Author's note: Hi! This is a sequel to my earlier Steven Universe fic, The Apartment. It's highly recommended, though not required, that you read that story before this one. Hope you enjoy!
Amethyst woke up just after 1:00 am.
Monday morning. That was fine because she wasn't working until Wednesday, and she didn't care much if she couldn't sleep on her night off. But she wasn't one to toss and turn in bed; she preferred to do something.
She turned on her television and flicked past a few things - mostly reruns of ancient sitcoms (sadly, no "Little Butler"), paid programming, sports highlights and, to her amusement, an evangelical station where a priest gave a slide lecture explaining how Bigfoot and Mokele M'bembe proved the existence of God. She watched the latter for a few amused minutes before flicking over to HBO, where she caught the last fifteen minutes of a superhero movie she'd seen twice before.
Unsatisfactory. She turned off the television and laid on her mattress, staring at the ceiling. Now she was wide awake with no idea what she might do.
Next door, Garnet was sound asleep. Somehow, despite a stressful job, she never suffered from insomnia, or if she did she did a great job hiding it. Of the three of them, Garnet easily seemed the best-adjusted, not to mention the most successful. And Amethyst envied her that, no matter how much Garnet told her not to.
Pearl, downstairs, was probably tossing and turning and dreaming about Rose again, like she seemed to do every Sunday night.
Amethyst sighed. Sunday nights always brought out the worst in Pearl. Made her melancholy and reflective. She managed her demons well-enough most of the time, managing to appear content, or even happy on occasion. But something about the end of a weekend, the bleak prospect of a long week ahead put her into a funk.
Amethyst had known Rose a little bit. They'd met when she and Pearl . And Rose impressed Amethyst with her. She was such a fun, lively woman that it was hard to think of her and Pearl togther. But somehow, they clicked, even though Rose clearly dominated the relationship, through sheer force of personality if nothing else. Pearl always seemed happy to go along with whatever wild adventure (a concert? a hiking trip? heck, they went clubbing more than once, and could you imagine Pearl in a club?) she conjured.
Indeed, that's what bothered Amethyst about their pairing. Not that Rose didn't seem nice or fun (under different circumstances, Amethyst could imagine her and Rose being close friends), but that theirs wasn't a relationship of equals. Pearl deferred to Rose too easily, didn't challenge her in any way. Always seemed content to be the follower, never the leader. She was a pushover. Except when she perceived a threat to Rose, or their relationship, in which case she became reckless and defensive.
It wasn't a side of Pearl that Amethyst liked. Pearl in her default mode - smart, haughty, pedantic, superior - irritated Amethyst more often than not. But at least that was her. The Pearl who hung out with Rose...didn't seem like Pearl. Just Rose's girlfriend, a tall, pretty redhead on the older woman's arm.
And that's what upset Amethyst. Because for all her irritation with her roommate, she really liked her, and knew there was an awesome, productive person striving to get out. She just needed a nudge to be the best Pearl possible. But Rose, whether consciously or not, worked against that.
And Amethyst, though she never said anything, hurt inside every day Pearl and Rose were together. Because she knew it wasn't right.
And she felt that way long before Pearl found out the truth about Rose. That Rose was married, that she had a kid. And then she and Pearl had a fight, and Rose ran off, never to be seen again. Leaving Pearl a miserable wreck, crying herself to sleep and openly wondering whether she had any value by herself.
Amethyst knew how that felt.
She'd been adopted as a toddler after her dad left and her mom died, raised in foster homes she invariably hated - all middle class, do-gooding white families who seemed more interested in looking like generous people than actually helping Amethyst. She got in fights in school as a little girl, one of which resulted in her planting a pencil in a bully's eye during an argument, a gruesome incident which resulted in her expulsion from school.
Not that she cared - learning the three R's meant nothing to a girl as broken and lonely as Amethyst. Mattered less than the lashing with a belt administered by her foster dad, the verbal insults from her foster mother, the shouting match culminating in the inevitable proclamation that they weren't her parents and to fuck off. She got into trouble with drugs and bullying at different times, washed out of community college, and struggled to keep herself afloat, adopting defiance towards the world as her attitude, in place of true self-worth.
She tried to find solace where she could, but it was hard. She couldn't imagine herself as a criminal, even if she got up to some petty, immature shit in her teen years. She tried immersing herself in religion, but couldn't square any faith with the idea that she, with her fluid sexuality, was an abomination both created and spurned by God. Politics? Well, she was plenty angry, but her thoughts didn't go much deeper than that. No clubs or social groups to speak of, since her hobbies mostly consisted of watching TV and eating junk food. Her family didn't exist, so far as she was concerned.
She could, however, find solace, in her friends. People who accepted her for who she was without question. And that's what she found with Pearl and Garnet.
Especially Pearl.
Then Amethyst's stomach growled. And her mind momentarily wandered elsewhere.
She'd crept downstairs into the kitchen, as stealthily as she could. Which meant that she stumbled over her ankles and strained against the banister, cursing under her breath. Then stumbled into the kitchen, feeling towards the refrigerator.
"Amethyst!" a familiar voice cried.
Amethyst focused her eyes through the dim light. Pearl was in the middle of washing dishing, with a drinking glass in one hand and a wash cloth in the other. Her pink-red hair was poofed out into a frizzy mess; Amethyst had to admit that Pearl looked a lot hotter that way.
"Can't sleep again, huh Pearl?" Amethyst muttered, reaching past her towards the fridge.
"No, I just needed to finish some chores," Pearl lied, focused intently on the glass in her hand.
Amethyst grunted and looked in the fridge, fishing through some of the drawers without finding anything tasty.
"Even a nerd doesn't need to do dishes at one in the morning," Amethyst said, brushing her hair from her eyes as she reached for a kitchen cabinet.
"What are you doing up?" Pearl demanded, scrubbing obsessively at a speck of dirt on the rim of the glass. She barely noticed as Amethyst pushed past her.
"Same as you," Amethyst thought. "Sunday night...can't ever sleep."
"Sorry to hear that," Pearl said, not really paying attention.
"It's a curse," Amethyst continued, grabbing a bag of chips from the cabinet and sitting at the table. She started munching them straight out of the bag as Pearl, visibly irritated, set the glass down and moved on to the next one.
"Would you like something to drink?" Pearl asked.
"Maybe when I'm done," Amethyst said through a mouthful of crumbs.
"That's disgusting," Pearl muttered. Though she wasn't really paying attention; she was again ensconced with the dishes.
"You knew what I was like when we moved in together," Amethyst said, wiping her hands on a paper towel.
"Guess that one's on me," Pearl said, trying to lighten the mood.
Amethyst stood up and moved past Pearl, grabbing the glass she'd just watched with a playful smirk. Pearl scowled at her but didn't say anything, instead watching as she poured herself a glass of chocolate milk.
"You really don't have to do that now, P," Amethyst muttered quietly.
"Tell that to the voices in my head," Pearl said.
She tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn't come across that way. The words were suffused with pain and frustration. And self-loathing.
Pearl's default mode. Which instantly put on Amethyst on guard.
"Those glasses can wait until morning," she said quietly, watching her friend.
"Yeah, but it's gonna bug me if they aren't clean. And the last thing I need is dirty dishes keeping me up..."
"Something tells me those dishes aren't what's keeping you up..." Amethyst pressed.
Pearl's face flinched into an angry frown. She started squeezing the glass in her hand.
"If it's not them, it's something," Pearl said, not looking up. "This apartment gets so dirty, no matter what I do..."
"Pearl, I know you're...that you get this way sometimes but..."
Amethyst stopped herself. She didn't feel like it was the appropriate time to press Pearl on how she handled stress, even if it seemed pointless and counterproductive. So she backed off.
For now. She made a mental note.
"Must have a bad week ahead at the library, huh?" Amethyst asked, taking a sip of her milk.
"Just the usual," Pearl said, moving on to a plate. "You'd think things would drop off after the summer ends, but no! It's just older patrons, and those aren't as...they aren't always as easy to handle as the kids who come in in the summer. As counterintuitive as that may be."
"Yeah, old geezers can be tough," Amethyst sympathized.
"Not even 'geezers,'" Pearl responded, putting the plate away and moving on to a coffee mug. "I mean, I don't mind seniors that much. They're usually nice, just a little confused and need some extra help and I don't mind that so much. I mean, just...you know, adults. Adults who are angry that you don't have the latest James Patterson book, or who want to scream at you because you have books that make Donald Trump look like an idiot...as if he doesn't do that himself...Or because our annual book sale got cancelled or because they can't find parking or...You know."
"Bullshit," Amethyst affirmed.
"You said it, not me," Pearl said, allowing herself a slight smile.
She went to put down the mug, but didn't. And kept scrubbing, clutching the handle tight.
Amethyst watched, nervous and unsure how to interrupt, as Pearl kept cleaning.
"Well, I've only got three work days this week," Amethyst said, trying to lighten the mood. "A full shift on Wednesday and two late shifts Friday and Saturday. I mean, I hate working on Saturday but you know, it's better four hours then than..."
"Yeah," Pearl agreed. "I always hate when I have to work Saturdays..."
Amethyst started to say something, but again noticed the pained expression on Pearl's face.
"At least the weather's supposed to be nice this week," Pearl said. "Indian Summer, or whatever the politically correct term for that is..."
"Yeah. Maybe we can go for a walk or something on Saturday before I go to work," Amethyst offered.
"That would be nice," Pearl agreed.
"And we could invite Garnet along," Amethyst added.
"Sure." Pearl's face had the tiniest, most pinched smile possible.
"Your vacation's coming up soon, huh?" Amethyst asked, starting to close the potato chip bag.
"Second week of October," Pearl said.
She finally put the mug down, to Amethyst's relief, and grabbed another glass. Amethyst took a long drink of her milk as Pearl went to work on that one, then walked over to the cabinet and put the bag away. She stood next to Pearl for a moment, staring at her hands as they meticulously, obsessively, scrubbed and re-scrubbed her glass.
"I'm glad," Amethyst said. "Time off will do you good. Give you some time to chill. I mean, relax a little. You need it."
"I'm fine," Pearl insisted.
"Not saying you're not," Amethyst lied, trying to tread carefully. "It's just, I mean, sometimes it doesn't seem like...you don't do a good job of relaxing at the end of the day."
Pearl shot her an indignant look, her hands automatically continuing to clean.
"Like, you come home exhausted and tired out and the first thing you do is do the dishes. Like now. And then some project to keep you busy most of the night..."
"I wouldn't need to do them if you'd just do them while I was away."
"Pearl, like, I do the dishes every day I don't work! Me or Garnet..."
"Obviously you don't do a very good job."
"What?"
"Why do you think I need to do them?" Pearl said, walking past Amethyst and grabbing her now-empty milk glass of the table. "I come home and take a look at the, quote, unquote, "clean" dishes you've done and they're always smeared and covered with crust and gunk."
"I'm sorry I'm not an expert like you," Amethyst huffed. "Jeez! Just trying to help."
"Because obviously I need help," Pearl complained, starting to raise her voice.
"I didn't mean it like that," Amethyst said. She sighed. Pearl was being deliberately difficult, now, and Amethyst didn't feel in the mood this late.
"That's not...Pearl, you know it's not..."
"Not what?" Pearl demanded.
"I just meant..." Amethyst began.
"Just because I take things seriously doesn't mean that I can't relax."
"Pearl, that's...that's not what I said at all."
"Hmm. I guess I could spend all my free time goofing around like you."
"Goofing around? I work as hard as anyone here!"
"If you call what you do work."
Amethyst's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe what Pearl had just said.
"Low blow, Pearl," she said quietly. "Fucking low blow."
"I'm just saying, saying 'Do you want some fries with that?' isn't the most challenging job on the planet..."
"Well, la dee da, Princess Library! I'm sorry I wasn't smart or rich enough to get a Masters Degree in Handing Goosebumps Books to Kids!"
"There's a lot more to it than that, and you know..."
"Well, I don't like working in a fucking fast food place, but if you think it's as easy as just handing somebody a bag of food..."
"Maybe if you applied yourself a little bit more..."
"Jesus fucking Christ, Pearl! None of this prosperity gospel Mitt Romney bootstraps bullshit. You fucking know better. Just because I'm poor doesn't mean I don't want to work. It doesn't mean I don't work hard when I get a chance. It doesn't mean I don't have fucking value! And you stand here and say..."
Amethyst was interrupted when she heard a loud crinkling noise. She looked down and saw that Pearl's hand covered with blood.
It took her a moment to figure out that Pearl had squeezed the glass so hard she'd broken it.
It took Pearl a moment longer.
Pearl watched, her face full of regret and pain, as Amethyst gingerly wrapped her hand in a line of gauze.
"Thanks, Amethyst," Pearl said.
"You must be really stressing about something," Amethyst said softly.
"Oh, the usual," Pearl said, her voice a strangled pout. "I'm sorry about...what I said."
"It's cool," Amethyst lied, though she still simmered with anger at Pearl poor-shaming her.
"Well, it's nice of you to say so...but it's not cool. You're right. I know better than to say things like that."
"You do when you're thinking straight," Amethyst said, swallowing her resentment. "You don't always know better when you're angry." She let a beat of silence pass. "Or sad."
Pearl let a sob catch in her throat.
"You know how I feel sometimes..."
"Yeah..." Amethyst left her affirmation hang in the air.
"I wish I could stop thinking about her..." Pearl admitted, bending down to clean up the shards of mug.
And Amethyst instantly knew who she meant.
"It's been almost a year now and I still haven't...Why is it so hard? What's wrong with me?"
Pearl looked on the verge of tears. But she was too sad, too defeated to cry.
"Nothing's wrong with you, P," Amethyst said, putting an arm across her shoulder. "Somebody you cared about left you and treated you like shit. I mean, if someone did that to me...Well, I'd probably track them down and beat the living shit out of them." She illustrated with a swing of her fist, making Pearl chuckle.
"But I don't know if that would help. I'd still feel the same way as you do...Because it's not easy to let those things go."
"It's just...I gave up almost everything I had for her..." Pearl said. "And look where it got me. And what do I have left?"
She sighed and buried her head in her hands, rubbing her temples.
Amethyst started to say something, hesitated. Feeling a lead weight on her chest, in her mind, something telling her: This isn't the time.
But her friend seemed so sad, so empty, that she needed something.
"Well...it got you here. With me."
Pearl shot her a quizzical look, a mixture of a million repressed feelings she couldn't possibly articulte.
"Do you feel...I mean, do you think you need...?" Amethyst couldn't wrap her tongue around the words, feeling the awkwardness heavy in the air.
Pearl stared at the floor, as if contemplating something distasteful. Which, Amethyst supposed, she was.
Finally, she clamped her eyes shut and murmured...
"That would only make things worse."
Which hurt Amethyst more than she could express. She flushed and turned away from Pearl, crossing her arms. She felt a swell of anger in her chest, but managed to fight it down.
"P...you don't need to pretend with me," Amethyst said, struggling to need. "It's not a big deal. It's never been a big deal. It's just...sometimes you need somebody, you know? And I'm here. I'm always here when you need me."
Then her voice practically broke as she muttered:
"Just like you've always been there for me."
She started towards the stairs, when she felt Pearl's hand on her shoulder. And her anger melted away.
Without turning to face her friend, she clasped hands with her, gently directing Pearl's hand down past her hair, down her shoulder, below her neck, until Pearl started massaging her skin. And felt Pearl's other arm draw around her waist, enveloping her in indescribable warmth.
Amethyst hesitated just a moment, then let in a deep, trembling breath. Then closed her eyes and gently kissed Pearl's wrist.
Amethyst opened her eyes again. 4:00 am. Just a few hours until Pearl needed to wake up.
She craned her head towards the window, but it was too dark to see anything outside.
She felt Pearl's head in her chest, a blissful smile on her face. Amethyst gently brushed her reddish hair as she slept, watching in amusement as Pearl's features flicker through emotions she always struggled to express while awake. Feeling the warmth from her body and the beating of her heart, initially rapid, now slow, steady and calm.
Amethyst knew that when Pearl woke up she'd untangle herself from Amethyst's embrace with a hint of embarrassment, prepare for work and leave without so much as a goodbye kiss. And they would never speak of it, leaving Amethyst sad and resentful and a little disappointed that Pearl seemed ashamed of what they did. Ashamed of her.
But Amethyst always tried to live in the moment. And this moment, right now, was incredible.