Do. Not. Murder. Me.

Now that that has been established, how ya doin?

I've been so stuck and frustrated lately that this is what I came up with, and I feel mentally lighter for it. Heavy themes I guess, and I took bits and pieces of personal experiences to make it a bit more real. It was exhausting to write, but I kind of love the way this turned out. This will be one of maybe 3 parts hopefully but...you never know.

Enjoy, review, let me know how your life's going if you have nothing else to say...and have a read.

She was sitting in her first huddle so to speak, and all she could think about was how life wasn't supposed to be like this. Life wasn't supposed to give you things and take them away for no reason; it was cruel and left scars that stayed behind after the dust cleared. She looked around and realized that not only was she just minutes away from falling apart, so were almost all of the men within a 30 foot radius. She'd held it together fairly well since she arrived ten minutes ago, but her control was slipping as she saw Booze wipe his eyes with the heels of his hands and Shane keeping a fist in front of his mouth, his eyes shining with unshed tears. They'd been waiting a bit before her since Nico came to get her, and something in the way he'd said TK had been shot had left her feeling hollow, like there was something she was missing. Matt had insisted to drive her and follow Nico here, but she'd subtly refused his comfort by seating herself in the middle of all the players.

She'd worked with a number of them, but she really hadn't expected to be crushed into hugs as she arrived. Shane Booze had seen her and picked her up in a bear hug, the unevenness of his breath obvious as she squeezed him back before she was returned to the ground. The others had gotten up out of respect she'd thought, each squeezing her shoulder, shaking her hand, or hugging her if they needed the comfort. That event in itself was mentally draining, trying to keep the tears at bay when everyone else was falling apart. It was her job to fix things much like Nico, but she couldn't fix people that were broken in a way she was starting to experience; she had to be able to fix herself before she was any help to anyone else.

A doctor came out of the double doors, scrub cap in his hands that were fidgeting in front of him as he made his way to them. Everyone stood, parting as the doctor requested to speak to a Doctor Santino and Mr. Careles, his voice and the quiet murmurs of the guys making the hair on the back of her neck stand in anticipation. The second she met his eyes she knew why they'd sent him out; he was the one that was supposed to break the news to them. Men like him were often compassionate to a fault, making him the prime choice for dealing with emotional people, despite the fact that he didn't seem to be doing any better than they were.

He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes, momentarily distracted when Nico and Matt made their way around everyone and stood to each side of her.

"Doctor Santino, I'm sorry to have to say…"

She choked back a sob as she held her hand out to stop him, forcing him to stay quiet as she spoke, her breath hitching as tears gathered in her brown eyes, making her vision swim as she faced him.

"Please, don't tell me he's gone" she whispered, the tears making their slow descent down her cheeks, falling to the floor. She didn't know how she was still standing, she'd felt as if her entire world had been yanked out from under her. TK was like another part of her family, and just like that he was gone. She didn't want to have to tell her kids, she didn't want to even think that it was true, it made her heart ache in a way that made her feel as if she were suffocating. The doctor lowered his voice as he got closer to her, grabbing the hand that was still hanging in mid air and patting them with both of his.

"You were his next of kin Mr. Careles and the executive of his estate Doctor Santino, would you like to see him and collect his belongings?" he asked quietly, holding her shaking hand in his unusually cold ones.

That was another blow to her, she wasn't even aware that TK had a will, let alone make her the executer. Why not make Nico both, why her? Glancing up quickly, she saw the looks on his teammate's faces, some allowing their tears to fall as others stayed stoically quiet and blank. Matt's mouth kept opening and closing, but he gave her a smile, it making her stomach churn with resentment. What the hell did he have to smile about? What the hell did he think was ok about anything that's happened tonight? The smile alone disgusted her, making her wonder how he could even contemplate being anything but sad and angry right now. As she turned to meet Nico's eyes, she saw something she's never expected; Nico was staring at the floor absently with his hands in his pockets, his eyes having the same glassy quality some of the players had earlier. She never thought it'd affect him in such a way, and it was a relief that someone understood that there was nothing ok or right with the world tonight.

"Where's Vivica?" Nico continued to look at the floor until she touched his arm, breaking his concentration and forcing his eyes to hers, both gazes filled with hurt and anger, some resentment on his side as well. He cleared his throat, his voice slightly raspy.

"She's in the ladies room; she couldn't handle the news"

She wasn't even aware that Vivica had been in the room, but felt awful that she didn't try to console his girlfriend.

"It's not your fault, the second she saw the doctor she sprinted out. I guess she just knew" he stated quietly, refusing to meet her eyes again.

His words surprised her, but they really shouldn't have; Nico knows everything, it was his job to. At that moment, Matt had stuck his arm over her shoulder, and she could see Nico visibly stiffen as she tried to shrug off his arm, not being able to move him an inch. She didn't want Matt anywhere near her right now; she was raw and he had the nerve to smile. She knew she sounded irrational, but she couldn't get over the fact that he really didn't look all that different from every other day other than his reluctance to speak at all.

"Doctor-"

"Yes, I want to see him" she said, feeling Matt move with her as she stuck a hand on his chest. Everyone else had sat down by now, trying to console each other as her, Matt, and Nico stood before the doctor. She backed away from Matt as he tried to reach for her, almost bumping into Nico in the process.

"This isn't going to work Matt, right now I'm in no condition to be in a relationship and I know we jumped in too hastily. I'd appreciate it if you gave me space until we're able to work together again"

"Dani, where's this coming from?" he replied, hurt that she kept staying just out of arms reach from him.

"Go to San Francisco Matt, it's what you want"

"But I thought you said I was just scar y enough? Please don't give up on us before we've even had a chance to start"

"I'm not. Like I said, sometimes you need that second time to know it just wasn't right. This isn't right for me, and neither are you. I won't do this now, either respect that or leave me alone" she said in a monotone, unable to make herself feel sad. These were the moments in life that people often made rash decisions, but she could just feel a disconnection. She didn't need to explain it or analyze it, she knew he wasn't who she needed and that was enough for her. She needed a rock when she wanted to fall apart, and he just wasn't that kind of person.

"Doctor Santino, whenever you're ready…" the doctor reminded her gently, breaking her staring contest with Matt. His eyes suddenly flared with anger as he looked between her and the doctor, forgetting Nico was even there.

"If you leave Dani, there's no going back" he said lowly, meeting her eyes once again. She saw things there that she didn't want to understand, things that she wasn't willing to sift through to make him feel better.

"Then I guess I'm on my own huh" she answered him, crossing her arms as he turned from her and stormed at, making all of the player's attention go to her. She looked quickly away and back to the doctor, motioning him to show her in. She felt someone behind her as they grabbed her arm lightly, turning her slightly to be able to make eye contact with them.

"You shouldn't be alone right now" Nico reminded her in a low rumble. She saw the emotions swirling in his eyes, the most prominent being a protective gaze as they made their way back through those double doors. That protectiveness gave them an air of distance that she didn't want tonight. She knew he was upset when he'd come to tell her about TK, but it seemed like he was focused on the incident at hand. The halls smelled stale with cleaning products mixed with blood on the air, making her stomach churn for a different reason this time. The hand that Nico had put around hers was gone, but she's managed to reach back and grip his hand tightly in hers. He was cool to the touch, and it was a nice contrast to her overheated skin.

"I'm not" she simply said as they followed the doctor into the room, a sheet place carefully over his body. Nico extracted his hand from her and stood across the table from her as the doctor gave them a few minutes. She looked over to gather strength from Nico, but was met with indifference. His body was taut with thinly veiled irritation.

"You aren't alone in the literal sense Doctor, but there's no one waiting for you outside these doors"

"I'm well aware of that Nico, I just sent that someone away"

"Next time, don't push people that care away. You end up lonely and there's no one to blame but yourself" he offered, reaching over to pull the sheet from over TK's face. She threw out her hand to stop his, getting an annoyed look her way from him. She was at her wits end and was fed up with his shit; she didn't do anything to warrant it.

"Like you? I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you can leave Mr. Careles" she said coldly, pulling the sheet out of his grasp. He looked at her with a mixture of hurt and anger, but he wasn't the first tonight.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't need anyone here, nor do I want someone here. I don't remember asking you to be here with me"

"You didn't, I chose to come anyway"

"Then choose to leave as well. I'm done dealing with men and their tantrums tonight"

Nico's eyes flashed with rage at being compared to Matt and a child in the same sentence. He didn't need her to know why he was upset, but with the way she was blatantly dismissing him gave him a clue as to how unlike herself she actually was tonight. She was tired and hurt and just wanted to curl up in a ball, but she couldn't because she had to be strong for everyone else; she had to be that person for everyone else. Nico's stance relaxed as he saw the fight drain out of her eyes, only to be replace with a new wave of tears as she went to move the sheet. This time, he was the one to put his hands over hers, cutting off any clipped retort she may have.

"Despite what you may think, I'm here to look after you too; sometimes you just need a friend" He quoted her words back at her as he gripped her hands, sliding the sheet with her gently until it uncovered TK's pale face. Her eyes instantly welled up and began pouring tears, but she kept silent as she traced the planes of his face. She looked so lost in the lines of his face, lightly tracing the line of his nose and the cheeks that used to smile or scowl at her. She looked broken for the first time he'd ever witnessed, almost as if she were the one to have lost a child rather than a patient. It broke his heart to see her cry so silently, but it made a few tears leak from his eyes as she leant over his body to press a kiss on his forehead. She kept her head there as she let out a strangled few breaths, kissing his cheek this time and stroking his rapidly cooling face.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, her kissing TK's head one last time before she moved the sheet back up to cover him again. She began to walk to the door, but stopped when she didn't hear Nico behind her, only to turn and face him putting his hand over TK's white sheet, bowing his head slightly.

"Dios bendice su alma Terrence. Habría hecho a un padre asombroso un dia" he said, just loud enough for her to hear before he stepped away and walked to her. He took in her confused gaze tinged with a bit of awe as she wiped away stray tears that refused to stop falling.

"What did you say?" she asked innocently, genuinely curious as to the phrase he uttered. He knew she spoke broken Italian at best, so with how rapidly he said it, it was no question she wanted a translation. She could tell he was slightly uncomfortable with the prospect of telling her, but he squashed that in favor of trying to be there for her.

"I said may God bless his soul and that he would have made a great father someday" he said quietly, seeing the tears form again in her eyes, but held at bay. He didn't expect her to make a big deal about it, but the tender look she gave him was enough to remove any residue of annoyance he had towards her. He may have been hurt that she was with Matt, but she realized that he wasn't really there for her in the way she'd thought.

"That's really sweet of you Nico"

"No it wasn't, it was the truth. He would have made it there, he just never got the chance" he said, putting a hand on her back to gently guide her out of the cold room.

"What made you say that?"

"Aside from it being the truth, it was out of respect. My family always prayed in Spanish, habit I suppose" she was intrigued by the bit of information she was given, realizing that someone had to have passed away constantly during his life to make him do that as a reflex. The thought was sad, but it was something she could see being Nico's view of respect.

He could feel the way she leaned into him, and it made him feel that much lighter until they made their way back to those double doors. They both stopped just short, knowing that they'd have to face everyone the second they opened them. Nico reached over and grazed the back of her hand with his pinky, feeling her shiver as she took her pinky and linked it with his. They both took deep breathes and put their free hands against the doors, letting each other go the second the doors gave way. They'd made progress, but it's only been two hours; life was never that easy.

Now you understand my warning as to why my life is of value, you'll never know what happens if you kill me! I wanted to kill TK (despite the fact that I like him) because I think it's a different take on things. My other stories are being worked on at a really slow pace, only because inspiration doesn't always hit long enough to get them done. Stay tuned, the other one or two chapters (possibly more if the mood strikes me) will be up at the latest sometime on Monday.

~ the Spanish is from Google since my Spanish is broken or offensive most of the time *smiles innocently* ~