another episode wouldn't be far behind.

"Got worse? Why haven't you seen anyone? They can give you pills for-"

"I DON'T NEED ANY DAMN PILLS! I'M NOT FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD! I'M NOT FUCKING INSANE!" he slammed his fist on the door before Inko could finish, cutting her statement short.

"Katsuki, no one is saying you are. It will just help you," she sounded so small so frail.

"I don't need help! I'm the last fucking person who deserves any damn help," he removed his fist from the door and finally opened it.

"That's not true Izuku wouldn't want to see you like this," he could hear the tiredness in her voice. Somehow he wanted to comfort her but if he did it would just make things that much worse. Instead of saying anything to her he just left. He didn't need her motherly bull shit. He didn't need anyone. No sooner then he was out of the hospital did he head to UA, to his dorm. Home was the last place he needed to be. His dad was away on work anyway. And when he did go home to spend time with his dad, it always ended up the same. So his dorm was where he wanted, needed to be.

As he walked he felt sick to his stomach. He had a chance to confess. He had the damn chance to apologize. And he fucking blew it. Sure he had four years to say sorry but he had been avoiding her for the past two years after shit went down. Though he blamed what happened on karma. Which in turn, comes back around on him. Once U.A was in his sight, he headed straight for the dorms.

He passed a few people but didn't say two words to them. He was not in the fucking mood to talk. His head was pounding and his stomach felt sick. All in all he felt like shit. It was not because he was getting ill, he was sick at himself. A hero? Better than All Might? Shit. He almost killed some one, well drove them to death. No fucking way he was ever going to touch All Might. Sure he wanted to be the top hero, but better? That was reaching to damn high.

Soon as he was in his dorm he dropped his school bag, kicked off his boots and slumped on to his bed, burring his face in his pillows. Turning ever so slightly he turned the TV on by the remote that he had left on his bed. The news was on, of course he left the damn TV on the news. All Might was on the News. Katsuki rolled his eyes he didn't care about All Might right now. Having been saved by him on two occasions, just left his stomach feeling just more nauseous.

He remembered the first time All Might had saved him. It was the same day he told the nerd to take a dive off the roof of their school. Thinking about that he shoved his face back into his pillow. He didn't want to go down memory lane he wanted to forget everything . Redo his life over. Would he even do things any better? He wasn't sure. Without looking back at the TV he shut it off. He was tired but once he closed his eyes the nightmares would take hold something he was not looking forward to.

Just as he was about to shut his eyes, a knock was heard. He lifted his head hoping their wasn't a second. To his dismay, there was. Gritting his teeth he got up off his bed and headed to open his door. "The fuck you want Shitty Hair?" sure enough as he opened the door, there Kirishima was. A bright blinding smile on his face. Katsuki sore that his smile could reflect fucking light.

"Gee bro you sure are grumpy. Hope I didn't wake you," he rubbed the back of his head.

"Tch, you know fucking damn well you didn't. Now what the fuck do you want?!" His scowl was the same as always as he stood in his door way waiting for a damn answer.

"Hehe right. Came by to see if you wanted to hang. A few of us our going to head to karaoke and grab a few drinks. I know you can probably use some fresh air." Katsuki squinted his eyes a bit. That smile of his was just so damn bright.

"I don't fucking do karaoke Shitty Hair," he went to shut his door. Only Kirishima stopped him with a hand in the door frame.

"Come on! Sero, Denki, Mina, Uraraka, Iida, Momo hell even Todoroki is going!" to Katsuki it sounded like he was pleading, begging like some kind of dog.

"I said fuck no Shitty Hair! Get the fuck out!"

"Bakubro, come on man it will boring as hell without there, you gotta come!" Katsuki refused to look at him. He knew that voice he was using. If he turned to look he would see puppy dog eyes along with a puppy like pout. The look always pissed him off.

"I SAID NO DAMN IT! I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE FOR FUCK SAKES!"

"Urgh you are so damn hardheaded!" he pouted. "Look man we are really worried about you, seems you have been distant with us these past couple of weeks. If you come the first drink will be on me."

At that Katsuki did turn and he lightly cursed himself out. There it was, the look. Letting out a sigh of defeat, he gave the red head a smirk. "Make it the first two you got a fucking deal."

"Hell yeah you got it bro!" he slung an arm around the ash blondes shoulder. Katsuki made a groan at the contact but didn't try to remove the other off him. Soon as he was out of his room he locked it and had Kirishima lead the way to where ever it was they were going.