Title: Bleach Fairy Tales and Folklore
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: T, violence, mild cussing, mild romance
Description: Fairy tales and folklore from around the world, redone with Bleach characters or in the Bleach universe. Humor, drama, parody.
Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.
I love stories, tall tales, legends, folklore, myth, etc. Below are some stories rewritten with the Bleach characters, or in some cases in the Bleach universe. Some I may set in modern times, others simply back in some unmentioned past. I will list the characters used and the original story. This will be similar to "The Labors of Hercules as Done by Squad 11" (which I promise to finish!).
This being me, I will be adding a good dose of humor to every story.
The Golden Bird - Part One
From: Grimm's Fairy Tales
Warnings: OOC Yamamoto, a IchiRuki kiss, violence towards foxes
Main Cast: Shiro, Kon, Ichigo, Byakuya, Rukia
Also: Isshin, Shunsui, Ukitake, Yamamoto, Kenpachi and Squad 11
"One of the golden apples is missing?" King Yamamoto asked. "But...I love those apples. Are they even ripe yet? I asked yesterday and you said I had to wait to eat them." The king glared at his head gardener.
"Well you technically could have eaten it yesterday but they will be so much better if you just let them ripen for a couple more days," Isshin the royal gardener replied.
"Fine, but find out who is taking my apples. I'm pretty sure we have a sign out, right?" Yamamoto grumbled.
"Yes, a don't trespass one, a private property one, and then a "Don't eat the King's Apples!" one," Isshin answered. "I'll send my oldest son out tonight to see if someone comes by again."
The next day
"He...slept? HE SLEPT!" King Yamamoto yelled at his gardener.
"Kon was able to stay awake until just before midnight but then he fell asleep. I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again. I'll send my second born tonight," Isshin told his king.
The next day
"Are you going to tell me that your second son slept too?" The angry king asked.
"Er...yes...he slept," Isshin said. Better not tell him that Shiro just decided it was boring and never went at all, he thought to himself.
"Send your youngest," King Yamamoto said.
"B-but, not Ichigo! What if something bad gets him!" Isshin whined.
So he doesn't care at all about his other sons? King Yamamoto privately wondered. "Send Ichigo," he said out loud, firmly. He liked apple pies, and without golden apples his pies were listless. His cook had tried to make him a pecan pie instead. Sacrilegious! How dare he!
That Night
You think it wouldn't be that comfortable hanging out in a tree, but here it is, almost midnight, and I'm dozing, Ichigo thought to himself with a yawn. The clock struck midnight and there was a rustling of wings. Ichigo watched in astonishment as a great golden bird landed in a nearby tree and plucked an almost perfectly ripe apple with his beak and began to eat. Ichigo jumped up, and not knowing what else to do, attacked the bird with his sword drawn. The bird easily flew away, dropping a single feather.
That morning he brought the king the golden feather and told him what had happened.
"That is...a really nice feather," King Yamamoto said, taking a good look at it.
"What, is it magical or something?" Isshin asked.
"Um...yeah...really magical. Magically made out of golden, shazam!" No one laughed. The King glared at them. The room filled with laughter. "Seriously though, a golden bird. I want one." He looked at the gardener meaningfully.
"W-what? Don't you have like warriors and other people to do this stuff?" Isshin complained.
"You have three sons, you can spare one," the king said.
Kon – on his quest
Man this sucks. Just because I fell asleep before, now I have to find this stupid bird? What about Shiro, he didn't even get out of bed. At least I tried! Kon grumbled to himself as he sat by the river, watching the fire.
"Hello," a voice said from the darkness.
Kon braced himself to run but it was just a fox. "Oh hi fox," he said. Wait, a talking fox? "Oh thank goodness!" Kon yelled to the sky. "You're my guardian spirit and are going to do this quest for me, right?"
"No," the fox said dryly. "I do have advice for you though. In the town ahead there will be two taverns, one worn and dirty looking, one new and beautiful and lively. Go to the worn out looking one."
"If you're not going to help me, then go away!" Kon said petulantly, throwing a couple of rocks at the fox, who easily darted away.
When he got to the nearby town the next day, he gave no thought at all to the advice of the fox. He briefly looked at the small shack that reported to be an inn, but was immediately drawn by the woman who was waving out the window at the other one.
"Need a place to stay, traveler?" she asked out the window, her large breasts filling her low cut blouse to a point where it was a miracle of modern science that the whole thing didn't just burst off.
"Uh huh," Kon nodded, letting himself be led into the inn.
Once he was at the inn, he forgot all about his quest, his promises to his dad, or the fact that he was a mission from his king.
Shiro – on his quest
"Of course he hasn't been heard from. You gave 'em a buncha money and pointed him towards civilization," Shiro bitched.
"What are you talking about? We live in civilization," his dad replied.
"We live in a very dry civilization, if you know what I'm talking about," Shiro said.
His dad looked confused.
"We have no sake and like two minimally hot chicks near us," Shiro explained.
"Oh," Isshin said. "Well then you'll be happy to know that you're going next!" he said with a smile.
"I'm...wait a minute, I never said I wanted to..."
"Here's money for supplies, make sure to look for Kon! Oh, and bring back that bird!" Isshin said, pushing his second eldest son out the door.
Shiro looked at the small bag of money in his hand. "How the hell am I related him?" he said out loud.
While camping by a river, he took the time to watch the fire lick over a dry log in his camp fire.
"Hello," he heard a voice. Shiro's hand went to his weapon.
"A fox?" Shiro said, his hand retreating from his sword. He shrugged and watched the fire again.
"Doesn't it seem odd that I'm a talking fox?" the fox asked.
"Yer kiddin, right? This whole place is fulla weird talking shit that shouldn't talk. And like trees that won't die. And weird curses and magic coins and crap," Shiro shrugged.
"I have advice for you, for your quest," the fox said. "In the town ahead there will be two taverns, one worn and dirty looking, one new and beautiful and lively. Go to the worn out looking one."
Shiro reached under his arm, grabbing out two small throwing knives. "I just realized, foxes are kind of cool. I think I want a fox tail hat," he grinned widely.
The fox quickly dodged the flying blades, running into the forest.
When Shiro came into the town, he did consider going to the smaller, dirtier looking inn, but then he saw Kon in the window of the other inn.
"Hey, asshat!" Shiro yelled. Kon looked over and smiled drunkenly, raising up a large jar of sake. Shiro smiled and headed on in.
Once he was at the inn, he forgot all about his quest, his promises to his dad, or the fact that he was a mission from his king.
Ichigo – on his quest
"That is serious if both of them are missing," the king said. "Oh well, you do have another son."
Isshin choked. "N-no! Not my Ichigo! Please, what if whatever happened to them happens to him! I can't let that happen to my sweet little baby boy!" he cried out.
King Yamamoto rolled his eyes and then looked over to the youth standing next to his dad.
"I'll bring back the bird," Ichigo promised the king, ignoring his dad's pleas to stay.
Ichigo watched the stars at he sat by the river, enjoying the warmth of his fire.
"Hello," came a voice from the darkness.
Ichigo sat up. "Why hello there, Mr. Fox," he greeted the fox. "Are you cold? The fire is big enough for us both."
"Actually, I'm here to give you advice," the fox said. "In the town ahead there will be two taverns, one worn and dirty looking, one new and beautiful and lively. Go to the worn out looking one."
"Thanks," Ichigo said. "Hey, Mr. Fox, do you have a name?"
"Byakuya," the fox answered.
"Thanks then, Byakuya."
I liked Mr. Fox better, Byakuya thought to himself.
Ichigo didn't even look at the other inn, just walked over to the shabby one, talked to the old lady there, and fell asleep.
As Ichigo prepared for his journey, the fox met up with him again.
"Hello there, Byakuya," Ichigo greeted the fox.
The fox grit his tiny little teeth. "Greetings," he said coldly. "If you continue along this road you will get to the bird you seek. It is guarded by an army, but they will be asleep so you will be able to pass them."
"All asleep? Did you use magic or something on them?" Ichigo asked.
"No, they are normally just passed out drunk by four in the afternoon," the fox said wryly. "Also, there will be two cages. The bird is in a wooden cage, do not remove it. There is a golden cage next to it, ignore it." The fox paused. "I can give you a ride if you want."
"A ride?" Ichigo's eyebrow when up.
All of sudden he found himself shrinking, or the fox growing very large. He grabbed onto the massive fox tail in front of him just as the fox took off. Ichigo watched the fast moving scenery in amazement, and was dropped off in front of the castle, in front of the sleeping army.
Ichigo snuck past the drunkards carefully, making his way to the area where Byakuya told him the bird was. Once he got to the bird, he paused. The bird was in a cage that looked about two seconds from breaking, built from twigs and twine, and barely large enough to contain the animal. Next to it was a large golden cage, outlined with fine jewels. Ichigo took the bird out of the wooden cage and placed it into the golden cage. The bird was so happy that he started singing very loudly. So loudly that the drunken army lumbered to it's collective feet and noticed that they had a trespasser.
"It's a lucky day today after all, Yumichika," Ikkaku said to his comrade.
"I agree Ikkaku. Who thought guarding a bird would have born such fruits?" Yumichika replied with a smile.
"Fine, let's go," Ichigo said as he drew his own weapon.
In the end it was a great fight, but Ichigo barely had any energy left by the time the general showed up, losing to the giant man.
"I'm sorry, General Zaraki," Ichigo apologized, in front of the man in chains.
"Kenny!" a little girl with pink hair whined, tugging on the man's robe.
"Quiet, Yachiru," Kenpachi said. "Look kid, you put up a good fight, but you were still trying to steal something of mine." He paused. "What was it you wanted?"
"The golden bird," Ichigo answered.
"Damn, that stupid thing? I hate that bird. Sings all the time," Kenpachi grumbled.
"I want a pony!" Yachiru announced.
"I don't really want the bird either, but I'm on a quest to get it for my king," Ichigo mentioned.
"PONY! I WANT A PONY!" Yachiru yelled.
"Tell ya what," Kenpachi said. "Get Yachiru a pony...er...horse...and we'll swap it out for the bird."
"Really?" Ichigo asked, a little stunned.
"The prettiest, fastest pony ever!" Yachiru said.
"Yeah ok, the prettiest...what she said," Kenpachi gestured towards the girl.
"I'll do it," Ichigo claimed.
"It's it just youth's impudence, or are you incompetent? Perhaps listening is too hard a task for you?" the fox chastised him when he got outside of the gates.
"Gesh, Byakuya, lay off. I'm sorry. The bird was happier with the new cage anyways," Ichigo pointed out.
"I know where the fastest horse in the world is," Byakuya said.
"It is pretty too?"
"It is a golden horse," Byakuya replied.
"I'm sensing a theme. So what do I do to get this horse?"
"I will give you a ride again," the fox said.
"Wait, last time you went too fast..." Ichigo stopped talking so that he wouldn't bite his tongue and held on to the foxes tail for dear life
"This is Shunsui Kyoraku's estate. If you wait here quietly you will hear the groom begin to snore when he falls asleep. Then go and take the horse. Remember to use the worn old leather saddle, and not the bright new golden one."
Ichigo waited until he could hear the groom's snores, and then snuck into the stable. The horse looked at him complacently. He reached for the old leather saddle, and paused. The horse looked at the saddle almost as if in horror. Ichigo supposed that the dirty looking saddle blanket underneath it was prickly feeling, and the leather of the saddle barely looked like it was maintaining it's shape. Ichigo looked at the newer saddle next to the leather one, reached for it, and put it on the horse. He looks like he'd like this one better, Ichigo justified to himself.
The second the saddle touched the horse, the horse gave a whinny of approval, waking the groom up. Ichigo was still injured from his fight against General Zaraki and his army, so he was taken easily once the guards were called.
"You were trying to steal my golden horse," the man on the dais said. He had long hair braided with chains running through them, an elaborate cloak, and was reclining on divan, being fed by scantily clad women who occasionally offered him sips of sake.
"I needed it for a quest," Ichigo stated. "I'm sorry Lord Kyoraku."
"What I really want is a woman," Shunsui Kyoraku said with a look in Ichigo's direction.
Ichigo blushed under the look. "I...d-don't look at me when you say that! I assure you I'm a man."
Shunsui blinked. "That wasn't where I was going with this, but now I'm a little curious," he looked over the youth again.
"S-stop that!" Ichigo yelled at him.
"What I meant is that I want a specific woman, a princess. My friend is her guardian and he won't let me have her. If you can get her for me, I will give you the horse," Shunsui offered.
"Maybe your friend thinks you have enough women," Ichigo pointed out.
"Naw," Shunsui shrugged.
"Maybe he doesn't like the idea of "giving" you a woman like she's a thing and not a person," Ichigo mentioned.
"Huh, I think he did say something along those lines," Shunsui waved the idea away.
"I'll do it," Ichigo said hesitantly.
"Her name is Rukia," Shunsui said. "And she's staying at Lord Ukitake's castle just across the hilly pass."
"Byakuya?" Ichigo asked the fox, once he was camping in the forest again.
"Yes?" the fox asked.
"I don't think I want to just give the princess to that man, he was kind of creepy," Ichigo told the fox.
"It's ok, I have a plan," the fox said.
Part two will be up in a couple of days!