How Tawnia Survived the Team
A/N: WARNING! Non-canon. In this Crack!Fic I play with the idea that Tawnia is a hidden genius and in doing so, take a few pot-shots at the A-Team's intrepid leader. If you are Team Hannibal, then this fic will offend you and it would be better if you read something else. Thanks! -Maumauka
"What are you doing?" Amy Allen hissed. Tawnia jumped, sending her book flying straight up into the air. "Nothing! Jeez, Amy! You scared the daylights out of me!"
"Nothing, huh?" Amy scooped up the book and waved it accusingly in her cousin's face. Would that be Being and Nothingness by Sartre?
"I borrowed it from Murdock!"
"It doesn't matter! How often do I have to keep telling you?! What did I say on your very first mission?"
"Act like a floozy."
"That's right. I'm sorry, Tawnia. I know you got double 600's on your SAT's, but let me remind you that you wanted this. I said yes because I know you're smart and you care about justice. Hannibal kicked me out because—and I quote—"the problem with women is that sooner or later, they start to believe they have brains." If Hannibal gets even a slight hint that you're anything other than a bimbo, you're gonna be out of here before you can say 'existentialism'. Now put it away! And get that skirt shortened. And here…" Amy reached over and unbuttoned Tawnia's shirt a few notches.
Tawnia huffed in exasperation but she didn't push Amy away. Instead, she tucked the offending tome into her purse and pulled out another book with a picture of a brawny hunk holding a fainting woman in his arms on the cover. "This better?"
"Much" Amy looked at Tawnia's annoyed expression and relented a little. "I'm sorry, but you have to believe me. Hannibal is brave and brilliant, but he's also a first-class chauvinist. So is Face."
"I knew that" Tawnia rolled her eyes. "It's kind of hard to miss. He's King of the Bullshitters."
Amy couldn't help laughing. "He sure is. And it's a good thing you see that. I was a little worried about you."
Tawnia laughed too. "No problem. Face is just a slicker version of a preppy boy; they all sound the same after a while. Now hadn't you better get out of here before they get back?"
Amy nodded and Tawnia slipped her a small notebook. "I'll have more for you soon. I'll call you when we stop again."
"Good going. And thanks so much! Without you I couldn't help them at all." Amy gave Tawnia a swift hug and darted into her car, taking off with a shower of gravel. Tawnia watched her go, and quietly pulled Being and Nothingness back out of her handbag. "What chapter were we on, Murdock?"
The pilot, who had been curled in the back of the van, replied "Chapter three. And you have to do all the voices!"